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[Jedi Kasra]

Jedi Kasra 5,779 edits since May 18, 2007

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Hi <insert name here>, please remember to sign your all your comments with ~~~~. If you leave a message on my talk page then I will reply on your talk page. I normally try to check if I have new messages here daily so leave a message if you need me to take a closer look at something.
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[edit] Welcome, Jedi Kasra!

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I hope you enjoy editing here and being a Wookieepedian! If you have any questions, see the help pages, add a question to the Senate Hall, visit our official IRC channel, or ask me on my talk page. May the Force be with you! —SFH 03:18, 18 May 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Revanchist (faction)

Hey Kasra. I'm going to give you a preliminary account of the issues I believe you should deal with. I can take a look at the article again after you have fixed them up, in order to polish it up for the GAN page.

  • First item is that I think you need to turn the members section into something that is seen with the Black Vulkars. The Key members would be Revan, Alek, and the Jedi Exile.
  • In the year 3,964 BBY, the Revanchists, who were also known as the Jedi Crusaders,[6] began to come together and scout the looming Mandalorian threat as the Mandalorian and Republic fleets battled ineffectually within the neutral Republic frontier. Revan began to take his followers to investigate the Mandalorian activities on the Outer Rim, without the Jedi High Council's support. - There is redundant information in these two sentences, and they could probably be combined or reworded.
  • When Alek met Zayne Carrick that first time, it really isn't all that pertinent as to what Alek thought of Carrick. What is important is what Carrick's masters thought of the Revanchists worrying about the Mandalorians. That needs to be included.
  • In issue six, the news or something similar, talks about how Jedi have left to fight in the "crusade," and that many of them are already missing in action. You should add this in.
  • In issue eight, one of the Jedi at Flashpoint talks about how they were ambushed at Suurja, and that that planet was the first "outing" for the Crusaders. There is nothing in there about Revan leaving to take a look at Onderon and Dxun.
  • It is in issue nine that we learn that Revan left them to go to Onderon and Dxun. Also it appears that the Revanchists were kidnapped before the battle. Please double check this. There is an important scene between Revan and the High Council in this issue that I feel needs to be detailed a bit more.
  • In issue ten there is more information about Revan having a vision of what the Mandalorians are doing and going to investigate it. He also has some plans for the Crusaders and they will follow him through the tough times. You need to detail some of this a bit more.
  • I don't see them mentioned in issue 14. Please double check this.
  • Issue fifteen talks about the Crusaders scouting around the lines. Also remember that it is probable that the Exile was a scout on Serroco. In KotOR II, Atton Rand mentions she was there. This may be useful to add in somehow.
  • Issue nineteen, Alek talks about how some of them had visions about Adasca's exogorths. Plus there is some more details about the meeting on the Legacy to be found in issue twenty as well. This needs to be detailed a bit more.
  • You need to detail the information from Galactic Republic Defense Ministry Daily Brief KD0092 a bit more.
  • The Council approved his motion ordering the recall, or even detention, of the Revanchists.[14] After Alek, who was going by the alias "Malak" in order to avoid the warrant for his arrest,[15] testified against the Covenant on behalf of the fugitive Jedi Zayne Carrick, he was sent back to Revan and his Jedi with a final warning. - This needs more context. These sentences don't connect to each other very much.
  • I think you need to talk a bit about how the Jedi Council warned them that they would become corrupted and end up like the Mandalorian aggressors.
  • Eventually, in the year 3,961 BBY, Revan found an ancient Star Map on the Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk that was left by the Rakata, an ancient civilization that ruled the galaxy approximately 20,000 years earlier. He then discovered a planet called Malachor V - What does this Star Map have to do with Malachor V? These pieces of information need to connect to each other.
  • OK, start with these changes, and I'll look over the article again. I have changed and added some appearances. Make sure that you have all of them. Let me know when you are ready to have me look at the article again. Cylka-talk- 20:48, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Duel on the Star Forge

OK, Kasra, here is my preliminary review of Duel on the Star Forge.

