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Star Warped

'Star Warped'
Attribution
Author(s)

A3R Roberts

Cover artist

Douglas Carrel

Publication information
Publisher

Victor Gollancz Ltd

Release date

May 2005

Media type

Hardcover

Pages

400

ISBN

0575076887

Chronology

Star Warped is a novel written as a parody of all six Star Wars films.

Contents

EditionsEdit

ISBN Release date Publisher Pages Format Language Title
ISBN 0575076887 May 2005 Gollancz 400 Hardcover English Star Warped
ISBN 0575077700 February 2006 Gollancz 400 Paperback English Star Warped

Publisher's summaryEdit

HardcoverEdit

EpilogueEdit

A long time ago [blah blah] a really quite good SF film, a sort of western in space, was launched. The special effects were pretty shoddy but it did have some quite good actors in it. And Mark Hammill. A second and third film that were actually the fifth and sixth films followed and they weren't quite so good but they were still quite fun (especially when the teddies got blasted by the Imperial stormtroopers).

Then, the first, second and third films followed and they were actually fairly dreadful though by now the special effects were much better. And the actors were still better than average too. And Mark Hammill was too old to be in it plus his character hadn't been born yet so that was OK.

A Gollancz parody was inevitable. And here it is. An epic told in six chapters. An epic of good versus evil. Of dark versus light. Of hairy co-pilots and green gurus. Of bizarre hair styles, steel bras and camp robots. An epic that starts in the middle. And that's the original...

Inside flapEdit

The Universe is ill. The Universe is lazy. You know how it is. It's not as young as it was. It's expanded a bit. Perhaps it will take up jogging in the evenings when the current series of the X-Wing Factor has ended.

But the Imperial Empire of the Imperium is not happy with the health of its subjects. There must be more exercise, less junk food, not so much salt in the diet. And binge drinking is right out.

So a terrible plan is hatched. And in the dark reaches of space (which to be honest is most of it) a terrifying weapon in the War Against Lassitude is constructed. The size of a moon sized moon. A horrifying amalgam of leisure technology and brutish will: the Death Spa.

But a rebellion against the Imp Emp Imp is growing. A rebellion that will take young Luke Seespotrun on an odyssey across the galaxy and to a meeting with the Dark Lord of the Psmyth, Dark Father (no relation).

ContentsEdit

  • Episode IV: A Nude Hope
  • Episode V: The Empire Strides around in Black
  • Episode VI: Return of the Son of Jobbi Rides Again
  • Episode I: The Fans-of-Tron Menace
  • Episode II: Attack of the Clichés
  • Episode III: Revenge of the Return of the Son of Psmyth Rides Again: the Next Generation - The Early Years

SummaryEdit

The story takes place in the production order of the films, rather than the chronological order, starting with episodes 4-6 and ending with episodes 1-3. The bulk of the story concentrates on the character of Luke Seespotrun as he joins the Rebelend in their struggle against the nefarious forces of the Imperial Empire of the Emperium, trying to prevent them from enslaving the entire galaxy.

Due to page restrictions the last three episodes are heavily abbreviated with Episode II being only three chapters and Episode III only one chapter long.

CharactersEdit

  • Luke Seespotrun is based on Luke Skywalker.
  • Princess Leper is based on Princess Leia.
  • Old Bony Knobbli / Wobbli Bent Knobbli is based on Obi-Wan.
  • C3U-πP-HOL-8RA, pronounced "See-thru-peephole-bra" and often abbrieviated as "C3", is based on C-3PO.
  • RC-DU², pronounced Arcee Doodoo, is a human-phobic motile commode based on R2-D2.
  • Hand Someman is based on Han Solo. He had both of his lungs shot and replaced by artificial ones during the progress of the first episode.
  • Masticatetobacco is based on Chewbacca. Being a Woozie, he sleeps 6 months out of the 7-month year of the Woozies. He finally awakes at the end of Episode VI.
  • Jane Seespotrun / Dark Father is based on Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vader. His mother's name was Dick. In episodes 4-6 he is an urging but a hopelessly bad stand-up comedian, but otherwise true to his origins.
  • Emperor Dark Charlie based largely on Charles Chaplin's popular character, The Tramp. His voice is lost during Episode III and he is forced to speak with a black sheet of re-writable plastic (in the fashion of silent films).
  • Yodella is based on Yoda.

External linksEdit

In other languages

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