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Featured article
nominations
                   
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The featured articles of the wiki are articles that represent the best Wookieepedia has to offer. This is not a way to showcase the articles of your favorite characters, spaceships, or the like.

So just what makes a featured article? Well, we've prepared a list just in case someone should ask that, and it is as follows.


An article must…

  1. …be well-written and detailed.
  2. …be unbiased, non-point of view.
  3. …be sourced with all available sources and appearances.
  4. …follow the Manual of Style, Layout Guide, and all other policies on Wookieepedia.
  5. …following the review process, be stable, i.e. it does not change significantly from day to day and is not the subject of ongoing edit wars. This does not apply to vandalism and protection or semi-protection as a result of vandalism.
  6. …not be tagged with any sort of improvement tags (i.e. more sources, expand, etc).
  7. …have a proper lead that gives a good summary of the topic and can be used for the front page featured box.
  8. …have no more than 3 redlinks and none in the introduction, infobox, or any templates.
  9. …have significant information from all sources and appearances, especially a biography for character articles.
  10. …not have been previously featured on the Main Page. Otherwise, it can only be restored to featured status.
  11. …be completely referenced for all available material and sources. See Wookieepedia:Sourcing for more information.
  12. …have all quotes and images sourced.
  13. …provide at least one quote on the article. A leading quote at the beginning of the article will be required only if there is quotable dialogue by or about the subject. Although quotes may be placed in the body of the article, a maximum of one quote is allowed at the beginning of each section.
  14. …include a "Personality and traits" section on all character articles.
  15. …ideally include a "Powers and abilities" section for Force-sensitive characters and a "Skills and abilities" section for non–Force-sensitive characters, where said powers and/or abilities are stipulated.
  16. …include a reasonable number of images of sufficient quality to illustrate the article, if said images are available.
  17. …pass review by the Inquisitorius review panel.
  18. …counting the introduction and "Behind the scenes" material, be at least 1000 words long (not including captions, quotes, or headers, etc).

For more information on what makes a featured article, see What is a featured article?


How to nominate:

  1. First, find an article you feel is worthy of featured status, putting it at the bottom of the list below; see criteria above. Note that a previously featured article cannot be featured on the Main Page again; however, it can be restored to featured status.
  2. Add {{FAnom}} at the top of the article you are nominating and save the page. NOTE: If the article you are nominating has been nominated for FA one or more times previously, you will need to specify a new subpage name as a parameter in the template (e.g. {{FAnom|Lorum ipsum (second nomination)}}).
  3. Open the redlink (in a new tab or window, if possible) and fill out the form according to the instructions provided.
  4. Copy the code provided to the bottom of this page.
  5. Purge the article to update the template.
  6. Others will object to the nomination if they disagree that the article is good enough; they will then supply reasons for doing so, and ways to improve the article (errors, style, organization, images, notability, sources).
  7. Supporters adjust the article until the objectors (with reasonable objections) are satisfied.
  8. The article is placed on the featured article list and added to the front page queue.
  9. Be sure to place your signature in the "Nominated by" line when the nomination is posted for voting.

How to vote:

  1. Before doing anything, be sure to read the article completely, keeping a sharp eye out for mistakes.
  2. Afterward, compare the article to the criteria listed above, and then either support or object the article's nomination.
  3. Please note that in order for your vote to count, you must have 50 mainspace edits.
  4. If you object, please supply concrete reasons for doing so, and how it can be improved. Please cite which rule your objection falls under, if possible. Failure to do so may result in your objection being considered invalid.
  5. As stated above, any objections will be looked upon by the nominator, supporters, and anyone willing to improve the article, and action will be taken to please the objectors. Do not strike other users' objections; it is up to the objector to review the changes and strike if they are satisfied.
  6. Once the minimum nomination period has passed, an article that has achieved the required number of supporting votes and has no outstanding objections will be added to the queue and be officially known as a "featured article." A nomination will be considered successful if one of the following criteria is met:
    • five supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week;
    • four supporting Inquisitor votes, plus two additional supporting votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week;
    • three supporting Inquisitor votes, plus four additional supporting votes and no outstanding objections after at least a week; or
    • seven supporting Inquisitor votes and no outstanding objections after at least two days.
  7. Per Inquisitorius consensus, no Inquisitor may use their Inqvote on their own nominations.

Also remember to add {{FAnom}} at the top of the article you are nominating.

Every day the next article in the queue will be highlighted on the Main Page as featured, marked with the {{Featured}} template and removed from the list of nominations. The beginning of the article then appears on the Main Page via the {{Featured article}} template. Nominations that are inactive with outstanding objections for three weeks will be eliminated from the nominations list by the Inquisitorius.

All nominations will be considered idle and are subject to removal by Inquisitorius vote if objections are not addressed after a period of 3 weeks.

Note: All reduxed articles require only four support votes to maintain their Featured status, at least two of which must come from Inquisitors. Reduxed articles will be subject to removal if objections are not addressed after a period of 4 weeks, pending the support of at least three Inquisitors.


Featured article nominations

View recent changes for this page and its subpages

Satele Shan

(1 Inqs/3 Users/4 Total)

Support

I think it is a great idea. Make it happen, please! Unsigned comment by 71.31.20.185 (talk • contribs). (Vote struck per policy: Unregistered -- Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 18:04, September 29, 2013 (UTC))
  1. Other objections resolved via IRC. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 22:42, October 10, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Another very well written nom by Cade. Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:27, October 15, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Review handled via IRC. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 05:36, November 9, 2013 (UTC)
  4. Objections handled on IRC.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 03:43, December 24, 2013 (UTC)

Object

4dot
  • "The daughter of Jedi Knight Tasiele Shan, who was herself a descendant of the legendary Jedi Knights Revan and Bastila Shan who had played pivotal roles in the Jedi Civil War several centuries earlier, Shan was born on the planet Brentaal IV in the year 3,699 BBY." - A tad repetitive and a bit of a run-on.
    • Done.
  • "though her ascension to Knighthood was not completed by the time of Darach's death" - Strange ordering, perhaps mention this later.
    • Changed to a year.
  • "The two apprentices battled each other as their masters fought, but Shan's initial push against Malgus resulted in a knee to the stomach and she fell to the floor. However, Darach stopped Malgus from killing Shan with a toss of his lightsaber, giving her time to recover and deal her opponent a kick to the chest." - A touch pbp.
    • Done.
  • "He blocked her initial blows before striking her across the face, though she responded with a kick before the Sith Lord sent her on the defensive." - Too PBP.
    • Done.
  • "The two were aboard the Republic ship Envoy in the Kuat sector, conversing in their suite when Dar'Nala detected an eavesdropper outside in the hall. She discovered that it was the Imperial protocol droid SP-99, which had been assigned to the vessel in order to ensure the fulfillment of the Treaty's terms, and the Togruta departed for the bridge in anger. Shan explained to the droid that Dar'Nala was simply frustrated with the Treaty itself, and she settled down to sleep as the Envoy traveled out into the Outer Rim Territories." - Could be condensed a tad.
    • Done.
  • "The Sith then tried to convince Shan to join the them, claiming that she belonged on the other side of the war—but Shan broke away, realizing that the Sith were manipulating them" - Who's them? What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon? Sorry... seriously though, who is the them here? Maybe rephrase.
  • More to come. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 01:34, October 10, 2013 (UTC)
  • "While waiting for Konshi to find her, the Grand Master encountered almost a dozen hexes, but she was able to influence a biological component in them to halt their aggression. However, she was unable to make the hexes leave, which forced her Padawan to walk carefully through the hexes and open the blocked door to let the Grand Master out. Shan used a Force shield to keep the air around her while Konshi cut them a path out of the ship wreckage so that the pair could reach the Auriga Fire." - Can be pared down. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 02:20, October 10, 2013 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • "Shan was a relatively short woman, reaching a height of around 1.67 meters," According to the Roleplaying Game: Saga Edition Core Rulebook, the average height for a female Human is 1.6 meters. Something seems off here. It deserves a BTS note at the very least.
  • That's it, I finally finished the review I started a few months ago...--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 00:39, December 24, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

  1. I hate context. Satele appears for 30 seconds about a dozen times in TOR.
  2. I hate Fatal Alliance. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:32, May 2, 2013 (UTC)
  • I would like to see a comment in "Behind the Scenes" that Satele Shan's appearance was based on actress and model Sno E. Blac.--Richterbelmont10 (come in R2!) 02:41, September 8, 2013 (UTC)
  • Could we replace the infobox image with This image of Satele? It is stunning and perhaps one of the most beautiful pictures on Wookieepedia. The image that's there now is a little dull and yellowish and is very similar to the image later in the article under Satele_Shan#Mysteries_of_Tython (similar stance, similar gaze, similar coloring).--Richterbelmont10 (come in R2!) 16:36, September 20, 2013 (UTC)
    • Wookieepedia policy is to use images of characters at the latest point in their life in the infobox. While some movie characters are exceptions, it's why Obi-Wan's picture is from ANH. The current image is of Satele as Grand Master in TOR, which is almost thirty years after the image you've suggested. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 17:01, September 20, 2013 (UTC)
      • Where is this policy located? I can't find it anywhere. Does this mean that after Episode 7, we're going to change all the infobox pictures of main characters to old Luke, old Leia, old Han, and old Lando?--Richterbelmont10 (come in R2!) 21:48, September 20, 2013 (UTC)
      • Awesome. What a beautiful picture in the infobox! Good choice, Cade.--Richterbelmont10 (come in R2!) 17:48, September 27, 2013 (UTC)


Revan

  • Nominated by: Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 21:52, June 13, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: 1) MULLET MAN FOREVAH 2) I'm incredibly sorry. 3) No, I'm not insane. 4) What can I say? I got bored.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Now, if only movie main character articles could be this smooth...--ID-21 Dolphin DolphinJedi(Talk) 02:18, June 24, 2013 (UTC)
    • Only Lando's that smooth. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 18:57, June 24, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Quick look from the Council Chambers:
  • I'm going to take Jang's comment and make it a formal objection. The intro is way too long. I can tell that simply by the fact that I have a 1080p display, and I still have to scroll down to read the rest of the intro. For comparison, Wedge Antilles is over twice the size of this article, yet his intro is just 607 words compared to Revan's current 1,428. Based on that, I'd like to see the intro cut at least in half. Summarizing is the key here; notice how the Wedge intro handles three X-Wing novels with a single sentence about Wraith Squadron. Let the reader get the details from the body; in an article of this size, small details don't belong in the intro. Three to four paragraphs of the current size, maybe four to five if the paragraph size is reduced, should be the target here.
    • Cut down to four with 672 words. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:12, June 22, 2013 (UTC)
  • I may make a full review later if I get bored, but there's no guarantee. —MJ— Holocomm 22:57, June 21, 2013 (UTC)
SE decided to take a crack at it
  • Early life and Jedi training
    • In the first paragraph of this section, two sentences in a row are started with the, "The child" and "The Jedi Master" Would you mind switching one up a bit?
      • Uh... the first one is referring to Revan, and the second is the title of Kreia. I don't really see the need here.
    • Same with the second paragraph of that section
      • Same here. The two sentences are talking about different people. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:14, June 22, 2013 (UTC)
        • Looking at it now, i'm not sure why I objected to this :P Apparently you object to some wierd stuff when reviewing while tired :P Supreme Emperor (talk) 16:40, June 22, 2013 (UTC)
The crown jewel of WP:KOTOR
  • These following objections are preliminary, although this section of objections will deal with the article in full. In addition, I intend to make this review my finest, as the scope of this article and the subject in question will require that.
  • Aboard the Endar Spire: Now believing himself to be a Republic soldier… If you could source his position as a soldier, that'd be great. I know that the Essential Guide to the Force, a conversation with Onasi in-game, and the TOR Encyclopedia.
    • Done.
  • Upon entering the next hallway, the two soldiers discovered a pair a Sith troopers and opened fire on the boarders. Continuing through the ship… So what happened to the troopers?
    • Done.
  • until they happened upon a Jedi and a Dark Jedi battling each other. Please link the Jedi and Sith to their respective articles.
    • Bah. I even looked at their articles while looking through the KOTOR articles.
  • Throughout the "Searching for Bastila" subsection, the image captions are in italics. Could you correct this?
    • Currently, I am unable too; there seems to be a problem with the {{Gamemechanics}} family that italicizes image captions if they are on the next line after the template. I'll have someone look into this.
      • OK.
        • Fixed. The templates in that family all had a stray '' near the end of the code. Removing that solved the issue. —MJ— Comlink 19:56, June 23, 2013 (UTC)
  • Did you check the CSWE for some information? I am only asking out of curiosity, because when I read through the article, I'll make a point to cross-reference. Nice job thus far, I'll continue later. I like how you handled my girl Yuthura.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 14:19, June 23, 2013 (UTC)
    • Yep. Read through all three volumes for any mention of KOTOR, and used all the entries to establish as much of the game as canon as I could. Thanks.
  • Returning to May and the others, Revan informed them of the terentatek's defeat, and the grateful students fled the shyrack caves to freedom. Please reference this.Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 14:21, June 23, 2013 (UTC)
    • Done.
  • Don't forget to add that he used a violet blade in his duel with Malak, as far as Timeline 8 is concerned.Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 14:26, June 23, 2013 (UTC)
    • I wouldn't call that a violet blade; it's really more blue to me. Besides, going by Shadows and Light, Revan has a blue blade during the duel.
  • I would also like to add, thank God that that Chee actually confirmed that "Mullet Man" was the facial model used in TOR. I've been bugging him for months about this issue.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 14:31, June 23, 2013 (UTC)
  • The 8th paragraph of the "Searching for Bastila" section needs to be referenced.
    • Done.
  • In the 6th paragraph of the same section, you mention Nord without giving any context, which is located in the following paragraph. Please fix this.Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 15:13, June 30, 2013 (UTC)
    • Done.
  • Could you pipelink articles for the two brothers in the Outcast village?—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 15:14, June 30, 2013 (UTC)
    • I'm not seeing any articles for those Outcasts.
      • Please create them.
  • Please comb through the article and correct instances of using first names as opposed to surnames. Only where needed, though.Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 15:59, June 30, 2013 (UTC)
    • Done; I have left the naming of Bastila when her mother's involved, Mission when Griff is involved, Carth when Dustil is involved, and Canderous when his clan is involved. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:20, June 30, 2013 (UTC)
  • I'm back, got my PC back. I'll continue where I left off. Been a hell of a few weeks.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 06:21, July 24, 2013 (UTC)
  • "At one of the nearby escape pods, an injured Republic soldier begged Revan for help…" An article for the infected Republic soldier would be good.Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 19:22, August 4, 2013 (UTC)
    • Done.
  • Revan, Shan, and Onasi then left the apartment only to be met by a Twi'lek messenger… An article for the Twi'lek would be great.Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 17:47, August 8, 2013 (UTC)
  • Still seeing some instances of first name usage as opposed to surnames, please fix where applicable. I'm reading through Tatooine.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 21:54, August 13, 2013 (UTC)
    • Well, that section in particular needs more first name usage than the others—there's Mission and Griff, and Helena and Bastila. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 22:01, August 13, 2013 (UTC)
      • True, though I had caught the early mention of "Canderous" in the section's first paragraph. I wanted to inform you of where I was in regards to reviewing the article.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 22:18, August 13, 2013 (UTC)
  • Could you create an article for the Sand People chieftan?—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 16:23, September 10, 2013 (UTC)
Tiny details
  • For Revan's homeworld, "Outer Rim" is technically not a world, so it should say something to the effect of "an Outer Rim planet (believed)".
    • Meh. Done, though it looks funky.
  • Also, some images appear small compared to those on most articles. Perhaps it's just me.
    • Maybe true, but I've gone for a larger number of images than most articles, so I've kept the sizes down.
  • A few little grammar things on image captions: the caption should say "Darths (with an S) Andeddu, et. al., and the caption saying "Revan wearing his trademark mask" should not have a period. For minute details like these, ask me if you just want me to change them myself as I find them.
    • Done. I could have sworn I added that Darths.
  • The fourth paragraph of the into mentions the "Jed Master".
    • Done.</s>

Otherwise, awesome job!--ID-21 Dolphin DolphinJedi(Talk) 23:27, June 23, 2013 (UTC)

