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LumiyaEdit

• Nominated by: —Tommy 9281 Tuesday, July 12, 2011, 22:20 UTC
• Nomination comments: Two years in the making. While my work and my life are not done, I would really welcome a rest nonetheless.

(3 Inqs/3 Users/6 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Pre-nom reviewed. Master Jonathan — ^{Jedi Council Chambers} _{Tuesday, July 12, 2011, 23:06 UTC}

   --R9-88754 15:20, August 10, 2011 (UTC) (Vote struck per policy: Less than 50 mainspace edits -- Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 16:11, August 10, 2011 (UTC))

2. Keep spinning that gold, Tommy. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 14:43, February 28, 2012 (UTC)
3. Fantastic work. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 03:18, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
4. Plagueis327 01:43, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
5. -- Darth Culator ^(Talk) 02:08, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
6. —Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:56, May 30, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

Prepare to be savaged…Edit

• The BTS reads as if it was known all along that Brie and Lumiya were the same person, but I don't believe that was the case. Were they not separate characters that were later retconned into one? If so, the BTS should note which source specifically established their unified identity. If this was the plan all along, however, I guess I misunderstood my EU. :) ~Savage 18:07, August 10, 2011 (UTC)
  • The comics make clear that Brie was intended to be Lumiya all along. The only retcon I am aware of was identified in The Essential Chronology with regard to her Emperor's Hand status.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, August 10, 2011, 23:36 UTC
    • OK, I'm reading through Marvel now, and guess I got some bad intel. I'll try to give the article a full review soon. ~Savage 14:12, August 11, 2011 (UTC)
• OK, on to the lead: "His Imperial Majesty" seems quite strange in an encyclopedia article, and even seems a bit POV to me. Why not change it to just "Galactic Emperor"? He certainly wasn't "Imperial Majesty" to the Rebels.
  • You're #2 to make that suggestion, so I concede.—Tommy 9281 Monday, August 29, 2011, 01:41 UTC
• A bit of context on the New Order is probably warranted.
  • Addressed.
• "the latter of which" --> since the sentence is getting kind of long, I'd suggest either breaking it down a bit (either into two sentences or with a semicolon) or indicating "the latter goal of which" or somesuch to indicate what "latter" is referring to.
  • Addressed.
• Since expatriation refers to nations and states, I'm not sure we can use it for Luke's leaving the Alliance. Perhaps exile?
  • Addressed.
• It seems a bit strange to call her lightwhip infamous at first mention; it takes time to gain infamy, so it's almost anachronistic unless you add some clunky qualifier, like "which would become infamous." Probably best to just ditch it on first mention.
  • Addressed.
• Lumiya's "defaulting" to Mistress of the Sith needs a bit of explanation. Why would their deaths change her ranking/title? ~Savage 00:55, August 29, 2011 (UTC)
  • Addressed.
• Is her "similar Imperial program" worth an article? ~Savage 02:32, September 8, 2011 (UTC)
  • I would say nah, it's a really vague mention.—Tommy 9281 Thursday, September 8, 2011, 06:34 UTC
• "A short time before circa 1.5 ABY," This time phrase is a bit confusing; is there a comma missing? (Sorry my review is taking so long...) ~Savage 02:37, September 8, 2011 (UTC)
  • Addressed. No worries about the review, I'm as patient as she is :P—Tommy 9281 Thursday, September 8, 2011, 06:34 UTC
• "the domestic race..." Can you maybe come up with another word for "domestic"? Would "native" or "indigenous" work? Or "dominant"? "Domestic" reads weirdly to me, since I think it's more applicable to nation-states, not planets. Then again, this is Star Wars... ~Savage 12:48, September 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • Addressed.—Tommy 9281 Friday, September 16, 2011, 04:52 UTC
• "To that end, Brie again joined Flying Bantha Squadron alongside Skywalker and two additional pilots, Alph and Hanc Thorben, to partake in a mission which involved the sabotage of the Imperial armada by infiltration of the fleet as disguised TIE pilots by means of the TIE fighters[28] that had been previously obtained on Bazarre station." This sentence is pretty long, especially where it starts talking about TIE fighters. Perhaps break it up? ~Savage 02:11, September 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • Addressed.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, September 28, 2011, 04:16 UTC
• Can you add a tad more context on King Adas? We're told he's legendary, so I kind of feel we need to know a bit about what he did to make him so. ~Savage 11:46, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
  • Addressed.
• Is it Finn or the stormtrooper who is supposed to be the first to die? ~Savage 11:53, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
  • Addressed. I also removed the link for the stormtrooper, since he's one of many randomly insignificant stormtroopers.—Tommy 9281 Friday, September 30, 2011, 23:02 UTC
• Just a couple of questions about the Epsilon Nine part: the first sentence of the third paragraph is a bit confusing, since it's hard to tell whether the Corvette and X-Wings are allied with Lumiya or the New Republic. Could you clarify which ships belong to which side?
  • Addressed.
• I was trying to find some way to keep the word "traitors" without sounding POV; maybe add, "Those whom she considered traitors"? Elegant it ain't, but flat-out calling them traitors seems to run afoul of NPOV.
  • Addressed.
• <s>I linked the dude she chokes. Unlike the stormtrooper above, I think this guy deserves a stubby article, as he's got a picture and (presumably) a speaking role. I am ready to tackle the novel bits soon! ~Savage 14:24, October 9, 2011 (UTC)
• "a massacre first enacted..." Can you add a few more words of explanation here? Was the slaughter of the Prophets unsuccessful for some reason? "A massacre first enacted but left incomplete by..." would suffice, I think, if that's what happened. ~Savage 14:34, October 9, 2011 (UTC)
  • Addressed.
• "the galaxy was invaded by the extra-galactic invaders" --> Can you mix up the language a bit here to avoid invaded, invaders?
  • Lmao, funny how the eye's get crossed. Addressed.
• Did the Vong plan to eradicate all technology, or simply all technology that wasn't biological in origin? I haven't read the NJO books, but my understanding of the Vong is that they do use tech, it's just their own style of tech, no? ~Savage 12:58, October 14, 2011 (UTC)
  • Check that out.—Tommy 9281 Monday, October 17, 2011, 21:10 UTC
• OK, I'm back! "It was the subsequent secession movement for which the Five Worlds confederacy began to muster support that Lumiya decided to agitate in order to plunge the galaxy into conflict and enable the rise of Jacen Solo." This sentence is a bit unwieldy and hard to follow. Maybe split it in two?
  • I tried something, see if it is good now.—Tommy 9281 Monday, November 7, 2011, 05:25 UTC
• "three ferals" -- what's a feral? ~Savage 15:33, October 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • Addressed.—Tommy 9281 Monday, November 7, 2011, 05:25 UTC
• OK, almost done with the review. I've just finished reading through the biography, and once you switch from comics to novels, I feel the level of play-by-play gets to be a bit much. I'd suggest reading through the novel information and toning down on extraneous details, like specific moves made in various combats, specifics of tests given to Jacen Solo, extraneous maneuvers made by the Alliance fleet, etc. Unfortunately, this will require reading through the very long biography to simplify such details, but I feel that the current level of detail is perhaps too much. I should get through the P&T and BTS soon. ~Savage 15:32, November 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • I agree that it becomes more detailed with the transition, which is mostly cause by the absence of illustrations. That's because there is much (and I mean waaaaaaaay too much) conversation, much more than actual action. To remove much of what you describe will cause significant gaps in context. I know it does seem slightly PBP, but again, I truly feel those details are necessary to provide sufficient context.—Tommy 9281 Friday, November 18, 2011, 17:15 UTC
    • I'll give you some examples of stuff I think could be trimmed or summarized shortly. For now, though, I want to finish the full review. ~Savage 17:14, December 18, 2011 (UTC)
      • OK, sorry for taking months on this -- But I honestly just don't have time to read through this article again (40+ pages printed) and give examples of the excessive detail that I think goes beyond what's necessary. It's a well-written piece, mind you; my hat's off to you, Tommy! Unfortunately, I'm just not in a position to give examples of where I think the fat needs to be trimmed. I'll go ahead and strike this objection, so I won't hold up the nomination. But I won't be able to support due to the over-detail. Sorry. :/ ~Savage 01:17, February 29, 2012 (UTC)
• OK, finals are over and I can finally finish this review. My apologies it's taken so long. First, under "Appearance," you discuss her exuberance. Should this go somewhere else, since it doesn't pertain to her physical appearance?
  • Addressed.
• There are a couple of monstrous paragraphs in the P&T, particularly the one starting with "Shira Brie underwent extensive…" and the one beginning with "Upon her transformation…" Would it be possible to break these up into at least two paragraphs each?
  • Addressed.
• I don't think you ever outright say that the character known as Ship also went by the name Ship. You call him other things first and then just start talking about someone named "Ship." It took me off guard, and it's highly possible I just missed it, but can you check to make sure the character is identified on first mention or thereabouts?
  • Addressed.
• This could just be my relative ignorance of longer character articles, but is it worthwhile to separate "Relationships" form "Interactions"? Why not fold the latter into the former or vice-versa? Or is "Relationships" reserved for romantic relationships? It seems like six of one, half a dozen of the other to me, and might make for more coherence to treat them in the same main subsection.
  • The traditional "relationship" section is designated solely for romances.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, January 11, 2012, 00:49 UTC
• I didn't change this, but I'm not sure embossed is the right term for describing the application of a metallic sheen. The way I understand it, embossing relates to carving or etching a design into a surface such that the design stands out in relief, hence my reservation with the word in this instance.
  • Addressed.
• Should her Force-influenced mirrors have an article of their own, rather than simply pointing to the mirror article? They sound like they might warrant it.
  • No, they weren't that significant, they were just mirrors in her house that she put a spell on.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, January 18, 2012, 02:55 UTC
• Can you add dates to the first paragraph of "Character development?" Perhaps not dates for each issue in which she appeared, but the publication dates of her first appearance as Shira Brie and her first appearance as Lumiya would be useful. Similarly, you talk about "six years later" for her appearance in The Emperor's Pawns, but we don't have a date for six years later than what (for Lumiya: Dark Star of the Empire. Sprinkling a few years through the second paragraph would thus be helpful for the reader. Finally, it would be nice to have a publication date for at least her first portrayal in the Del Rey books, if not for all of them.
  • Addressed.
• Should StarWars.com be italicized or no? It's both ways currently. I personally wouldn't italicize it.
  • Addressed.
• Should you mention Hasbro somewhere in the BTS? There's an image but no mention that I can see.
  • Addressed.
• Have you read through the article "How to Draw Star Wars the Marvel Way"? It probably has more helpful BTS information for you. That's it from me, Tommy. Excellent work on a monstrous topic. ~Savage 17:14, December 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • i don't have it, I'm working on getting the material, unless of course you could provide via email. Thanks for the review, Bob, please advise if anything further is required.
  • I read the entire article and it only mentions Lumiya once, with no information that isn't already provided for in my article.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, February 28, 2012, 23:18 UTC
    • Here's what I'd consider pertinent: The storyline featuring Luke after he thinks he's killed her was a personal favorite of Michelinie and Simonson. In fact, Simonson wanted to extend the arc by a couple of issues. (p. 10). But, yeah, the stuff about post-op Lumiya is pretty sparse. ~Savage 12:58, February 29, 2012 (UTC)
      • Addressed, but now I have 2 redlinks for which I have no ability to create articles for. This presents a problem...—Tommy 9281 Friday, March 23, 2012, 01:29 UTC
        • I can fill them in, but I wonder if they should have articles at all. The article is useful and worthy of an article in my opinion, but it is from a non-licensed source, so perhaps the magazine it's in and the author aren't notable for our purposes. ~Savage 03:12, March 23, 2012 (UTC)

