Wookieepedia:Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense
From Wookieepedia, the Star Wars wiki.
The purpose of this page is to collect items from vandalized pages that are funny or just plain pathetic. We already have three fine collections on userpages, but this page will be more of a community page.
Note: not all content contained in these pages is appropriate for users of all ages. Please exercise discretion if you are easily offended.
To add a BJAODN to this page, use this format:
=(Date)=
Added by: (username here)
(From [[article name]], if applicable)
(insert BJAODN here)
November 15, 2009
From: Talk:Twilight (G9 Rigger freighter)
Emergency Reprt from the Chancellor :
We need to update the archival data on Skywalker's ship so I keep track of him and his travels for... war reasons. (Puts on cloak to become Dark Sidious) If he is to be my future apprentice, I must know more! More! Mmmoooorrrrrrreeeeeee!
October 15, 2009
Added by: —Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:28, October 15, 2009 (UTC)
From: Trap
A trap was a tool or tactic designed to capture people or animals. The Ewoks and Duloks of the Forest Moon of Endor, for example, utilized such devices to capture game and keep intruders from infiltrating their territories.
October 13, 2009
Added by: —Master Jonathan(Jedi Council Chambers)
(From "Boba Fett and stuff that happened")
Boba fett had a very depressing life, including deaths, almost dying, and bounty hunting.When the clones were being created, Jango had one condition, he wanted a clone for himself starting the creation of Boba fett.Boba and Jango lived in peace on Kamino until Obi-Wan came to find Jango. They flew to geonosis and met with count dooku. During the battle of geonsis Jango died.
September 4, 2009
(From Talk:Moldy Crow)
I had assumed that this wiki was always speculation, and original research, but I guess not. It just seems to kinda'... Say... Okay, to so called canon. 67.142.130.17
July 15, 2009
Added by: JangFett
From: Talk:Ahsoka Tano
HEYA
Hi i know theres a sign on this page saying not too but i just have to ask does ashoka die i would really like to know i think shes ok but on the otherhand shes probably dead. I hads a dream last night that she was alive and well and joined lukes new jedi academy but yer then i woke up and broke down into uncontrolable tears. Anyways after i fell asleep for the second time i found note under my pillow saying " Teddy you are one with the force , you are strong with the force , you are my inspiration ,of course i found a way to live for you Teddy, Yours always Ashoka"
Soooo anyone who thinks shes dead try and debunk my note and let me know
- D Thanks guys x
(Message deleted with comment - No. Just no.)
June 27, 2009
Added by: Master Jonathan
From: Galactic Empire
the star wars drawing thingy
Im sorry if you were hoping for star wars drawing or a thingy but this paragraph only contains information about a sweet game called Toast of War which depicts the life of warlike toast fighting the never ending battle against the evil butter forces. If you should happen to try it has nothing to do with ninjas. It does however allow you to wield a chainsaw, a crossbow ,and your own head! You will be thrown into the very real world that is ruled by the giant jeloctopus that eats everything that goes near it, this continition however has made him so overweight that he is unable to move.If you are cool enough to kill him (which I am) then you will beat the game. If you erase this I have the power to get the Taliban and the I.R.A. (Irish Republican Army) to find you,and then Chewbacca will kill you in your dreams.
P.S. Chewbacca knows that this is not pointless jiberish and that your meaningless lives are both pointless and insignificant.
(Edit summary: "dont edit this or chewbacca will kill your family and friends and if you dont have either of those then you will soon get them and then chewy will kill you")
June 2, 2009
Added by: Cavalier One
Forum:SH:I have found a new race of aliens on star wars thbat nobody else knoe
I have found a new race of aliens in star wars! It is awsome and looks nrather like a human but have mutated and made genetic enhancements to their bodys to become kind of cyborgs. You see it on star wars knights of the old republic II the sith lords! I found a glitch in a wall on Nar Shadda and walked into a secret trial room where i had to fight them!!! Of course they were hard to beat and i got a black lightsaber crystal from one! They said they are hidden on every planet!! I am looking for more now. (P.S. they talk with a kind of clicking sound) i do not not know the name of the race yet but i will post again if i do.
(Addendum: Page deleted with comment - 1.2 Nonsense: Riiight. Come back when you find the unicorns as well.)
April 24, 2009
Added by: Master Jonathan
(From: N'Kata Del Gormo)
yoda was very inteligent in what he did he trained for trillions of years but never became a jedi knight he went straight from being a padwan to being a computer sellsman at city circuit
February 4, 2009
Added by: Darthchristian
Fanon Sucks
Fanon sucks because HE is a fat basterd and a fucken HOr
January 22, 2009
Created by: 62.171.194.8; Added by jSarek
Mandalorian Helmets
Mandalorian helmets were the best in the galaxy and they had many different features.