It is time for your circuits to fry!
  • In the Combat skills subsection of "Powers & abilities" you make no mention of his lightsaber skills and feats, you're simply describing Revan's lightsabers. Improve this.Winterz (talk) 14:51, August 26, 2013 (UTC)
    • His skills are highly customizable, and I'm not a fan of the "feats" section that lists every battle the guy's ever fought. However, I've added his two most notable duels. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:40, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
      • I have no idea what you mean with a "feats" section nor has what you mentioned anything to do with what I requested but anyway, your recent update was sufficient! Winterz (talk) 17:28, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
        • I was referring to the kind of P&A that existed before I wrote the article up, and the kind that are present on articles like the Skywalkers. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 17:58, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
          • You could've just said "the kind that will be terminated". Winterz (talk) 18:21, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
Clone fly-by
  • Is there no more information available on the deleted scene from "Ghosts of Mortis"? The Blu-ray edition of The Complete Season Three actually has an early version of the scene with 3D storyboarding, and while I don't have access to it myself, it should be detailed in the Bts somehow. CC7567 (talk) 21:35, September 22, 2013 (UTC)
    • I've gotten all of the information I could get from online at the moment; I will ultimately get ahold of the actual Blu-ray by the time this passes. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 03:49, October 10, 2013 (UTC)
      • Please do. CC7567 (talk) 15:00, October 15, 2013 (UTC)
        • Done. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 22:06, February 8, 2014 (UTC)
          • Even though the scene is cut content, can you take some more time to detail the scene? Treat the conversation as though it's in the IU part of the article in terms of the level of detail—among the missing details is the fact that the scene takes place in Mortis's Well of the Dark Side. It's all in the file that I emailed to you, so please expand it more thoroughly. CC7567 (talk) 22:11, February 8, 2014 (UTC)
            • Fair enough; expanded. Thanks again. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 22:20, February 8, 2014 (UTC)
Fundraiser
  • Having gone no farther than the ToC, I can tell that the companions section is missing a few subsections. I figure the droids deserve a subsection, at least. Also, I could be wrong, but I'm under the impression that there might be a few characters from the novel or TOR that qualify. Expand it or kill it in the name of equality.SinisterSamurai (talk) 06:00, December 5, 2013 (UTC)
    • T3-M4 done; I'm working on HK-47. There really aren't any other characters that need one. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 20:22, December 26, 2013 (UTC)
  • Request the image of Revan's potential female faces is re-added to the article. I don't entirely know why it was removed. It doesn't have to be a second image. Since mullet man is now highlighted with a box, you can probably just get away with re-uploading a version of Mullet Guy.png with this attached, but the final choice is up to you. SinisterSamurai (talk) 05:29, January 6, 2014 (UTC)
    • I'd rather not, as it's not really important, and it'll simply make the image rather wide. There's no real reason to have it; Revan's been canonically confirmed as a male for quite some time, and the only reason the Mullet guy image is there is to illustrate the point that the text is making about which character model is canonical.
      • Does that length of time make the other male faces "slightly less non-canon" than the female faces now one face has been chosen? I figure Gender no longer plays a role in whether or not a non-canon face deserves coverage. They are the same canon level, they deserve the same coverage: Equal or none.
        • It's a personal choice whether to use any image, and it's my choice to use the male faces. It's not required to show all of the potential faces; it was simply useful to illustrate the point the text is making. There's really nothing else to this. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 04:55, January 7, 2014 (UTC)
          • If it's being voted on, it's a community choice, but at least the caption isn't misleading anymore. SinisterSamurai (talk) 04:46, February 10, 2014 (UTC)
  • I'm not seeing anything how the troops and jedi Revan sent to Malachor were not "Revan's strongest supporters," much reference to Revan's use of psychological tactics/waging a war of beliefs as well as a physical war. * SinisterSamurai (talk) 05:29, January 6, 2014 (UTC)
    • Added some notes, but noted that it's only HK-47's opinion.
  • I'm scanning, but I'm only seeing one reference to the Sith Assassination squads, and no reference that Revan trained them. * SinisterSamurai (talk) 05:29, January 6, 2014 (UTC)
    • There was one, but expanded regardless.
  • In the infobox, you list Arren Kae as one of Revan's masters, but source it to KOTOR1. It's been a long time since I've played KOTOR1, but I thought the first references to Arren Kae didn't appear until KOTOR2. SinisterSamurai (talk) 05:29, January 6, 2014 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • Rise of the Sith
    • "As the title of Darth was previously unknown to the Republic and the Jedi, many scholars believed that Revan and Malak were the first Sith to use it, and they speculated that the title was derived from the Rakatan language." The part about the Rakatan language makes the positioning seem off, since as far as I know the Republic did not know about the Rakatan language at this point. The transition is a little too abrupt as well.
    • "The success of HK-47 led Revan to decide that more droids like him would help maintain galactic stability, and HK-47 became the basis for the HK-50 series of droids which were constructed on Telos." I don't think that this part can be sourced to the first game, at least from what I remember. The mention of them being constructed on Telos is a rather abrupt change since the last thing mentioned was the bombardment, which pretty much destroyed the planet. I believe additional context is needed if you are going to mention Telos.
    • I added redlinks for the Echani senator and the Elders' tome for this section.
  • Aboard the Endar Spire
    • "Continuing through the ship, Revan heeded Ulgo's recommendation to draw a vibrosword as they stormed the Sith-held bridge. When they were unable to find Shan, the two rushed for the escape pods so that they would not be caught in the Spire's destruction." I thought that Ulgo told him to use a vibroblade not a vibrosword, which are two different weapons in the game.
    • "Warning Revan to hurry, Onasi suggested that he use his stealth gear to bypass a nearby Sith patrol, and Revan quickly made his way through the next few corridors before Onasi contacted him again." I thought that scouts were the only class to have stealth gear at this point.
  • I will continue at "Searching for Bastila" later. (I had forgotten that I had already reviewed the first few sections of the biography.)--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 05:30, January 5, 2014 (UTC)
  • Searching for Bastila
    • Doesn't the player encounter the bounty hunters and the merchant before they can encounter Largo or the Sith commander interrogating the Aqualish.
      • Not the way I played it.... I came out of my apartment and almost immediately ran into the Sith.
        • Not the one attacking the Duros, the one with the Aqualish where you get the uniforms.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 17:16, January 5, 2014 (UTC)
    • If the player defeats Twitch, Bendak Starkiller challenges the player to a death match. The light side decision for the player is to turn down the match. I think this would be good to mention.
      • Done.
    • You didn't mention the drunk guys or Gorton Colu anywhere.
      • Colu, check... drunk guys, though.... Do you remember when they show up?
        • I think the drunk guys show up when you first go to the elevator that takes you to the lower city.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 17:16, January 5, 2014 (UTC)
    • I'm not sure if this should be mentioned, but Revan can find that Zelka Forn had hidden some dying Republic soldiers in his facility.
      • Eh, it's a valid thing about Forn, but not necessarily important for Revan.
    • What about Selven?
      • Weird. I remember writing about her.
    • "A woman named Hester was arguing with the gatekeeper Trewin, begging him to let her husband Hendar back into the village, but Trewin refused because Trewin was pursued by a rakghoul and he could not risk the creature infecting the villagers." I think you mean that Hendar was pursued by the rakghoul.
      • Done.
    • I added a redlink for the Twi'lek who surrendered.
  • I will continue my review after you handle the above objections.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 16:08, January 5, 2014 (UTC)
  • Escaping Taris
    • There are a few planet related things you might want to mention.
      • What do you mean?
        • This was just talking about the three entries below, since I wasn't sure where they should go in the article. I'm sorry I didn't make it more clear.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 20:31, January 5, 2014 (UTC)
    • It seems to me that you should mention T3-H8 at some point since Revan can buy him and then returns him.
      • Done.
    • Don't forgot this guy: Unidentified Ithorian (Upper City).
      • Done.
    • Gelrood, the pazaak player in Javyar's Cantina.
      • Done.
    • I added a redlink for the receptionist, but you might want to change it since I can't remember if she was Twi'lek or Human.
      • She's Human.
    • Just making sure: Canderous meets Revan in the Upper City Cantina and then in the Javyar's Cantina. I was thinking that both meetings were in Javyar's.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 18:11, January 5, 2014 (UTC)
  • Learning on Dantooine/A Jedi once more
    • Could you mention Crattis Yurkal and Karal Kaar at Aratech Mercantile near the landing pad?
      • Done.
    • There is also a pazaak player named Sol'aa at the Enclave that you could mention.
      • Done.
    • After leaving the enclave isn't there some farmer and his wife that you can talk to?
      • Done.
    • Outside the enclave there is a merchant named Adum Larp.
      • Done.
    • Doesn't Dorak give the player some lesson about comparing the war with Revan and Malak to Ulic Qel-Droma and Exar Kun?
    • Doesn't someone inform Revan about the crystal cave full of Kinrath? You might want to say that Revan went to the cave.
      • Done.
    • I created a redlink for Montagne's husband.
    • Elise's article says that she meets someone named Samnt in the Jedi Enclave and if talk to her there she will thank Revan for helping her get over her husband's death.
  • I will continue my review later.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 21:16, January 5, 2014 (UTC)
  • The sand of Tatooine
    • "...the soldier was angry about the way he had been left out of the loop lately" The "left of the loop" part seems a tad too informal for an encyclopedia.
      • Done.
    • "Revan either chose to repair Venn's K-X12 probe droids or simply left the man to his fate and continued into the Dune Sea." I think you should reword this; maybe reword to say that Revan had to choose between saving him and leaving him. Wouldn't rescuing him grant a larger reward to the player anyway?
      • Done.
    • There is a pazaak player named Kudos at the Hunting Lodge.
      • Done.
    • Apparently, if you get the krayt dragon pearl before going to the enclave, you can get the tribe's storyteller to tell you about the Sand People's history. Not sure if this should be included and I haven't personally encountered this, but I thought I would throw it out there.
      • Yeah, I've seen this, but it's rather contrary to the basic storyline, so I left it out. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 15:45, February 7, 2014 (UTC)
    • I added redlinks for the docking bay manager, Sharina Fizark's husband, and Fortuna's partner.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 03:45, January 25, 2014 (UTC)
    • There are also Furko Nellis and Junix Nard in the Anchorhead Cantina. Nellis plays pazaak and Nard is a vendor I believe.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 15:00, January 25, 2014 (UTC)
  • Into the Shadowlands
    • There is a pazaak player named Fodo Medoo in the Czerka area.
      • Done.
    • I thought the poachers had sonic emitters, not sonic prods.
    • I added a redlink for the Wookiee that Dehno killed and the Wookiee guard.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 21:20, February 9, 2014 (UTC)
  • I should be able to continue my review this weekend.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 15:04, April 16, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

  • You have no life. On the other hand, amazing job. 501st dogma(talk) 21:59, June 13, 2013 (UTC)
  • I can't really tell on this screen resolution, but that intro is ridiculously big (no, this is no joke). JangFett (Talk) 22:03, June 13, 2013 (UTC)
  • Per dogma and Jang. Fe Nite (talk) 01:07, June 16, 2013 (UTC)
    • Well, I've asked around, and a lot of people believe it's a good length for the size of the article. A lot happens to this guy. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 01:13, June 16, 2013 (UTC)
  • I won't lie Cade. You scare me. Commander Code-8 You lost the game! 10:17, June 25, 2013 (UTC)
  • I'm not sure if this is an objection worthy issue, but the segments dealing with the events shown in the novel read very differently from the rest of the article and seem more akin to a narrative than an encyclopedic article. I recall the article being marked for this problem in the past but the template appears to have been removed so perhaps I'm simply mistaken and this style of writing is permissible. Either way good luck with the effort; you carry the torch for all WP:KOTOR members and fans of KOTOR everywhere! JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 08:28, July 11, 2013 (UTC)
    • Hey, thanks. As for the narrative/encyclopedic thing, the article was actually tagged with a Copyvio template because a user actually copied most of the second half of the novel into the article without making many changes. I wrote up the TOR:Revan events while reading the novel, and I guess the reason it reads differently than the KOTOR stuff is because I can go more in-depth as to what actually happened, unlike KOTOR's conversations and the character's feelings. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 14:44, July 11, 2013 (UTC)
  • Revan married Bastilla not Shan. That needs to be changed. Unsigned comment by 71.196.255.127 (talk • contribs).
    • Wookieepedia common encyclopedic practice is to refer to characters by their last name in further mentions after they have been introduced. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 20:08, August 6, 2013 (UTC)
  • Revan looks horrible in Star Wars: The Old Republic... IMO. Is there any chance that the image of him on this page could be changed to one of him wearing his hood and mask? That's the Revan I remember... A badass. Unsigned comment by 118.93.35.26‎ (talk • contribs).
    • As this is his canonical face, no, there isn't. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:03, January 3, 2014 (UTC)

Vote to strike Kasra's objections (Inq only)

  1. Inqvote Been addressed for several months, and Kasra's long gone. CC7567 (talk) 14:59, April 16, 2014 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote RL calls JangFett (Talk) 15:28, April 16, 2014 (UTC)


Far Orbit

  • Nominated by: 501st dogma(talk) 22:28, August 18, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Here it is! It's my longest article yet, at 19,000 words. I'm now taking a massive break from anything to do with the Far Orbit...

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 23:07, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 02:15, March 3, 2014 (UTC)

Object

4dot
  • "with enough juice to fire" - Need a more technical description.
    • There.
  • "The decks of the Far Orbit ascended in number as one got further down the frigate, and nearer to its bottom." This could either be rephrased or, I think, be removed as it's redundant with the subsequent descriptions.
    • Removed.
  • "the remaking of the Imperial Navy" - What's the remaking of the Imperial Navy? I don't think that's the right word.
    • The book uses retooling, so that has taken its place.
  • "However, Kenit was good and proficient at taking out pirates" - Too informal
    • Skilled has replaced good.
  • "and three pirate lords and numerous lone pirating vessels were captured or destroyed by Kenit's organization of local Imperial assets into military strikes" - A bit repetitive.
    • How so?
      • Probably the wrong word, but the repetition of "and" makes it a bit wearing to read, maybe change it up a bit.
        • Does the colon fix the problem? 501st dogma(talk) 20:23, October 7, 2013 (UTC)
  • Using "putting off" in reference to removing people from the ship isn't exactly great English. Perhaps find a better way to describe it.
    • That a bit better?
  • Far too much detail about the Lean Nuuti Bar and Grill. Not relevant to the Far Orbit.
    • Taken out the bit about the fight, but I have kept the part about Vedij getting the rights for the ships to be a privateer, as that is important.
      • To a degree, I'd still argue that when talking about the history of a ship this level of detail is unnecessary. I personally would advocate a separate event article for the "mission" where they LOD would be more appropriate, at the moment it feels too tangential.
        • I've decided to keep mention of the Brentaal and Lean Nuuti parts in the article, as they are important to the article, but I have substantially cut down the sections you objected to. Is that any better? 501st dogma(talk) 22:34, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
  • "a nitwit." - I like it, but perhaps a tad informal?
    • The source uses it to describe him, so I saw fit to do so here too.
      • No argument here.
  • More to come. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 03:02, October 4, 2013 (UTC)
  • "There, they were supposed to ask a Devaronian waiter for Gruuvan shall, which would get them the datadisc they wished." - Extraneous detail.
    • Not so, as it gives an brief overview of the mission, and the details about the Devaronian and the shall are necessary to get the data disc.
      • Again, I feel that it would be better served in a separate event article.
  • "Meanwhile, the landing party managed to land on the world, and made their way to the Pathline Tapcafe. However, due to a non-native workers act passed by the Imperial Senate before it disbanded, the Devaronian Tynial that they were supposed to meet with had been arrested for lacking the proper identification, and thus was not present at the restaurant. Nonetheless, the privateers ordered Gruuvan shaal, and were approached by a waiter who suggested they go to the Jovvitz nightclub later that night. The landing party did, and once there, they found that same waiter, who was actually an Alliance sympathizer, along with some other members of the Alliance. The waiter gave the party the datadisc, though both groups were soon set upon by ISB agents." - Not directly relevant to the ship.
    • This is already a condensed version of the mission that the party undertook, and I put it in as I thought it was necessary to describe a bit of their mission. I can condense it down a bit more if you like though, by maybe taking out the part about the non-native workers act.
  • "nab" is a touch informal.
    • Done.
  • "This section had no officer to run it." - This seems like an unnecessary section, then. Can be mentioned in another section.
    • Put Engineering Quarters under the Quarters section.
  • "In the fight in the Lean Nuuti Bar and Grill, there are three possible outcomes: one is where one of the sides wins the fight, and the other buys them drinks; another is where neither sides wins, but the aliens buy the mutineers drinks to patch up relations between them; the last outcome is where Vedij arrives to break up the fight. Since none of the possibilities really affect later gameplay, and because the Vedij option seems to be preferred by the scenario, this article assumes that one is the most canon." Has nothing to do with the ship. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 04:33, October 4, 2013 (UTC)
    • Removed. Thanks for being the first to look it over. 501st dogma(talk) 13:39, October 5, 2013 (UTC)
The Cadeth regrets this
  • I switched the order of the sentence about the crystal gravfield traps and the signal interceptors to get rid of the comma—I wuld have just left it as is without the comma, but I'm assuming that the "rarer" adjective only applies to the traps.
    • K, thanks for the change.
  • I merged a few of the smaller paragraphs in the Description section, and because some of your sections were rather short, I combined the Sensors, Armaments and Armor, and Complement section into a single Equipment and Armaments section. That also saw me move the Complement info to the top of that section. I think it's a better structure, but feel free to object.
    • That's fine, but I've changed the header.
  • Removed some of stuff in the {{C}} in the infobox—it's kind of like using (formerly), which is frowned upon. Also, is the (Lost after mutiny) really necessary in the escape craft field? Just wondering.
    • It is, because although the Far Orbit can house a full complement of poids, they are all lost during the mutiny. Additionally, in at least one of the scenarios, it is mentioned that the frigate still needs escape craft.
      • Okay. Only asked because on my screen it makes the reference move to another line and lengthen the infobox :P Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 22:50, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
  • No quotes that can be used for any of these sad-looking quoteless sections? There's so many of them… and they look so sad. :(
    • Nope. :( There is shortage of quotes in the sourcebook.... I've used the ones I could find... 501st dogma(talk) 22:47, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
  • Please note the formatting changes I made to the Sources section—the various RAS editions should be styled with the ___ Edition unitalicized and not in parentheses. Also, no need for The Far Orbit Project to be in {{WEG}} by itself.
    • Noted.
  • Could you please modify the X-Wing Alliance reference to better communicate that the game establishes KDY as the Nebulon manufacturer?
    • Changed the reference to the one used here for Kuat Drive Yards as the maker. Gives an updated reference.
  • I don't think you need to split the Command Sections into separate subsections. It'd look a lot better if you simply had paragraphs for each with the names of each section leading the paragraphs—maybe even bolded.
    • How's that? 501st dogma(talk) 23:54, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
  • There are quite a few places where {{Main}} could be used.
    • How's that? Or do you want me to use Main with the adventure scenario sections in the BTS as well? 501st dogma(talk) 01:06, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
      • Looking at it, yeah, I think {{Main}} could be useful in the BTS too, since the section titles directly refer to various adventures. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 01:20, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
        • There, done.
  • The intro... I'm a little wary of saying it, but it's a little play-by-play. Maybe cut down on some of the details?
    • How's that?
  • The decks sections: what are your thoughts on grouping some of the subsections? Maybe Decks 1-4 and Decks 5-7? Just a thought.
    • I like it has it is, but if you feel strongly about grouping them, I can.
  • I'm seeing some linking issues in the Description section: stuff like hull, hyperspace, starship, starfighter, etc. Ironic that I gotta say it, but be sure to watch that. :P
    • I've linked to hull, but hyperspace is already linked to in the description. Same with starship and starfighters. You are talking about underlinking, right?
      • Si senor.
  • "The computer then could make a good analysis on a variety of subjects based on the data it received." Any way that you could rewrite this to make it sound better? "good analysis" just seems kinda... awkward.
    • Changed to sophisticated, as that is what the book has it as. 501st dogma(talk) 13:20, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
  • "The deflector shield generator was located off the propulsion module of the ship to avoid any of the threats that the deflector shield possessed, one of which was its explosive reaction to being breached." "located off the propulsion module"? Huh? Also, maybe rework this into something like "... in order to protect the propulsion module from threats, such as the explosive destruction of the shield generator that would result from a breach in the ship's shields."
    • How is that?
      • Well, I'm still kinda confused by "off the propulsion module". Is it "off of" or something else? Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 18:26, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
        • Added of. 501st dogma(talk) 18:15, November 5, 2013 (UTC)
  • Are the tractor beams manned by a dozen crewmembers total or a dozen each?
    • The book doesn't specify. It just has the two combat ones being manned by a dozen crew.
  • Article for auto-chef. Might just be a redirect to a pre-existing article.
    • Auto-chef was a miss type- corrected to autochef.
  • "with the larger willed with triple bunk beds" - huh?
    • Willed = walled now.
  • Just a thought: how about merging the Quarters section with the General Information?
    • Done.
  • Reviewed up to the start of the Decks. I'll continue once these have been addressed, but otherwise good work. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 17:38, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review ;) 501st dogma(talk) 18:19, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
  • Not so sure about the use of the Privateering category. Maybe if you found enough articles for a privateering vessels category, but right now it's just kind of in there with miscellaneous stuff...
    • Ya... removed it from the cat.
  • Up to Deck 11. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 05:39, March 19, 2014 (UTC)
  • You should discuss the ship's construction before its introduction to the Imperial Navy. Also, context on the Imperial Navy.
    • That work?
  • You refer to the Emperor's Will as both a frigate and and a galleon—isn't galleon incorrect? It's a Star Galleon-class frigate, no?
    • Yes, I've switched all galleons to frigates or Star Galleons.
  • Who wasted resources? The Empire or the Alliance? Please specify.
    • Done.
  • "Kenit was a tyrant" - sorta POV here. Can you maybe make it tyrannical or something?
    • Better? 501st dogma(talk) 20:55, March 26, 2014 (UTC)
  • The capitalization of Section isn't consistent in the command sections section. Is this correct? (i.e. "Quarters section" vs. "Quarters Section")
    • It's all over the place, and there is no consistency. For example, the Command one is referred to both as the Command Section and the Command section. I'm doing it case by case because of this, so some will be capitalized well others will not be.
  • Done up to the BTS. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 03:46, March 26, 2014 (UTC)
  • Why is "Forward Docking Tube" capitalized and then not in the next sentence? Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 18:11, March 26, 2014 (UTC)
    • There. 501st dogma(talk) 00:17, March 27, 2014 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Context needed on Empire Forever in the intro.
    • There, added that its a CR90.
  • Starfighter combat needs to be linked somewhere.
    • Linked to it in Modifications.
  • "Antennae equipment and ship structure were located just fore of S-Com." I might be missing something, but what exactly do you mean by "ship structure"? I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here.
    • Took out ship in the ship structure part. The diagram for S-Com has an area labeled antennae equipment and structure, but since I'm not sure what structure they are referring to, I'll just leave it without the ship part.
  • Does cofferdam need to be linked anywhere?
    • Pipe-linked from docking tube.
  • "Recovery wards laid on either side of the bacta ward, the port one had the medical lab, the pharmacy, the medical droid bay, and the doctor's office in front of it." This sentence is a bit wordy and needs splitting up somewhere.
    • I didn't spilt it up, but I think I reworded it enough to make it sounds less wordy. Does that work? 501st dogma(talk) 15:57, January 1, 2014 (UTC)
  • Please take a look at the changes that I made up through "Deck 11." Because this is a large article, the remainder of the article could use a good and thorough copy-edit to iron out some of the details. Take some time to read through the rest of the article (out loud if you need to) to spot any errors, whether they're grammatical or otherwise. I realize that will take a considerable amount of time, but that's what an article of this size needs.
    • Copy edit is finished - let me know if its good enough. 501st dogma(talk) 22:07, January 3, 2014 (UTC)
  • I'll continue with "Deck 11" once you've addressed the above objections. CC7567 (talk) 08:26, December 28, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for looking it over - I'll get to the copy edit as soon as possible. 501st dogma(talk) 16:01, January 1, 2014 (UTC)
  • "Deck 11 had a mess for the officer's": something seems a bit off about the possessive apostrophe here; please check.
    • Killed the apostrophe.
  • "These single bunks in turn were turn separated": please check this.
    • Fixed. 501st dogma(talk) 23:57, January 15, 2014 (UTC)
  • I'm still seeing a number of careless errors throughout the article—some of the ones that I corrected were "lay" instead of "laid," "suppled" instead of "supplied," "with out" instead of "without," "has" instead of "had," etc. I'm also seeing a lot of misused en dashes instead of em dashes. I don't expect the article to be perfect, since that's not fair to any nominator, but I would advise you to take another look at the rest of the article and copy-edit any errors you see. Try reading passages aloud to yourself; that's one of the most effective strategies (at least IMO) to catch mistakes. I know from experience that it's harder to catch errors when you're reading something that you've written and already read a hundred times, but do your best. Take a few days to read over the article again if you have to, because quality should be the goal here. I'll pick up with "Modifications" after you've taken some time to proofread the rest of the article again. CC7567 (talk) 21:31, January 15, 2014 (UTC)
    • I think I got most of the errors, but I could be wrong. I've read this thing so many times that it's possible I'm missing errors as a skim over familiar sections. 501st dogma(talk) 01:27, January 29, 2014 (UTC)
  • Context on Vocis Kenit in the History.
    • Pow.
  • "and later died mysteriously": I realize this is probably verbatim from the source, but can this be worded for demystification? Perhaps "died under strange circumstances"—anything to expand this with more detail.
    • I might have copied the strange circumstances part. >.>
  • 0 BBY is linked exclusively in the intro as the first sighting of the ship. This needs to be expanded/incorporated into the body of the article somewhere.
    • How so? 0 BBY is the first appearance of the ship in canon, but I guess it could have been in existence before that. Should I remove that fact from the infobox then?
      • My concern isn't that the date should be removed from the infobox, but that "0 BBY" itself should be mentioned (or at least linked) somewhere in the body of the article. Currently the only allusion to 0 BBY that I see is "prior to 0 ABY"—which, by itself, is not specifically indicated to be 0 BBY. Either 0 BBY should be pipelinked somewhere in the body of the article, or it should be explicitly mentioned somewhere provided that the information is consistent with the source material. CC7567 (talk) 19:00, February 3, 2014 (UTC)
        • Ah, that makes sense. That should do it. 501st dogma(talk) 23:43, February 3, 2014 (UTC)
  • The first sentence of the "Mutiny" section should be split somewhere.
    • You sure? I've reworded it, see if that helps it anywhat. It didn't seem to need a split, but I can do so if you still think so.
  • I don't believe "crewer" is a synonym for "crew member"; it appears to mean something else entirely.
    • Removed and replaced.
  • Why is "Alliance Observer" capitalized? Does it deserve an article?
    • We already have an article - linked to.
  • Brentaal IV is mentioned in the body before it is linked and given proper context, which appears to be the result of some shuffling of the written sections. Please rectify.
    • There you go.
  • I'm admittedly not patient enough to search for the specific place myself, but orbit needs to be linked at its first mention (outside of the ship's name).
    • There, done.
  • "just a seconds behind schedule": please check this.
    • Pow.
  • "from across the galaxy through the use of the Force": should telekinesis be linked here?
    • I guess so - linked. 501st dogma(talk) 19:28, February 1, 2014 (UTC)
  • I'll continue with "Commanders and crew" once these are fixed. CC7567 (talk) 04:29, January 29, 2014 (UTC)
  • There are a few rather weird capitalizations in the article regarding onboard locations. At a glance, I'm seeing "Officer's mess and lounge" and "Officer's Dining room" in Deck 11. Even if this is how they are capitalized in the source material, it's acceptable to de-capitalize them if the original capitalization is unnecessary—and right now, I'm not seeing the use of those that I just listed. Please thoroughly check the article for this and adjust if necessary. CC7567 (talk) 19:00, February 3, 2014 (UTC)
    • I'll decapitalize those then. Quick question: should I decapitalize Junior Officer and Senior Officer in the article? 501st dogma(talk) 23:52, February 3, 2014 (UTC)
      • Unless it's important to capitalize it that way based on the source material, I'd say it's not necessary. CC7567 (talk) 19:44, February 5, 2014 (UTC)
        • I believe I have fixed the issue. I've left the various section names captializied, as the source has it like that. Additionally, I've left things like Ops Officer capitalized, as the source has it like that as well. 501st dogma(talk) 00:20, February 11, 2014 (UTC)
  • Is it "Imperial Navy Troopers," "Imperial Navy troopers," or "Imperial Naval Troopers"? Even if all are valid names, please pick one and stick with it throughout the article.
    • Changed to Imperial Navy trooper throughout, as that is the one used by our article. TFOP wavers between Navy and Naval itself.
  • In general, it's usually best to avoid using passive voice where possible, since it tends to mangle common subject/verb/object order. I've adjusted a lot of it in the Bts, so I'd recommend taking a look at the changes I made to get a better sense of it. Also, just so you know… "most likeliest" is redundant. :P
    • Thanks for changing it. 501st dogma(talk) 13:57, March 2, 2014 (UTC)
  • Had to stop at "The Trap" due to time constraints, so I'll continue there once these are fixed. CC7567 (talk) 05:29, March 2, 2014 (UTC)
  • When you say "batter options," I assume you mean "latter options," but please check that.
    • It's supposed to be better. Remedied.
  • "They can even choose to aid unique items to the pod": I also assume you mean "add" instead of "aid" here, but please check.
    • Yep, another error, changed. :P
  • Overall, good job except for a number of minor errors that got through the radar one way or another. I don't think I can offer any more advice for future articles of this length except to proofread more, and to perhaps also invest in a good copy-editor before nominating a large article like this. CC7567 (talk) 15:56, March 2, 2014 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review. :) Next time I write a big article like this, I'll get MJ to do a copy-edit. :P 501st dogma(talk) 18:43, March 2, 2014 (UTC)
      • Not just one, but a few copy-editors, imo. JangFett (Talk) 18:41, March 24, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