The Dolphin AttacksEdit

• Disclaimer: Keep in mind that this is only a preliminary review, and please contact me on my talk page if I forget to address any comments as I occasionally do.--ID-21 Dolphin ^(Talk) 19:03, August 21, 2011 (UTC)
• First of all, the intro should be cut to roughly 3/4 of its current size. I notice that you've been cutting it down over the last couple months, just a little more would be fine.
• The lead quote is very vague and uninteresting; essentially it only states her name and her alias, which are already stated in the prose of the first paragraph. The quote at the top of revision is better suited because it offers more of an insight into her history and personality. Otherwise, if you can find another really good quote, I'm always open.
• Speaking of quotes, the quote in the "legacy" section is waaaaay too long to serve its purpose. I would suggest keeping just the first four lines or otherwise the third and fourth line by themselves.
• And the quote in "Seducing a Jedi" is also too long, which can be a little annoying for monologue. I would cut it down from "'Take what I have to teach you, Jacen'" to the end which makes it a much more concise and powerful quote.
• In the first part of the biography, the Carida and Chinshassa images should be replaced with images of Lumiya herself as is preferable. There's a nice NEGTC images that was delted from the site some time ago for being unused, but it would probably fit best there. Other images like that of Flint and that of Rebel pilot Skywalker could be changed to some ofLumiya, since comics are usually high on images.
• Also, for images, this one seems like too much of a stretch from Lumiya and the events in the book to belong in this section. This image of Lumiya would fit much better IMO seeing as it's always better to include images of the subject if possible.
• I would add an imagecat to the Appearances section.
• Some of the more verbose parts of the intro could be cut down; for example, "His Imperial Majesty Palpatine" is a little too grandiose and could be changed to simply "Emperor Palpatine".
• Also, Lumiya should be mentioned as her main name in the first sentence of the intro, since having it at the end of the paragraph seems too far.
• Otherwise great work. That's all for now.--ID-21 Dolphin ^(Talk) 19:03, August 21, 2011 (UTC)
• And by the way, that nomination comment is hilarious. :) --ID-21 Dolphin ^(Talk) 19:04, August 21, 2011 (UTC)
  • The intro is well in proportion with the article proper. It was once said that there is a subtlety to quote selection that few writers possess; such is the case with the lead quote. Other things like image and quote choice, etc. are matters of preference; I happened to write the current version of the article, complete with images that reflect the particular sections in which they are found. Basically, each of these preliminary objections qualifies as a matter of stylistic opinion rather than issues that warrant objection.—Tommy 9281 Sunday, August 21, 2011, 19:15 UTC
• These objections have been addressed for more than three weeks now. I request that they be stricken by the Inquisitorius.—Tommy 9281 Friday, September 16, 2011, 04:52 UTC
• Objection(s) overridden by Inquisitorius 03:36, October 9, 2011 (UTC)

JujiggumEdit

• In Joining the Rebellion: "Enraged by the revelation, the fabrication went, Brie sought out the Alliance and decided to enlist." A word missing here? (Or am I just reading this incorrectly…?)
  • Addressed.
• Absolutely fantastic stuff so far, Tommy. I'll continue with Lieutenant Brie. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 15:31, December 1, 2011 (UTC)
• "on a mission to D'rinba IV to disable the superlaser of the second Death Star." Link for the mission? Were they successful or not?
  • From what I understand, the game doesn't make clear the outcome of the mission, so I didn't include on in the final article cut.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, December 28, 2011, 00:51 UTC
• "Shalyvane's Em'liy natives ambushed the Rebels and forced them to take cover." Link for this skirmish, too?
  • Redlinked for later.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, December 28, 2011, 00:51 UTC
• Continuing with Rebirth later. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 19:46, December 1, 2011 (UTC)
• I'll pick up with Nagai–Tof conflict. Apologies for having to do this review in such small increments; feel free to work through these objections as I go. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 03:29, December 10, 2011 (UTC)
• Link for the first ambush on and later mission to/skirmish on Kinooine? What about the subsequent rescue mission?
  • Redlink for the first, second one is the Skirmish on Kinooine.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, December 28, 2011, 00:51 UTC
• Link for the mission to destroy the Prophets of the Dark Side? I'll continue with Striking from the Shadows later. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 21:11, December 17, 2011 (UTC)
  • Redlinked.
• "She made her way back to the Yuuzhan Vong, mid-year, whereupon she inveigled her way into the confidence of Tsavong Lah himself." I'm not catching the mid-year reference here, and I'm not certain on what you mean with the wording, either. I'll continue with Puppetmaster. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 16:47, December 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • When you say not catching mid-year, what do you mean? The source describes the events as having occurred mid year. And the wording has also been adjusted. Thanks thus far for the review Jon, I look forward to the rest. I'll be taking care of the redlinks asap.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, December 28, 2011, 00:51 UTC
    • No problem. For the mid-year, I'm not sure exactly to which year you're referring (the last one you named was 25 ABY, but I'm pretty sure this was later). Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 03:31, December 28, 2011 (UTC)
      • Addressed.—Tommy 9281 Thursday, January 26, 2012, 01:13 UTC
• "…but dismissed any further conversation as they ascended Dour floors in a turbolift…" Typo? Continuing with Sith Master later. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 18:00, January 6, 2012 (UTC)
  • Lol addressed.
• "Under the assumption that Lumiya had intentions of vengeance on Ben Skywalker, the Skywalkers immediately intercepted the Colonel…" Please mention at some point before this that Jacen became a Colonel; otherwise, the reader might get confused.
  • Addressed.
• "The meeting was a twofold trap, however, as Lumiya agreed to also venture to Roqoo Depot under to secretly oversee Ben Skywalker's safe passage to the Anakin." Typo? I'll continue with Interference asap. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 16:16, January 20, 2012 (UTC)
  • Addressed.
• What was the "Syo package?"
  • The book literally gives no supporting details about the Syo package, nor does it ever mention it again afterward. Including that was very awkward because of our context requirement, but none whatsoever was given in the book.—Tommy 9281 Thursday, January 26, 2012, 01:13 UTC
• "…but was surprised to find Alema Rar also present and intent on killing Mara Jade Skywalker, also on station with her husband, and the fast approaching Han Solo." Do you mean that Rar was intent on killing Mara and Han? Either way, please make this a bit clearer. Continuing with Victory later. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 16:03, January 24, 2012 (UTC)
  • Addressed.—Tommy 9281 Thursday, January 26, 2012, 01:13 UTC
• "When she lost her footing and fell, dropping her lightwhip into the chasm in the process, Skywalker saved her, only to decapitate her as she recovered." Could you make it a bit more clear that his saving her was only for the purpose to ensure her death? As is, it's a bit confusing as to why he'd save her and then decapitate her.
  • Addressed.
• In Legacy: link for the battle in which Seer died?
  • I don't know of one, and a quick browse of the site and the novel's page yield nothing. I'll create a link/article.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, February 28, 2012, 03:13 UTC
• At some points you refer to Ship as an "it," and on at least one other occasion as a "he." I don't personally have a preference regarding which one you use, since canonical arguments could be made for both; I think it would just be best to be consistent within the article.
  • I found only one inconsistency, and fixed it. Let me know please if you see more.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, February 28, 2012, 03:13 UTC
• I'm not sure that the last two sentences of the Appearance subsection really fit there.
  • The part about the protein drinks was not so relevant and thus removed, but because of the significance of her two identities, the other information most appropriately belongs where it is, given the chronological presentation of the information.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, February 28, 2012, 03:13 UTC
    • Fair enough. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 14:43, February 28, 2012 (UTC)
• Is the attribution for the quote of the "Lumiya" subsection of Personality in the right order? Didn't Rar speak the first line? I'll continue with Interactions. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 19:58, January 27, 2012 (UTC)
  • Addressed.
• Picking up with the BTS asap. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 16:02, January 31, 2012 (UTC)
• Review complete (finally). Apologies again for taking so long; absolutely fantastic work. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 16:55, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
  • Thanks for the review, Jon. I apologize for my sporadic responses. Please advise if anything further is required.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, February 28, 2012, 03:13 UTC