Contents 1.Inside the Helmet 2.History 3.Appearences
Inside the Helmet Almost all Mandalorian helmets had a very advanced HUD(heads-up-display)
December 21st, 2008
Created by: Blisters95 Added by: Madclaw
BEST EVER SITH LORDS
| REVAN | |
|---|---|
| Biographical information | |
| Homeworld |
SOMEWHERE ON THE OUTER RIM |
| Physical description | |
| Species |
HUMAN |
| Gender |
MALE |
| Chronological and political information | |
| Known masters |
VROOK LAMAR, DORAK,VANDAR TOKARE,ZHAR LESTIN,KREIA≠ |
DARTH REVAN
Now this guy is a legend, he became a jedi, then disobeyed the order to help the cause of the Mandalorian Wars,becomes a hero with best bud MALAK, eventually he ends the war and goes off to seek out the rest of the mandalorians.... But in actual fact REVAN and MALAK went and found the star forge and created the ultimate army, the only problem is that it is not for the jedi but, REVAN and MALAK have become members of the sith, taking the title of darth and creating the sith empire. tough work. Now two years into the sith war REVAN had a little trouble with a jedi strike team, boarding his flagship and killing his henchmen dark jedi, the leader of this team BASTILA SHAN. Doomed REVAN was cornered by the jedi, his ship shook and DARTH REVAN had met his end.
Or had he? REVAN had become an amnesiac, trained as a Republican, and eventually learned the ways of the jedi. Little did he know that his so called killer was soon to be his most trustworthy companion. REVAN was actually attacked by MALAK who ordered his ship, The LEVIATHAN, to fire at his masters ship, REVAN went down, and MALAK assumed that the apprentice had become the master. REVAN finds out his identity and about how he "dies" aboard The Leviathan, captive to MALAK. REVAN began a duel with his former apprentice but soon BASTILA intervenes and REVAN escapes. REVAN and co. apart from BASTILA who is now MALAKS apprentice,
September 19th, 2008
From: The Force Unleashed Novel
Plot: he kills some stormtroopers, starts the rebel alliance makes out with hot chick dies.
September 6, 2008
Added by: Jorrel Fraajic
From Anikin Skywalker
"This is an article that you shouldn't be seeing unless you type bad."
July 31, 2008
Added by: Atarumaster88
Forum:Please read this if you are Bureaucrat
My name is JediMasterKurtz, I've been on quite a bit and I've asked my fair share of questions about well... everything. I picked up a tip that bureaucrats can make people admins, if that's true, then I'd love to become an admin. I believe that I could help many people who have just recently joined. Also, I would love to be able to further contribute to Wookiepedia.com and I believe that if I was to become an admin, then I would be even more ecstatic about this website and would hopefully be able to spread my love for Star Wars to anyone else I meet. Bureaucrats please write back, and I really wish to become an admin and be able to help out everyone who may struggle to have fun here, after all, we do want everyone who joins Wookiepedia.com to be happy about this website right? Thank you for all your help,--JediMasterKurtz 18:40, 31 July 2008 (UTC)
July 30, 2008
Added by: Jedimca0
B'omarr Monastery (Teth)
A very small place where some monks got together and did some stuff like trading baseball cards :)
June 17 A.K.A. W-Day
Added by: Madclaw
Vagina
Most female mammals in the galaxy had vaginas. The vagina was how mammals reproduced. The fetus would then grow in the uterus and would be live born unlike the other species in the galaxy that layed eggs.
Notable examples of beings with vaginas:
Leia Organa Solo, Jaina Solo, Aayla Secura, Mara Jade Skywalker, Sintas Vel, Asajj Ventress and Mallatobuck.
April 28, 2008
Added by: Jedimca0
(From Dantooin)
Dantooin is dantooine spelled wrong.
April 24, 2008
Added by Jorrel Fraajic
Eric the Weird
Eric-is a very very very odd little 13 year old yet acts like he is 5 i think that he is a good friend yet at the same time he reads starwars to much i really think he needs to get a girl friend i mean really come on eric
-Zach,ANDSpencer
April 1, 2008
Written by Darth Oblivion
Kyle Katarn's Bryar pistol
Kyle Katarn's Bryar pistol was the last thing anyone who got on Kyle's bad side would ever see. With it, he killed many a Greedo, Ree-Yees, and Bossk, as well as the occasional Dark Jedi.
Appearances
- In your face
March 10, 2008
Added by: Gonk (From vandalism to Ackbar)
Cooking Ackbar
It is not easy to trick this big lobster into getting into a big boiling pot, but it is possible. You need to inform him that we are simply checking out your "new hottub". If he proclaims, "It's a trap!", then we know that we need to run. Simply inform him that putting butter and carrots into his hot tub is not because we are trying to eat him, but to exfoliate his outer lobster shell. Now when it comes to crab crackers, you might be out of luck, as this is a big meal, and a small crab cracker will not do the trick. A possible alternative would be to use one of the huge paper cutters that we all had to use in elementary school. With this meal, boiled potatoes is always good.