  • Thanks to Cav for answering a lot of questions, and for checking sources.
  • More of a philosophical question - personally I would say that the more in-depth description of the ship's modular, non-unique features would be better suited to the Nebulon-B article at large, much in the same way that you wouldn't go into Mon Cal physiology on Ackbar's article, especially considering that "The Far Orbit was a standard frigate with no special modification." Essentially, if we do this, then every article on a standard Nebulon-B will have to have the same lengthy and detailed description, which doesn't strike me as being overly wise. Not an objection or anything as I say, just curious as to what the thoughts are on this. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 03:02, October 4, 2013 (UTC)
    • The written up description of the Far Orbit mentions the ships often, and there are a few modifications that make it different, such as the shuttle complement. As for the deckplans, although they are stated in the article as part of an EF76, since it is the Far Orbit Project, it can be assumed that those deck plans are specifically for the Far Orbit itself. There may or may not be areas of the deck plans that vary from other EF76s, though it is stated to have no special modifications, as I have yet to see another set of deck plans. As for every article having this length of description on an EF76, that probably would not happen, as their source probably doesn't provide deck plans for the ship's design. 501st dogma(talk) 11:29, October 4, 2013 (UTC)
      • Good point, although I would argue that perhaps if in future there was a generic overview of a Nebulon-B that echoed the exact stock makeup of the deck plans from the Far Orbit that we would revisit the discussion, for brevity's sake. Much of a muchness at this point though. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 00:53, October 7, 2013 (UTC)


Battle of Helska IV

  • Nominated by: 501st dogma(talk) 16:25, September 15, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I apologize in advance for wordy sentences

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 23:43, September 24, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 22:23, October 7, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Protectorate (talk) 23:25, December 17, 2013 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 20:37, February 12, 2014 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 14:07, April 5, 2014 (UTC)

Object

El Jefe
  • Intro: Could there be a link for the Vong "defiling" Belkadan?
    • Linked to terraforming
  • Article for the Helska IV base?
    • Redlinked
      • Shouldn't be. It also needs to be linked in the intro, and you can't have intro redlinks. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:25, September 23, 2013 (UTC)
        • Created the article.
  • Would like a little more context on Prefect Da'Gara.
    • Better?
  • "who was fighting a disease." You should probably mention that it was a Yuuzhan Vong-engineered disease, otherwise this little detail loses relevance.
    • There you go
  • "This prompted a trio of important New Republic personnel—former smuggler Han Solo, politician Leia Organa Solo, and Jedi Master Luke Skywalker—to assemble a task force whose greatest asset was the Imperial II-class Star Destroyer Rejuvenator." I'm not really seeing a mention of this event in the body.
    • The last sentence of the Yuuzhan Vong arrive section has Organa and some others assembling a counter strike. Do you want me to change that up so it mentions Skywalker and Solo as well?
  • "though in fact Reglia was a Jedi, it was Quee who had put out the call for help." Might want to mention that she was Force-sensitive.
    • Done.
  • "a volley of magma missiles from the near the surface of the planet" From the what? IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:39, September 20, 2013 (UTC)
    • Don't ask me why a bunch of cannons float off Helska to blow up the SD. The book just says it happened. >.> Thanks for looking it over. 501st dogma(talk) 21:28, September 20, 2013 (UTC)
4dot
  • "At Dubrillion, the New Republic fought off the Yuuzhan Vong with the help of the Jedi Knights Jaina Solo, Jacen Solo, and Anakin Solo, along with the former smuggler Han Solo and the politician Leia Organa Solo." - Just for clarity's sake, maybe mentioning the familial connection between these Solos would be wise.
    • There you go.
  • "Just then however, the task force arrived in the system, " - An abrupt way to begin a totally new section.
    • How is that?
  • Tis all. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 04:06, October 7, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 20:20, October 7, 2013 (UTC)
Cadeth
  • As a heads-up, ellipses should be written as ….
    • Got it, I'll use that in the future.
  • I think you might be better off cutting down a little on the description of the battle in the intro, and instead adding some discussion of the battle's ramifications—the end of the Praetorite Vong's invasion.
    • Better?
  • How about a quote for the Yuuzhan Vong arrive section? Vector Prime's gotta have one you can use—maybe from a discussion of the Praetorite's decision to use Helska.
    • Is that quote okay? I'll continue to look for another, but I cant seem to find a good one. 501st dogma(talk) 16:26, January 1, 2014 (UTC)
  • Was Kyp a Knight or Master at the time?
    • Well, he is a knight, but he is the master of Reglia. Does that make him a Jedi Master? I get confused with all of the Jedi ranks.
  • Yorik-et is not capitalized. Also, as yorik-et is the proper name, shouldn't that be how they are primarily referred to? I know coralskipper is the Basic term, but...
    • Throughout the New Jedi Order books, they are referred to as coralskippers, so I think I should designate them as that here.
  • Thermal charge - redlink, or pipelink to existing article please.
  • I'm assuming that the Vong warriors were unknowingly going towards the source of the call? if so, please say this.
    • Pow.
  • I'm seeing a lot of present tense - was and has, etc. Axe this.
    • Not sure why "was" is bad, but killed one has, and left the other, as it was in the BtS and was referring to a book.
      • Don't know why I said was.
  • Stuff like "___ affiliated" and "gravity manipulating" should have hyphens between them.
    • I assume you've fixed that, as those two examples already have hyphens. I'll hyphenate more in the future.
  • "During the battle, Jacen had fought off all the warriors with the help of the pair of prisoners, though Reglia sacrificed himself in order to kill some of the warriors, and afterward had managed to get Quee and himself back to the iceborer." Who had managed to get Quee and himself back to the iceborer? If it's Jacen, the sentence would read better as "During the battle, Jacen and the prisoners had fought off all the warriors, and though Reglia sacrificed himself to kill some of the enemy, Jacen and Quee made it safely back to the iceborer."
    • Split it up? Does that work?
  • I'll continue from "A new plan" next. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 20:17, December 26, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 21:49, January 1, 2014 (UTC)
  • I apologize for the delay. "Master Skywalker took an X-wing starfighter as a decoy in tow," - what? Was he a decoy, or did he have one in tow?
    • Sorry - that was a spelling error. Fixed it to "too." 501st dogma(talk) 20:30, February 12, 2014 (UTC)
  • That's it. A little rought around the edges, but good work. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 17:27, February 12, 2014 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • WP:DASH. I know you nominated this article months ago, Dogma, but that's no excuse. It's admittedly something that's very easy to miss, but the more you make it a habit, the less I'll object about it.
    • Got most of it I think. One question: if our article uses a simple hypen (-), do we use a hyphen when writing it in an article? For example, extra-galactic uses a hyphen, so do I use a hyphen when using the word in the article, or do I use an n-dash?
      • A hyphen is used to connect two words such as "extra" and "galactic." As for en dash usage, the WP:DASH page explains it better than I can. Basically it depends on whether the article is at the correct location, which (usually) it is. As a further note, I think you're getting confused—two-word compound adjectives, such as "gravity-manipulating" and "insect-like," were correct the way they previously were with hyphens, but they got changed to en dashes so they're currently incorrect. Other examples that need hyphens (and currently have en dashes) are "half-dozen" and "all-out." (On the other hand, "New Republic-affiliated" was incorrect with its previous usage of a hyphen, but you correctly adjusted it to what it currently is, with an en dash.) Please go through the article again and make sure all the hyphen/en dash/em dash usages follow WP:DASH. I'll do my best to explain further if you're still confused. CC7567 (talk) 03:36, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
        • There, think I got it. Check it out.
  • It sounds like there's enough information to make an article for this specific yammosk instead of linking to the general yammosk article.
    • There.
  • Is there a "1" missing before "Imperial II-class Star Destroyer" in the infobox?
    • Leaving no number there, and leaving it without the s on destroyers should denote that there is only one. However, if you believe that it isn't clear enough, I can add the 1.
      • I'm not concerned with clarity so much as consistency. This is of course nitpicking, but since digits are specified for ship classes such as "6 Ranger-class gunships," then the same should be done for all ship classes in the infobox. That goes for the YT-1300 as well. CC7567 (talk) 03:36, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
        • Added. 501st dogma(talk) 11:36, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
  • In the New Republic's side of the infobox, if you're going to specify the class of the Rejuvenator, then you need to do so for the rest of the named ships (Jade Sabre, Millennium Falcon, Merry Miner) for consistency.
    • Jade Sabre and the Miner don't have a specific class, so I haven't added those. I have added the class for the Falcon though.
  • Why is "Praetorite Vong Forces" capitalized as "Forces" in the infobox? The rest of the article doesn't capitalize it.
    • Decapitalizied.
  • Ground warfare and/or space warfare need to be linked in the intro and body of the article where appropriate.
    • Linked to space, but not to ground, as the small fight between Jacen and the warriors does not count as warfare.
  • "Da'Gara, a Yuuzhan Vong Prefect": is "prefect" one of those titles that is always capitalized? If not, it needs to be decapitalized here and wherever else in the article that it's separated from Da'Gara.
    • Done.
  • There were a number of links that were missing—not a lot, but enough for me to request that you take another look at the rest of the article to see if there are any others that need to be linked. I'll continue with "Destination: Helska IV" once these are addressed. CC7567 (talk) 14:32, March 14, 2014 (UTC)
    • I got a couple. If you see any more that I can change, just tell me, and I'll relook at it. Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 19:09, March 14, 2014 (UTC)
  • "a Jedi Master was fighting a Yuuzhan Vong–engineered disease": something's missing here.
    • Who was missing. Found it.
  • "the Merry Miner and its cargo of the iceborer": I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here; something seems wrong with the possessive wording. Please check.
    • Removed the "of"
  • Minor context on the Jade Sabre needed.
    • Done 501st dogma(talk) 21:12, April 4, 2014 (UTC)
  • "allowing the Merry Miner to grab it": how exactly did it do so? With a tractor beam? Or with some mechanical extension? CC7567 (talk) 19:59, April 4, 2014 (UTC)
    • Jaina scoops the borer up after it extracts itself from the ice, in mid air. Is that better?
  • Also, does day need to be linked when you say "rotation"? CC7567 (talk) 20:49, April 4, 2014 (UTC)
    • I guess so - linked. 501st dogma(talk) 23:31, April 4, 2014 (UTC)
  • The "c. 60:5" date is currently infobox-exclusive, so it needs to at least be mentioned in the body somewhere. CC7567 (talk) 02:02, April 5, 2014 (UTC)
    • Sorry about that - added. 501st dogma(talk) 12:19, April 5, 2014 (UTC)
      • Your addition needs to be fixed to adhere to WP:DASH. Also, it's my understanding that only dates prior to the ReSynchronization (e.g. pre–35 BBY) include trailing characters such as "BrS," which is why the date itself was pipelinked to the GrS page in the infobox. CC7567 (talk) 13:26, April 5, 2014 (UTC)
        • Mdashed and 60:5 pipelinked. 501st dogma(talk) 14:05, April 5, 2014 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Opening objections. As someone who's never read this material, your reference note for Reference 3 does nothing for me. I don't understand how your explanation applies in any way to the Battle of Vonak and how that, in turn, applies to the sequence of battles in relation to this battle. Please clarify this in your ref note. Never assume that your reader has any idea what you're talking about.
  • Can we not provide a specific model for the X-wing starfighter link in the infobox?
    • Well, it's not confirmed what model they are flying. Durron uses an XJ earlier in the novel, but that one is damaged beyond repair by a grutchin. The X-wings most likely used are T-65s, as the XJs were fairly new at that time, but to speculate that they were all T-65s is probably bad.
  • I think the infobox should partition the Jade Sabre in the same way it partitions the Rejuvenator and the Millennium Falcon. For example, "1 modified shuttle" or something.
    • Used "1 custom shuttle".
  • Reference 4 cannot be used to source the inclusion of "1 modified YT-1300 light freighter" in this battle in the infobox. The Millennium Falcon Owner's Manual does not state that the Millennium Falcon participated in the Battle of Helska IV. Please correct your referencing.
    • Done.
  • I would like to see the article's image captions actually say something. "Helska IV," "A coral skipper," and "The Solo siblings" are boring and provide no information at all. You should write brief sentences giving context for how these subjects were important to the battle. For example, "Coral skipper did this during the battle." "The Solo twins did that during the battle." "This happened at Helska IV prior to this battle." Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 06:14, April 16, 2014 (UTC)
    • Pow. Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 21:58, April 16, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

  • Might want to consider adding an image of Helska IV, but otherwise, nice job. Protectorate (talk) 23:25, December 17, 2013 (UTC)
    • There's a Helska IV image now! I will add it presently if it fits into the article. Thanks for the heads up. 501st dogma(talk) 23:35, December 17, 2013 (UTC)


Kam Nale

  • Nominated by: Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 17:06, October 7, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Couldn't find anything on whether or not Nale's alias, Elan Mak, should be written as Elan Mak or "Elan Mak". Rango Tel used the latter, so I just did that too.