FloydEdit

• Intro: "Brie's dedication to the tenets of the Imperial New Order doctrine garnered the interest of his chief enforcer," The way this is worded is somewhat vague. Reword it to make it more clear that "he" refers to Palpatine.
  • Addressed.
• For much of the intro there's no real sense of the time period and/or years that the events take place.
  • I disagree. Do you want years to be specifically stated?—Tommy 9281 Friday, March 23, 2012, 01:09 UTC
    • Couldn't hurt. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 01:21, March 24, 2012 (UTC)
      • I still disagree. Many of the named events/topics do well to mark time. 25 ABY marks a specific time, which also provides the sense of time that is carried throughout the remainder of the intro.—Tommy 9281 Monday, May 7, 2012, 01:06 UTC
        • Fair enough.
• Intro: "as the foremost of their pupils despite her deficient training" This makes it sound like she was poorly trained, rather than her training being disrupted by the deaths of Palpatine and Vader. If it's the latter, this should be reworded.
• Addressed.
• Intro: "Purpose-driven toward vengeance against Luke Skywalker and the Alliance," You have this here, but no reason why she would desire revenge.
  • Addressed.
• Intro: Link to the "critical defeat" she suffered during the Nagai invasion?
  • Addressed.
• Intro: Regarding the Nagai-Tof War, you characterize it as an invasion of the galaxy, rather than a war against the Tofs, then mention the Tofs later in the section. They needs to be more context here.
  • Addressed.
• Intro: Context on the Sith oracle stone.
  • Addressed.
• Intro: Context on the Yuuzhan Vong.
  • Addressed.
• Intro: At the end of the section you call Luke Skywalker her "one-time lover-turned-nemesis", but no previous mention is given of such a relationship.
  • Addressed.
• Early life: Link to the "similar Imperial program"?
  • Addressed.
• More to come. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 02:09, February 29, 2012 (UTC)
  • I'm on it. Thank you for the review.—Tommy 9281 Friday, March 23, 2012, 01:09 UTC
• Training on Carida: Context on Bantha Squad.
  • Addressed.
• Any reason why she would turn down the opportunity to fly the shuttle to Carida?
  • None was ever given.—Tommy 9281 Sunday, April 8, 2012, 17:30 UTC
• Training on Carida: You should probably add a mention of the "bug walker" nickname to better connect the recounting of the event with the quote.
  • Addressed.
• Lieutenant Brie: "A lobot" doesn't seem right. I don't think that lobot was the real term for what he was. Cyborg is probably better. Thoughts?
  • Addressed.
• The first sentence of the "Alliance heroine" section rambles on pretty long and should probably be split up.
  • Addressed.
• In fact, much of the section has this same problem.
  • Addressed.
• You've been alternating somewhat between "X-wing" and "X-Wing". Make it consistent.
  • Addressed.
• Is there any info on how she takes the name Lumiya?
  • No.—Tommy 9281 Sunday, April 8, 2012, 17:30 UTC
• You mention Lumiya's resemblance to Vader during her dealings with the Mecrosa Order, but no previous mention is made of this. Kinda comes out of nowhere.
  • Addressed.
• Events on Herdessa: "As the princess fled after Suzu, the humiliated Lumiya vowed to deal with both the naysayer and the offworlder who had interceded on her behalf." This sentence and the ones before don't really make it clear which one is which.
  • Addressed.
• Again in the next paragraph with the "insurgent".
  • Addressed.
• A little more context on Den Siva would be beneficial.
  • Attache was quite sufficient.—Tommy 9281 Sunday, April 8, 2012, 17:30 UTC
• More to come. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 01:21, March 24, 2012 (UTC)
• Context on Come-Up Flector.
  • Come-Up Flector is the context. That's like asking for context for Sith Lord or something.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, May 1, 2012, 23:53 UTC
    • I disagree. Something like Jedi or Sith can go uncontextualized, because its something pretty much everyone who would be on Wookieepedia would know. Come-Up Flector is different, I'm on Wookieepedia all the time and even I have no idea what it is. Just contextualize it or find a different way to describe it. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 02:25, May 4, 2012 (UTC)
      • Addressed.
• I think that the New Republic saying Lumiya was killed at the end of the Nagai-Tof War could be mentioned earlier.
  • Addressed.
• Any reason why Carnor Jax would turn on Lumiya?
  • Reasons are never given.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, May 1, 2012, 23:53 UTC
• Return of the Emperor: "Jax's links to Anor were lost upon his death on Yinchorr, and Lumiya was unable to respond to the individual's advances." What advances? Did Anor try to contact her afterward?
  • Addressed.
• "Although her chaperons were captured by the invaders, Lumiya eluded them to plot her next course of action." "Them" means the Yuuzhan Vong, right? Make it a little more clear.
  • Addressed.
• In "A plan for the galaxy", you give the impression that Vergere was willing to ally with the One Sith and the Rule of One, but the previous section makes it quite clear that she was strictly adherent to the Rule of Two. Please clear this up.
  • Addressed.
• LotF sections could use some paragraph breaks.
  • I disagree. The paragraphs are adequate size given the information and the article size as a whole.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, May 1, 2012, 23:53 UTC
    • Some of these paragraphs are monstrous in size. You don't have to break up all of them, but a few, like the first paragraph of "Reunion" for example, definitely need breaks. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 00:30, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
      • Addressed.
• Context on the Galactic Alliance Guard.
  • Addressed.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, May 1, 2012, 23:53 UTC
• Context on what exactly the World Brain was.
  • Context given in the form of "friend and spy..." Readers who want more info can click the link.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, May 1, 2012, 23:53 UTC
• I think "monstrosity" is a bit POV.
  • Addressed.
• Context on why Alema wanted revenge against the Solos.
  • Addressed.
• More to come. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 02:12, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
• Reunion: "Under the assumption that Lumiya had intentions of vengeance on Ben Skywalker, the Skywalkers immediately intercepted Solo, who had since received an Alliance Colonel's commission, was en route to Hapes on board the Anakin Solo, and related their discoveries and their decision to remove their son from active GAG duty." This sentence runs on and doesn't really add up correctly.
  • Addressed.
• I think you should make it more clear that number 357 was the amendment that Lumiya added.
  • Addressed.
• "From the meeting she also learned that Ben Skywalker defeated Byalfin Dyur, whom she suspected to hear from soon, and unfavorably." What exactly does this mean? She suspected to hear from him unfavorably?
  • addressed.
• "When the potential for opposition in the gallery manifested, Lumiya put it down," How so?
  • Addressed.
• Will continue with P&T shortly. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 00:30, May 7, 2012 (UTC)

Opinions, opinions…Edit

• In the Personality section header, shouldn't it be "Brie" as opposed to "Shira;" or even "Shira Brie?" Since we use surnames when referring to an individual throughout the article, should the headers not be the one of the suggestions aforementioned? Other than that, great work, Tommy!—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 07:19, May 21, 2012 (UTC)
  • Addressed. Thanks for the review, Jedi Kasra. Please advise if anything further is required.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, May 30, 2012, 00:32 UTC
    • Will do, friend.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:55, May 30, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

• Special thanks to Menkooroo, for providing much of the behind the scenes material. Tremendous thanks to Master Jonathan, who provided a stellar copy edit and with zeal. This nomination is dedicated to Harrar, who initially began this project with me, but has since left the site to pursue other endeavors. Here's to you, my friend, thank you.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, July 12, 2011, 22:20 UTC
• Lumiya should be nominates as good article.--Nihilus 16:36, August 21, 2011 (UTC)
• Menkooroo's pointed out that there's no obvious consensus on this (or that the consensus is perhaps against my opinion?), but in my view, Chewbacca on first mention should perhaps be called something else than simpy a "Wookiee." Everyone else in the text gets to be called by their rank or role, but he's only his species. Again, my view, and I do intend to start a SH thread about this eventually, but I wanted to bring it up at least as a comment. Continuing review slowly but surely. :) ~Savage 01:55, September 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • Addressed.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, September 28, 2011, 04:16 UTC

Vote to strike objections by ID-21 Dolphin (Inq only)

1. Objections have been addressed for more than three weeks. 1358 ^(Talk) 12:25, September 16, 2011 (UTC)
2. CC7567 ^(talk) 01:25, September 17, 2011 (UTC)
3. Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 14:13, September 20, 2011 (UTC)
4. -- Darth Culator ^(Talk) 17:38, October 8, 2011 (UTC)
5. Grand Moff Tranner ^(Comlink) 03:34, October 9, 2011 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)Edit

1. For the third time, there are outstanding objections more than three weeks old. It took talk page reminders to get the first two instances addressed; when a nom by anybody is so consistently neglected, it should face the rules. Menkooroo 17:59, February 21, 2012 (UTC)
   • As a note: My review took two full months and was sporadic at best within that time frame, and since I didn't technically finish it until February 11th, I'm willing to give him until three weeks after that date. (I'll completely understand if this gets voted off now; I'm just noting why I personally am not voting to remove just yet.) Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 17:56, February 22, 2012 (UTC)
     • Unstruck due to another round of three-week old objections. Menkooroo 20:31, March 21, 2012 (UTC)
       • There is an unaddressed objection from February 29, and another one from April 10th. I'm getting pretty tired of this. Menkooroo 21:48, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
       • And I'm getting pretty tired of you trying to make a name for yourself in this manner, Menkooroo. They're being worked on, albeit slowly, but obviously.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, May 2, 2012, 21:55 UTC
         • There's no need to get defensive or accuse me of having any sort of agenda. I'm simply upholding the rules, which do apply to everyone, and insulting me for doing so isn't going to accomplish anything. Just address the objections and try to be more punctual in the future. Menkooroo 22:03, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
         • You haven't been insulted, not here. They are being taken care of, period.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, May 2, 2012, 22:08 UTC

