Squishmael, a Sloogarian who tells stories in exchange for drinks, reminisces about the night Han Solo won the Millennium Falcon from Lando Calrissian. Han feels like he has reached "The Big-Time" but Lando says he needs to build up reputation if he wants to become a great smuggler as it takes more "than a fast ship to be a first class smuggler". Lando then continues to suggest the Kessel Run as a way to bolster his reputation and Han admits (to some laughter) that he does not know what it is. Lando and his friends reveal that Kessel is not a system, but rather a bird and to complete the Kessel Run Han must catch enough of these Kessel to fill a cargo hold and then deliver them. The question is, how far will he have to go? Will he make it in "fifteenth parsecs...or thirty?" Since the record is about 13, Han agrees and takes off in the direction of the system. He is contacted by a mysterious source offering to help him with his mission as the stranger has associates that currently have Kessel to get rid of.
Han agrees to pay for the information and spots a small sum of 1000 credits for the location of the first planet. He agrees as a test to make sure everything seems "on the up and up." When he arrives at the first planet he finds the contact waiting with the container of Kessel Birds ready to go. Han was then talked out of another 3000 credits to take the first shipment under the promise that they were worth no "less than 12000." Naturally he pays and gets on his way. After another payment for the second location and again an increasing payment for the birds he totals up 17000 credits spent and comes to the final destination at 11.8 parsecs. He goes to the bartender to search for the buyer he is supposed to find to discover that the bartender is he person he was sent to find. Han is at first relieved and boldly states "Well, Dahk, break open the history books. You're looking at the man who just made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs!" Dahk announces this to the bar and everyone bursts into laughter as apparently Han has just become "another Kessel Runner" meaning that this group regularly swindles people out of their money.
Han and Chewie make a swift exit upon realizing that they actually just picked up a worthless bird and paid heavily for nothing but a few laughs. Meanwhile on the other side of the galaxy Lando and his team divide up the money and share a good laugh over the events of the day. Lando does feel bad about taking so much money from his friend but Squishmael justifies it because Han was supposedly cheating during the game that he won the Milleneum Falcon. Squishmael then tries to carry on his story telling asking the reader if he wishes to hear a tale of how he and Darth Vader were busting up some Tauntaun on Hoth. This last bit lets the reader know that it was probably just all a bit of made up sport from a story teller trying to sneak his way into a few drinks.
For this story to fit into continuity, it needs to occur before Han Solo has heard of the Kessel Run, and after he has won the Millennium Falcon from Lando Calrissian. Solo first ran the Kessel Run in 5 BBY, according to The Hutt Gambit, yet did not win the ship from Calrissian until 2 BBY. Consequently, this story appears unable to fit into canon.
|Organizations and titles||Sentient species||Vehicles and vessels||Weapons and technology||Miscellanea|
Organizations and titles
Vehicles and vessels
Weapons and technology