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 05:01, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
    75.34.161.243 15:54, December 7, 2013 (UTC) (Vote struck per policy: No user account -- Omicron)
  2. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 03:56, January 14, 2014 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 20:07, April 9, 2014 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 19:33, April 10, 2014 (UTC)

Object

  • "Kam Nale, also known under the alias Elan Mak, was a male Fluggrian who was a professional podracer pilot who flew an outdated Kurtob KRT 410-C around 32 BBY" - the repetition of "who" is a little wearing.
    • How does it sound now?
      • Still wasn't great, so I tidied it up a little more.
  • "Hired by Borzu's rival, the smuggler Orin Nyell, Kam was devastated" - this reads as though Nale was hired by Nyell.
    • Yah, it did. Tried to chnage it up a bit, hope it reads clearer.
  • You need to provide context on Borzu as a crime lord.
    • Alright, though the most known about him is that he was Nyell's rival.
  • I'm not entirely sure that the "Mak" pseudonym was to elude Tel, it was just to get close to Beedo... IIRC.
    • Yah, I think I read a source wrong. Best the sources say is that Nale used numerous aliases to avoid Tel, but used Elan Mak just for the podrace.
  • " Tel had also been hired by Orin Nyell, who had since become wary of Kam Nale's existence and believed that the Fluggrian would go to reclaim his father's empire and continue to work against Nyell's own operation." - Bit of a run-on.
    • Chopped it a bit now.
  • "Nale had no desire to own up to his inheritance" - Strange phrasing. Would not "claim his inheritance" suffice?
    • Guess I was trying to spice it up. Used your wording instead now.
  • "Beedo continued his race work" - Phrased oddly, race work doesn't sound right.
    • Yah, I guess it was bad wording. Changed it to "podracing career".
  • Should we have an article for this unnamed mercenary that nabs Beedo? And does he really arrest him or just apprehend him?
    • I don't think it's necessary for the merc to have an article, but it can be done. I'll redlink it for now. It can be discussed later maybe. HNN article states that Beedo was arrested, though I also found that terminology a bit odd. For the sake f HNN I was just going to leave it as "arrested", unless it's strongly urged otherwise.
      • No, if the source says it that's fine.
  • You've sourced a statement about Rango Tel in the equipment section to the Republic comic, which is incorrect.
  • Whoops. Fixed.
  • BTS needs expansion - how did the Mak/Nale thing come to pass? What was the first source to establish it as an alias? Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 23:34, October 7, 2013 (UTC)
    • Looking t the timeline, Episode I Racer was released in 1999 along with the source books. Podracing Tales was 2000, and the Databank entry first arrived in 2001. As such, it appears the guides stated the double identity first. Whether it was the Prima or the Nintendo, I don't know. The Nintendo guide isn't dated, and the Prima guide has yet to arrive in my mailbox. For the BTS section I assumed the Nintendo guide, and I added some concept art pulled from the 2001 DB entry. How does it look, better? --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 03:50, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
      • The word "assumed" scares me, but the way you've done it is fine. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 05:01, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
        • Yah, unfortunatly it's all I can do with it for now. If the Prima guide has a publishing date, I might switch to that though, just because it provides a hard date (if it does. It was supposed to come in near a week ago). --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 14:02, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
          • Actually, according the 1999 page, the Prima guide was released in June of 99. Again, not sure if the Elan Mak/Kam Nale thing is noted, but if it is then we have a date. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 15:31, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
            • Okay, so the Prima guide only states that Elan Mak's father was killed by Aldar Beedo. DOesn't mention an alias at all, which means that the Nintendo guide must be the first source for the alias, unless Nintendo decided to publish the book in 2001 or 2002, several years after the release of the N64, not to mention it was pretty much replaced by 2001/2002 with the PS2 and there really weren't any N64 games anymore. As such, the earliest databank entry goes into 2001. As such, the Nintendo guide by process of elimination must be the earliest source, minus the possibility Nintendo had no idea when to publish the guide, though that's mega-ly unlikely. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 22:01, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
Hanzo
  • A prelim: no infobox-exclusive info. I'm talking about eye color, height and skin color, all of which need to go to the P&T.
    • How does it look now?
      • Good. Also note that I linked both Color and Eye as well. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 00:45, October 9, 2013 (UTC)
        • Noted. Also, in that case, if the word "Color" appears in the article body, should that be linked to the page over say, the color Purple that links to the page? Or should the link to Color be applied to both words?--Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 00:26, October 10, 2013 (UTC)
          • It's personal preference whether one wants to link to the individual colors, or pipelink to color at first mention, as long as throughout the article there's consistency. In the infobox, color was pipelinked, so that's why I did the same for the main article. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 00:57, October 10, 2013 (UTC)
  • Good job nominating this Podracer. Glad to see Podracers getting some attention. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 05:13, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks. I hope to do more or at least spark some interest in others. Especially for these more Episode I racers, just finish up some of the movie characters.--Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 14:02, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
  • Now the BTS needs to reflect the novel being his first appearance, as it still mentions the film being the first.
    • AH crud, should saw that. Thanks. How does it read now?
  • This may be a sofixit, but please rearrange the source list so all of them are in chronological order of publication. I think it's probably just the two strategy guides you added that present an issue. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 20:54, October 14, 2013 (UTC)
    • Alright, did my best there. FOr the Nintendo Guide, I just placed it with the Prima, though again, there seems to be no way to tell. THe Fact File didn't have a date either, or at least not in the article for it. Also added more appearances. But does anyone know for certain if the Podracing story mode in Kinect is canon or not? I haven't played it, but from synopsis's I've seen Nale doens't play a part (Though I guess Clegg and Beedo do). But still, anyone know? Or has no official source yet filed it yet? --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 03:45, October 15, 2013 (UTC)
      • Well those Databank entries should have been kept where they were. With those entries, treat them as if they were released on September 12, 2011, which was their last day online. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 04:15, October 15, 2013 (UTC)
  • Just because I'm not sure if you got this comment given how buried under other posts it was, along with other users editing the page since, I am wondering if he's included in the last image shown here: Star Wars Blog "The Best Holidays and Celebrations in the Galaxy…and Empire Day, Too," The Official Star Wars Blog. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 21:22, January 17, 2014 (UTC)
Revenge of the Dot
  • I won't strike my support, but why is Star Wars Kids 9 cited? It contains no reference to Nale whatsoever.
    • Huh, I don't know. I think I may of meant to write Star Wars Kids down generically, as the second image in the body is from SWK, albeit I don't know what issue. I'll have to ask the uploader then. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 14:18, October 17, 2013 (UTC)
      • It'll be for the 2nd edition run, with all the TPM stuff. Unfortunately I don't have it, but you might need to seek it out and find out just what article Nale is referenced in to boot. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 21:55, October 17, 2013 (UTC)
        • Alright, though according to JMAS it mentioned nothing new. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 03:16, October 18, 2013 (UTC)
          • Okay, according to JMAS it was the "Who Is this Alien?" feature in SWK9, for the prequels. In which case, I was correct. There are two versions of each issue apparently, the original version, and an expanded version released later that had prequel stuff in it, such as SWK9. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 03:42, October 19, 2013 (UTC)
KamKorder
  • The Sources section just lists "Star Wars Kids 9." Do you know the name of the article in the magazine in which he's mentioned? If not, you could ask JMAS, as it looks like he provided you with the image. Once you nab the name of the article, use {{StarWarsKidsCite}} like here.
  • Also, since Elan Mak was created in 1999, then we're definitely talking about an issue from the second run of Kids magazine. Check out here --- there was a first run in the mid-nineties and a second run when The Phantom Menace was released. What you'll need to do is create an article on the second edition of Star Wars Kids 9 and be sure to link to it instead of the first edition.
    • Oh, I didn't know there was a template for that, alright then.
  • Probably worth mentioning the white and purple along with the green in the "skincolor" field of the infobox.
    • Okay. Also mentioned the lips.
  • I'd like to see the concept art mentioned in "Behind the scenes," noting how it differs from his final appearance.
    • I mentioned the art and maquette in the BtS, but I don't see the relevancy for noting any differences. It's one hell of a detailed piece for the character (Especially when compared to a lot of the other concept art for the pilots), and the maquette followed it closely, as did the CG model. I'm hard pressed to find any big difference at all, other than a few color differentiations, like the lips. Unless you really want me to note those. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 23:05, December 2, 2013 (UTC)
      • Looks good. However, "Despite having a detailed maquette built and detailed concept art created by the film's art department" are both sourced to The Phantom Menace. That doesn't seem right. Menkooroo (talk) 13:37, December 6, 2013 (UTC)
  • Since some quotes use {{Quotetrans}} and others don't, can you name the languages he speaks in the Skills & abilities section?
    • Alright.
  • The first paragraph of "Elan Mak" is pretty big; can you split it up?
    • Doesn't seem much bigger than the second, plus splitting it would be a little odd as it's one event, but sure.
  • The quote used for the BTS is sourced to The Phantom Menace. That... can't be right. It looks like it's from one of the DVD extras; what you can do is create an article on that DVD feature (a la The Wookiees Are Back!) and link to it instead. That DVD feature could also be added to Kam's "Sources" section, just as The Wookiees Are Back! is for guys like Guanta and Lachichuk.
    • I'll have to go back and look, but I don't think that featurette had aname. It was like a secret video with a secret button you could find when roaming the Deleted Scenes section. The Deleted Scene was called 'Extended Starting Grid' or something, I wouldn't think the deleted scenes would need their own page, seeing there's a page that lists all of them. The quote is from an unnamed commentary bit that was the before-mentioned secret doc. I suppose we could call it 'Extended Grid Dequence (Commentary)' or something?
  • The Episode I Visual Dictionary is in the Sources section, but Star Wars: The Complete Visual Dictionary is missing. Similarly, The Phantom Menace: The Expanded Visual Dictionary is referenced in the article for Kam having finished fifth in the Boonta Race, but it's absent from the Sources section.
    • Whoops, thought I got all those sources listed. Guess not. Although, that shouldn't of been linked there. Podracing Tales is more appropriate.
  • What can you tell us about his role in Kinect? Even just something for Behind the scenes if it's a dance-off or something.
    • He was a competitor in Podracing, though he wasn't a part of the Podracing segment's story at all. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 18:59, November 27, 2013 (UTC)
  • Those are my preliminaries! Expect a full cavity search after they've been addressed. Menkooroo (talk) 05:42, November 22, 2013 (UTC)
  • I'd like to see the Kinect info in the bio under ambig canon tags. Aldar Beedo does a great job with this, currently. Menkooroo (talk) 13:37, December 6, 2013 (UTC)
    • I suppose, but there is no new info for it. The fact he was still racing in 22 BBY is already noted from the HoloNet News Article, and he wasn't a part of the story... Though, actually, maybe I can think of something... --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 15:53, December 7, 2013 (UTC)
El Jefe
  • ""Elan Mak" at some point regained control of his father's criminal empire, but continued to Podrace, but rather than pursuing Aldar Beedo himself, Nale used his funds to hire numerous mercenaries to track Beedo down and bring him to justice." Double "but" clauses.
    • Alright.
  • Context on Sernpidal.
    • How is that?
  • "Not only that, but Nale had already gone under several other aliases to avoid a pursuing rookie bounty hunter named Rango Tel." Why are you only introducing this now? This seems out of place. If Tel had been pursuing Nale since before the Boonta Classic, you should bring this up earlier.
    • Heh, good point actually. How does that look then?
  • No contractions.
  • I don't really see what Beedo's hunt for Sebulba has to do with Nale. I mean, I can understand if you mention it, but you go pretty in-depth.
    • I cut it up a bit, but I left the Poodoo Lounge information in tact. I was kind of trying to tie down the Hunter (Beedo) Hunted (Nale) sort of theme, treating Beedo as a major character to the article alongside Nale, with Sandage being a secondary recurring character. Mostly trimmed the Malastare stuff abit though, as that was sort of getting besides the point.
  • "Around this time Anakin Skywalker returned again to podracing for a third time, using his old pod that he had purchased back from Sebulba." This really relevant? IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 03:18, December 31, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • A few preliminaries. First, quotation marks should always come outside of punctuation, e.g.
    "Elan Mak," instead of
    "Elan Mak",
    I know there are some style guides that give different rules for when to place quotation marks inside punctuation, but generally they should be outside of it. Please correct this in the article.
    • Huh, well done then. I thought that rule only pertained to writing dialogue. I guess I'm mistaken or Out-of-Date old school. Or both.
  • Please note that articles with disambiguation information in parentheses (such as the TPM novel) should not have its parenthetical disambiguation italicized—e.g. the TPM novel link needs to be formatted as "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (novel)" or "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace novelization" instead of how it currently appears in ref 21 and the Appearances list. Please also keep this in mind for the future. CC7567 (talk) 21:42, January 15, 2014 (UTC)
  • "that put the future of Podracing into question": can this be reworded at all with some more relevance to Nale? Right now it sounds too similar to the title of that HNN article.
    • How does that read.
  • "when he learned of a pursuing rookie bounty hunter named Rango Tel": I assume this means that Tel is pursuing Nale. If so, I would suggest making that clearer by rewording this to something like, "when he learned that the bounty hunter [xyz] was pursuing him."
    • How does that look?
  • The first paragraph of "Elan Mak" is uncited.
    • Fixed
  • It's not necessary to keep on referring to Beedo by his full name throughout the article; unless the name hasn't been mentioned for a while, his surname ("Beedo") will suffice. Please change this in the rest of the article.
    • Removed several unnecessary Aldars. The ones I did leave I feel are necessary, though I suppose that's a given. :P
  • If possible, the article should avoid using quotation marks (e.g. "Elan Mak") to refer to the Mak name beyond the first few mentions, as it adds a somewhat non-encyclopedic tone to the writing. Since the name is an alias, it can be used to refer to Nale (e.g. simply Elan Mak or Mak) without having to use quotation marks. Please adjust this in the intro and the body of the article.
    • Alright, though I left the quotes in for the few times that the name first appears (And is then used without quotes) and whenever it's somewhere alongside "Kam Nale," in order to differentiate. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 19:33, February 11, 2014 (UTC)
  • I'll continue with "Elan Mak" once these are addressed. CC7567 (talk) 18:18, February 8, 2014 (UTC)
  • He's mentioned in The Official Star Wars Fact File initial remake 3 (POD5–6, The Boonta Eve Classic Podrace) (April 2013) and The Official Star Wars Fact File revised remake 3 (32 BBY 33–34, The Boonta Eve Classic Podrace) (~January 2014). No new info but they need to be added to the article. CC7567 (talk) 01:58, March 2, 2014 (UTC)
  • Why is "Kurtob" italicized in the body of the article? It seems to simply be the name of the manufacturer (which also needs linking upon its first mention in the body).
    • I honestly have no idea. I'm guessing I saw it somewhere? I'll remove them for now.
  • "and proceeded to cut the Glymphid off and down": this is a bit awkwardly worded, since it seems to be a conflation of two idioms ("cut off" and "cut down"). Please reword for clarity.
    • How does that look?
  • The article, particularly the P&T, overuses the colloquial wording "bring Beedo down"/"bring down Beedo"/"take Beedo down"/"take down Beedo." Please go through the article and make an effort to vary word choice more.
    • Still remains. CC7567 (talk) 19:53, April 9, 2014 (UTC)
      • Yes, I intentionally did not address that issue before. But Now I did. I used it fairly heavily after the main body. How does that look now? I tried to vary the wording slightly throughout the article. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 15:20, April 10, 2014 (UTC)
  • This is very picky, but I'm a little hesitant about the wording "giving him a somewhat unique appearance" because it's only true since he's the only member of his species who participated in the Boonta. If you want to keep it, I'd suggest adjusting the wording to something like, "giving him a somewhat unique appearance among other Podracers."
  • The S&A quote caption needs to provide context for Annodue, since that's the only place he's linked/mentioned in the article.
    • Sorry for not being able to address everything at once, but I've been strapped for time. Anyways, this issue has been fixed.
  • This is more of an advisory note and not an objection, since I've already corrected most instances of this. Please note for the future that "however" can only be used to connect two independent clauses, e.g. "he was [x]; however, this was [y]." As such, it requires a semi-colon and a comma if being used to link two independent clauses in the same sentence; for example, "he was [x] however this was [y]" is incorrect.
    • I'll keep this in mind, thanks. I wasn't entirely sure if I was doing it right, so this clears some things up. I'll make another scan anyways and check other articles.
  • "where he was competitor the player could race against." Something's wrong here.
    • Yes, something is indeed. Fixed
  • Instead of starting off the Bts by saying "Kam Nale/Elan Mak" appeared in the TPM novel, I would recommend only specifying which name the novel gave him, since you go into detail later about source material's story behind the name.
    • Tried to do something there. How does that look?
  • The Bts's organization in general is a bit confusing, since you start off with TPM (1999), go through the video games (1999, 2002, 2012), and then jump back to the stuff dealing with his backstory (1999, EU stories with unspecified years, 2000, 2013). I would advise that you simply organize everything in the Bts in chronological order so that the reader has a natural chronology to follow. Also, it would be helpful to go into detail about what the "other Expanded Universe stories" are so that the reader can get a better sense of where he's been featured, instead of having to look at the Appearances section to get all that info. CC7567 (talk) 15:21, March 14, 2014 (UTC)
    • Reworked the order a bit, although I kept Podracing Tales down the line in order to relate the whole Nale/Beedo Conflict thing to the SW Blogs article. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 14:48, April 8, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

  • Have you checked all sources and adaptations for this character? That's the thing about film characters, they could be shown in so much stuff. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 05:13, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
    • I've been trying too, but most of the Episode I guides that I have seen simply state his name as being the owner of a podracer, being a Boonta contestant, or something similar that didn't share much.--Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 14:03, October 8, 2013 (UTC)
      • I can tell you that he appears in the novel by Terry Brooks, indicating his list of appearances at the very least is incomplete. You should have either checked everything yourself and/or requested another user to check for you before nominating the article. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 19:18, October 12, 2013 (UTC)
        • Not owning the novel I wasn't sure. The novel page also didn't list it. Unfortunately I don't have everything, sorry. I wouldn't know who to ask either. I'll add in the novel appearance and I'll look for the audio abridged stuff on youtube or if there was an official Audio Adaption to listen too. Granted, if I'm not mistaken, abridged cassettes are simply the book spoken word for word by a narrator, but then again I don't really know. I'll look up the difference between abridged audio and audio drama a bit later. What I'll do now, as it looks to be a good option, I'll open up a forum in the Knowledge Bank and see what can be dug up, if anything. Maybe something new will come up. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 03:07, October 13, 2013 (UTC)
          • Check User:SavageBob/Adaptations for a list of sources you need to check. If you don't have a particular source, your best bet is often to do a "What links here?" check on that sources page here and see what users list it as part of their collections. I have a lot of the BTS stuff on Phantom Menace, and I'm happy to help out if you need. ~SavageBOB sig 17:40, October 14, 2013 (UTC)
            • One hell of a Resource there, several more appearances out of that. The comics and Manga both lacked appearances, but having read the former I don't believe Nale was a part of it (Instead Roles, Gasgano, Sebulba, and Anni were... And that was like it from what I recall... Or at least that was the Omnibus version). If you have any extra Behind the Scenes infor for Nale, I'd love whatever you could offer. On a personal note, whatever you have on the podracers at all would be helpful. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 03:48, October 15, 2013 (UTC)
              • As annoying as this might be, would you have checked the Encyclopedia for Kam Nale? There are a lot of entries and searching all of them might be painful, but still... Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 22:49, October 17, 2013 (UTC)
                • I looked up in the obvious spots before writing, but those really just included Nale's entry, Aldar Beedo, Rango Tel, and Fluggrian. Borzu Nale doesn't have his own entry. His own entry doesn't really pull up anything new, though the Fluggrian entry explains what all those knobs are on him. I'd check a few other entries. For sources would I list each entry he's mentioned in? --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 03:15, October 18, 2013 (UTC)
                  • I was actually talking about the online Encyclopedia on StarWars.com. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 03:54, October 18, 2013 (UTC)
                    • Oh. No, I haven't seen him mentioned anywhere there the last few times I've looked. I mean, they have a CG model, so why don't they? But lord knows. The only thing remotely related to him is that if you look at the Boonta Eve Podracers page all that exists of Nale/Mak is that you can just barely make out one of his engines in the second header pic. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 03:40, October 19, 2013 (UTC)
                    • Well, seeing his vehicle is in the shot, I guess I'll just label the encyc as Picture Only. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 15:21, November 4, 2013 (UTC)
                      • So is he inside the Podracer in that image? If so, I feel like it also would need a tag reflecting his Podracer only. If he's not in there, then I'd say leave it out of his source list. Hanzo Hasashi (talk) 03:22, November 5, 2013 (UTC)
                        • It's the flag parade. By this point the vehicles should've (should've) switched to the CG models with the pilots in them. Both engines are clearly visible, but, Mawhonic's engine blocks the cockpit. Following scene is an overhead shot of the vehicles before starting (Which coincidentally is on the Encyc page. Easiest sign the pilots are added is that Aldar Beedo can be seen in his cockpit). Low res CG models can be seen in cockpits. So again, it's more of a he should've been in there as the vehicles have had the pilots added into them now. What does that warrant? --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 05:15, November 5, 2013 (UTC)
  • He is not, but Aldar Beedo is, so this was useful nonetheless ;) --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 23:31, January 27, 2014 (UTC)
  • Also, obviously not every section needs an image in the bio, but the GBC image was sorta cool.--Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 22:15, October 8, 2013 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)

  1. Inqvote Unaddressed objections for three weeks. CC7567 (talk) 20:00, April 4, 2014 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote JangFett (Talk) 20:13, April 4, 2014 (UTC)


Urgah

  • Nominated by: ~SavageBOB sig 13:33, October 10, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I hear Del Rey is bringing her back as a Sith Lord for their next nine-volume series. ~SavageBOB sig 13:33, October 10, 2013 (UTC)

(3 Inqs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 12:55, October 14, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Protectorate (talk) 19:45, December 15, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 00:25, December 21, 2013 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 21:26, January 17, 2014 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Man, I reviewed most of this a while ago. Just now finished up. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 19:17, February 12, 2014 (UTC)