   Don't like to see this happen to big projects, but Wookieepedia's train stops for no man. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:06, March 21, 2012 (UTC)

   Choo choo? CC7567 ^(talk) 04:52, March 22, 2012 (UTC)

   • I'm on it.—Tommy 9281 Friday, March 23, 2012, 00:54 UTC

Ulic Qel-DromaEdit

• Nominated by: IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 02:20, November 29, 2011 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Do your worst.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. StarNeptune^{Talk to me!} 00:19, January 6, 2012 (UTC)
2. Menkooroo 02:18, March 19, 2012 (UTC)
3. Plagueis327 02:53, April 25, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

StarEdit

Quick skim through:

• In the meantime, Qel-Droma became well known by the Alderaanian nobility, who largely disapproved of whatever he did and looked upon him with disdain. Why did they look at him with disdain? What did he do?
  • Source doesn't elaborate. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 16:35, January 5, 2012 (UTC)
    • Fair enough. StarNeptune^{Talk to me!} 00:19, January 6, 2012 (UTC)
• Amanoa, a Force-sensitive herself, was hesitant to work with such young Jedi, but Qel-Droma quickly dismissed her concerns. Maybe go into detail as to why she was hesitant to work with young Jedi, and how Ulic dismissed her concerns?
  • Expanded. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 22:59, January 5, 2012 (UTC)
• After the slaying of Satal Keto, Qel-Droma returned to within the Iron Citadel with his new flame, Aleema. While Qel-Droma recuperated from various injuries, Keto gave him a powerful Sith amulet which had originally belonged to Satal. Maybe reword this so that it specifies that Aleema's last name is Keto as well?
  • Fixed. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 22:59, January 5, 2012 (UTC)
• As Toq and Cay went off to deal with the guards, Sunrider tried to convince Qel-Droma to leave Empress Teta with her, as she fended off Keto's dark illusions all the while. Again, maybe clarify that this is referring to Aleema Keto?
  • I don't think it's needed. Satal is dead by that time, Aleema is the only Keto left. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 22:59, January 5, 2012 (UTC)
    • Yeah, you're right. The clearup of the previous sentence makes this complaint moot. StarNeptune^{Talk to me!} 00:19, January 6, 2012 (UTC)
• Upon learning the Force Harvester's location on Raxus Prime from Qel-Droma's spirit, Dooku had the Harvester dug up, and began to charge it using a number of unsuspecting Republic targets. Does the source mention why Ulic would disclose that information, especially since he died as a redeemed Jedi? Did Dooku trick him into it? Is it an echo of Ulic's time as a Sith that Dooku was speaking to?
  • The New Essential Chronology doesn't elaborate. I was kind of confused too. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 16:35, January 5, 2012 (UTC)
    • Damn you, vague, unclear and confusing EU sourcebook! :P StarNeptune^{Talk to me!} 00:19, January 6, 2012 (UTC)
• The Jedi, having learned of Dooku's use of the Force Harvester... How?
  • Addressed. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 22:59, January 5, 2012 (UTC)

That is all. StarNeptune^{Talk to me!} 01:21, January 5, 2012 (UTC)

WarsEdit

• In the bio, the first indication of a timeline comes in the "Trouble on Onderon" section. I'm wondering if you can give approximate dates to his birth and childhood, even if just "in the years before the blah blah." Currently, a casual fan could read the first section of the bio and not know in which era it took place.
  • How does it look now?
• Tott Doneeta's full name is dropped a lot in the article --- eight times in the bio, and four in p&t/p&a. For someone who shows up so often, is the full namedrop necessary so many times?
  • Shaved off a couple full name drops. Still, I only tried to use his full name when he hadn't been mentioned for a while, because it kinda seemed wrong just to call him "Doneeta" when he hadn't been there in a little bit.
• Jinzler recently added two sources; any new info there? Menkooroo 03:37, March 12, 2012 (UTC)
  • Doesn't seem to be.
• The second paragraph of "Attack of the cultists" has the same ref (currently ref [12]) twice in a row. Was the latter ref supposed to be something else, maybe whatever reveals that Ommin had a disease? I guess that needs to be sourced to something, since his article doesn't mention a disease and claims that his flesh decayed under the weight of the dark side. Maybe this disease should be redlinked, too.
  • Nothing weighty like that. Just a mistake is all :P He didn't actually have a wasting disease, and the dark side was decaying him, but it didn't seem like the proper place to get into that stuff right there.
• I pipelinked Force sight to the part where he uses the Force to see where his eyes cannot. If this is appropriate, could it be mentioned in Powers and abilities?
  • Mentioned.
• The new Jedi in the second paragraph of "Battle with the dark side" kind of come out of nowhere. Could they be introduced earlier as arriving with the rocket-jumpers and Nomi? Menkooroo 02:02, March 14, 2012 (UTC)
  • Well, he doesn't seem to encounter them until then. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 00:40, March 15, 2012 (UTC)
    • Yeah, I guess mentioning them in the previous paragraph would be a little weird. Could the second paragraph at least mention why they're there; ie, identify them as part of the Republic team?
      • Done.
• Not an objection, but I split a long paragraph in two in the last sub-section of "Fall." Take a look and see if it's OK. Menkooroo 21:54, March 15, 2012 (UTC)
  • Looks fine. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 14:39, March 16, 2012 (UTC)
• I've added a few redlinks; it's currently one over the limit with four.
  • Killed one, will get the rest later.
• "Schemes" mentions that the Senate is captive, but this could imply something as simple as captivation --- can it be explicitly stated that they're under a Sith spell? Menkooroo 02:22, March 17, 2012 (UTC)
  • Done.
• I'm wondering if the information in "Legacy" can be presented chronologically. I think it would probably be OK to introduce his tomb early on but not mention the Dark Reaper and the infiltration of the tomb until after the Vima/Zayne/Gnost-Dural stuff. Since proper chronology should always be the goal, can you give it a try and see how it looks?
  • Check it out now.
• Since the NEC also has an in-universe equivalent, do you think it's noteworthy at the end of "Legacy?"
  • Mentioned.
• The first two paragraphs of the P&T end with very similar sentences about his underestimation of the dark side being his downfall. Any chance they could be combined to avoid repetition? Menkooroo 18:27, March 17, 2012 (UTC)
  • Reworked it. Check it out. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 21:37, March 17, 2012 (UTC)
• Hair, eye, and skin color should be somewhere in the article, per the 2011 Mofference's consensus of no-infobox-exclusivity. Sith Empire (Great Sith War) is also only linked to in the infobox; I'd add it to the intro and bio myself, but I trust you much more than me to be able to correctly distinguish between it and the Brotherhood of the Sith. :)
  • Mentioned.
    • Go for Sith Empire (Great Sith War) too. Also in the intro if it's possible.
      • Linked to it. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 02:10, March 19, 2012 (UTC)
• The BTS seems to conflate Star Wars: The Roleplaying Game (WEG) with the Star Wars Roleplaying Game (WOTC). You could probably fix this without changing the sentence by simply linking to roleplaying game.
  • Fixed.
• The interview with Tom Veitch revealed that he originally wrote a different conclusion to Ulic's saga, and that he liked it better than what actually came to be (as written by Anderson). Could this be mentioned in BTS?
  • Mentioned.
• In the BTS: Per my own instinct as well as precedents, I believe that the differences between the comics and the audio adaptations should be explicitly spelled out. If they're as minor as dialogue differences, a single sentence would do, but if they're more major, I think the article should explain how. The precedents I'm thinking of concern non-canon info (Executor and Wedge Antilles), but conflicting canon info seems like a slice from the same pie. Currently, I feel like there's missing info. With that said, are the differences enough to warrant a twoconflicting template?
  • Edit: Here's a better precedent on the differences between two versions. Does it make sense, or am I crazy? Menkooroo 04:26, March 18, 2012 (UTC)
    • I'm not sure about this. I went case-by-case through the continuity differences, and the ones I included are the only ones that are really somewhat substantial and, in my view, warranted a mention in the BtS. The differences that I don't mention are really minor. If you want, I can make it more comprehensive.
      • If they're pretty minor differences in dialogue or actions in battle or whatever, could we just get a sentence or two explaining that, similar to what's in the BTS of Gudb? Gudb states "...the inconsistencies are limited to minor changes in dialogue." Something a bit less vague than the current "discrepancies in the telling of his exploits" would probably do it.
        • Check it out now. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 01:27, March 19, 2012 (UTC)
          • Good stuff. One remaining objection above.
• A couple of categories seem off: "Pre-Ruusan Jedi Masters" and "Jedi Guardians." The latter isn't mentioned in the article itself.
  • Changed.
• And finally: the Wikipedia link in "External links" redirects to "List of Star Wars characters;" a little digging reveals that a Wikipedia editor turned the article into a redirect just over one year ago due to a lack of notability. With that in mind, linking to Wikipedia here might not be appropriate anymore. Alternatively, you could write the Wikipedia article and include proof of notability, but I won't ask you to do that. :P
  • Too much work! Removed.
• That's all from me. I want to note here how well-done this article is. You always write great articles, but I think this was your best work. My copy-edit was mostly just linking. This was a truly fantastic effort, and I always love seeing such iconic SW characters --- that is, characters who have (at one point had :P) their own Wikipedia articles --- featured. Makes me want to write Cade. Menkooroo 03:08, March 18, 2012 (UTC)
  • Thanks. :D IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 21:05, March 18, 2012 (UTC)

JangethEdit

• I know you're not a noob, but could you reload your infobox? :P
  • Done.
• "Ulic Qel-Droma was, during different times in his life," I don't know if it's just me, but it sounds awkwardly by stating "different times in his life." Possibly changing that word could help make this sentence flow better. "parts of his life" maybe?
  • Changed. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 23:12, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
• Pretty good so far; I'm at Switching Sides. JangFett ^(Talk) 18:12, April 22, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

• Some of the Fact Files in the Sources section were released as late as 2004. Check out here for correct placement. Menkooroo 00:36, January 31, 2012 (UTC)
  • Re-ordered. Thanks for the heads-up. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 01:10, February 2, 2012 (UTC)

LanvarokEdit

• Nominated by: —Tommy 9281 Friday, December 2, 2011, 03:47 UTC 03:47, December 2, 2011 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Probably the last of the weapon barn burner's entries. Blame a tedious college semester.