Recipe: 25 gallons broth (your choice) 1 Admiral Ackbar 150 mini carrots 50 red potatoes 20 sticks of butter
Preparing: 1.) Bring your broth to a boil. 2.) Add 1 Admiral Ackbar 3.) Once the Ackbar appears to be tasty, add in the carrots and potatoes 4.) Let cool for 1 to 2 hours before serving
March 6, 2008
Added by: Gonk
How to become a sith lord... By Darth Sidious... and Darth Vader who is leaning over my shoulder and telling me what to type. 1. You must do something bad and/or kill someone. 2: you must go to the lightsaber shop and buy a red lightsaber. (If they don't have any in stock, just buy a normal one and go find a red saber crystal). 3: Train yourself as much as you can in the ways of the sith. You can download sith moves of the Sabernet. Make sure no one knows what you are doing. 4: steal a car (just for afect) and fly away to whatever planet you know there is a sith lord on. 5: walk up to the guy and he will probably kill you, so you must hide first, kill one of his guards (which should be easy if you trained the right amount), and take the guards cloths. Then walked into the sith lord's office and suddenly start to demostrate your cool, awesome moves! 6: If he likes them he will ask who you are and that is when you take off the helmet and reveal your identity (for dramatic affect of course), but if he looks like he doesn't like your moves, run as fats as you can and don't stop until you get to your car, or until you are killed. (If you got a yes on number 6, then continue ready, if not... well you are probably dead) 7: Train with your master until he says you are good enough to become a sith lord. (a little word of advise, do what ever he says and don't talk back or your head is going to be on a steak in his back yard...) 8: Once you are a sith lord, you have completed this task and don't have to read any further with this page... If you want you can celebrate a job well done with some smoothies!
I also made a page on how to become a jedi, if you want to check it out!
Febuary 6, 2008
Added by: Jedimca0
From Lightsaber fishing:
This strange way of using the lightsaber wasn´t actually a form of combat, but a form of survival for hungry jedi on planets with water or in the space itself. The jedi only had to ignite his/her lightsaber and put it down and wait for a eatable creature to bite it and die. Several Jedi used it during the Clone Warsdespite Grand Master Yoda disapproved it because he was too small that the creature would eat him.
When Luke Skywalker confronted Darth Vader on Bespin he had been waiting him practising this technique, althought he couldn't eat anything because that heavy black armor.
Luke practised lightsaber fishing sometimes in the New Jedi Order, claiming things tasted better thus and that being a master in this is why he married Mara Jade
Febuary 5, 2008
Added by: Jedimca0
From Kago:
"Darth Kago was eerst een Jedi Master.
De reden is dat hij Dark Jedi werd dat de Jedi's zijn broer heeft gedood
De Jedi's dachten dat hij een Sith Lord was maar dat was niet zo.
Dus hebben ze hem vermoord om de jonge padawans te beschermen.
Van. Kevin-skywalker (habbo naam)"
January 30, 2008
Added by: Jedimca0
From Star Warriors:
"It was a rebel group based on planet Ryloon. They fought against the Galactic Empire from 15 aby to 5 aby. The name of the leader of this group was Jord´n Reuss."
January 28, 2008
From Ewok Handler: "If they saw a group of soldiers they would take an Ewok out of the sack and send it back into battle, and as soon as the Ewok reached the group of enemies, the detonator would explode with devastating effect. This has been recorded as one of the best ideas anyone has ever had."
January 26, 2008
Added by: Gonk
Terka
Terka is NOt living in varna he is to stinki to be alive He is also known as Burkan Maika, Potnik, Satelite, Mirizliviq, shterion, 6terka, Dymbo, MNogo izbqgal rob, Potniq i Zaj baj skil. Trough his live He Has zaiched many ko4es in many different ways that is very pervert and is zaj baj skil HE as done the appokalipsis of our world with the global Zatoplqne by him self.
January 5, 2008
Added by: Gonk
Chapter One: A Disturbing Decision
Melville, his mother, and his collapsible ironing board had been traveling the world in their oil tanker for eight months. And when I say they'd been "traveling the world" I mean that Melville had put his mother's skeleton at the steering wheel of their oil tanker, and she had promptly tipped over, pulling the steering wheel to one side, so that the ship was going around the same 20 foot circle over and over again. But Melville didn't notice, he was busy having an endless honeymoon with his newfound love: the ironing board.
Then, one day, 11 months after their voyage started, the boat abruptly came to a halt. Melville climbed out of the bathtub in which he and his ironing board had been fornicating, and yelled, "WHAT HAPPENED? WHY DID WE STOP? MOM?"
He climbed up on deck, where he saw his mother's skeleton lying under the steering wheel. "Lying down on the job," he said frustratedly, and he picked her up and threw her overboard.
"Whoops," he said, watching her sink to the icy depths below, "I suppose I shouldn't have done that...oh well." He shrugged, and picked up an empty beer can and drew a smily face on it. "Hello, mother!" he said, enthusiastically smiling at the can.
He decided to call a meeting of the ship's crew so they could decide what to do next. He got on the ship's intercom and started bellowing, "All crew members assemble on deck! All crew members assemble on deck!" he did this for several hours before remembering that his wife, the ironing board, typically had trouble moving on her own, so he went downstairs to get her.
"Okay," he said, pacing back in front of the ironing board and his mother, "We've got a dilemma. Apparently, the ship's run out of gasoline. We're stranded out here in the middle of the ocean. We have nothing to eat, and nothing to drink apart from this syrupy stuff." He picked up a large can marked "GASOLINE" and chugged it, before continuing, "I'm afraid the only way we're gonna survive is through...*gulp*...cannibalism!"
He had expected his mother and the ironing board to be shocked by this revelation, but to his shock, neither of them reacted. He shrugged.