Object

4dot
  • A by-product of the material perhaps, but I feel that the intro delves too far into trivial information. It could surely just be relegated to 2 paragraphs of essential info.
  • "Gorneesh shook him until a bar was dislodged, which Urgah grabbed. " - A bit PBP
  • "babysitting nightmares" - POV... sorta.
  • Otherwise, awesome job. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 02:04, October 11, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review! Points 1, 3, and 4 should be addressed. As for the shaking and soap grabbing, it's her one big action in the episode, so I'm having a hard time eliding it. In other words, if it were another Dulok's article, it would be worth glossing, but maybe not Urgah's or Gorneesh's... ~SavageBOB sig 12:24, October 14, 2013 (UTC)
Also
  • I added a link to "Wedding of Gorneesh and Urgah" to the intro, but I'm not sure if that was appropriate. The article seems to imply that there was a wedding, but if that's not the case, please advise.
  • There is no link to the raid on Bright Tree Village from "The Haunted Village". Does that deserve an article? I notice that the wiki puts the First Phlog crisis as the very first "Ewok conflict" for want of a better word, so maybe it just isn't notable, but you would probably know better.
  • I also linked the Battle of Bright Tree Village (First Phlog crisis) in "The Haunted Village" section, because it shows up in that article, but I'm not sure what the context of that battle is exactly. Can the aftermath of that battle where the Phlogs rough up the Duloks be included in a future article? Not really sure here.
  • Can we get a written out explanation for her tribe appearing in "Shadows of Endor". The sourcing lets us know that Giallongo intended for the swamp destroyed in that story to be Urgah's swamp, but it's not written out in the BtS.
  • That's it. Umwak next? :D Protectorate (talk) 20:50, December 6, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the very thorough review and edit! To answer your questions and explain my edits: I reviewed the episode, and there's never actually a mention of a "wedding" in A Gift for Shodu. Instead, we have talk of "I never should have married you" and "anniversary," but no mention of a ceremony. So, I've removed the link there. As for the battle with the Phlogs, it's really impossible to disentangle a "battle" from the "Phlog crisis" itself. The Phlogs are hurling rocks at the Ewoks pretty much the whole episode. I've removed the battle link from the Phlog crisis article, and from the Urgah article. I've added a note to BTS about Giallongo and Urgah's tribe; does that suffice. Finally, Umwak notes are all taken and ready to go. He's high on my to-do list! Thanks again. ~SavageBOB sig 16:41, December 15, 2013 (UTC)
      • Great job. Really enjoyable article. Protectorate (talk) 19:44, December 15, 2013 (UTC)
Hehehehehe. Queen of the rammed.
  • You seem to be missing a subsection at the beginning of the bio.
  • "To mark the occasion, Gorneesh gave Urgah a gift—which she promptly rejected as not good enough." Do we know what this gift was? IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 04:51, December 18, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for taking a look! The first section was just sort of an overview of facts we know about her that don't really belong to a single episode from her life. Then for the soap raid thing, her role was so minor that to give it its own section would have made it so I couldn't add the picture without messing up the wiki formatting. So, in other words, I opted for a picture rather than a subhead. The whole section could get a single subhead, but it would be a fairly empty one, in my opinion, as I think the section acts now as a kind of introduction to her biography. Make sense? As for the gift, the episode unfortunately doesn't say what it was. ~SavageBOB sig 18:27, December 18, 2013 (UTC)
      • I'd be fine with that if that part wasn't quite so long. 99% of character article bios start with the first subsection, so someone clicking on that section assuming that that's where the bio begins would be missing quite a lot. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 00:55, December 20, 2013 (UTC)
        • OK, hadn't thought of that. How's that look? ~SavageBOB sig 14:09, December 20, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Is the destruction of the Dulok village the same event as the skirmish at the Endor shield bunker? If so, it should ideally be linked in ref 16. Otherwise, a new article should be created for the event.
  • "Thus, Urgah's membership in the tribe once headed by Vulgarr is uncertain." The chronology of this sentence isn't quite clear. Are you trying to say that Urgah's place in the tribe when Vulgarr was leader is uncertain, or something else?
    • Tried to clarify. Better?
  • Since Rebelscum.com has a page for her action figure, I would advise using it with {{HasbroCite}} in the Sources and in ref 29.
    • KennerCite, actually, which I think is fairly new. Done! ~SavageBOB sig 13:13, January 17, 2014 (UTC)
  • I realize that the Bts already explains her alternate "Lady Gorneesh" name, but since the intro presents the alternate name in IU text, the body of the article should ideally mention the alternate name too.
    • Done. ~SavageBOB sig 13:13, January 17, 2014 (UTC)
  • Are the four {{C}} annotations for the compilations/adaptations in the Appearances list really necessary? The Sources list already links to the individual pages, so the reader should be able to discern that they're compilations/adaptations by clicking the links if he/she is interested; it just seems a bit redundant. What do you think? CC7567 (talk) 01:55, January 16, 2014 (UTC)
    • I think this is a relic of when I started doing Ewoks articles and sometimes people would object if every source and appearance in the article-final list didn't also appear in footnotes. But I agree with you, so I removed it. Thanks for the very helpful review. Let me know if there's anything else! ~SavageBOB sig 13:13, January 17, 2014 (UTC)
Manoof
  • you mention AVERAGE height is 1.35, how do we know those males aren't above average, and she is exactly the average, or this tribe are all slightly above average? Or am i overthinking this?
  • "Prince Boogutt, the heir apparent to lead the tribe in 3 ABY." So is he leading the tribe from 3 ABY or was he born 3 ABY?
  • Any idea how many sith-spawn she hatched?
  • Could we get context time-wise when the lullaby was hummed (let them eat glock), even if it is just adding the words "Sometime later," or "not long after,"? Manoof (talk) 04:18, March 17, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

  • Just a note that I've added a paragraph describing the Duloks' role in Shadows of Endor. While Urgah doesn't appear herself, her tribe features fairly prominently. Please let me know if the level of detail is not enough or too much, however. Since Urgah's not there, we don't know how much of this she sees or doesn't see. Either way, I'd like to see how this goes in this nomination, because something along these lines needs to be added to the other status-level Dulok articles I've written. ~SavageBOB sig 13:08, November 14, 2013 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)

  1. Inqvote I don't want to do this to a nomination that's this close to passing, but unaddressed objections are unaddressed objections. CC7567 (talk) 19:40, April 11, 2014 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 19:41, April 11, 2014 (UTC)


Duel on Lenico Colony Blue

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 11:49, October 31, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 15:57, February 27, 2014 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 03:24, March 3, 2014 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote JangFett (Talk) 19:11, March 24, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Still I walk up and down on the Blue Sky Mine
  • "Upon entering Lenico Colony Blue's stasis chambers, Kel inadvertently activated security measures meant to protect the sleeping patients. As such, a medical droid activated the chamber's security protocols and began revivification of Exal Kressh." - A tad repetitive and confusing.
  • That's all. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 00:28, October 31, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone

Comments

Dud Bolt

(1 Inqs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 00:56, November 13, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 06:08, March 1, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Point IV
  • "Despite his rather rudimentary presence" - A rudimentary presence? Interesting turn of phrase, I think it might be a bridge too far though. Perhaps rudimentary "appearance"?
    • Mmm, maybe read it now.
  • Section, quote, sub-section doesn't quite work. Find a home for it in one of the subsections.
    • Must... Add... More-Quotes... To balance... Heh, but alright.
  • "Not in it to win it himself" - A bit informal and reads oddly, rephrase.
    • How about now?
  • "The Vulptereen's aggressive tendencies furthered themselves" - I'm not sure that tendencies can further themselves per se -- perhaps something like "amplified" would be advisable.
    • Thesaurus is always useful, though amplified does seem pretty good.
  • "Around 32 BBY, the next iteration of the Boonta Eve Classic on the Outer Rim planet of Tatooine was announced." - You've sourced this to TPM... strictly speaking this does not happen in TPM.
    • Well, strictly speaking, no it's not announced, per-say. I see your point.
  • "Sebulba found Dud Bolt having a drink, and promptly insulted the Vulptereen. Bolt took little offence while Sebulba explained it was only an act, meant to hide the fact that Bolt was working for him. Sebulba even claimed that he respected the Vulptereen pilot. As such, Sebulba cautioned Bolt to be extra careful of the contestants and to keep his eyes open for any signs of trouble or plotting. Meanwhile, only a few seats away in the bar the aging Devlikk pilot Wan Sandage had hired on the Glymphid hit-man Aldar Beedo, whom Sandage wanted to finish off Sebulba during the race." - Both PBP and extraneous in parts.
    • Condensed
  • "Fode Annodue, introduced the pilots, cheerfully welcoming Bolt and his podracer back to the Boonta." - It should be established earlier that Bolt has raced the Boonta Eve Classic, then.
    • Ok
  • "Jabba the Hutt, the host for the race, arrived in his personal viewing box soon after and exorbitantly announced the start of the race. The pilots burst out of the starting grid and raced onto the track with the Hutt's go-ahead." - Condense.
    • Condensed
  • "Two pilots, however, were left behind–Anakin Skywalker and the Toong pilot Ben Quadinaros. Skywalker was able to start off a little later after readjusting his pod while Ben remained grounded for the rest of the race." - Irrelevant, this is Bolt's biography, not a summary of the race.
    • Condensed
  • "Skywalker was able to catch up with the rear of the pack soon after, overtaking Bolt and several other podracers. Dud Bolt remained in the rear of the pack for the remainder of the race." - Repetition of "rear of the pack", break it up a tad.
    • How's that
  • A part of the article, namely Guo's removal causing difficulty for Skywalker is from the DVD-onwards incarnation of TPM. A separate cite should be used for this.
    • Mmm, okay.
  • "However, sometime around 24 BBY, Sebulba ejected Bolt from his job at the Dug's side" - An odd way of phrasing it. How about "Sebulba terminated Bolt's services as his in-race bodyguard"?
    • Mmm, how does it look now?
  • "Sebulba ejected Bolt from his job at the Dug's side and instead hired Aldar Beedo, the very Glymphid who was once hired to kill Sebulba, to work as Sebulba's new bodyguard." - Sebulba three times in the same sentence, break it up.
    • kay
  • You're going to need to provide a more detailed citation for Bolt's "presence" in AOTC.
    • Not sure what you mean, but I gave a source for the identification of that planet as Ando Prime (As otherwise it's never mentioned in the film itself). If you mean "Is it him", looking closely in the cockpit during the scene and in the new photo, the cockpit is clearly not empty, and the round shape of Bolt is in there, though shadowed. Look at the CGI podracer in the databank and note the the shape.
      • Screencap addresses the issue.
  • "In the end, however, Bolt was never able to completely finish off Aldar Beedo during a race, as Beedo was captured by a mercenary on Baroonda" - Repetition of Beedo. In general, try to break up the way that you refer to characters.
    • Okay
  • "As for Sebulba, his fate was not recorded, though he had both a son named Hekula, and a grandson named Pugwis." - Irrelevant.
    • Condensed, as we never know if Dud Bolt catches Sebulba or not, as Sebulba's fate is never revealed, or not yet anyways. Wasn't totally sure how to word it though, but I feel it should be mentioned, as he shouldn't just simply disappear from the article whereas we learn that Bolt never gets Beedo.
  • "though if his course demeanor ever slowed him down, his pod's boost package generally threw him back into the thick of things, where he preferred it." - A lot of informal phrasing, and "course demeanor" is doesn't really function well as a description.
    • Alright, how does it sound now?
  • "He did not care much for his pod's appearance and his track activities were obvious with the battle scars that his pod showed off." - Repetition of "pod"
    • Okay, er, now?
  • "After he was more-or-less double-crossed by Sebulba, an enraged Bolt vowed to destroy his old employer and his new bodyguard, Aldar Beedo." - This is out of place in the P&T, in the middle of a part where you're talking about how Bolt regards and treats his own pod. Split it up and rejig it.
    • ¿Qué pasa ahora?
  • "Bolt had rather short legs, which were quite dwarfed by his long arms, that were more than double the length of his legs. Bolt had yellow eyes and skin that was predominately grayish-blue, though it had areas of a much lighter blue that bordered the color of white, along with a yellow patch on his stomach." - Sentences starting the same way, repetitive.
    • Tried to vary it a bit now
  • Elements of the P/T that are describing the Vulptereen species have nothing to do with his personality or traits, which is that that section is for.
    • Alright, removed the echolocation info. Maybe it'd be useful if it could be related to his piloting ability.
  • "As such, Bolt held on to these traits." - Feels out of place and doesn't mean anything. "He had given skills and as a result he kept them."
    • How does it read now
  • "However, his skills weren't ubiquitous or all-consuming." - How would his skills be ubiquitous? Perhaps you mean "flawless" or even "impeccable" or even "indefatigable" or something like that, but certainly not ubiquitous.
    • Yah, that was the wrong terminology. How about now.
  • The skills section keeps talking about "skills skills skills" - Break up the descriptors a bit.
    • Okay, how does it look now?
  • How can the character have first appeared in a video game that came out on the same day as the film? Perhaps mention that he's in the film, and is a playable character in the tie-in video game that was released on the same day. This is especially so given that he's a puppet and principal photography was done in 1997 or something.
    • It's just that both appeared on the same day, which is mentioned. Now, if we wanna get real technical and just not use the tag, then we can go off the fact that TPM had a midnight release, thus meaning it opened before regular business hours for a store, as such meaning it was available to the public before the game was, even if they were released on the same day. I don't think principal photography really matters at all, because as far as I know (And if I'm wrong) the Appearances section is about release date, above all else. Unless that's not what you meant, in which case, I have no idea.
  • If the character truly appears and it's not just his pod in AOTC, a screenshot would be in order. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 23:35, November 7, 2013 (UTC)
    • Explained this further above, but I added the shot, replacing that awful old one, where Bolt wasn't even in the cockpit! --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 01:50, November 10, 2013 (UTC)
El Jefe
  • Is it really proper to just refer to a podracer as a "Pod"? I've only ever seen the full term used.
    • I'm pretty sure I've seen this, but I will check again to see if the slang is used in any actual source.
      • Actually, I'm fairly certain Anakin refers to one simply as a "P/pod" in The Phantom Menace, when he's talking about he had managed to save most of his racer during his last crash. I'll have to watch it again, but I'll just note that here real quick. It might not be "proper," but it'd be in-universe slang. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 17:19, February 27, 2014 (UTC)
  • "Dud Bolt targeted the Nuknog pilot Ark Roose to knock out, and while he was successful in knocking Roose from the race," Double knock.
    • Fixed
  • Context on Teemto Pagalies.
    • Added
  • "hired the Glymphid hit-man Aldar Beedo to off Sebulba during the race" To "off" Sebulba is pretty nice mob lingo, but probably too colloquial for this.
    • Wan Sandage is Michael Corleone's third-cousin four times removed. (fixed)
  • "As for Sebulba, his life ended fatally in a fashion his enemies would've been pleased with," First off, "life ended fatally" is pretty redundant. Also, any info on this? IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 00:49, February 9, 2014 (UTC)
    • Fixed redundancy. The NEGC is vague. It simply states he died in a way those who didn't like him would be happy with. There's nothing else I've seen that actually states when he died or how. I think the CSWE doesn't even mention it at all. --Clonehunter(Report your W.M.D.) 19:49, February 9, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

  • Nominated by: Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 16:06, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: An awesome comic series. I honestly don't remember why I started this; it and Revan will be my largest and probably only contributions to WP:KOTOR. Mr. Miller's production notes were a fantastic help. Also, yes, the article is 350kb in terms of characters, but over 100kb of that is references, images, quotes, and formatting—I've checked.

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Comments

Dorja

  • Nominated by: Menkooroo (talk) 08:47, November 2, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Dear old dad.

(3 Inqs/1 Users/4 Total)

Support

  1. Protectorate (talk) 02:07, December 6, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Givin' em the ol' Double Dorj. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:28, February 24, 2014 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote JangFett (Talk) 14:38, March 30, 2014 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 05:22, April 5, 2014 (UTC)

Object

    • Dorja was known for a cautious command style that saw his ship suffer no casualties but yet drew fire from critics; Can this be reworded? Either without the "but" or the "yet". It just reads a little awkwardly.
      • Yeah, it was repetitive. I've changed "yet" to "that;" take a look.
        • Better
    • You link "Bilbringi" in the Battle of Bilbringi to "Bilbringi system" at the end of "Aspirations crushed". Should it not instead by linked to the Bilbringi Shipyards, as that's where the attack occurred? Or is that too specific?
      • Not too specific at all. Since Bilbringi isn't a planet (which I actually didn't realize for a looooong time), you're right in that the shipyards should be linked instead. However, in this case, I've already linked to the shipyards a few sentences prior: "Not long after the successful operation, when the Chimaera was at the Bilbringi Shipyards, Pellaeon contacted Dorja and requested a 500-man caretaker crew for the following six hours." Since I had already linked to the shipyards once, I chose to link to the system the second time Bilbringi was mentioned. Make sense?
        • Got ya.
    • From the secondary command room, Thrawn instructed Dorja to launch six Preybird-class starfighters to intercept, but the order was recalled when Disra realized that the attackers were Diamalan, enemies of the Ruurians. Thrawn took credit for the discovery and had Dorja execute a Tron Boral maneuver, followed by a full-closure Marg Sabl sweep by the Preybirds—the pair of maneuvers had been used to great effect by the real Thrawn in a previous battle with the Diamala, and as such, the corvettes fled without any shots having been fired. Hold on, what? The order was recalled by Disra or by Flim? And what part of the order was recalled? Deploying the Preybirds? But they still were used to defeat the Diamala right? A little confused by this part.
      • I've reworded it to be what I hope is a little more sensical. Check it out.
        • Nice.
    • I put every mention of Flim as Thrawn in quotes, but if that wasn't necessary, please revert.
      • I wasn't entirely sure. I'm fine with the quotes, but I'll also be fine if someone else removes them. Sound fair?
        • Sounds good.
          • After a second look, I've changed a few of them to just say Flim. There are still a few "Thrawn"s where I think it's appropriate, but in the other cases just Flim seemed better. Menkooroo (talk) 14:24, December 8, 2013 (UTC)
    • In the last sentence of the BtS, you mention that Dorja's hatred for Thrawn and Pellaeon came from The Last Command Sourcebook. I changed it to the Dark Force Rising Sourcebook, as that's what you cite throughout the article. If that's not correct, please change it.
      • A sloppy mistake on my part. Thanks for the save.
    • That's it. Really good job. Enjoyable article. Protectorate (talk) 19:26, December 3, 2013 (UTC)
      • Thanks so much for taking a look! Menkooroo (talk) 01:36, December 6, 2013 (UTC)
El Jefe
  • I think the intro could be cut down a little bit, I don't think he needs three paragraphs.
    • You're right, there was quite a bit of fluff in there. It's two paragraphs now and more succint; take a look.
  • I think you could also do to give Thrawn some more context, to better establish why his return was such a big deal.
    • Gave a couple words each in the intro and the body --- is it enough?
  • "Ferrier succeeded, and Thrawn acquired 178 warships from the legendary Katana fleet of dreadnaughts." How exactly are these two events related? IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 02:06, February 22, 2014 (UTC)
    • Rewrote the sentence. Hopefully it's clearer now. Thanks for the review. Menkooroo (talk) 05:10, February 22, 2014 (UTC)
Jangeth
  • Hey Menk. "during the Empire's Galactic Civil War against the Rebel Alliance." Kinda nitpicky, but I never heard of "the Empire's Galactic Civil War" when describing the war.
    • Did some rewording; check it out.
  • Not long after, you described the Battle of Endor as a space engagement, when really it was a ground assault as well. JangFett (Talk) 20:30, March 28, 2014 (UTC)
    • Too true. Moved the space warfare link in the intro down to Yaga Minor. Thanks for taking a look. Menkooroo (talk) 01:31, March 29, 2014 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • For the P&T quote, I think it would be helpful to more clearly attribute whom Dorja is speaking to—it seems to be the false Thrawn—before putting it in context about his loyalties to Pellaeon and Thrawn.
    • Check it out now.
      • Stemming from that, it would be helpful to clarify in the IU part of the article exactly when Pellaeon became an admiral, since he's introduced as a captain but then referred to as an admiral much later. CC7567 (talk) 02:50, April 5, 2014 (UTC)
  • Since his first appearance was in a written work, {{1stp}} should be used in the Appearances/Sources to indicate the publication in which he was first visually depicted.
  • Good work otherwise. CC7567 (talk) 20:57, April 4, 2014 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the pair of reviews! Menkooroo (talk) 02:47, April 5, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

  • In the succession box: If anyone can provide me with a sourced date for the events of Tatooine Manhunt or Otherspace, I can give a better date for when Westen took command of the Relentless. Captain Parlan is still in command in those two adventures, but I can't for the life of me find a solid date for either of them. Menkooroo (talk) 08:47, November 2, 2013 (UTC)


Kirst

  • Nominated by: Menkooroo (talk) 08:46, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A Rogue.