(1 Inqs/3 Users/4 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Lookin' good!! :D Plagueis327 02:04, January 21, 2012 (UTC)
2. —NAYAYEN 20:53, February 13, 2012 (UTC)
3. Here's to a bringing the barn burner to a glorious end. :) ~Savage 22:51, May 4, 2012 (UTC)
4. Good work, Tommy.—Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 00:01, May 22, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

NayayenEdit

• In the infobox, "Advanced" and "Exotic" sound like the names for two variations. If that's the case, I personally think it makes more sense to swap the contents of the model and type fields around.
  • No, those are just categorical descriptors.—Tommy 9281 Monday, February 13, 2012, 20:48 UTC
• "A quick forward swing [...] fanned out in a wildly random pattern." This sentence confuses me; how can a single disc fan out? If you meant for the multiple shots to fan out, then saying that they were cast out "aimed at the throat and face" seems contradictory.
  • The part that you left out talks about how multiple discs fan out, not a single one.—Tommy 9281 Monday, February 13, 2012, 20:48 UTC
• "silently dispersed in a short yet random and nearly inescapable spray" Saying "silently" here is, again, contradictory to the fact that we have a sound file of a disc in flight. Was it possible to launch them in such a way that they flew silently? If that is the case, it should be more explicitly stated.
  • The source does say silently, but in the face of the obvious contradiction, I reworded to quietly. Let me know if that's sufficient.—Tommy 9281 Monday, February 13, 2012, 20:48 UTC
• That's all from me. Absolutely superb read, Tommy. —NAYAYEN 01:29, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
  • Thanks for the review, Nayayen. Please advise if anything further is required.—Tommy 9281 Monday, February 13, 2012, 20:48 UTC

TrayusEdit

• I'm not sure if you have the book just yet, but Book of Sith includes journal entries from Sorzus Syn that profile ancient Sith weapons, including the lanvarok. Syn states that at the time (shortly after the Exiles' arrival in Sith Space), the arm-mounted gauntlet version of the lanvarok was in use by the armored soldiers of Domoru Krev. Also, Sidious has an annotation that calls the classic lanvarok "Messy and imprecise. The lanvarok is a weapon of indiscriminate terror." Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 07:24, February 17, 2012 (UTC)
  • Addressed. Thanks for the review, I apologize for the delayed response. Please advise if anything further is required.—Tommy 9281 Friday, March 23, 2012, 02:02 UTC
• Also, is there a specific reason why we don't have an article for the two lanvarok variants? It seems to me that we should have one for the polearm and one for the projectile launcher. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 22:33, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
  • There were two articles, but sources identify them as two versions of the same weapon, therefore compelling me to include them both in one article.—Tommy 9281 Monday, April 16, 2012, 01:40 UTC
    • I can see the idea behind creating one base article for "lanvarok," but considering the vast differences between the two designs, there should definitely be an article for each of the variations. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 20:25, April 28, 2012 (UTC)
• Actually, for the sake of comprehensive coverage within this article, you should probably specify where Syn first found the arm-mounted version (on the armored soldiers of Domoru Krev). Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 22:36, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
  • Addressed.—Tommy 9281 Monday, April 16, 2012, 01:40 UTC
• Also, do you have a source that indicates that the top left weapon in this image is indeed a lanvarok? The bts information on the gag and Wallace's notes on the topic seem to indicate that the intent was that the reader not be able to identify the lanvarok at the time of publication. And the weapon pictured there does not look like any other depiction of a forearm-mounted lanvarok. If you can indeed find a source, a BTS note may be in order. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 20:30, April 28, 2012 (UTC)
  • I'll remove the reference, since it was my own interpretation of the item, and it doesn't mesh with what Wallace said. As far as splitting the article into two, I don't quite agree; I'd like to discuss this with you further in real-time, whether by IRC or guildchat. Let me know where and when, and I'll be there.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, May 1, 2012, 23:59 UTC
    • I rarely have an opportunity to get on IRC when you're on Tommy, and I hate to hold up this nomination any moreso than necessary. So if you could either state your reasons here or on my talk page it would be much appreciated. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 19:07, May 14, 2012 (UTC)
    • The main issue is that the source identifies them as the same weapon, two sides of the same coin. That is furthered by them being in use at the same time, not a discontinuation of one in favor of the other. All of the source/reference book sources commingle them.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, May 22, 2012, 00:56 UTC
    • I understand that, but we have all different varieties of LAAT, which are all far more similar than the two varieties of lanvarok. We also have two articles for the two varieties of Delta-7s, despite the fact that they're nearly identical. Or in the case of a handheld weapon, we have the E-11 blaster rifle, and a multitude of variants. All of the variants are way more similar in design, technical specifications, and purpose than the two varieties of lanvarok; they also weren't replacements for one another. Rather, like the lanvaroks, they were used side-by-side. And it should be noted that, at least in Book of Sith, Syn specifically calls the arm-mounted lanvaroks "lanvarok gauntlets" to differentiate them from the polearms. Given the dissimilarities, it strikes me that separate articles for each variety are warranted in addition to this one. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 04:39, May 25, 2012 (UTC)

Quick notes from the Council Chambers:Edit

• Very minor update needed from the new Lost Tribe eBook. Everything needed is in this edit summary.
• Any particular reason you list Book of Sith under both Appearances and Sources? I'm pretty sure it should just be a Source.

  Plagueis327 removed the duplicate listing, so I'm calling this one resolved. —MJ— _Comlink Tuesday, March 6, 2012, 18:15 UTC

• —MJ— ^{Training Room} Monday, March 5, 2012, 18:38 UTC
  • Addressed. Thanks for the review, MJ. Please advise if anything further is required.—Tommy 9281 Friday, March 23, 2012, 02:20 UTC
    • It actually wasn't a full review, just a quickie that I spotted while reading Secrets on the day of release. —MJ— ^{Training Room} Friday, March 23, 2012, 02:24 UTC
• Mauser has slapped an update tag on the BTS. I didn't look at the source to see what's there, but it needs to be sorted out. —MJ— _Comlink Saturday, March 31, 2012, 22:06 UTC
  • Addressed.
• Also, Mauser has added The Essential Guide to Warfare to the Sources list, and so that needs to be checked for new info as well. —MJ— _Comlink Saturday, April 7, 2012, 23:01 UTC
  • Just got the source, will update shortly.—Tommy 9281 Monday, April 16, 2012, 01:53 UTC
    • Any progress on this? —MJ— ^{Jedi Council Chambers} Wednesday, May 2, 2012, 01:13 UTC
      • It's just a mention, nothing new.—Tommy 9281 Friday, May 4, 2012, 19:31 UTC

Savaged…Edit

• In some places, you spell out "credits," while in others you use the Cr template. Either should be fine, but it should probably be consistent.
  • Addressed.
• "which included a primary triggering handle that curved downward and fit into the wielder's grip" --> Here, the "which" is ambiguous; it sounds like it's referring to the user's hand. Can you reword?
  • Addressed.
• Can we get context for why the arrival of Dark Jedi during something called the Hundred Year Darkness is a significant time in "History"?
  • Addressed.
• "their prevalence was anything but." I think there's a word missing from the end of this sentence.
  • Addressed.
• Is Dequc's species important? None of the other named individuals in the same paragraph are given a species identification, so I'd either remove his or add them for the rest for consistency.
  • Addressed.
• Real-world dates would be good for BTS, at least for their first appearance and the Mike Stackpole novel you give a month to, if not for all noted appearances or sources.
  • Addressed.
• The BTS provides authors and artists for all the comics and novels, but not for the RPGs. Can you add those in? A very nice read, Tommy. ~Savage 23:33, March 5, 2012 (UTC)
  • Working on this.—Tommy 9281 Friday, March 23, 2012, 02:20 UTC
    • Any luck? ~Savage 20:33, April 28, 2012 (UTC)
    • I included the authors/publishers, but not the artists, as I feel it will make the text rather unwieldy. Please let me know if more is required.—Tommy 9281 Friday, May 4, 2012, 19:39 UTC

EyrezerEdit

• Can you please make it clearer in the introduction the development of the forearm mounted version? Currently, the forearm version is mentioned here, but it is presumed that the reader already knows of its creation: "The original lanvarok was inspired by the natural left-handed disposition of all members of the Sith species, a distinction retained in the forearm-mounted, combat-exclusive projectile dispenser." That's all from me. --Eyrezer 17:37, May 12, 2012 (UTC)
  • Addressed. Thanks for the review, Eyre. Please advise if anything further is required.—Tommy 9281 Tuesday, May 15, 2012, 08:25 UTC

CommentsEdit

Hi Tommy, I just added Coruscant and the Core Worlds to the article's source list. The lanvarok is mentioned on page 32, in the RPG stats of Ra-Zyrth, should you wish to check for yourself. --Jinzler 21:37, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)Edit

1. Unaddressed objections nearly a month old. Menkooroo 03:14, March 14, 2012 (UTC
   • Aaaaaaaand another round of three-week old objections. Menkooroo 23:54, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
     • Update: That round has been addressed. However, an objection of MJ's is now one month old, and an objection of Bob's is two months old. Menkooroo 21:52, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
       • You need to calm down, Menkooroo. They're being worked on, albeit slowly, but obviously.—Tommy 9281 Wednesday, May 2, 2012, 21:54 UTC
         • The rules apply to everyone, Tommy, including you. Instead of being beligerent toward those who choose to enforce them, please just address the objections. Menkooroo 23:52, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

   FWIW, he has been informed of this on the 10th. 1358 ^(Talk) 18:22, March 14, 2012 (UTC)

   CC7567 ^(talk) 08:59, March 17, 2012 (UTC)

2. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:22, March 22, 2012 (UTC)
   • I'm on it.—Tommy 9281 Friday, March 23, 2012, 01:46 UTC

Vima SunriderEdit

• Nominated by: IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 04:29, December 21, 2011 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Back in the saddle.