"So, there's only one thing for it! We'll have to decide which of us will sacrifice himself, or herself, so that the other two can live?" Neither the can nor the ironing board seemed eager to volunteer. This decision was going to be tougher than he thought.
Chapter Two: A Disturbing Incision
After several seconds of thought, Melville decided that they would draw straws, and whoever got the short straw would be killed and eaten. "Now the only question is," he thought out loud, "Where are we gonna get straw?" Then he saw it. Thirty huge boxes were sitting on the deck, all of them marked "Fresh bread."
"That's it!" he yelled, as he ran over to the boxes. He opened up the first one, and, sure enough, it was filled to the top with fluffy, white, seeded bread loaves. "I'm a genius!" he bellowed at the empty beer can, as he pulled a loaf of bread out of the box. "This bread has seeds in it!" he said triumphantly, "So, we can take the seeds out of the bread, then plant the seeds, wait for them to grow into...grass, or whatever, then kill them, so they turn into straw! Then we can draw straws with them, and whoever gets the short straw has to get killed, cooked, and eaten! It's the perfect plan!"
He crushed the bread, pulled out two or three seeds, and threw it overboard. Soon, the entire deck was covered in seeds that he had pulled from the bread, and the waters surrounding the boat were filled with waterlogged bread loaves.
"Excellent!" said Melville, "Now all we need is some soil to plant the seeds in!" He saw a large pot containing an apple tree, which was full of huge, ripe, glistening apples. He ripped the tree out of the pot and threw it overboard, then started diligently burying each of the seeds in the dirt, one at a time. "Now," he said, "We just wait a year or so for the seeds to grow!" He sat down, staring at the pot. Five minutes later, he was desperately bored.
Chapter Three: A Disturbing Precision
After ten minutes, Melville heard something. It was a man's voice. "Hey! Anyone there? HEY!" Melville stood up, said to his mother "Watch the seeds," and walked over to the side of the boat. There, floating in the water was a half-submerged police car, with an obese man with a 4 foot long beard (with several dead fish tangled inside it) standing on top of it. He saw Melville. "Thank God!" the man screamed, "A human being!"
The man climbed up onto the oil tanker. "Who are you?" said Melville.
"Officer Vernie Cauliflower Ostrich Eggs Basketcase," said the man, "But most people just call me Toaster. Not sure why."
"Well, hello, Toaster," said Melville, "I'm Butch. NO! Scratch that, Butch is my sister. I'm always getting the two of us confused. My name's Melville. Melville Amsterdam. I can't help but notice that you have several fish in your beard."
"Oh, yeah. I eat them occasionally."
Melville said, "Excellent! We can use them to water the seeds!" He plucked all of the fish out of Toaster's beard, and squeezed them grotesquely over the seeds. Several drops of putrid sea water droozled out of each fish. Then, after wringing them all out, Melville threw them overboard.
Chapter Four: A Disturbing Smidgeon
"So..." said Melville, "What brings you to the middle of the ocean?"
"I'm not really sure," said Toaster, "I was on my way to Nebraska and got a little lost. I keep checking my map," he pulled out a map drawn in crayon with two blobs on it, one labelled "ocean" and the other "Nebraska", "But it's not helping much. I'm still hopelessly lost."
The police officer paused, and finally took notice of his surroundings: the empty bread boxes, the pot with the seeds in it, the empty beer can with a face drawn on it, the empty gasoline cans, the ironing board, and the dead bodies that were strewn across the deck. "Uh," said Toaster, "What's with the dead people?"
"Whaddya mean?"
"Why are there dead people all over the ship?"
"Oh, because I killed them," said Melville conversationally.
"ALL OF THEM?"
"Well, I killed most of them. That one," said Melville, pointing at one of the bodies, "Was killed by a bacterial infection the day after I shot him."
Toaster drew himself up importantly. "That's illegal!"
Melville thought fast, then said, "No it isn't."
"Oh," said Toaster, "Sorry. My mistake. But still, why did you kill them? And steal this boat?"
Melville gave a lovestruck sigh, and pointed at the ironing board. "Because of her."
Toaster suddenly remembered his common sense. He was obviously dealing with a criminal. "Ma'am," he said, taking out his gun and pointing it at the ironing board, "It is my duty as a police officer to place you under arrest."
"NOOOO!" screamed Melville, "WHY?"
"Because she caused the murder of all these people!" said Toaster. "Hands up, lady," said the officer.
"She doesn't have hands!" said Melville.
"Oh, yeah," said Toaster, "That is a dilemma, isn't it? I know! Let's make some hands out of cardboard, and tape them to her!"
"Okay!" said Melville.
Chapter Five: A Disturbing Pidgeon
Melville and the officer set to work. An hour later, they had two cardboard hands taped to the ironing board, both of them raised.
"Now I don't have handcuffs, so let's just pretend I do," said Toaster, and he pretended to put handcuffs on the cardboard hands, loudly yelling "CLICK!" as he did so.
"Okay, you have the right to remain silent," he said to the ironing board.
"Oh, she won't!" said Melville, "She's really quite a chatterbox!"
"Is that so?" said Toaster, "Anyway, we should probably get going before it gets much later in the story. The Illogicopedia readers must not be dissapointed."