(2 Inqs/3 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Very nice. Protectorate (talk) 14:11, November 20, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 01:37, January 3, 2014 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 04:19, February 25, 2014 (UTC)
  4. Jinzler (talk) 18:47, March 31, 2014 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 21:09, April 4, 2014 (UTC)

Object

    • In the opening sentence of the biography, you cite Kirst's participation in the Rebel Alliance in 4 ABY to the NEC. I understand the intent, but I think this citation implies that Kirst is mentioned in the NEC because the sentence carries all the way through, unlike later citations which only mention the Rogues, or Red Squadron, etc. Is it possible that this could be reworded so that it's clear that the NEC citation is only confirming that the Rebel Alliance was at Endor in 4 ABY and says nothing about Kirst? Protectorate (talk) 13:24, November 20, 2013 (UTC)
      • Good suggestion. I've now turned it into a sentence that should clear up any confusion. Take a look.
    • Also, would it be appropriate to mention who created Kirst by writing "A Day in the Life"? Or who illustrated her appearance? Just a suggestion.
      • Absolutely. I've added it in; check it out. Thanks for taking a look at the article! Menkooroo (talk) 13:49, November 20, 2013 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • It seems to me that you should mention the Executor's destruction during the part of the body talking about the battle.
    • Yeah, you're right. Added.
  • Could you add a conflicting template to the top of the article?--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 06:06, December 31, 2013 (UTC)
    • That sounds like a good idea. Do you mean about the Executor's destruction, though, or the three days later thing? Or both? Menkooroo (talk) 13:25, January 1, 2014 (UTC)
      • I think you should probably do it for both.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 17:12, January 1, 2014 (UTC)
        • Added one for "A Day in the Life" vs. Heir to the Empire, as it's a pretty noteworthy unresolved canon conflict. After thinking about it, though, I don't believe that one is necessary for The Truce at Bakura, as assuming that the dating of the story is simply a few days off is a pretty simple fix --- this article's BTS even already semi-resolves it by declaring its treatment of the "three days later" date as erroneous. In other words, it's an easy fix that doesn't really seem serious enough to merit twoconflicting, whereas the Heir to the Empire one is pretty serious on account of calling the very existence of "A Day in the Life" into question. Sound fair? Menkooroo (talk) 01:35, January 3, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

  • Did not expect this one to be FA-length. But the CSWE's confirmation that she a) fought in the Battle of Endor and b) even exists at all added a lot to the word count. I've tried to keep the description of the battle bare-bones, including only what's relevant to the pilots of Red Squadron. Let me know if you think anything should go/be added. Menkooroo (talk) 08:46, November 3, 2013 (UTC)


YVH 2-4S

  • Nominated by: 501st dogma(talk) 23:29, November 15, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I want mini-rockets.... :'(

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 02:07, April 8, 2014 (UTC)

Object

  1. SE
    • In the intro, can we get a bit of context on the Exquisite Death?
      • Generally, in intros, context is not necessary for all the things, but it has been added here.
    • In the intro, can you add a brief mention about the Voxyn being genetically engineered?
      • Added.
    • Can you link to the dark Jedi they freed in the intro?
      • It would be look a bit ungainly if I did so. However, if you feel strongly about it, I can do it.
        • Nah, guess it's fine as is.
    • Intro: "However, soon after arriving on the worldship, YVH 2-4S was destroyed" Would you mind changing this to "However, shortly after rescuing the Dark Jedi, YVH 2-4S was destroyed" or some variation?
      • Didn't do that, but did clarify that 2-4S helped rescue the Dark Jedi, which means that he must have died later.
    • In the first paragraph under Taking the Exquisite Death, can you specify that 2-4S was a YVH-series battle droid?
      • There, done.
    • "in which the extra-galactic Yuuzhan Vong invaded the galaxy and engaged the New Republic in war." You could probably remove the "engaged the New Republic in war" part, as the Vong didn't just engage them in war.
      • They did though. Though the New Republic's government did not respond by throwing all of their forces at the Vong, they still fought against the invaders at numerous places (Ithor, Garqi...)
        • What I meant was that they didn't engage only the New Republic, but I guess it's fine as is.
    • Will continue later. Supreme Emperor (talk) 16:26, December 6, 2013 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 23:01, December 6, 2013 (UTC)
    • "Additionally, it was also found that the location where the Yuuzhan Vong were creating the voxyn was on or near the planet Myrkr, which was controlled by the enemy of the New Republic." Would you mind rewording this line slightly? Maybe something like "Additionally, it was discovered that the Voxyn were being created on or near the planet Myrkr, which was under Yuuzhan Vong control."
      • I can change it if you like, but I don't see the problem with the current sentence.
        • Personally, I feel it reads a bit smoother, but i'll leave it up to you.
          • I'll leave it as is then.
    • "Composed of mainly young Jedi, including the Solo siblings Jaina, Jacen, and Anakin" In this line, can you also specify how many Jedi were on the team?
      • There you go. 501st dogma(talk) 13:04, December 15, 2013 (UTC)
        • Tweaked it a bit, otherwise looks good.
    • In the second paragraph under Taking the Exquisite Death, can you specify that the Exquisite Death was a corvette analog?
      • Done.
    • In the next paragraph down, can you clarify what the diversion was?
      • Better? I kept it brief, as it doesn't directly relate to the droid itself.
    • In the same paragraph, can you specify how the droids were able to reach the Exquisite Death? Supreme Emperor (talk) 06:12, December 17, 2013 (UTC)
      • The book doesn't clarify further. I would assume that they would use their propulsion rockets to propel the pod over to the other ship, but that's just speculation. I've added a note however that the droid could operate in space in the characteristics. 501st dogma(talk) 22:58, December 17, 2013 (UTC)
    • "2-4S sealed it to the open equipment pod that they had brought with them with emergency patching foam" This line reads a bit odd to me, mind rewording?
      • There you go. 501st dogma(talk) 16:01, December 22, 2013 (UTC)
    • Will continue later, looking good so far. Supreme Emperor (talk) 14:34, December 22, 2013 (UTC)
El Jefe
  • I'd like a little context on what exactly the YVH droids were in the History section, and maaaaaybe the intro too.
    • Is that better?
  • Voxyns or just voxyn? I'm seeing the former a few times.
    • It's just voxyn.
      • Then fix it. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 02:48, April 2, 2014 (UTC)
        • Whoops- thought you meant Voxyn with a V, and didn't see any. Killed the two voxyns. 501st dogma(talk) 20:58, April 3, 2014 (UTC)
  • "Because the team's destination was behind Yuuzhan Vong lines, they had to find a way to pass through unharmed. Due to this, a plan was formed and implemented." I'm seeing a good bit of choppy prose thus far, but this is the most striking. These do not have to be separate sentences.
    • Pow.
  • Link for the capture of refugees at Talfaglio?
    • Linked- I'll create an article soon.
  • Also, double "capture" in that sentence.
    • Changed one to seize. 501st dogma(talk) 00:21, March 29, 2014 (UTC)
  • Could there be a link for Anakin's fancy implant?
    • Link created for subcutaneous implant.
  • "the two wardroids encoutered the Exquisite Death's three voxyn, and presumably killed them with thermal detonators." Presumably? Why presumably?
    • I use presumably because the war droids believe that they initially slew all of the beasts, though they later found out that some survived.
  • "With 2-1S entering the room where the Jedi were held first, the other YVH entered on his heels, and dispatched two warriors, both whom had been trying to kill the Jedi members of the strike team." Another really choppy sentence. What matters is they burst in and killed the Yuuzhan Vong, focus on that. Who cares who came in first?
    • Better?
  • "as he inserted flechette mines into the Exqusite Death's system ducks." System ducks? Do you mean ducts? Seeing this throughout the paragraph.
    • Killed dem duckies
  • "After one of the voxyns, which had survived the initial encounter with the YVH wardroids, detonated one of the mines in the ducks, further injuring itself, 2-4S was sent back to look out for Jaina, who was with another section of the team." Five commas in this sentence and three in the next one. Flow-killer.
    • That should be better - check it out.
  • "While the Bith Jedi Ulaha Kore, who had been wounded the most during the torture," Remember that this article is about YVH 2-4S and not the Myrkr team in general. Is the tidbit about her torture experience necessary?
    • Removed the part about her being wounded.
  • Spaceport or space port? You use them interchangeably.
    • Book used spaceport, so all changed to that.
  • And it's "Rhysode", dude. It's only written a trillion times in the book. :P
    •  :P
  • Is there really nothing else you can put for the Personality section?
    • Not much - 2-4S doesn't say much. I could stayed he stuck with the team until the end I guess....
  • I noticed there's a few times you use "he" or "his" in reference to the YVH droids. There's no other indication that they had male personalities, so is this correct?
    • Looking at the book, most of the time its refers to the droid as 2-4S. However, I've found at least one spot where it refers to him as "he." Is this enough to assume that its gender is masculine?
      • I'd say so. Adjust the article to reflect that. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 02:48, April 2, 2014 (UTC)
        • Changed - found reference that 2-1S was male programmed too, so I changed references to him to reflect that. 501st dogma(talk) 22:15, April 3, 2014 (UTC)
  • I would also advise that next time, try and get a copyedit before you nominate. I found constant spelling and grammar errors. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 03:15, March 28, 2014 (UTC)
    • Sorry about the errors. Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 12:34, March 29, 2014 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • WP:DASH. Come on, Dogma. I seriously insist that you also take a thorough look at all of your other articles so that other people won't have to raise it as an objection. CC7567 (talk) 03:11, April 7, 2014 (UTC)
    • I've changed the two ndashs to ms, but I believe all of the hyphen usage is correct. Am I right? 501st dogma(talk) 20:08, April 8, 2014 (UTC)
      • There was also an en dash that was missing in the intro. CC7567 (talk) 19:47, April 9, 2014 (UTC)
        • Ah, my bad - should have caught that. 501st dogma(talk) 19:53, April 9, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Gracca

  • Nominated by: Protectorate (talk) 21:08, December 6, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Ewok villains!

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. I'm up all night to get some. Menkooroo (talk) 14:32, December 20, 2013 (UTC)

Object

She's up all night to the sun
  • Great to see you nominating featured articles, Protectorate. I will definitely give this guy and the woodsman full reviews, but for now, some preliminary stuff. Since it's your first FAnom, I'll give you some tips on formatting and whatnot that I'd normally take care of under what we call the {{Sofixit}} clause, but that will be helpful for you to do yourself. For example: In the infobox, you shouldn't precede something with a bullet unless there are multiple entries. If this guy appeared in two different eras, bullets would be needed, but since there's only the Rebellion era, you don't need a bullet.
    • Thanks, fixed now.
  • The infobox is missing one parameter. Again, definitely something I should fix myself, but ensuring that the infobox is complete is a really good habit to get into.
    • Should be fixed now.
  • {{Dialogue}} should only be used if there are more than two speakers, per the Manual of style. If there are only two speakers, use {{Quote}} --- it's not at all intuitive how to do it, so feel free to pilfer the bizarre ''"<br />"'' code from any other current FAnom.
    • A little difficult with the trans template, but I think I got it.
      • Ah, right, I forgot that it was even weirder with quotetrans. Check out my edit to see the correct formatting to use for that case. Menkooroo (talk) 04:12, December 12, 2013 (UTC)
  • Image captions should only get punctuation at the end if they're full sentences. It looks like none of the four images in the article body have full-sentence captions, so jettison those periods!
    • Got it.
  • The link to the StarWars.com forums is dead --- Star Wars: Behind the Magic also dates the Ewoks cartoon to 3 ABY, so you could just cite that instead.
    • Fixed.
  • If he's about twice the height of an Ewok, you could list his height at ~2m in the infobox, since Ewoks are on average 1m tall. You would need the proper sourcing, of course.
    • Added.
  • Is his name "Gracca" or "The Gracca" ? Looking at some of the quotes in the article, it seems like the latter is correct. Then again, there is one quote where Wicket calls him just "Gracca," but, ya know, other wrestlers would call The Rock just "Rock" from time to time. What do The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia and "A Star Wars CELibration" have to say about it? Either way, the article currently alternates between "Gracca" and "the Gracca" without any explanation as to the discrepancy. If both are acceptable, then kicking the article off with something like "The Gracca, also known as Gracca" might be in order, but after that, the article should pick one and use it throughout for consistency's sake. Menkooroo (talk) 15:29, December 7, 2013 (UTC)
    • Insider calls him "the evil Gracca", but the CSWE just says "Gracca" and states, "Princess Kneesaa used a length of rope to snag the cloak and pull it from Gracca's shoulders." Based on that being the most recent source, I removed "the" and mentioned it in the BtS. Protectorate (talk) 20:52, December 7, 2013 (UTC)
  • A little context is needed on Bright Tree Village in the intro. Currently, when it's introduced, it seems like the reader should already be familiar with it. They may very well be, but even the most well-known (out of universe) things should be introduced with context. Even just calling it an Ewok village, like the biography does, would do.
    • Got it. A little context added.
  • There's currently some infobox-exclusive info: That he's male, that his eyes are black, and that his skin is green (the Personality and traits does mention green spikes, but not the rest of him). Everything in the infobox (save for the out-of-universe "era" field) needs to also appear in the article proper; things like eye and skin color are usually stuck somewhere in Personality and traits. A character's sex is usually introduced right off the bat in the biography and intro, with [[Sexes]] pipelinked to male or female.
    • Added in.
  • Scroll of the Crystal Cloak is currently linked in one of the quote captions, but linking in quote captions is only necessary when the link doesn't appear in the article itself.
    • Ah. Removed.
  • Can you mention in the biography just when the Ewoks go to the Floating Mountain to retrieve the cloak? Currently, 3 ABY is only mentioned in the "years before" bit.
    • Should be added now.
  • Also, can you mention his throne? It's only referenced in an image caption.
    • Minor mention after his residence added.
  • Characters should be referred to by their last names after their first mention --- Warrick instead of Wicket aaaaaand I'm not exactly sure for Kneesaa.
    • Changed.
  • Kneesaa seems to be given context every time she's mentioned in the bio. On her second mention: "the Ewok was pulled away at the last second by his friend, Kneesaa." On her third mention: "he failed to notice one of the Ewoks, Kneesaa, using her lasso..." Since she's already been introduced as both an Ewok and Wicket's friend on her first mention, the reader already knows who she is, and this additional context isn't necessary. Only her name needs to be used on subsequent mentions.
    • Should be removed.
  • For reference [4]: Can you use {{CSWECite}}, complete with the volume and page number? Check out almost any nom on the FAN page for an example of it in action.
    • Added.
  • There are a few repetitive sentences throughout the article: "The Ewoks fled across the mountain, and Gracca pursued them until they were at the edge of the mountain." The double "the mountain" is pretty noticeable; I recommend just saying "its edge" at the end of the sentence to avoid the repetition. Similarly, in the Personality and traits: "He was even known to turn those that did serve him into crystal, as he was not careful with his power and would accidentally turn his pets into crystal on a frequent basis." The sentence mentions that he turns his pets into crystal twice and can surely be written more concisely. There was another case that I changed in my copy-edit of " Gracca was left trapped under the massive crystals as the young Ewoks left the mountain carrying away some of the crystals from the mountain." Check out the change I made.
    • Thanks. Made some changes, those were some ugly sentences.
  • I'm not... sure about the second paragraph of the P&T. That kind of description --- ears, talons, number of digits --- is usually reserved for species articles, and not character articles. Jadru, for example, only describes her hair eye and skin colors, leaving the rest for the Jadru's species article. Similarly, articles on Twi'lek characters don't need to mention their lekku, nor Rodians their snouts, etc.
    • So...are you saying I need to make an article on Gracca's species?
      • I know it sounds kind of weasley, but I think so, yeah. We had a discussion on these kinds of species articles about a year ago, and although we didn't reach any kind of formal consensus, there was pretty widespread support for articles like Unidentified Gibbela species and Unidentified two-headed species --- that is, articles on unidentified species that have just one known representative in canon but that are definitely unique species and not just an existing species drawn with artistic license. Menkooroo (talk) 04:48, December 17, 2013 (UTC)
        • I created an article on his species and excised most of the detail from that last paragraph. I kept mention of his beard and spikes on his head, since that is what basically makes up his "hair". Protectorate (talk) 16:33, December 17, 2013 (UTC)
          • Gracca's species is now infobox-exclusive. It should be mentioned at the beginning of both the intro and the bio (pipelinked, though, since it's a conjectural name). His height of ~2m is also infobox-exclusive, and the speculative sentence "may have been a continuation of his skin off the end of his chin" should be altered to be less speculative. Menkooroo (talk) 10:37, December 18, 2013 (UTC)
            • Speculation removed, species pipelinked. The "twice the height of an Ewok child" was already in there, but I made it explicit that he's approximately 2 meters. Protectorate (talk) 04:13, December 19, 2013 (UTC)
  • "This implies that Gracca may be a title or the name of his species" reads pretty speculatively. I think the article would be better without it; that kind of dot-connecting is better left to the reader based on the information that the article presents.
    • Gone.
  • Not bad at all. Check out my copy-edit for an idea of all of the crazy articles we have and that you can link to in future FAnoms. Menkooroo (talk) 04:12, December 12, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the help!
  • OK. Two final ones: The current P&T sentence "He also had the appearance of a beard, that appeared as a continuation of his skin off the end of his chin." isn't sitting well. The double appearance/appeared stands out, and it still reads just a tad speculatively. Do you think you can rewrite it?
    • Just cut it down to "He also had the appearance of a green beard". Hopefully that reads less speculatively/awkardly.
  • Also, I wonder if the P&T should note alongside his green skin colour that the insides of his ears and wings are purple. Plus --- how about that white mane of hair? Menkooroo (talk) 04:39, December 19, 2013 (UTC)
    • I included a mention of the purple insides of his ears and wings. The "white mane" is part of the crystal cloak and not part of his anatomy.Protectorate (talk) 03:24, December 20, 2013 (UTC)
Jinzler
  • A lot of the sentences in the article are fairly short and choppy, which impedes the flow of the text. While it is equally not desirable to have large, unwieldy sentences, it could be beneficial if you could combine some of the shorter sentences. For example, to illustrate my point, in the second paragraph of the "Return of the Ewoks" section the first two sentences could be combined as follows: "Gracca spied the two Ewoks climbing the mountain after overhearing their conversation and in an attempt to get rid of the intruders, he blew a large cloud of crystal seeds onto the pair."
  • From the introduction: "Eventually, the young Ewoks Wicket Wystri Warrick, Latara, Kneesaa a Jari Kintaka, and Teebo arrived on Floating Mountain to retrieve the cloak." It would be useful if you could mention that these events took place during 3 ABY, because at the moment there is nothing in the introduction to indicate at what point during galactic history any of the events described took place.
  • "Unfortunately his attack missed and ran him headlong into a forest of towering crystal which toppled upon him." The use of the term "unfortunately" here is a bit POVish, as from the perspective of the Ewoks this was fortunate. Could you please rephrase this in a manner that is more neutral?
  • "Gracca was left trapped under the massive crystals as the young Ewoks left the mountain carrying away some of its crystals." The use of the word "crystals" twice in this sentence makes it sound a bit repetitive. I appreciate that there are not necessarily a lot of synonyms for "crystal", but could you please consider rewording this.
  • "At some point, he learned of the Ewoks of the forest moon." Could you please add some brief additional context here on the Ewoks.
  • "In 3 ABY, the Ewoks used their skin gliders and headed towards the Floating Mountain. I think that it would make more sense to mention the 3 ABY date in the first sentence of the paragraph rather than here, to provide clarification as to the timing of the point at which Wicket and Latara took it upon themselves to recover the cloak.
  • From the BTS section: "Gracca did not appear again in the cartoon, but the character was given an entry in The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia, which reveals that Gracca was trapped under the crystals forever." The "trapped under the crystals forever" element of this sentence is fairly opaque and it would be beneficial here if you could clarify that this is in reference to his fate depicted during the events of The Crystal Cloak.
  • Nice work, its always good to see some Ewoks nominations. --Jinzler (talk) 14:04, March 30, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (Inq only)

  1. Inqvote Per a new rule passed at a recent Inqmoot, since the article's nominator has been inactive for over a month and objections have gone unaddressed for over a week, the nomination is eligible for removal. CC7567 (talk) 15:36, April 18, 2014 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:16, April 19, 2014 (UTC)


Chukha-Trok

  • Nominated by: Protectorate (talk) 21:10, December 6, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Ewok heroes!