(2 Inqs/4 Users/6 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. —Unsigned comment by Grand master aylard (talk • contribs).
2. —Unsigned comment by Lluvia Roja (talk • contribs).
3. Plagueis327 02:03, January 21, 2012 (UTC)
4. Were it not for those jeep-tops, she'd be Mrs. Revan! Menkooroo 03:09, February 8, 2012 (UTC)
5. --Eyrezer 21:33, May 14, 2012 (UTC)
6. —Jedi Kasra (comlink) 06:53, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

Sunridin' dirtyEdit

• The article's great so far. The only thing that's stood out is the random usage of "Sunrider." You use "Vima" throughout to avoid confusion with Nomi, but every so often the full name "Nomi Sunrider" or "Vima Sunrider" is used, which is noticeable and a bit awkward. Some full-name drops are probably necessary, for sure, but is it necessary to throw in "Sunrider" every few sentences when using their first names avoids any confusion?
  • Removed some of those occurrences.
• Similarly, the sudden change from "Vima" to "Sunrider" during the Redemption stuff is a bit weird, especially when the article reverts back to "Vima" once Nomi arrives on Rhen Var, and then returns to "Sunrider" even before Ulic dies. Menkooroo 05:51, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
  • Well, the rule is to use the last name as much as possible, so I only used "Vima" when there was the possibility of confusion with Nomi. I don't really think it's a problem, but I can change it if you really want.
    • Nope, your explanation makes sense. :) Menkooroo 03:09, February 8, 2012 (UTC)
• At the beginning of "Training," instead of backtracking and saying "Nomi was now a respected Jedi Master," can you proceed chronologically and say something like "Over the next ten years, Nomi became..." Ditto with "she had begun official Jedi training under Nomi"
  • Fixed.
• Is there anything you could say about Nomi arriving on Rhen Var and first confronting her daughter? It almost seems like something's missing between "traveled to Rhen Var to retrieve her daughter" and "Although Vima vehemently espoused...".
  • Fixed.
• "Although Hoggon was quickly dealt with," --- can you explain what this means? It makes it sound like he dies.
  • Fixed.
• The bio indicates that she feels compelled by the Force to seek Ulic out --- seems like info that would fit at the end of the P&T's first paragraph. Thoughts?
  • Added.
• "apparently due to trademark issues..." There's nothing "apparently" about it! :D Avellone and Rostoni have both confirmed it.
  • Fixed.
• Any chance of including File:Vimaart.jpg in the BTS? It just seems too... perfect to leave out.
  • Added.
    • I gave it a try above the quote so that it wouldn't push the "Appearances" scroll box down. Take a look and feel free to change it if you want. Menkooroo 03:09, February 8, 2012 (UTC)
• Excellent job on my favourite TOTJ character. :D Menkooroo 06:57, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
  • Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 00:32, February 8, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

• Now that Mandorla has been cancelled, can you add something to the BTS about how Vima would have played a role in it? Irvine confirmed as much here. Menkooroo 00:22, March 5, 2012 (UTC)
  • Mandorla? Cancelled? Thank God. Done. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 00:35, March 5, 2012 (UTC)
    • Good stuff (not the cancellation... boo!). Can you take a crack at using cite_web? It's handy for pinpointing dates and authors and such. You can copy the code from Sunrider naming controversy if you want, but make sure to set both access dates to today. Menkooroo 00:52, March 5, 2012 (UTC)

Leonia TaviraEdit

• Nominated by: Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 14:10, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: "So you take me for what I am—a psychopathic, schizophrenic, serial-killing femme fatale?"

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Nicely done. Menkooroo 17:32, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
2. I love Imp girls! :D Plagueis327 05:08, April 24, 2012 (UTC)
3. Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 10:31, May 16, 2012 (UTC)
4. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 01:48, May 21, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

TaviraEdit

• Should Zsinj's Empire and Greater Maldrood be added to the infobox's affiliation field? They're distinct factions from the Galactic Empire, and I've seen it done in other FAs like Teradoc.
  • Not sure, the sources are vague on how involved with them she was. I don't mind adding it if you want. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 20:38, April 19, 2012 (UTC)
    • If the sources don't make it clear how far her involvement with them goes, I'm good with them being left out. Your call. Menkooroo 23:48, April 21, 2012 (UTC)
      • I'll leave them off for now then. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 01:45, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
• I've added two redlinks to the intro.
  • Both gone. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 20:38, April 19, 2012 (UTC)
• Can we get the individual issue for the leading quote? Menkooroo 01:54, April 19, 2012 (UTC)
  • Didn't spot that. Fixed. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 20:38, April 19, 2012 (UTC)
• "she executed their leader and dispatched troopers to retrieve the body" --- is it Nrin's body they're after? The sentence reads as if it's the leader's body they're retrieving for her, which seems kind of strange if she personally executed him.
  • Clarified. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 01:45, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
• I've added a number of redlinks to the bio. I'm not sure if "bullion" requires an article , though, or if it's just another kind of credits. Do what you gotta do. Menkooroo 23:48, April 21, 2012 (UTC)
  • I think bullion is too generic a word to require an article. Created articles for all the comic ones and we're down to two. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 01:45, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
    • Added one more to the bio. Don't shoot the messenger. ;)
      • By messenger I actually meant a ship rather than an individual. I've changed it to say that she sent a ship and removed the link. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 13:16, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
• Some of "Downfall" reads somewhat as if it were from Corran's perspective --- after she leaves Courkrus, we're not told where she goes and we lose track of her until her hologram confronts the good guys. Can we find out that she's on the moon before we're told that she flees it? I think the hologram bit could use some tweaking to be more from her perspective, too.
  • Try it now. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 13:11, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
• Is "People's Liberation Army" an alternate name for the PLB? It shows up a few times in Personality and traits with "Army" capitalized, so I'm wondering.
  • Nope, that was me being stupid. Changed. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 13:11, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
• Third paragraph of P & t has ref [1] twice in a row. I'd sofixit, but I just want to confirm that it's all from the Handbook.
  • Fixed. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 13:11, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
• If the link I added to proton torpedo is incorrect, definitely change it, but keep in mind that torpedo is a disambiguation page. All from me. Great stuff. Menkooroo 03:10, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
  • It's correct. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 13:11, April 22, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

Duel of the FatesEdit

• Nominated by: MasterFred^(Whatever) 14:11, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments:

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Best star wars soundtrack ever :D Plagueis327 22:53, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
2. Nice job, as always. NaruHina ^Talk 23:03, May 3, 2012 (UTC)
3. I don't know shit about SW music, but this seems fine. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 22:35, May 21, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

1. Rubedo
   • You need to mention that a dance move from Kinect Star Wars was called "Duel of Fates". No, I'm not kidding. Don't know if it's an IU one or not, but I know what we all hope. NaruHina ^Talk 17:24, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
     • The Kinect game's article says it's a game mode, not a dance. Is that correct? Well, it's been added. MasterFred^(Whatever) 13:31, April 23, 2012 (UTC)
       • Yes, but it's also a dance move. NaruHina ^Talk 16:11, April 23, 2012 (UTC)
         • Alrighty. Info added. MasterFred^(Whatever) 18:50, April 23, 2012 (UTC)
   • Also, the Use section has a lot of tense shifting. Pick past or present and stick with it throughout. NaruHina ^Talk 20:53, April 21, 2012 (UTC)
     • A result of forgetting to rewrite that section. Should be done now. MasterFred^(Whatever) 13:31, April 23, 2012 (UTC)
       • Huh. Must have not been as bad as I thought. NaruHina ^Talk 16:11, April 23, 2012 (UTC)
   • One more thing: Duel of the Fates (disambiguation). These should probably get a mention, especially the article. NaruHina ^Talk 21:49, April 24, 2012 (UTC)
     • Added to the "In other media and merchandise" section. MasterFred^(Whatever) 02:05, April 27, 2012 (UTC)

"Anakin's Betrayal" is Still the Best Star Wars Track Out ThereEdit

• You mention the key twice in the intro.
• I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "single word/syllable lines" (especially since the lyrics as posted have more than one word and more than one syllable to a line)
• I think the "Conception and Development" could be split into two paragraphs. (I would've done this myself, but I'm not really sure where it would be most appropriate to split it, so I'll leave it up to you)
• In the intro and infobox you say the key is G major, but in the main body you say it's in E minor. (Those are relative keys, but thy're not the same thing.) Which is it?
• "…crescendoing into a chorus chant of two eighth notes followed by a rest…" You've mentioned how long the rests were up until this point, and it's best to stay consistent—how long is the rest here? (IIRC it's a quarter rest, yes?)
• More of a suggestion than objection: what do you think about switching around some images? Namely, I think it would be good to put the soundtrack cover image (currently placed under "In the soundtracks") in the "Conception and Development" section; the image of the LSO (currently in "Conception and Development") right where the image of the Duel in Theed currently is; and the image of the Duel in Theed in the "In the movies" section. I feel like that placement would be more appropriate considering what the images represent. Thoughts?
• "In Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, 'Fates' is played when…" I assume "Fates" means "Duel of the Fates"? I don't think it's really worth shortening, because it might confuse readers into thinking it's referring to an actual track title on the AotC soundtrack that uses the "Duel of the Fates" theme, or something like that. (This goes for later mentions of "Fates" as well. Between "Duel of the Fates," "the composition," "the theme," "the piece," and possibly others, I think you have enough interchangeable words to keep yourself from sounding reptetive without having to use just "Fates")
• Link for the battle between Obi-Wan and Vartonis?
• In the "In the Expanded Universe" section, go ahead and mention when something the theme appears in is non-canon (such as the LEGO games)
• Links for the duels between Shan and Darach and Malgus and Vindican?
• For some video games, you link the event to the game level (e.g. you link "The Final Assault" to Naboo Space Battle). I think that's a good idea, but you need to be consistent about it. Please go through your other game levels and link them to their events as appropriate.
• Why do you mention usage of the theme in trailers in both the "In the Expanded Universe" and "In other media and merchendise" sections. Why not put that information in just one section?
• As a note: remember to use last names after characters' first mentions; not first. Also, the linking was extremely inconsistent; please be more careful about your linking in the future. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 20:02, May 25, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