Chapter Seven: A Disturbing Midget
Melville was shocked by this statement. "Illogico-what?" he said, perplexed.
"Illogicopedia!" said Toaster. "You've never heard of the Illogicopedia conspiracy theory?"
"No"
"Oh. Well, actually, I'm not that suprised. There are only three people who believe in the theory, and two of them are dead now. I AM THE LAST REMAINING BELIEVER!"
"What the heck is Illogico...pee? Pedia?"
"Our entire world is not real," said Toaster, lifting his arms impressively so they indicated the boat and the surrounding sea, "You and I, we don't really exist. We were created in the mind of some random person, who my calculations reveal probably has a name that's either TEH, THTE, or CHESTER THE WALNUT AND HIS TRAVELING NAKED MOLE RAT TAMERS. I'm not sure which name is right, but that's not important. The point is that we are merely whisps, flights of fancy, part of a story in an article on a website on the internet called illogicopedia. We are merely images in the mind of whoever happens to be reading this story. We're part of an article on a website, I tell you! Our entire world!"
"You're a lunatic," said Melville, "If this was a story, bizarre, random things would be happening all the time! And I'd have no free will!"
"YOU DON'T!!!!11" bellowed Toaster, flapping his arms maniacally, "Your destiny is planned out already! All the choices you make have been pre-planned! You are ignorant of my theory! You have no knowledge of TEH!"
"Whatever man," said Melville, "Either way, shouldn't we be moving along?"
"Quite right," said Toaster, "I should be taking the ironing board to prison," and he picked up the ironing board.
Chapter Eight: A Disturbing Fidget
They climbed down onto the floating police car. Melville had several spoons with him. "We can use these as paddles!" said Melville. And so, they each took a spoon, and started flapping in the water with the spoons. Two months later, they were 40 feet away from the boat, and Melville said, "Oh no! I forgot my mother!"
So, they spent another two months paddling back to the boat, and when they got there, Melville said, "Oh, wait, never mind. She's here in my pocket."
And so, they set back out into the sea. But the long time that Melville and Toaster had spent together was starting to take its toll. They had nothing to do other than to argue about Toaster's Illogicopedia conspiracy theory.
"It can't be true!" said Melville, "This water is wet. Look at the sky. The clouds. It's all so detailed! So real! This is the real world! I have an entire lifetime worth of memories!"
"Nonetheless, none of it exists. Or rather, it does exist, but as an image in the mind of the reader who is reading this conversation."
"Reader? What reader? This is nonsense! Why would anyone want to read about this?"
"I wouldn't know, I'm just an incidental character. But the fact is that this is nothing but an article. If the reader were to click "random page," our entire world would go *poof* into oblivion, and they would land on something completely different. Likewise, the reader could click "go insane" and completely change our world around. Make it so we both die instantly. Make a giant shark pop up out of the water and eat us both, then turn into a gerbil and barf us both back up. The point is that we aren't really in control. We think we are, of course, because if we knew we weren't, it would make for a rather uninteresting story."
Melville had had enough. He couldn't stand listening to this rambling, mystic nonsense any further. "Illogicopedia," Melville said, "Gimme a break!" He shoved Toaster off the police car into the water.
Chapter Nine: A Disturbing Widget
"Oh my God!" screamed Toaster, "I'm drowning! I'm drowning! I'm--wait a second! This water is only 2 feet deep!"
Melville looked down, and sure enough, the water was extremely shallow. As it turns out, they had only been 100 feet away from a beach resort the whole time.
"HA!" screamed Melville, "We're saved! Honey, we're saved!" He kissed the ironing board passionately.
"Not so fast," said Toaster, "First of all, we're only saved because the writer wanted to use comedic irony. He might just as well have decided to make this a tragedy, in which case we'd both end up dying of thirst or something equally tragic and unpleasant to read about. You'd better just be glad that TEH is in a good mood today. And secondly, don't go kissing that ironing board. Remember, she's under arrest!"
Toaster and Melville trudged up on shore with the ironing board, passing several obese swimmers. They left the police car out in the water, where it generating a large ring of oil. "Look, Herbert!" said one obese woman, "The water over there is so shiny! Maybe it has healing powers!" She started smearing it all over herself.
"See, did you see that woman?" said Melville, "She has a life of her own. All of those people had lives of their own. How could this possibly just be an article on a website?"
"Oh, it is," said Toaster, "And that woman merely served as more comedic irony. A momentary incidental character, with perhaps some politically satirical symbolism with the "bathing in oil" analogy. With a mere click of the "edit" button and another click of the "delete" button, she could be completely wiped from existence. Ah! The police station! We're here!"
Chapter Nine: A Disturbingly Repeated Chapter Number
And so, Toaster took the ironing board into the station, where she was locked in a high security cell with two marines armed with bazookas guarding it. "I'll be at the trial, watching it," said Toaster, "I wouldn't mix the dramatic climax of this article for anything! See ya in court, Melville Amsterdam!" Toaster wandered off, leaving Melville perplexed. He pulled his mother the beer can out of his pocket.
"Well this is just awful," he said to her, "My wife's in prison, and I don't have any money left! I spent it all on those planes and bazookas! How am I supposed to hire a lawyer?" The can was silent. Melville took this to mean, "You'll have to learn to be a lawyer yourself."