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Attack of the Clone
  • Several preliminaries: first, the article body needs to provide a proper lead-in/setup for the character (Ewok male, etc.) instead of relying on the intro to do so.
  • Linking needs cleanup.
  • Too many images—generally there should be only one about every three paragraphs or so. Please remove a few. CC7567 (talk) 15:38, April 18, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Cho'na Bene

  • Nominated by: Ayrehead02 (talk) 18:43, December 7, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:The first major Tyrant's Fist nom.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Now that's a nom I like to see. Clone Commander Lee Talk 11:15, March 31, 2014 (UTC)
  2. <-Omicron(Leave a message at the BEEP!) 15:23, April 18, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Winterz
  • Why not give this poor lad his deserved P&a section? Winterz (talk) 05:11, January 16, 2014 (UTC)
    • Added, is it enough? I don't think I've actually written a P&A before. Ayrehead02 (talk) 12:21, January 25, 2014 (UTC)
Auf in den Kampf
  • Intro
  • the Jedi Order and the Galactic Republic during the final decades of both groups: While I'm fine with the Jedi Order, IMHO the Republic is no "group". Please reword.
  • Context for Order 66 please.
  • Why is "Jedi master" decapitalized while Knight is not?
  • in harassing Vader's men. In an area known as the Howling Ruins, Bene ambushed Vader while the Sith was out on patrol, and managed killed a large number of Vader's men: Please replace one of those "Vader's men".
  • Biography
  • Can we source 19 BBY to the comic?
    • It says a few months after episode three, but actually double checking it doesn't seem to confirm 19 BBY. Fixed. Ayrehead02 (talk) 02:13, March 31, 2014 (UTC)
  • Please mention Order 66 as you do in the intro.
  • Jedi managed to make his way out of the caverns, but not before inhaling large amounts of gas, and made his way to Vaklin: Can you reword one of these "make way"s?
  • Oniye Namada, a major in the Imperial Security Bureau, shot Bene and killed him, whilst wearing a set of Phase II clone trooper armor: How is that last part relevant to Bene?
    • She's meant to be a normal trooper, clarified. Ayrehead02 (talk) 02:13, March 31, 2014 (UTC)
  • Should be all from me. Clone Commander Lee Talk 21:10, March 30, 2014 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • A few preliminaries. First, please thoroughly check to verify if the article adheres to WP:DASH.
    • I think I got those I missed. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:54, April 13, 2014 (UTC)
      • The two uses of en dash need to be replaced with em dashes instead, per WP:DASH. CC7567 (talk) 19:58, April 14, 2014 (UTC)
  • By my count, the intro is currently over 300 words, which is more than a fourth of the article body's size. I would advise that you do a major rewrite for the intro to cut it down in size, because particularly for a short article like this, there's way too much detail in the intro—which should only provide the most basic understanding for the reader to get a sense of the article's subject.
    • Shortened significantly. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:54, April 13, 2014 (UTC)
  • {{Imagecat}} needs to be used in the article.
  • I'll start reviewing once these have been fixed. CC7567 (talk) 02:14, April 5, 2014 (UTC)
  • Periods aren't necessary for quote captions; please remove them.
  • "Bene began an insurgency on the planet Vaklin along with two other Jedi": an insurgency against what? Also, who were these two Jedi? They should be pipelinked.
  • Throughout the article, please check your tense in regards to your usage of "lead."
  • Aesthetically, I would recommend standardizing your paragraph size somehow. In particular, the intro paragraph and first and last Bio paragraphs are rather long and should be split up.
  • "A Force-sensitive Myneyrsh male, Cho'na Bene was trained in the ways of the Force by the Jedi Order; ascending to the rank of Jedi Knight, and then serving the Galactic Republic, in the final decades of both it and the Order." This sentence is choppy and rather poorly worded. Please break it up and use better sentence flow.
  • The beginning of the Bio needs to establish that the Empire replaced the Republic.
  • Please give the rest of the article another look to check for errors. I'll continue once you've addressed the above objections. CC7567 (talk) 17:20, April 16, 2014 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review so far. Ayrehead02 (talk) 13:23, April 18, 2014 (UTC)
  • The c. 19 BBY date is currently exclusive to the infobox, so it should be added to the article body (and possibly also the intro).
  • Even though Vader states that the Jedi killed on the Shrokaan satellite was the reptilian Knight's "Master," I think it can be assumed that the second Jedi was actually the reptilian Knight's former Master, since Knights no longer have Masters once they graduate to Knighthood (as with Skywalker and Kenobi).
  • Since this is relevant to Bene, it appears that the twelve bladed satellite article needs to be moved; it's explicitly referred to in the comic as the twelve-bladed satellite of Shrokaan.
  • "where he maintained a base beneath the Temple of Imperfect Repose, a structure built to honor the Jedi Order": this cannot be sourced to The Tyrant's Fist, Part 1 as it currently is, since the only information that Part 1 provided was its name.
  • "Vader hoped he could draw out Bene from hiding by keeping the captive Jedi Knight in the Imperial command center in the city of Vaklin Zenith on Vaklin." This can be better worded, perhaps something like: "Vader withdrew to the city of Vaklin Zenith, hoping to draw out Bene by…"
  • "However" can be used to join only two independent clauses, i.e. "[x]; however, [y]" (note the proper punctuation). Please check the article thoroughly to make sure it's being used correctly.
  • "it did result in the Imperials briefly withdrawing from the surface of Vaklin while the center was repaired": to where did they withdraw?
  • Context needed on the Tuk'ata Nobilis.
  • Lightsaber duel and lightsaber combat need to be linked properly in the article. Also, the linking of lightsaber needs to be done so at its first mention.
  • In the comic, the duel under the Temple of Imperfect Repose actually begins when Bene and Vaders cross lightsabers above the temple, so I would recommend moving it to something like duel at the Temple of Imperfect Repose.
  • "disguised as a stormtrooper by wearing a set of Phase II clone trooper armor": stormtrooper's can't wear clone trooper armor; please correct.
  • "Cho'na Bene was a male Mynyersh who was Force-sensitive." As I stated for your Ko Solok nom, this is redundant, since it was already mentioned in the Bio, so unless there's a valid reason for the repetition, please remove this.
  • The P&T can be beefed up a lot, particularly from his conversations with Vader in Part 2 regarding the stormtroopers and Vader himself as slaves, his views on serenity/the "Jedi spirit of inquiry," and potentially his mention to his homeworld, among a number of other details. Please reread both comics and add more detail to the section. CC7567 (talk) 15:23, April 18, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Kolot

  • Nominated by: 501st dogma(talk) 13:12, December 15, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A piloting Ewok? Who can resist nomming that?

(3 Inqs/0 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Yub, yub, Commander. Green Tentacle (Talk) 10:40, December 21, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 05:01, March 28, 2014 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 00:55, April 3, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Toprawa
  • The article makes it sound like Kolot is the direct byproduct of Zsinj's imagination, which is not supported by Solo Command, as far as I can see. Perhaps it's inferred at best. Kolot merely states that Zsinj orders mechanics to create prosthetics after the doctors put him through flight simulators. I would like to see this reworded to remove Zsinj's "inspiration" and for it to say literally and only what the novel states: "Inspired by this tale, Zsinj desired to have an Ewok made into a pilot and ordered mechanics to create prosthetic limb extensions so Kolot could reach the controls of any starship he chose to pilot. Additionally, the doctors in the program put Kolot through flight simulators to see if the Ewok could learn how to fly." I will continue my review once this is handled. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 23:45, December 26, 2013 (UTC)
    • I'm going to leave this be until I know whether Zsinj was inspired by Kettch or not.
  • Now that I think about it, the same apparently holds true for the article's claim that Kolot was inspired by Zsinj learning of Kettch. Where does Solo Command state this? It seems to me that this is only indirectly inferred, which I don't think is enough for us to make the claim. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 23:49, December 26, 2013 (UTC)
    • It is heavily inferred that Kolot exists because Zsinj learned of Kettch - he asks his general after learning of the original Ewok Pilot if any of his altered Ewoks had escaped. Additionally, the Warlord himself ordered that Kolot be given prosthetics so he could reach the controls, which was the same way that Kettch supposedly flew. Petothel's quote for the intro also supports the fact, as he was based off the lie that was Kettch. I believe that is enough to support the argument, but if you think otherwise, I can change it. 501st dogma(talk) 22:06, January 1, 2014 (UTC)
    • Removed what you wanted removed. 501st dogma(talk) 21:18, March 14, 2014 (UTC)
  • I don't think the novel states exactly that Kolot's prosthetics were for "any starship he chose to pilot." The novel just says he was given prosthetics, and we know he was able to pilot a shuttle. I wouldn't expound on that understanding anymore than this. I would like to see this reworded just to say the prosthetics allowed him to reach the piloting controls of a starship.
    • There you go.
  • We have something of an issue with the dating for these events. Firstly, this article claims the events of Iron Fist and Solo Command take place in 8 ABY, but The Essential Reader's Companion states that both novels take place in 7 ABY. The thing is, I think we know that some of ERC's info is either wrong or overly generalized, because we know some of the events from Solo Command take place in 8 ABY, according to The Essential Atlas. This is what you need to do: a) Unless you can find a passage in each novel that supports the 8 ABY date, the novels themselves cannot be used as sources for the dates. You will probably need to use the Atlas, which provides exact GrS dates for many of the battles in these stories, to pin these events down, and then explain the dating in reference notes. And b) You should really do some digging to see whether the events being referenced in this article do, in fact, take place in 8 ABY or whether they take place in 7 ABY. Again, the Atlas is probably your best resource here, based on the dating of battles.
    • Its curious that our articles on the Third Battle of Kuat and the Battle of Selaggis both cite their 8 ABY date to the Reader's companion, but when I checked it, I got 7 ABY from it like you did. I've managed to find the GrS dates for Selaggis (43:2:28), and Kuat (43:1:26). I've added those to the references. Question: If I link to something in one note, should I link to it again in the second one? For exampled should the Atlas be linked to twice in the notes section? Thanks for the review. I'll get to the last 3 objections in a week's time when I get back from a trip. 501st dogma(talk) 12:58, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
      • Firstly, you should rewrite your first reference note to avoid referring to the Third Battle of Kuat as its formal title. That its a conjectural title, so it should be treated as such. Secondly, you should rewrite your second reference note to explain exactly how it relates to the events of this article, as you did in the first ref note. Thirdly, to answer your question, I find it's best to link to all relevant subjects in all reference notes, because readers don't go through the Notes and references section reading each reference note in order. They read reference notes via the [1] indicators as they read through the article, so having linking available to them at all possible instances makes their navigation easier. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 20:26, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
        • That should do it.
  • I think you can subsection the Biography, which would allow you to use more quotes. There's at least one quote at the end of the story in which Petothel mentions Kolot as part of her business that you could use.
    • Done. 501st dogma(talk) 00:58, March 26, 2014 (UTC)
  • I don't think this sentence is working in the way you want it to. Ewoks in ROTJ had nods to indicate agreement or disagreement, so it's not like his advanced intelligence necessarily gave him the ability to do this. I would suggest supporting his "many Human-like personality traits" with some evidence other than the nod or otherwise just removing that portion of this sentence: "Modified to have an increased intelligence that dwarfed those of other Ewoks, Kolot had many Human-like personality traits, such as his responsive nod." Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:14, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
    • There you go.
  • The BTS states that "The novels Betrayal and X-Wing: Mercy Kill, released in 2006 and 2013, respectively, suggest that Kolot was still flying as a co-pilot for Petothel as late as 44 ABY." But this isn't exactly true. According to ERC, Betrayal takes place in 40 ABY, so it can't therefore suggest that Kolot is still piloting in 44 ABY. Additionally, the date of 44 ABY is not self-sourcing. That comes from ERC, so it needs to be sourced accordingly. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:25, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
    • That should do it. Reffed the BtS. Thanks for looking it over. 501st dogma(talk) 20:29, March 26, 2014 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • I'm seeing at least two instances where the article isn't correctly following WP:DASH. Please find them and fix.
  • "free it so she could get it off the Iron Fist": are all the test subjects simply "it"s? The rest of the article seems to refer them as living beings. Please reword if that's the case.
  • Since his limb extensions are described as prosthetic, they should be listed under the infobox's "cyber" field. CC7567 (talk) 21:27, April 4, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

  • Thanks go to GT for the prenom review. 501st dogma(talk) 13:12, December 15, 2013 (UTC)


Second battle of Korriban (Great Galactic War)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Lee's charge
  • Is there a specific reason why you mention "Many Dark Honor Guards" in the infobox?
  • The opening sentence of the intro sounds like the title should be "Battle in the Horuset System". You mention Korriban at the end of the first paragraph. Can you find a way to specify location where the battle took place earlier?
  • That's it, an entertaining read. Clone Commander Lee Talk 20:37, March 31, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Gorgodon

  • Nominated by: Ayrehead02 (talk) 23:40, December 23, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: The first featured nom for the burner! I don't understand why these weren't in SWTOR.

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Manoof (talk) 12:21, February 14, 2014 (UTC)
  2. I'm sure Jinzler's objections will be addressed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 11:35, April 13, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Manoof
  • "Skywalker later claimed to have killed three gorgodons on Ilum in a note he left in his copy of The Jedi Path, which he had inherited from Kenobi and was the same copy both Kenobi and Jinn had previously written in." mentioning kenobi twice seems redundant, perhaps rewrite the last part or split into two sentences.
    • Changed to only mention Kenobi once. Ayrehead02 (talk) 10:38, February 14, 2014 (UTC)
  • Looks great other than that! Manoof (talk) 06:59, February 14, 2014 (UTC)
Lee's charge
  • Members of the species often encountered members of the Jedi Order, who traveled to Ilum to find crystals with which to build their lightsabers in the Crystal Caves.: Well two times is not very often. Could you change it to sometimes?
  • Mention their non-sentience in the intro.
  • Please mention where they were first pictured and if possible who pictured them in the BtS.
  • There were several errors (links, capitalization or missing letters), but overall good work. Clone Commander Lee Talk 21:33, March 30, 2014 (UTC)
  • Just one more: Members of the species sometimes encountered members of the Jedi Order: Could you find a synonym for one the "members"? Clone Commander Lee Talk 00:21, March 31, 2014 (UTC)
Jinzler
  • From the "Behavior" section: "When attacking or injured the creatures would roar or howl loudly." The use of the present tense word "attacking" and the past tense word "injured" in close succession makes this sentence read quite oddly. Could you please consider rewording this.
  • "Gorgodons constructed nests with shelters inside using boulders, sheets of ice, and snow as well as their saliva, which acted like mortar." This sentence feels in some sense incomplete. Could you please extend it to further clarify how exactly their saliva was like mortar, eg to say "which acted like mortar to bind the nests together" or something similar.
  • The last sentence of the first paragraph of the "History" section is a bit long and unwieldy, could you please try to maybe break it up.
  • "In the year 28 BBY, Kenobi traveled with his apprentice, the Padawan Anakin Skywalker, to Ilum to help his student find a crystal for his lightsaber." Is this referring to Kenobi's lightsaber or to Skywalker's? From the current wording of the sentence this is unclear.
  • "which he had inherited from Kenobi, who along with Jinn had also previously written in the book." It seems a bit unnecessary to mention here that Kenobi had written in his copy of The Jedi Path given that Kenobi's addition to the book is already mentioned in the paragraph above. Could you please consider revising this.
    • Removed unnecessary text. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:18, April 13, 2014 (UTC)
  • "Later in about 18 BBY" - are you sure that this date can be reference to Dark Warning? If not, you can reference the c. 18 BBY setting of the novel to The Essential Reader's Companion instead.
  • "The events of this book were also referenced in the 2002 novel, Anakin: Apprentice which provided a summary of what had happened to Anakin Skywalker..." This sentence seems to be describing Path to Truth rather than describing the gorgodons' role in Path to Truth. Could you please revise this and be more specific, so that this sentence essentially states that Skywalker's encounter with the gorgodons as depicted in Path to Truth was later referenced in Anakin: Apprentice.
  • I don't have a copy of Anakin: Apprentice, so I can't check this myself, but I was under the impression that Anakin: Apprentice focuses on what Anakin was up to between Epsiodes I and II, not his activities between Episodes II and III as you state in the article. --Jinzler (talk) 20:10, March 31, 2014 (UTC)
    • You're completely right. Fixed. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:18, April 13, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

K'kayeh dragon

  • Nominated by: Jinzler (talk) 10:47, January 5, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: For the barn-burner

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Manoof (talk) 09:33, March 7, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Manoof
  • "The k'kayeh dragon was a ginormous..." please change ginormous to something else.
  • The last two quotes have the same attribution line. Change the second one up a bit so it's not identical. Manoof (talk) 11:47, February 14, 2014 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • More context needs to be given on Old Ezil in the leading quote caption, since that's the only place he's mentioned in the article.
  • I think the intro and body should explicitly state that Rivan created only one dragon. Also, since we have an article for the last Zillo Beast, it seems prudent to create an article for the only known k'kayen.
  • I'll give this another look once you've handled the above objections. CC7567 (talk) 02:57, April 5, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Silooth

  • Nominated by: Jinzler (talk) 10:47, January 5, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: For the barn-burner

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. Wow those objections should of been struck along time ago. Ayrehead02 (talk) 22:19, March 30, 2014 (UTC)
  2. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:28, April 10, 2014 (UTC)

Object

  1. Ayrehead
    • Can they only see ten meters ahead in the dark or at all times? Ayrehead02 (talk) 19:13, January 6, 2014 (UTC)
      • Clarified --Jinzler (talk) 15:22, January 13, 2014 (UTC)
    • Since you sourced one part of the behind the scenes you need to source the rest. Ayrehead02 (talk) 19:13, January 6, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Ghest

  • Nominated by: Ayrehead02 (talk) 16:47, January 6, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Be my ghest, be my ghest...

(0 Inqs/2 Users/2 Total)

Support

  1. The ghest who's coming to dinner. ~SavageBOB sig 16:13, January 8, 2014 (UTC)
  2. I ghest i should vote now Manoof (talk) 02:15, March 11, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Savaged…
  • Be sure that your quote attributions don't have punctuation (like the first one ends in a full stop, but shouldn't).
  • "Originally believed to be responsible for carrying away the souls of the dead, ghests were feared by the sentient Rodians also found on Rodia, due to the fact the predators sometimes attack and ate entire primitive Rodian villages." Can you reword this sentence so that Rodians are mentioned much earlier? The "Originally believed" part doesn't say who believed that, so it sounds like it was a pan-galactic belief, which I know you didn't mean to imply. :)
  • We need context on the FarStar on its first mention in the lead.
  • The Biology and appearance section makes it sound like the only way they could reproduce was to get sperm from dead males. Is that so? Or could they reproduce conventionally as well? (By the way, you may have the dubious honor of adding a sperm article to the Wook, to go with breast as one of our most-read articles!)
    • Fixed, but I think I'll leave the sperm article for now since technically I'm allowed a redlink in the body :P I don't feel like starting up that controversy for now. Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:38, January 8, 2014 (UTC)
  • Be sure to mention that they had two sexes in the Biology and appearance.
  • I think you can go into a bit more detail about their anatomy in Biology and appearance. For instance, their eyes are bulbous, featureless discs at the front of the head, the maw is surrounded by a patch of bumpy skin of a different shade from the rest of the hide, their limbs are relatively thin in comparison to the body, and their head meets the forelimbs in piles of wrinkles.
    • Added the details you mentioned. Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:38, January 8, 2014 (UTC)
  • Currently, you use both ghest and ghests as the plural. Which one is correct?
    • Changed all to ghests. Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:38, January 8, 2014 (UTC)
  • Can we say by what point Kalon Lenitor was considered legendary? Like, is he alive and well in Alliance Intelligent Reports, meaning we can date him to that book's time period?
    • His daughter is detailed in the book but he's just mentioned in her entry. I could add that his daughter was alive during the Galactic Civil War but it doesn't seem that relevant. Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:38, January 8, 2014 (UTC)
  • You should probably note in BTS that the ghest was actually illustrated first and then given a back story, since Creatures of the Galaxy was designed such that the artists had free reign and then the writers came in. ~SavageBOB sig 13:41, January 8, 2014 (UTC)
    • Added. Thanks for the review! Ayrehead02 (talk) 14:38, January 8, 2014 (UTC)
Manoof
  • Is it mentioned specifically that they eat large herbivores?
  • "Female ghests generally foght harder than males, and if a female killed her partner, she could still extract his sperm and reproduce, but if the female died, no reproduction could take place." Can this be reworded or split into two sentences, seems too long.
  • There seems to be a few spelling errors that might not be picked up by spellcheck as they spell different words - guest instead of ghest, ten instead of then for example. I fixed those but you may want to double check the rest of the article, though i didn't notice any others. Manoof (talk) 13:24, February 12, 2014 (UTC)
    • Thanks for getting those! I can't see anything else either, but I'm sure other reviewers will pick up anything we missed. Ayrehead02 (talk) 12:23, March 10, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Chubbit

  • Nominated by: ~SavageBOB sig 12:53, January 15, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I've always had a soft spot for these guys. Pure Goodwin–Williamson awesomeness. ~SavageBOB sig 12:53, January 15, 2014 (UTC)

(0 Inqs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Jinzler
  • Just one very minor point from me: "In 0 ABY, the Kenobi impersonator destroyed the Iron Tower when the devotion shown him by the Chubbits and the Rebel Alliance hero Luke Skywalker prompted him to thwart a ploy by the Sith Lord Darth Vader to lure Skywalker into a trap at the Iron Tower." The repetition of the term "Iron Tower" within this sentence makes it read a little awkwardly, could you perhaps replace the second instance of the term with a synonym?
  • Overall, a very solid article. Please keep these coming. --Jinzler (talk) 19:24, April 1, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Arvan Carrick

  • Nominated by: IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 05:27, January 20, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Icy wind of night, be gone. This is not your domain.