  • I would add in a small Prelude section before the Final confrontation section. It can give a brief explanation of the search for the Star Forge, Revan arriving on the Star Forge with his companions aboard the Ebon Hawk, meeting the other Jedi, redeeming Bastila, etc. This should really only be a paragraph long. This section is needed to give context for the last sentence of Malak's death.
  • The first paragraph of the Final confrontation section is all one sentence and needs to be broken up. You also need to add in a bit more context for Revan and Malak. Bastila is cut out of here, and added to the Prelude since she is not important to the duel.
  • Revan's arrival was unexpected, - For whom was it unexpected? Malak only, or others as well?
  • After Revan got past the droids, Malak realized that Revan had become much stronger than he ever was as the Dark Lord. Malak was tempted to try and capture his former Master alive, so that he could break him, and make Revan become his own apprentice. However, Revan said that he would never turn to the dark side again - I would explain this a bit in that this was a conversation between them as they were preparing to fight.
  • He then used the Force to drain the life-force from one of eight captive Jedi that he captured from the Jedi Enclave on Dantooine, when he and his forces attacked the planet. Revan destroyed the other stasis pods, letting the other Jedi become one with the Force. - This needs to be explained a lot more. Most readers will have not played the game, so they will not understand all that went on here.
  • I would expand the Aftermath section a bit more in regards to Revan and Bastila's roles and Revan's eventual departure. I would, however, cut out the whole second paragraph dealing with Traya and the Korriban academy since you will need to give a great deal of context to that and that will likely double the article. The events of KotOR are not vital to this duel.
  • You gave the cheat code for the Xbox version of the game, so you also need to give the cheat for the PC version, since it is present there as well. I don't exactly remember the cheat, but I'm sure that you could easily find it. I would cite the cheats to MobyGames or something similar.
  • Please let me know when you have taken care of these and I will go through the article again. It is looking good, Kasra. Cylka-talk- 12:34, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Calo Nord images

Hey Kasra, I noticed on the FAN that you were looking for some images of Calo Nord. I'll have to play through Taris again to get some more specifically of him but for now I have a rather good one of him flanked by his thugs on Tatooine that should be useful. I'll upload it if you want to use it. Let me know if I can be of any further help. Nayayentalk 22:33, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

  • I thought it was assumed that it was, I know we tend to go by the order that Bastila lists them. This particular image only has Nord and thugs, none of the player's party. As for one of him and Malak, I'll need to play through again to get there which may take me a little while but I'll try. I'll get one of him counting in the cantina and confronting Revan in Davik's estate (without Revan in it of course). Nayayentalk 20:09, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
  • And I'm not sure whether it can be used but here is the Calo Nord on Tatooine one nonetheless: Nayayentalk 09:35, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
    • No worries. I've gotten as far as the Taris sewers so I've only gotten 5 decent ones of Nord so far. They're all from here onwards. They're ordered: C, D, A, B & E. Just tell me which, if any, you want to use and I'll upload them to here. Nayayentalk 20:00, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
      • Ta-da: Nayayentalk 20:14, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
        • Thanks, glad to be of assistance. I should be able to get the ones of him with Davik and being recruited by Malak sometime soon. I've got to slog through the rest of Taris (at least it isn't Peragus =P). Nayayentalk 20:31, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
          • Sorry about not getting back to you sooner. I haven't been able to get onto KotOR recently but I'll try later this week. I'm still only at the Black Vulkar base on playing through so it'll take a while to get screenshots of things like Uthar Wynn and Bandon. I'll let you know when I've gotten more. Nayayentalk 13:36, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
            • Hey Kasra, I just thought I'd let you know that I've gotten KotOR working again on my computer. I should be able to get those images for you at some point soon; the only problem being that I only really have time to go on the computer which has KotOR on at weekends... Nayayentalk 10:03, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
  • I've finally gotten around to getting this last important image for Nord; one of him being recruited by Malak. Sorry it took so long. Nayayen(talk) 13:06, October 24, 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Re: Karath

Kasra, I probably will not be able to get to it this week as I am working on other projects for some people right now. Also, my procedure for a "pre-nom review" is to browse the article to make certain there are no glaring errors or major points that need to be fixed. I do not normally do a full copyedit and "pasta bowl" during that. I'll happily review it in a few days as I get the time to look things over, but that does not mean that I will not still have objections if it is nominated. I just want to give you fair warning so you are not expecting something other than what might happen. If you need it to have a full copyedit, that is different. I may be able to get to that sometime late this weekend, possibly after church on Sunday. But, you'll need to let me know on that. Good luck. — Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 14:24, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Revan Intro Changes

