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What They Called Me

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WhatTheyCalledMe
What They Called Me
Attribution information
Writer

Craig Thompson

Penciller

Craig Thompson

Editor

Dave Land

Publication information
Publisher

Dark Horse Comics

Published in

Star Wars Tales 5

Pages

4

General information


Preceded by

Yaddle's Tale: The One Below

Followed by

A Summer's Dream

What They Called Me was a short comic featured in Star Wars Tales 5. A longer version appeared in Star Wars Gamer 4. Its place in the official Star Wars canon is uncertain, but due to the story's humorous tone, it is likely non-canon.

Plot summaryEdit

Cos

"Because--(munch, munch)--that's what they called me."

An eccentric man, who was independently wealthy enough to enjoy his life to the full, talked to himself, describing his latest venture. He told of his previous activities, spelunking on Tatooine, angling on Dagobah and tobogganing on Hoth. He then continued into detail about his "cruise" to the "rugged moon of Endor" for "communing with nature and an opportunity to document the culture of those savage Ewoks." He referred to his decision to "rough it" (which involved bringing his own cooker, stereo system, electric shaver, television, boombox and box of cola) and how he took to the natives. His first "interaction with the tribe" was to "clothe their shame," though this proved to be short-lived. He then attempted to aid in the grooming of a few Ewoks (two at least), which involved shaving off all of their body hair, leaving them naked and shivering. Meanwhile, two Ewoks climbed into his starship to explore. The man then referred to his distaste of the pagan rituals that the Ewoks performed and suggested that these rituals were "too creepy, certain to frighten a conservative tourist market." The man replaced their gods and "absurd tree worship" with televisions and boomboxes. However, amid his "hard work" in "undertaking in the name of cultural relations" he was still able to sight see. Having beheld the "wonder and majesty" of Endor's "virgin forestland," he remarked "beautiful" and threw a cola can to the ground.

Having crammed "all there was to see" in ten days, the man fired up his starship to return to the "heavens." But before he left, a solemn Ewok presented him with some glowing green shards. Unbeknownst to the man, the shards presented were the broken parts of the starship's sublight drive, which the somber scout had dropped and broken while exploring the starship. Passing the shards off as no more than pagan crystals "probably instilled with mythical power," the man also received some "delectable candies" (Gundar droppings), which were "sweet with a touch of sour."

The man looked back on his trip and remembered that he acquired a piece of "Ewokian" vocabulary during his visit, namely the word "Lurdo," who the man suspected to mean "one who is infinitely wise and respected," because, he reasoned as his sublight drive smoked, that's what they called him.

AppearancesEdit

By type 
Characters Creatures Droid models Events Locations
Organizations and titles Sentient species Vehicles and vessels Weapons and technology Miscellanea

Characters

Creatures

Droid models

Locations

Organizations and titles

Sentient species

Weapons and technology

Miscellanea


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In other languages


Star Wars Tales
Tales 1: Life, Death, and the Living Force · Mara Jade: A Night on the Town · Extinction, Part 1 · Skippy the Jedi Droid
Tales 2: Routine · Extinction, Part 2 · Stop That Jawa! · Incident at Horn Station
Tales 3: The Death of Captain Tarpals · Deal with a Demon · Lady Luck · Three Against the Galaxy
Tales 4: Moment of Doubt · A Death Star Is Born · Spare Parts · Sand Blasted
Tales 5: Yaddle's Tale: The One Below · What They Called Me · A Summer's Dream · Hoth · Lando's Commandos: On Eagles' Wings
Tales 6: The Hovel on Terk Street · A Hot Time in the Cold Town Tonite! · Fortune, Fate, and the Natural History of the Sarlacc · Junkheap Hero · The Hidden · Thank the Maker
Tales 7: Single Cell · Nerf Herder · Jedi Chef · Outbid But Never Outgunned · Force Fiction
Tales 8: Captain Threepio · The One That Got Away · The Secret Tales of Luke's Hand! · Death Star Pirates · Bad Business
Tales 9: Resurrection · Hate Leads to Lollipops · The Rebel Four
Tales 10: Trooper · Skreej · Nameless · A Wookiee Scorned! · Free Memory
Tales 11: Prey · In the Beginning · The Princess Leia Diaries · Tall Tales · Ghost
Tales 12: A Day in the Life · A Jedi's Weapon · The Revenge of Tag & Bink · Once Bitten · The Duty
Tales 13: Puzzle Peace · The Secret of Tet-Ami · Survivors · Stones · The Sith in the Shadow · Children of the Force
Tales 14: Apocalypse Endor · The Emperor's Court · Urchins · Tides of Terror · The Lesson · Smuggler's Blues · Mythology
Tales 15: Sandstorm · First Impressions · Falling Star · Do or Do Not · Slippery Slope · Lucky Stars
Tales 16: The Other · Best Birthday Ever · The Long, Bad Day · Kessel Run · Lunch Break · Heart of Darkness
Tales 17: Planet of the Dead · All for You · Phantom Menaces · Ghosts of Hoth · The Apprentice · Dark Journey
Tales 18: Number Two in the Galaxy · Payback · Being Boba Fett · The Way of the Warrior · Revenants
Tales 19: Collapsing New Empires · The Value of Proper Intelligence to Any Successful Military Campaign is Not to Be Underestimated · Rather Darkness Visible · The Rebel Club · The Lost Lightsaber · Into the Great Unknown · Storyteller
Tales 20: George R. Binks · Who's Your Daddy · Fred Jawa · Luke Skywalker: Detective · Hunger Pains · Failing Up With Jar Jar Binks · Nobody's Perfect · Problem Solvers · Melvin Fett · Young Lando Calrissian
Tales 21: Nomad Chapter One · Walking the Path That's Given · Equals & Opposites
Tales 22: Honor Bound · Nomad Chapter Two · Marooned
Tales 23: Shadows and Light · Nomad Chapter Three · Lucky
Tales 24: Marked · Fett Club · Unseen, Unheard · Nomad Chapter Four
Trade paperbacks
Tales Volume 1 · Tales Volume 2 · Tales Volume 3 · Tales Volume 4 · Tales Volume 5 · Tales Volume 6
[edit]

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