• No word about TOR, so I figured I'd go ahead and do it. It's about time. lol MasterFred^(Whatever) 14:11, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
  • I haven't come across any instance in the game that I can recall. Darth Trayus^{(Trayus Academy)} 00:57, April 23, 2012 (UTC)
    • It plays each time you take off as the Sith Warrior in your starship, I think. That's the only time I've heard it, and it's only a cue from it, not the whole thing. ~Savage 11:36, April 24, 2012 (UTC)
    • Check 7:05 in this video. ~Savage 11:47, April 24, 2012 (UTC)
      • It's actually a cut from the track "Qui-Gon's Noble End" that contains the theme. I'll add the info. Thanks! MasterFred^(Whatever) 18:36, April 24, 2012 (UTC)

T'Charek HaathiEdit

• Nominated by: Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 11:39, April 27, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Blue skinned ship jacker and all round impulsive Special Ops leader.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Plagueis327 19:47, April 27, 2012 (UTC)
2. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 23:43, May 24, 2012 (UTC)
3. Episode III ruined blue people in Star Wars. ~Savage 15:32, May 28, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

Savaged…Edit

• It's jarring in my opinion to have material written as in-universe appear in BTS (the "cut content"). Should the cut content be moved to the main body of the article, along with the disclaimer templates? Otherwise, could the section be rewritten as out-of-universe? If the latter course is followed, the templates will no longer be necessary, since I'm guessing it would be phrased to make it obvious the material was cut. ~Savage 00:53, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
  • Going by the precedents established in other FAs with such cut content (see the various Grand Admiral articles), then how its laid out is currently correct. The material was never officially released, so it has no place in the body, and per the Grand Admiral articles referenced above, the cut content is written in IU prose.
    • I'll strike due to the precedent, but I think a SH/CT should be done on this sort of thing to clarify how to treat this type of material. ~Savage 16:29, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
• Gah, my browser purged the rest of my review! I'll try to remember it. First off, I think the biography strays too far into play-by-play, especially where dialogue is reported and where Haathi's own actions are not being described. Can this be trimmed down a bit?
  • I've removed a little, but if I could get some specifics here it would be appreciated. The non-Haathi stuff, for example, is already at what I would consider "the bare bones" storywise to explain the situation (there is a lot more in the original stories). I've identified some that could be redone, but a lot of it is used to keep track of where other characters are in relation to Haathi.
    • I don't think it's essential to know where everyone is in relation to her, though. At any rate, I'll give some specifics in a bit. Stay tuned! :) ~Savage 16:29, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
    • OK, back. I only think it's an issue in the sections "Zelos II" and "Gelgelar." I've done a sweep through "Zelos II" to give you an idea of what I found unnecessary for Haathi's article. Feel free to reinstate whatever you think is necessary or rework the prose to de-Bobify it, but hopefully that'll give you an idea of what I have in mind. ~Savage 16:54, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
      • Redone. I kept a lot of your Zelos revision, but retained the explanation of defeating the security systems since I feel it is important. The devices have been established as being present, establishing how they were defeated is equally important I feel. Also done some work on the Gelgelar section. - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 19:31, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
• The biography does a good job of noting who's a Wroonian, Sluissi, or Sullustan. Could it note who's a Human too?
  • Added, but I think repeating it gets old. Personally, unless a species is specifically mentioned, I tend to think of them as Human anyway.
    • It's an issue of NPOV in my opinion; marking aliens but not Humans, females but not males, etc. is a violation of neutrality. The EU does this a lot, but the EU's readership is human beings who live on Earth. Our conceit is that our audience is some in-universe group of people who presumably include aliens among their ranks. :) Incidentally, I'm cool with removing species IDs for the Sluissi, Sullustans, etc. if that makes for better prose in your opinion. ~Savage 16:29, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
• It's worth noting that much of her temperament matches that of her species, a fact that can be referenced to Alien Encounters, I think.
  • Noted.
• "made her more bored and annoying..." Annoying to whom?
  • Never specified. I just assumed in a general way.
    • I think it's the juxtaposition of "bored" and "annoying" that's causing me pause here, since "bored" implies a condition of Haathi's own mood, while "annoying" indicates an affect she causes in others. In other words, would it be OK to say "bored and annoying to others" just to further emphasize that the object of the first word is not the object of the second? ~Savage 16:31, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
      • Changed per suggestion. - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 19:31, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
• "be shot of her" -- I'm unsure what this means. Be rid of her? ~Savage 02:34, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
  • Yes, that's the meaning. Some British colloquialism I think :P - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 10:06, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

EnduranceEdit

• Nominated by: Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 20:12, April 27, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Some Warfare/ Black Fleet Crisis love

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. A very good read. 501st dogma^(talk) 20:31, April 27, 2012 (UTC)
2. Plagueis327 01:20, April 28, 2012 (UTC)]
3. Interesting. Great work. Cade Calrayn 14:48, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
4. --Eyrezer 06:28, May 13, 2012 (UTC)
5. Menkooroo 19:05, May 17, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

Shields up!Edit

• Excellent work. I'm just wondering if the shields are important enough to warrant a mention in "Description." I've never written a starship article so I'm not sure. I'll trust your judgment. :) Menkooroo 04:34, May 17, 2012 (UTC)
  • Added a little something in the description section. - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 07:59, May 17, 2012 (UTC)

Return of the JediEdit

• In the intro, you make it sound like it fought at the Battle of Obredaan. If this is true, can we get it mentioned in the infobox? Great job.—Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 22:59, May 22, 2012 (UTC)
  • Added. Thanks for the review. - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 08:17, May 23, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

KhormaiEdit

• Nominated by: ~Savage 13:49, April 28, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Badass walrus people. ~Savage 13:49, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Plagueis327 23:45, April 28, 2012 (UTC)
2. --Eyrezer 15:12, May 13, 2012 (UTC)
3. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 22:53, May 25, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

EyrezerEdit

• Do the aelids travel underground when carrying Khormai? If so, I think you should specify this. --Eyrezer 06:18, May 13, 2012 (UTC)
  • Clarified. Appreciate the review! ~Savage 14:29, May 13, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

Er'stacianEdit

• Nominated by: ~Savage 18:46, April 28, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Solomon would approve. ~Savage 18:46, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Plagueis327 23:45, April 28, 2012 (UTC)
2. --Eyrezer 12:34, May 6, 2012 (UTC)
3. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 22:21, May 29, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

Floyd has one thing:Edit

• Shouldn't there be an article for the Megalith itself?
• IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 03:45, May 28, 2012 (UTC)
  • Do you mean as separate from the Venerable One? I'd agree with you on the grounds that one is a god and the other a representation of that god, except CSWE treats them as synonymous. To me, that implies that the Er'stacians took the statue to not represent the god as much as present the god, or to actually be the same as the god. Does that make sense? ~Savage 15:23, May 29, 2012 (UTC)
    • Gotcha. Seems fine then. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 22:21, May 29, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

Thurlow HarrisEdit

• Nominated by: Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 20:04, April 28, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Intended GAN that got too long.

(2 Inqs/2 Users/4 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Plagueis327 23:47, April 28, 2012 (UTC)
2. Menkooroo 20:00, May 16, 2012 (UTC)
3. ~Savage 21:27, May 25, 2012 (UTC)
4. Any relation to Ed Harris? IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 21:02, May 30, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

Ka-blammoEdit

• Can you reload the infobox? It's missing a field.
  • Reloaded. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 19:57, May 16, 2012 (UTC)
• Is there any quote from the game about Blue Squadron at all that could be used for "Battle of Yavin?" Even just Rookie One saying "Let's go" or something?
  • Quote added. Slightly inspired by the movie? Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 19:57, May 16, 2012 (UTC)
• Another minor one: Can we get some context on Leland Chee? Maybe mention his job title so the reader knows who he is. That's all. Great job. Menkooroo 02:09, May 16, 2012 (UTC)
  • Added. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 19:57, May 16, 2012 (UTC)

Savaged…Edit

• Add skin color to the infobox and P&T? And I'm guessing it's impossible to guess at eye and hair colors? Tis all! ~Savage 20:50, May 25, 2012 (UTC)
  • Added. There's some brownish pixels in the eye so that's my best guess. Can't tell if we can see any hair in that picture or if it's just shadow. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 21:12, May 25, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

Min ErethenEdit

• Nominated by: Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 19:25, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: A droid designer for Barn-burner 4!