I'm going to edit the Revan intro again at some point. For courtesy's sake (btw, if you had a problem with the intro couldn't you have brought it up in the three days in which it sat on the discussion page?) here's a breakdown of my thoughts regarding your changes:

What I'll Keep

  1. "helped defeat the Sith Empire" is more accurate than "saw the Sith Empire defeated". A worthy change. Thanks.
  2. "a Jedi strike team led by Shan boarded Revan's flagship and battled its way to the Dark Lord" Is more accurate and informative than what I had down originally. Good job.
  3. I got the dashes wrong inbetween "galaxy at large", thanks for fixing that.
  4. Republic commander Carth Onasi - Might be better dropping the "Republic" (just for structure's sake) but I wasn't aware/had forgotten he was a commander, so nice job adding it in.
  5. "the Jedi Council on Dantooine retrained Revan and charged him with discovering the source of Malak's fleet." I prefer the way you worded this overall. I would put "colossal" back in front of "Malak's fleet" however, though that's more of a stylistic thing.
  6. Didn't realise I'd linked Star Maps twice -- thanks for changing that.
  7. Linking "killing" to "skirmish aboard the Leviathan" was a good call, I think.
  8. Linking "a year later" to 3,955 BBY. I should have done that. Oops.
  9. In fact, all the links to specific articles I wasn't aware of were good calls. Thanks.

What I'll keep if you can prove it

  1. Malak fired upon Revan from aboard the Leviathan -- where is this stated? The KotOR CG? It's certainly not in the game. I wasn't aware we knew from which ship Malak launched his assault. You may be right but I'd like to see a source.

What I'll Remove/Change

  1. Species/Gender is unnecessary. That's what the infobox is for. It's certainly not a requirement for an FA, see Tycho Celchu or Kol Skywalker for example. All you've done is make the sentence longer for no good reason.
  2. "The Republic fleet under his direct control": We're specifically told in KotOR I that Revan had only a third of the (entire) Republic Navy/Fleet under his *direct* control, even though he was in overall command of everything by the end of the war.
  3. Echo: "Revan tracked down ancient Rakatan Star Maps in pursuit of the Star Forge, a superweapon of the Rakatan Infinite Empire." The second "Rakatan" is unnecessary. Try saying the above out loud, too. It sounds weird.
  4. "Jedi Knight Bastila Shan". Bastila was a Padawan during Revan's reign (and for at least some of Malak's), not a Jedi Knight. "Padawan Shan you are already familiar with" - Zhar I specified Padawan for a reason. It's dumb, sure, but that's what the game says.
  5. Echo: "Caught by surprise, Revan was incapacitated by Malak's attack and then captured by the strike team while Malak, believing his Master destroyed, seized control of the Sith Empire." Two "Malaks" in one sentence looks bad, bland and boring. You've made this sentence worse for no good reason. Why? "While his traitorous apprentice" was both accurate and engaging to the reader.
  6. "Unable to restore Revan's true persona". You're making assumptions. There are conflicting sources. Some say they were unable, others that they were unwilling (we even have a section on that in the article, don't we?). The intro must take both into account.
  7. "the Sith fleet's commander" - why even make this change? Sure, you cut down on one word, but it doesn't look half as nice as "commander of the Sith fleet".
  8. "After killing Karath and attempting to escape the Leviathan". Yeah, we know they're on the Leviathan, why the repetition? The original sentence had more punch.
  9. "On Rakata Prime, when Shan, whom Malak had broken to his will, attempted to turn Revan back to the dark side, Revan rejected her pleas. As the Republic fleet attacked the Star Forge in the Rakata system, Revan boarded the ancient space station, turned Shan back to the light, and vanquished Malak in a duel, thereby defeating the Sith Empire and bringing the war he had instigated to a close." I appreciate what you were trying to do here, but it looks a bit clunky. I'll keep the additional information you've added but I'm going to pretty it up a bit. ;)
  10. "Three hundred years after the Jedi Civil War's end, Revan was believed to have never returned to the galaxy." Looks poor, sorry. You also got the date wrong. The FAQ over at the TOR website (which tells us that "Revan never returned") is speaking of the situation during the "present day" of TOR, which is 3,623 BBY. 3,653 BBY is the year the Treaty of Coruscant was signed. Again, I did do my research. If you think I'm wrong about something (and I can be, because I'm human) please bring it up with me before you just change it. Because you might be wrong.