(1 Inqs/2 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 04:30, January 24, 2014 (UTC)
  2. Ayrehead02 (talk) 13:22, March 23, 2014 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 04:09, March 29, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Exiled Jedi
  • It seems to me that his wife's name should be mentioned in the introduction.
  • That is it, it was a nice read.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 06:05, January 20, 2014 (UTC)
Ayrehead
  • All I can see is that you link Lucien Draay twice, and mention he trained Zayne twice. May just want to slightly change the second bit. Ayrehead02 (talk) 23:06, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
Toprawa

Comments

Sand demon

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Clone Commander Lee Talk 21:35, March 30, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Lee's charge
  • traveled beneath the desert sands in a way that natives described as "sand swimming", gliding underneath the desert's surface like it was an ocean.: What natives? The Tuskens? All natives of Tatooine?
    • The source doesn't specify. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 21:32, March 30, 2014 (UTC)
  • And that's it. Clone Commander Lee Talk 21:20, March 30, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Bric

  • Nominated by: JangFett (Talk) 18:32, January 29, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Relics

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote CC7567 (talk) 20:05, March 28, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Attack of the Clone
  • The date for "Clone Cadets" is actually 22 BBY (with no circa), because The Essential Reader's Companion places preceding (TCW novel/film) and following episodes/media (Wild Space/"Downfall of a Droid) in 22 BBY, so the date can be sourced to the ERC.
    • Yeah, you found some relics from the SW Annual 2011 days. JangFett (Talk) 18:38, March 2, 2014 (UTC)
  • "a timely arrived Bric angrily broke up the brawl": perhaps something can be said of the fact that he also rebukes them after breaking them up.
    • I ended up making a small note in the bio and expanded his criticism in the P&T JangFett (Talk) 18:38, March 2, 2014 (UTC)
  • "where El-Les informed Bric that Ti would allow Domino Squad to retake the challenge": if I remember correctly, Ti hadn't yet made up her mind about whether to allow Domino Squad to retake the test; at this point, El-Les had only put in a request that she do so, contrary to Bric's request that they be sent to maintenance duty.
    • How's that?
  • "When it came time for Domino Squad's second attempt at the Citadel Challenge": again, this needs a bit of adjustment, since it's their retaking of the test (which is technically their "second attempt," but I think it would be more accurate to say that they're retaking it).
  • In the P&T, you can mention the fact that Bric was openly critical of the cadets; among other instances, he calls them a "waste of my time." Also, his low view of malformed clones like 99 can be noted.
    • Expanded the P&T quite a bit. I'll probably look it over some more. JangFett (Talk) 18:38, March 2, 2014 (UTC)
      • "When it came time for Domino Squad's chance to take the Citadel Challenge, the ARC trooper Colt asked Bric and El-Les about how they performed as a group. Instead of revealing Domino Squad's issues to Colt, Bric did not reply and suggestively smirked at El-Les." I realize that this is a rather visible action that he takes in the episode, but it seems a bit much to mention it outright in the P&T, since it doesn't seem to add anything particularly unique to his already established disdain for the Dominos. I'd suggest omitting it. CC7567 (talk) 02:26, March 3, 2014 (UTC)
        • Yeah, I removed that entire part. JangFett (Talk) 21:59, March 4, 2014 (UTC)
  • I believe the scene in "Non-canon bibliography" should actually be written in present tense, since it's not in the IU part of the article. I don't think it's a policy anywhere, but I believe that's the general norm.
  • Since you go into a bit of detail regarding his appearances in the Bts, I'm not sure if it's actually worth mentioning the UK comic, since that might suggest that you specify all the other publications in which he received small mentions—which is up to you, but I'd recommend either adding all the other publications from the Sources list or removing the mention of the UK comic altogether, since it's about as notable as the other written publications. The only exception you might consider is his Hasbro figure; again, it's up to you whether you want to mention it or not in the Bts, but since it was part of a promotion, it seems rather notable. CC7567 (talk) 22:12, February 8, 2014 (UTC)
    • Yeah, it'll get too fluffy if I mentioned every single minor thing. I've listed the major events and his Hasbro toy. JangFett (Talk) 18:38, March 2, 2014 (UTC)
  • Also, the article will need a short update from his background appearance in a sixth season episode, but I'm sure that can wait until the season arrives on Netflix in March. CC7567 (talk) 17:28, February 16, 2014 (UTC)
    • Yeah, I'll look for it then. Thanks for the review thus far, CC. I'm assuming that this article will be the 100th WP:TCW FA. :P JangFett (Talk) 18:38, March 2, 2014 (UTC)
      • Jang asked me to update the article. Since his appearence is barely notable, the background information outnumber those of his role. :) Nahdar Vebb (talk) 18:36, March 5, 2014 (UTC)
        • Several things:
          • As far as I know, the "Battle of Ringovinda" isn't officially named, so it can't be referred to as such in-text.
            • The German version starts with "Die Schlacht um Ringovinda!" which would be "The Battle for Ringovinda". But as long as the english version is not available, I reword it. Nahdar Vebb (talk) 15:23, March 6, 2014 (UTC)
          • An approximate date for "Fugitive" (i.e. c. 20 BBY from Star Wars: Darth Maul—Death Sentence 1) would be helpful.
          • The intro can be updated to state that Bric was still involved in clone trooper training at least until c. 20 BBY.
          • The Bts should also be properly updated to reflect his appearance in "Fugitive."
          • "Bric walked alongside El-Les in a hallway as AZ-3 tricked a clone trooper into following him so Fives could get his armor": I know Bric only has a background appearance and isn't important to the episode's overall story line, but this wording unnecessarily regulates him to the background of the episode and underlines his unimportance. Some rewording to focus more on Bric as the subject would be helpful. CC7567 (talk) 15:13, March 6, 2014 (UTC)
          • Did some work. Nahdar Vebb (talk) 15:23, March 6, 2014 (UTC)
  • I'll support once Jang has had a chance to review the episode himself and added any necessary details that might be restricted to the English version/episode guide. CC7567 (talk) 20:56, March 6, 2014 (UTC)
    • It's good. JangFett (Talk) 01:22, March 20, 2014 (UTC)
      • Given Bric's close working/mentoring relationship with all the members of Domino Squad, it seems odd that Fives isn't mentioned by name until the events of "Fugitive." Please find a way to mention him during the "Clone Cadets" stuff so that Fives's return to Kamino is more evident. CC7567 (talk) 04:52, March 20, 2014 (UTC)
        • Where exactly? JangFett (Talk) 18:57, March 20, 2014 (UTC)
          • Anywhere that would make sense, really. As long as it's before the events of "Fugitive." CC7567 (talk) 03:30, March 21, 2014 (UTC)
  • "a puzzled Bric told El-Les": why was Bric puzzled? I don't remember getting a sense of that from the episode. CC7567 (talk) 13:30, March 27, 2014 (UTC)
    • I thought it was implied through his body language, but I removed it. JangFett (Talk) 17:02, March 27, 2014 (UTC)
  • It would be helpful to mention the reprogrammed battle droids that were part of the Citadel Challenge at least once in the article.
    • How's that? JangFett (Talk) 19:24, March 28, 2014 (UTC)
      • I think mentioning that the training droids were specifically Separatist battle droids would be helpful. CC7567 (talk) 19:52, March 28, 2014 (UTC)
        • How's the wording for it? JangFett (Talk) 20:01, March 28, 2014 (UTC)
  • "Bric called for CT-4040": 4040 should ideally be mentioned at the end of the first paragraph of the Bio, when you identify the other four Domino Squad members by name. Also, where did this meeting take place?
    • Yeah and I won't mention his nickname until his meeting with Bric, otherwise it wouldn't make make much sense. JangFett (Talk) 19:24, March 28, 2014 (UTC)
  • "When Fives fled from the city": the appropriate event article needs to be linked here. CC7567 (talk) 15:08, March 28, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Mandalorian Wars

  • Nominated by: Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 04:13, February 10, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I was bullied persuaded into noming this. The result of one of my random writing sprees.

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Support

Object

Code-8
  • In the prelude the link to the Battle of Onderon is incorrectly tensed.
  • The sentence that links to the Republic navy is in present tense
  • In the speakers bit for the quote in the Influenced to war section its unclear whether Revan or Canderous is saying the quote
  • In the first paragraph of the war section you repeat the words massacre and Cathar a bit too close together.
  • Will continue the review later. Great work here :) Commander Code-8 Felicitations malefactors! 10:19, April 14, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

  • I was unaware I was so persuasive. :P MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 04:14, February 10, 2014 (UTC)
  • In "Prelude", the relationship between Mandalore the Ultimate and Unidentified Mandalore needs to be ironed out. Mostly because you are using this image, which may in fact be the Unidentified Mandalore based on the KOTOR sourcebook and Pena's intentions. And if so, there is some subtext about how Mandalore the Ultimate served the Sith, ie Mandalore the Ultimate being a Sith agent that secretly replaced the Unidentified Mandalore. This is the reason why Mandalore the Ultimate was removed from FA status, based on this comment under "From 4dot", and due to Mandalore the Ultimate's importance in this conflict, I think it needs to either be mentioned in the main body or ironed out in the BtS. Protectorate (talk) 04:25, February 10, 2014 (UTC)
    • Resolved via our extensive discussion on IRC. :P Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 05:26, February 10, 2014 (UTC)


Voxyn

  • Nominated by: 501st dogma(talk) 02:40, February 12, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: This will be my cuddly nom for the barnburner. I'll get to a scary one next.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Great work on this! Manoof (talk) 04:58, February 17, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Manoof
  • "All voxyn were genetically alike, as they were..." using alike implies they were not exactly identical, could you clarify?
    • Changed to identical, but noted that that the queen is not identical to them.
  • "The tail of a voxyn could be used to deliver a neural shock, as well as poison,[1] which would cause swelling and would make most creatures' flesh red for one to six days; the vornskr also possessed a poisonous tail barb, just like the creature that had been made with the help of the vornskr' genes." you mention the poisonous tail twice, and the last part of the sentence is confusing.
    • I'm not seeing how I mention the poisonous tail twice. Nueral shock and poison are different things. The last part of the sentence's purpose is to inform the reader that vornskrs also had the poisonous tail.
      • Sorry, i mean your talking about the voxyn's tail and poison then associate it in a roundabout way to the vornskr. Perhaps rewriting to something like "The tail of a voxyn could be used to deliver a neural shock, as well as poison, a trait passed on from the vornskr' genes. The poison from a voxyn could cause swelling and make most creatures' flesh red for one to six days. Manoof (talk) 07:28, February 16, 2014 (UTC)
        • How's that?
          • Looks great!
  • "Voxyn were also fast and agile on their feet, able to jump to great heights, and could swim in water. Voxyn could also submerge themselves underwater for extended periods of time, though the blast effect of a concussion grenade could stun them while they were under water, and cause them to rise to the surface." You mention their swimming in water, though the second sentence by itself implies this. I would also remove the word "also" in the second sentence so the two read better.
    • Swimming and being able to breath under water are different things. In the passage where the voxyn were coming at the jedi from under water, the water was shallow, so they most likely walked on the ground beneath the water. I've removed Also and replaced it with Additionally.
      • Looks good
  • "As such, voxyn possessed the ability to sense Jedi, or other Force-sensitives, through the Force, an ability that vornskrs had as well." needs rewording, perhaps something like "To this end, they shared an ability with vornskrs that allowed them, through the force, to sense Jedi and other force-sensitives"
    • Tweaked it a bit. Is that any better?
      • Looks great.
  • "Voxyn could sense Jedi through the Force even if the Force-sensitives diminished their presence in the Force, preventing Jedi from hiding from the hounds." Needs rewriting, perhaps something like "Voxyn could sense Jedi through the Force even if they used a force technique to diminish their force presence, in an attempt to hide from the hounds"
    • Reworded. Try it out.
      • Tried and loved, though looks like you left out a word - "voxyn could still sense them" Manoof (talk) 07:28, February 16, 2014 (UTC)
        • There you go. 501st dogma(talk) 15:40, February 16, 2014 (UTC)
  • You mention lightsabers having difficulty cutting through a foot, is this the only place of their body there was difficulty?
    • Is that better?
      • Much better :)
  • You keep referencing to the Vong invading "a galaxy". Shouldn't this be changed to "the galaxy" as the article is IU (Nei Rin for example mentions the vong invasion of the galaxy)
    • No, as the Vong are invading from another galaxy. As such, I do not think that I can label the New Republic's galaxy as "The galaxy" when there are others in the Stars Wars universe. I might be wrong in this regard, but I think it is alright as it is.
      • Sounds fair
  • "and the decaying worldship of the Banu Rass in orbit of the planet was used as the base of operations" needs rephrasing, perhaps something along the lines of "and the decaying worldship, the Baanu Rass, was placed in orbit as a base of operations"
    • Changed it up.
  • you say there were a couple of failed attempts to create voxyn, was it 2? do we know exactly how many there were, or a rough estimate?
    • There is no specific number, though I do assume they tried quite a bit.
  • could you add some context on what a grashal is? Manoof (talk) 12:06, February 15, 2014 (UTC)
    • Done. Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 13:19, February 15, 2014 (UTC)
Cav
  • Eye color in infobox is unreffed.
    • Whoops. Fixed.
  • All voxyn, save for the voxyn queen, were genetically identical as they were all clones of the queen - wouldn't they all be identical, including the queen, if they were clones of the queen? To be different genetically from the prime clone would be a great trick.
    • Well... the queen is larger and smarter than her clones, so she isn't identical. Not sure how the Vong made that happen....
      • Well, genetically identical and physically identical are two different things I would assume. Safer to go with "physically identical", I feel.
  • invaded a galaxy other than their own, which contained their homeworld of Yuuzhan'tar. - I don't think this is technically correct - I thought Zonoma Sekot was a seed on the original Yuuzhan'tar? - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 13:18, March 10, 2014 (UTC)
    • Wait, do you mean that it sounds like "the galaxy" has Yuuzhan'tar in it? 501st dogma(talk) 22:15, March 10, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

  • Thanks to MJ for the copyedit. 501st dogma(talk) 02:40, February 12, 2014 (UTC)


Mar Barezz

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote Dat Cavalier JangFett (Talk) 19:43, March 28, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Comments

Harsh

  • Nominated by: Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:58, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Not the most imaginative character naming.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:42, April 13, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Lee's charge
  • Intro: After his victory and recovery, Harsh was considered a legend: Considered by whom? Is it said? This should be in the bio too.
    • It isn't said in the article. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:39, April 13, 2014 (UTC)
  • Bio: The Human male Harsh was born the child of a minor bureaucrat: Maybe it's just my English, but somehow I feel like there is something missing.
  • Bio: smashing the other boy's face. As a young man he attended an Imperial Academy,: It would be clearer if you mention Harhs' name here, otherwise one might think the bully went to the academy.
  • Bio: You mention that Harsh acted on orders from the Emperor when he bombarded the planet. Could you make this a little bit more clearer in the bio. Currently it just says that Palpatine became aware of these Force-sensitive inhabitants.
  • Bio: Why do you mention Jabba's death? I can't see a relation to Harsh.
    • Its the only way to date the three against the galaxy comic, as it is shown in a flashback. Changed to just say after 4 ABY though. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:39, April 13, 2014 (UTC)
  • Bio: Death needs to be decapitalized. Also, you should link to the Battle of Endor here.
  • Bio: Is all the info about the fate of the sector really needed?
    • I'm not sure to be honest, it felt relevant that it was still in Imperial control for all that time, potentially his. I'm happy to remove though of you think not since I guess it isn't confirmed as relevant. Ayrehead02 (talk)
      • I see your point, but maybe you should just say that the sector is under Imperial control until 11 ABY instead of mentioning all the other stuff. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:03, April 13, 2014 (UTC)
  • P&T: I would like to see a mention on him threatening other patients to enforce his will.
  • There were a few cases of double linking, watch out for those. Very nice work. Clone Commander Lee Talk 22:14, April 4, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

XJ-6 airspeeder

  • Nominated by: JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 12:00, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I suppose it's only fitting that a return to semi-active editing would mean my first FA should be returned to Featured status. And man, this article definitely needed that rewrite.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Ayrehead02 (talk) 11:05, March 16, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Ayrehead
  • Quite a few redirects that need fixing. Ayrehead02 (talk) 22:42, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
  • I think the other model of airspeeder that Greyshade owns is identified in an image caption in the Viva Space Vegas blog entry. Ayrehead02 (talk) 22:42, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
    • At first I thought it was an OOU reference to a model of car for some reason (probably because I was working on this article in the dead of night), but a quick Google search has shown me otherwise. Added and links to the respective articles have been made. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 06:23, March 16, 2014 (UTC)
  • "as the Jedi had previously flown one of the senator's personal vehicles two years prior and was the only convertible speeder on the lot." I think your missing and it in this sentence. Ayrehead02 (talk) 22:42, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
    • I was. Fixed the sentence so it flows a little better, too. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 06:23, March 16, 2014 (UTC)
  • In the behind the scenes you need to mention the source that the speeder first appeared in, as well as what source identified it. Ayrehead02 (talk) 22:42, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
Cadeth
  • *slap* Redirects, young Jorrel.
    • In my defense I didn't know Orange existed. Things have changed.
  • Also, the Sources list should be listed chronologically by release date. Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 14:42, March 24, 2014 (UTC)
    • Thought I'd fixed it, but now I've actually fixed it. JorrelWiki-shrinkableFraajic 03:40, March 25, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Serroco

  • Nominated by: IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 05:45, March 23, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Would you like to say something before you leave? Perhaps you'd care to state exactly how you feel.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. New York, Rio, Serroco. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:11, April 7, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Lee's charge
  • History: Human settlers from the Republic had put down roots on one of Serroco's nicer continents: Is nicer a proper way to describe it? Forgive me, if it is.
    • Carth Onasi says "nicer" in the comic, so I just went with that.
  • History: Link for the watch station and the Senator?
    • Redlinked, will create shortly.
  • History: Just a suggestion: Could you add dates to explain when the Jedi Civil War and the Cold War?
    • I didn't want to overload with dates, but I added some relevant time context.
  • An easy and entertaining read. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:35, April 5, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Thon's Orchard

(1 Inqs/0 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote I'd fly that. JangFett (Talk) 19:19, March 26, 2014 (UTC)

Object

J. Angstonini III
  • History - Nitpicky, but do you think it's possible to mention the year for the Battle of Yavin? JangFett (Talk) 19:04, March 26, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Song of War

  • Nominated by: 501st dogma(talk) 11:48, April 6, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Another would-be GAN that got too large :(

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:14, April 6, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Lee's charge
  • The place for the earliest sighting is missing. So is the last sighting.
    • There.
  • Maybe mention that Zsinj is an Imperial in the intro/body?
    • Zsinj is a warlord at this point, and only a formal Imperial, so calling him such would be incorrect.
  • The "Battle of Fondor" article reads like this title is not conjectural. Is that correct? If yes, then the actual name should be used.
    • There.
  • A little bit context for Olanji/Charubah please.
    • Added.
  • You mention at least one X-wing in the infobox and at least two in the body.
    • The complement containes at least one X-wing, while the ship can hold at least two in addition to its other fighters. This is because Luke brought his X-wing along, but had to fly one of Isolder's.
  • Is there a place for an image of Isolder?
    • That work?
  • Maybe mention that the journey would have taken ten days without Jedi-navigation in the description.
    • There
  • Is there another quote for the history section, so that you can move the current quote to the C&C section?
    • No quote. :P
  • The Song of War first appeared in 1994's novel The Courtship of Princess Leia, written by Dave Wolverton. The Battle Dragon later appeared in: Could you change one?
    • Better?
  • Very nice. Clone Commander Lee Talk 12:07, April 6, 2014 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 13:10, April 6, 2014 (UTC)
Cav
  • Like on other Battle Dragons, the guns of the Song of War could rotate around the edge of the saucers, allowing recharging guns to move out of optimal position and thus allow fresh guns into those in order to maintain a steady rate of fire. - I understand the gist of what's being said here, but I think you might be missing a few words.
    • There.
  • behind the fleet of other Battle Dragons that Isolder's mother Ta'a Chume would soon go after Solo with. - some clunky phrasing here, please rewrite for clarity.
    • Better?
  • However, Astarta chose a different path; he took the Song of War - I though Astarta was female? - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 20:30, April 9, 2014 (UTC)
    • Missing an s, added. Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 21:17, April 16, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

  • Thanks to MJ for the copyedit. 501st dogma(talk) 11:48, April 6, 2014 (UTC)


Battle of Corellia

  • Nominated by: Cade StupidRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Calrayn 20:15, April 16, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Project Hero. It's finally here, after all those damn redlinks.

(0 Inqs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Reviewed on IRC. Clone Commander Lee Talk 22:12, April 16, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Comments

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