And so, Melville set to work. He had two weeks before the trial. Two weeks to learn how to be a lawyer. "Well, I'll have to look like one first, I suppose," he said, walking down the street and talking animatedly to the beer can, frightening several of the passersby, "So I'll have to get a tie."
He ran into a local clothing store. "Give me a tie!" he screamed at a mannequin that was on display in the store. It didn't move. He punched it, sending its head flying across the room. Then he saw it. A scarf, sitting on a shelf. He thought it looked enough like a tie, so he took it off the shelf and left a stick in its place, hoping nobody would notice the difference.
Chapter Eleven: A Disturbingly skipped chapter number
He spent the next week and a half attempting to tie the scarf around his neck. He finally decided to simply tape it to his chin, and he did so. Then, he realized he only had a few days left before the trial began. He didn't know anything about law!
So he ran to a local book store. "Okay," he said frantically to the woman behind the counter, "Do you have any books about being a lawyer?"
"You mean, like, Learning to be a lawyer at the last possible second so you can save your wife, who is a household appliance, from being arrested, for Dummies?" said the woman.
"Yeah!" said Melville, "That would be perfect!"
"Well, we just sold our last copy of that this morning," said the woman, "It's selling like hot cakes. I do have Dating for Dummies though."
"That's close enough!" said Melville, and he grabbed the book and ran off.
He decided to memorize the book, cover to cover. After three days, he had only memorized the first couple words on the copyright page. When the day of the trial finally rolled around, he had memorized the full copyright page and the table of contents, but when he realized it was the day of the trial, he was so scared he promptly forgot it all. He quickly shoved Dating for Dummies into his backpack, taped the scarf to his chin, and sprinted off towards the courthouse.
Chapter Thirty-Five:A Disturbingly stupid way of naming chapters
He burst into the room and bellowed "She's INNOCENT!!!!!"
A man turned to him and said, "What are you talking about? This is a grocery store!"
"DAMMIT! Wrong building!!!" Melville tore out of the grocery store and ran to the courthouse. He arrived just in time. The court case had just started.
"Okay, the next case is, the state of New Hampshire vs. the Collapsible Ironing Board," said the judge, "Would the prosecutor like to make an opening statement?"
The prosecutor nodded. He was a very elderly man, with very little hair and a walker. He stood up, shook violently, and coughed. Several of his teeth popped out. "Never," said the prosecutor, "In all my time in Delaware..."
"You mean New Hampshire?" said the judge.
"Right, New Hamster," said the prosecutor, "Never, in all my time here being a plumber--"
"GIVE ME A BREAK!" screamed a voice from the crowd. Melville looked around. It was Toaster. He was standing up, and looking outraged.
"This is ridiculous," said Toaster, "You call this prosecutor an imposing antagonist? What kind of plot buildup is this? I spent a good 6 months of my time, at LEAST, paddling back and forth with Melville and his Ironing Board as a means of building up dramatic tension, and a backdrop to the inherent plot of the sequel, that being the Law coming between him and his Ironing Board. But now THIS? Come on! What kind of climactic build up of dramatic is that? I'm supposed to be the secondary antagonistic figure in this story, followed by the evil prosecutor! Come on! The prosecutor should be big! Muscular! Imposing! Sane!"
The prosecutor started drooling.
"He should at least be young," said Toaster, "Honestly, come on! What kind of backwards plot device is that? A senile prosecutor? Is TEH, the creator of all of us characters, a bad writer?"
"This is quite irritating," said the judge.
"And what about YOU?" screamed Toaster, pointing at the judge, "Your'e supposed to be some big, imposing guy, who says menacing things that call the court to order in times of disorder and chaos! The strong leader at the head of the room, who can unite it in times of division, an image symbolic of all American policies! The great leader at the forefront! The Abraham Lincoln of the courtroom! 'This is quite irritating'? What kind of weak-ass dialogue is THAT?"
"ENOUGH!" bellowed the judge, "Officer, have this insolent, disrespectful man EXECUTED!" The police officers advanced on Toaster.
"Hey, now that's more like it!" said Toaster, "Yeah, I like it, I really do! It shows your strength and authority, and also has an undertone of slight irony and some mild political commentary in that your leadership and determination to enforce order can border on dictatorship! Yeah, I'm really diggin' your symbolism there, judge!"
The policemen seized Toaster. "Wait a second," said Toaster, "I'm being killed off? What is this? I know the true nature of the universe! I know we were all created for the sake of entertaining the readers of Illogicopedia! Why would TEH want to kill me unless--" A look of horror came upon Toaster's face, "--unless I'm disrupting the story! OH, THAT'S IT! Oh, how TRAGIC! It's so IRONIC! I've been disrupting the poetic flow of the hero's journey with my extended soliloqueys in the middle of the climactic action sequences, so I'm being removed from the story!"
"Would you please shut up?" said the judge irritably, but Toaster wasn't through.