Stuff I'm just curious about

  1. Why'd you change all references to Lehon to "Rakata Prime"? Just curious. Seems a bit superficial.

Thanks for your time and sorry if it seems like I'm having a go at you. That's not my intention. Later, dude. Uli Talk 02:26, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

  • I've responded to your response over at my own talk page. Uli Talk 21:02, September 18, 2009 (UTC)

Okay, I've done the edit. Extending the Rakata System stuff seemed too forced, so I ended up keeping it closer to how it used to be, whilst bringing in all but the "space station" link you'd made. I've also got "human male" into the introduction without making the first sentence overcrowded. I just called Bastila a "Jedi", so that way we have all our bases covered. :P Uli Talk 16:37, September 25, 2009 (UTC)

[edit] RE: Images

Sure, which other ones did you want? Grunny (Talk) 22:04, September 19, 2009 (UTC)

Here's the choking one, let me know which other ones you need. Grunny (Talk) 00:55, September 20, 2009 (UTC)

[edit] RE:Thanks…

No prob; I've accidentally made the same mistake before, too :P Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 18:39, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

[edit] FAN - Inexpugnable

Thanks for the help Kasra! I'll be working on your suggestions (and those of other Inquisitors) as they come in. I wasn't aware of the rule about no references in the intro, though I did notice that other FAs didn't have them (I assumed it was not required, but encouraged for the sake of good sourcing.) Thanks again! Taral, Dark Lord of the Sith -Just shy, not antisocial: You can talk to me!- 19:23, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

[edit] RE: Metellos Exchange

Okay, thanks for getting onto it so soon. I'll be a'waiting. Nayayen(talk) 23:06, October 28, 2009 (UTC)

  • Thanks, I think I've got them all. As for the banner, I'm glad to see another person using it (Darth Malevolous has it too). But, the colors are all wrong. The text isn't nearly visible enough. Either darken the colors of the background a bit or (probably easier) just make the text black. That would work better IMO. Nayayen(talk) 22:05, October 29, 2009 (UTC)

[edit] RE: Hey

Hey! It's nice to see someone else from the Old Dominion on here! Yeah, I'm from Richmond. Angel Blue(Holonet) 01:20, October 29, 2009 (UTC)

Well, I know a lot about pre-New Republic history, particularly about the Jedi, and so on. Frankly, I don't know anything about the TV series and where it fits with the established Clone Wars timeline. I can't wait until they release an updated official chronology. I've been gone for a while, so I plan to start small for now, but if there's anything you think I could be of assistance on please let me know, I'd love to help. Angel Blue(Holonet) 03:27, October 29, 2009 (UTC)

[edit] WP:TCW

Hello everyone, this is CC7567 from WookieeProject The Clone Wars. It is currently six months after the project was started, and the number of individual projects is steadily growing. While I am happy that so many of you are writing for the WookieeProject, the majority of articles there have been sitting there for months. Several users even have ten projects or more at the moment, and I am frankly just disappointed at the level of inactivity that is befalling our articles. I understand that many of you have other obligations, and while I respect that, the responsibility falls to you to judge whether or not you're still capable of writing all of these articles, whether in time or in energy. For this reason, I once again urge you to reconsider your current projects. The criteria should be that you have the unrelenting intent to finish all of your projects within the next month. I myself have had to reconsider my own projects on account of real-life time constraints. I do not want to have to set a limit to the number of projects per user, but if it comes down to that, I will, because I do not want to see the project deteriorate and hope that you do not want to either. Thank you. CC7567 (talk) 19:23, October 31, 2009 (UTC)

[edit] RE: Anj Dahl

Hey, Kasra. Sure, just give me a list and I'll upload the images for you. Cheers, Grunny (Talk) 04:21, November 4, 2009 (UTC)

Here they are, you can choose which ones you want. With the infobox, I personally like the one on the bottom of page 12 even though there is a speech bubble which I don't see as a problem :).

If you want anymore just let me know. Cheers, Grunny (Talk) 06:23, November 5, 2009 (UTC)

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