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. ~Savage 01:14, May 13, 2012 (UTC)
2. Plagueis327 23:53, May 13, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

Savaged…Edit

• "use information on them" -- Can you elaborate here? Was the info written on the droids' chassis? Was it held by the droids? In their memories?
  • Added context.--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 14:38, May 11, 2012 (UTC)
• "Eventually the group defending Erethen was able to either kill or scare off the bounty hunters" -- I realize it's impossible to say whether the canonical outcome is killing the bounty hunters or chasing them away, but I don't think we're allowed to leave that ambiguity in the main part of the article. Rather, you should mention the two outcomes in BTS, and here say something more ambiguous. Perhaps, "Eventually the group defending Erethen was able to neutralize the threat posed by the bounty hunters"?
  • Fixed, it can be hard to get these just right.--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 14:38, May 11, 2012 (UTC)
• I feel like there's a lot of repeated information in "Equipment." Is this standard in character articles? I'd maybe pare it down a bit, since most of this information is already discussed in "Biography."
  • I removed the information in the equipment section referrring to the droids and the modifications she made to her vehicle on Krykas V. I have never written much of an equipment section before, so this is my first one to be much longer than "So and so owned a blaster pistol and wore heavy battle armor at some point in his/her life."--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 14:38, May 11, 2012 (UTC)
• BTS bounces between present and past tense when discussing the running of the adventure. You should pick one or the other and stick with it.
  • I think I changed it all to past tense now.--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 14:38, May 11, 2012 (UTC)
• Although the adventure is vague about when it takes place, is is possible to establish any firmer idea of a timeframe based on the equipment Erethen had access to? For instance, has any source established when ASP-7 droids were first produced? That kind of info might help us better place the adventure on the timeline.
  • The ASP-7 article and the Graph 18 surface locator article both say that they were available in the Rise of the Empire era and the Rebellion era. Unfortunately, all the sources I have access to do not have any information on the era they were used in. However, from a piece of equipment used by the bounty hunters (the LaserHone Duelist vibrorapier) I can definitely say that the adventure took place in the Rise of the Empire era or later.--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 14:38, May 11, 2012 (UTC)
• There were some places where it sounded like Erethen was a female Humand droid who designed weapons, so I tried to reword there. This turned into a general copy edit, so please check that I didn't inadvertently change the meaning of anything! All from me. Very nice work. ~Savage 13:47, May 11, 2012 (UTC)
  • Looks good, thanks for the review.--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 14:38, May 11, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

RX-24Edit

• Nominated by: ~Savage 16:18, May 6, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Barn Burner! This one proved a lot more research-intensive than I had expected, but it's been a fun ride. Expect more Star Tours before the end of the month. ~Savage 16:18, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Plagueis327 17:49, May 6, 2012 (UTC)
2. Good work on the article, go barn-burner 4!--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 20:08, May 7, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

CommentsEdit

• Is Star Tours canon? Some of the events of the ride (like attacking the "Death Star" after the Battle of Endor) make it seem rather ambiguous to me.--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 14:34, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • Yes, it's canon. And I'm gonna get to ride it in two weeks! :P MasterFred^(Whatever) 18:31, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
  • We have nothing to say it isn't, so that means we default to it being so, as far as I understand policy. Besides, RX-24's first flight is directly referenced in The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia, so that's definitely canon (specifically, it mentions the flight, the comet field, and the battle, although it gives no specifics). And you'll notice it's nowhere called a Death Star, at least not in this article -- it's a battlestation. I was very careful about that! ~Savage 18:33, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
    • Didn't Leland Chee call it a "Death Star III"n though?--LelalMekha 18:47, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
      • He wrote "Death Star III?" with the question mark, so I don't think his blog comment on it can be taken as gospel in this case. ~Savage 19:44, May 7, 2012 (UTC)
        • All right, just checking to make sure.--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 20:08, May 7, 2012 (UTC)

Pash CrackenEdit

• Nominated by: Menkooroo 02:20, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: I meant to write this a long time ago as a companion piece to Judder Page. But it took me a while to get Cracken!

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Does he really warrant being on here? Really? Who thinks about Pash Cracken? XD Plagueis327 04:21, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

CommentsEdit

TetsubalEdit

• Nominated by: IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 02:23, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: FP:LT. Poor bastards never had a chance.

(2 Inqs/1 Users/3 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Plagueis327 05:04, May 11, 2012 (UTC)
2. HAPPY NOW, FLOYD!?!?!—Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 02:41, May 12, 2012 (UTC)
3. I'm pretty happy. Menkooroo 04:12, May 18, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

CommentsEdit

Great HeepEdit

• Nominated by: Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 21:11, May 14, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Curse you, Baobab! One for the Barn-Burner.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Plagueis327 02:34, May 15, 2012 (UTC)
2. Giant Gobots FTW! ~Savage 16:58, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

Savaged…Edit

• Can you explain what you mean by "druid-run" on first mention?
  • Ahem, that should be droid-run. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 22:34, May 25, 2012 (UTC)
• I think the quote under "Final defeat" needs reformatting, since it's only two speakers and should thus just use the basic "Quote" template.
  • Copied from Screed's article. Now changed in both. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 22:34, May 25, 2012 (UTC)
• Is it proper to say the Heep died or was killed (in several places)? As a droid, would it be more appropriate to say he was deactivated or destroyed?
  • Changed. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 22:34, May 25, 2012 (UTC)
• Can you add a few words to explain what "fourth-degree" means for droids?
  • Added. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 12:51, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
• Perhaps mention that his hands were red? ~Savage 21:57, May 25, 2012 (UTC)
  • Done. Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 12:51, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

ArgazdanEdit

• Nominated by: ~Savage 15:21, May 15, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Pretty cool double-retcon species. ~Savage 15:21, May 15, 2012 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Plagueis327 19:29, May 15, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

CommentsEdit

Red Sith PurgeEdit

• Nominated by: IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 02:53, May 22, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: FP:LT.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

ObjectEdit

CommentsEdit

Grondorn MuseEdit

• Nominated by: Hanzo Hasashi 18:31, May 22, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: With thanks to StarsiderSWG.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Plagueis327 05:38, May 24, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

CommentsEdit

Fromm Tower DroidEdit

• Nominated by: Green Tentacle ^(Talk) 20:23, May 22, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Another one for the Barn-Burner.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Plagueis327 23:50, May 25, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

CommentsEdit

ChironianEdit

• Nominated by: Eyrezer 12:03, May 23, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Hullaba-Lusa!

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)Edit

SupportEdit

1. Half-Bothan next? ~Savage 22:56, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
2. Plagueis327 18:12, May 28, 2012 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

Savaged…Edit

• Throughout you describe them as having an "equine body." Could this be changed to something more descriptive, like, maybe, "equine lower body"? After all, their torso and arms and so on are part of their body as well, and those are humanoid.
  • Hmm. In this, I have followed the pattern of "Who's Who in the New Jedi Order", which states that Lusa "possessed the body of a mythological centaur -- the head and torso of a human female and the body of an equine animal". I chose to treat this as the appropriate anatomical division, such as one would separate head, thorax, and abdomen in an insect. Still think I should change it?
    • I do, simply because the head and thorax are part of the body as well; so are eyes, hands, teeth, etc. Just by calling it her "lower body," this ambiguity would disappear, I think. ~Savage 16:19, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
      • Do(n)e. I did not add lower to several mentions,like body color, but I think this is consistent with your suggestion. --Eyrezer 21:02, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
• Does the red-gold color apply to the whole creature, or only the horse part?
  • I presume the whole creature. The color is made in a blanket statement, and apart from the spots, no division of color is ever implied that I could see.
• I think the lead talks too much about Lusa. Can everything be pared down to two paragraphs?
  • Done.
• You've currently got some of their behavior in "Biology and appearance" and some in "Society and culture." I'd be inclined to move it all to "S&C." I'm thinking specifically about stuff like being able to swim, how they express emotion, etc.
  • Done.
• Do they all have a heavy accent when speaking Basic, or only a few known examples?
  • Clarified.
• So I'm to take it Lusa goes naked in her early appearances? If so, fine, but it's surprising for a kids' book!
  • Apparently!
    • Yikes! Guess it's similar to who the Ghostlings went from a prostitute species to ephemeral children in the EU... ~Savage 16:19, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
• Can you alter the language in the first two paragraphs of "History" a bit to mention the Chrironians more? While I think the information there belongs in the article, it should relate a bit more to the species rather than the planet.
  • Done.
• "became closely involved" -- does this mean romantically or sexually? If so, can you clarify? ~Savage 22:35, May 25, 2012 (UTC)
  • It is ambiguous and so I have stuck to the language of the NJOSB, which simply says "Raynar became closely involved with Lusa". Raynar certainly seems to have a crush on her in the YJK, but given the age of the characters and the audience of the series that is as far as it goes. --Eyrezer 04:30, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
• Oh, and some mention of the centaur Chiron from Greek mythology is probably in order for BTS, however that needs to be done to avoid straying into OR territory. ~Savage 22:47, May 25, 2012 (UTC)
  • Thanks for the review -- some good catches there. I've addressed some, questioned other and will work on the rest. I also wasn't aware of "Chiron", so will look into it. --Eyrezer 04:30, May 26, 2012 (UTC)
    • Researching Chiron made me pay more attention to the origin of the Chironian name, which is now also reflected in the BTS. Let me know what you think. --Eyrezer 05:55, May 26, 2012 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

Saul KarathEdit

• Nominated by: —Jedi Kasra (comlink) 16:48, May 23, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Hopefully, the third time's the charm for the admiral who "prays to kill." Let's go, WP:KOTOR!

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1. I love KotOR!!!!!!! Plagueis327 05:37, May 24, 2012 (UTC)

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Comet (clone trooper)Edit

• Nominated by: 501st dogma^(talk) 21:45, May 24, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments:My first FA nom. Didn't mean to bring Comet here, but he became over 2,000 words....

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Battle near the Itani NebulaEdit

• Nominated by: —Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 02:27, May 27, 2012 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: It's been a while since I've nominated a FAN. This is what will probably be my last nom for the TFU II level project I was working on. It's good to be back in the saddle.

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1. Another bold written article!!!! I love this game!!!! :D Plagueis327 04:22, May 27, 2012 (UTC)

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