"Oh, TEH, have mercy!" he bellowed, "I know I insulted your storytelling method, and broke the profanity rule of your sight when I said 'weak-ass dialogue,' but please don't kill off my character! I'm the last remaining advocate of illogicopedia theory! If I'm killed off, who's to spread the word? Who's to tell the people the truth--that they are merely characters in a fictional epic? And if you must kill me, at least give me the honor of an on camera death! Don't just let these guys drag me out like--" at that moment, Toaster had a violent heart attack.
Chapter Thirty Six: A Disturbingly incorrect grammatically title
"Good lord," said the judge, "What was all that about? Anyway, prosecutor, you may finish your opening speech." The prosecutor, however, had fallen asleep. The judge asked Melville if he wanted to make an opening statement. Melville stood up, feeling nervous.
"My client is innocent....uh..." He opened Dating For Dummies frantically, "And uh, I'd like to make the following statement, for the record: Copyright 2000, a Random House book."
"Um...okay..." said the judge. "Do you have a witness?"
"Yes!" bellowed Melville, "My mother has known the ironing board almost as long as I have! We've been through a lot together, the three of us."
Melville pulled the beer can out of his pocket and put it on the witness stand. He opened Dating for Dummies to the first page. "Um," he said, "Do you come here often, baby-cakes?" he said to the can. It was silent.
"Objection!" bellowed the elderly prosecutor.
"On what grounds?"
"Uuuuuh...I forget...something about...turnips?" said the old man feebly.
"Go back to sleep, you old hag," said the judge, as he hammered his gavel impressively, "Continue with your questioning the witness please, Mr. Amsterdam.
Chapter Thirty seven: A disturbing urge to give names to your own bowel movements
Melville went back to reading the dating book. Step one had been "ask her a romantic question," and step two was: "complement her outfit, her perfume, or her breast size." "Uh," said Melville, "You have very nice...uhm...breasts." Several jury members screamed. The judge said "Thank you. I do, don't I?" he looked in a mirror admiringly before saying, "But please stick with questions for the witness, okay?"
Melville was slightly confused, but decided there was nothing for it but to continue questioning his mother. He went on to step three: "ask her on a date."
"Hey, hot stuff, wanna head back to my place for a drink, or something?" he said, winking at the beer can. She gave no response. Melville went on to the next step, then his mouth dropped open in horror. "They want me to do that to my MOTHER?" he screamed incredulously, "...well, if it'll save my ironing board, then I'll do it. Uh...judge, you wouldn't happen to have some duct tape and some whipped cream lying around in here anywhere, would you?"
"I've had enough of this!!!" screamed a member of the jury, standing up, "This man is making a mockery out of the United States justice system!"
"We're in the United States?" said the elderly prosecutor, standing up then promptly tipping over sideways onto his desk, "I thought this was Sweden!"
"ORDER IN THE COURT!" screamed the judge, but before he could say anything else, Melville said, "I am NOT making a mockery out of this court, you filthy liars!!!" He reached into his trusty backpack, pulled out his old bazooka, and loaded it up with various objects from the courtroom: pens, pencils, glasses, a gerbil (not sure why there was a gerbil in the court). Then, he shot the entire jury with the bazooka.
"Objection!" said the elderly prosecutor, as he sat up, his back cracked, and he fell back down on his desk again, "The defense attorney's tie fell off while he was shooting the jury! Clearly a blatant breach of this court's dress code!"
"Oh, shut up, you senile moron," said the judge, "Objection overruled. However, this is a bit of a dilemma. Our entire jury is lying dead on the floor."
"No matter!" said Melville, and he pointed at a decorative tank of goldfish on the other side of the room, "They can be our jury!"
"Good idea! But...there are only eleven of them!"
"No problem! I'll just draw a goldfish on a piece of paper and drop it in!" Melville did so, and the drawing of a goldfish promptly dissolved. Then, the judge asked the prosecutor to call a witness to the stand.
"I call," said the prosecutor, "Louise Piddleton to the stand!" Melville did not recognize this name at first, but when he saw the little old woman hobbling up to the stand, he recognized her immediately. She was the same old woman who had told him, long ago, not to be a pervert, and lectured him on his immoral behavior after he tried to buy the ironing board.
"That man is a pervert!" she bellowed, before the old prosecutor could ask her any questions, "And the ironing board we have on trial today is a WHORE! A FILTHY WHORE!!!!!"
"How dare you insult my wife!!!" screamed Melville, and he shot her.
Chapter Forty-Two: A Disturbing...Are you gonna eat that, Daphne?
The prosecutor abruptly woke up and screamed,"OBJECTION! The district attorney shot my witness!"
"No I didn't," yelled back Melville, "I just...uh...punched her. Very very hard."
"I've had enough!" bellowed the judge, "This case is starting to cut into my lunch hour, and today is lard day! Let's just skip straight to the verdict! Uuuuh...jury? How do you find the defendant?"
The fish didn't respond. Melville said, "How about this? Jury, if you think the defendant is innocent, don't do anything. If you think the defendant is guilty, die." None of the fish died.
"Very well, it appears that the jury has made up its mind!" said the judge, "And it finds the defendant...innoc-inn-inno...dammit...innocuous? No....in...inco-innor-uh...forget it. Since I can't pronounce "innocent," this court finds the defendant...GUILTY AS CHARGED! We will execute her immediately!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Melville, and he tried to shoot the judge, but he was out of ammunition. Just when Melville thought all hope was lost, an audience member said: "How can you execute an inanimate object?"
"Hmm..." said the judge, "...that's a good point. I know! We'll just execute the court stenographer instead! Melville, you're free to go, unless you'd like to watch the execution?"
"No thanks, I have some catching up to do with my wife," said Melville, winking.
"Ah, I know what you mean. I sure do miss having sex with my wife. Too bad I had her executed last week when I got overexcited and pronounced everyone in the building to be guilty as charged."
Chapter Fifty: A disturbing gratefulness that this episode is over because I can't think of any more chapter names
Melville skipped out into the street, carrying his ironing board in one hand, and his empty beer can in the other. "Well ladies," he said, "We're free! I beat the justice system, and saved my wife! Now, I suppose we'll just need to settle down and find a place to live...AHA!" Melville's eyes had fallen on a large, green, moldy dumster. "It's perfect!" said Melville, as he walked up and opened it. It was filled with banana peels, diapers, and other objects that smelled simply delightful. It was filled with worms. "Oh jeeze, someone's already living here," he said to his ironing board, "And I can see why, such a quaint little cottage, right near the road, with such a great view of the courthouse..."
Melville said to the biggest worm, "I'd like to buy this from you. I have a bazooka, and," he scooped a handful of roadside sand, "Several pebbles, some pieces of broken glass, and an empty syringe. Sound good to you?" The worm wiggled, which Melville took to mean, "I accept your offer." He dumped the contents of the dumpster into the back of a nearby truck, and clambered into the dumpster with the ironing board and the can. "Looks cozy," he said, grinning at his wife, and, as he found a moldy old seat cushion, "Look! It comes with a bed!"
So ended Melville's adventure in practicing law, and so began Melville's new adventure; an adventure in household ventilation and learning to supress his gag reflex.
THE ENDdDdDdDdDdDDdDdDdDdDdDdDDdDdDdDddDDDDisticktuysSsfcEsSsSsSdDdDd.1.1.1
January 2, 2008
Added by: Toprawa and Ralltiir
(From Daft vader)
vader ----- how r u gentlemne
han ----- we kikc u ass good biatch
vader ----- not if i can helep it
then they duelled (han has two double bladed lite-sabers) and vader won but as he laffed han bounced back up (he used the enenrgy of 3 blades 2 regnerate) and kilt vader with the last blade
lol
may the force be with you
31 December 2007
Added by: Toprawa and Ralltiir
(From T)
T is a very disgusting, tasteless drink, that no one likes...except for queens of England and little prissy 8-year-old girls that really think they're drinking it, but its just a stupid little cup full of water and a chemical that turns the cup a disgusting color of brown that really doesn't look like T.
26 December 2007
Added by: Sikon
(From Forum:The Catty Young Jedi From Tasadena)
It’s the catty young Jedi from Tasadena!
The catty young Jedi from Tasadena!
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
Has a pretty long lightsaber of blue radiance!
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
But embedded in her Cathar psyche,
Is a spirited soul who is so feisty!
And the other Jedis say no one has more cojones,
Than the catty young Jedi from Tasadena!
She is a Force-borne witty kitty,
She is the Protector of the Lower City.
It’s the catty young Jedi from Tasadena
If you meet her anywhere don’t try to spar her.
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
You might fly a parry but you’ll never beat her.
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
Well, she’s gonna fight more wars sooner or later,
‘Cause she can’t keep her hands off her Lightsaber!
And the other Jedis say no one has more cojones,
Than the catty young Jedi from Tasadena!
She is a Force-borne witty kitty,
She is the Protector of the Lower City.
It’s the catty young Jedi from Tasadena!
(instrumental)
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
(instrumental)
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
Many have read of her from light-years around,
She has become so galactically renowned.
And the other Jedis say no one has more cojones,
Than the catty young Jedi from Tasadena!
She is a Force-borne witty kitty,
She is the Protector of the Lower City.
It’s the catty young Jedi from Tasadena…
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
Go catty, go catty, go catty go!
Go catty, go catty, go catty go…
17 December 2007
Added by: Darth Culator
(From Esker byu, by 189.141.21.232 (modified to prevent categorization))
is a jedi master live in malastare sun is the master of yoda have 9000 years old he die in the 9008 years old by amental link by the death of depa billaba and yoda remplace the job of esker byu.
[[Category:Comics single panels]][[Category:Males]]
5 December 2007
Added by Darth Culator
Created by 128.187.0.178
Barack Obama
Barack Obama is the founder of the Force in Star Wars. As a child his parents at first noticed his unusual skills in Arithmatic, speaking Latin and tap dancing. Some may even consider his tap dancing abilities equal to that of a prodigy. Nonetheless, he pioneered the first lightsaber, constructed only out of a flashlight, toilet paper and a ray gun.
Barack Obama also has a history of killing jedi. Although many consider his practices against the Jedi Code, that did not actually come into effect for millions of years. The first Jedi he killed was believed to be Abraham Lincoln.
Barack Obama does actually have one weakness: "The March of the Penguins." One glimpse of the penguin romance scene causes him to fall into a state of deep force shock, unenabling him from using the force up to sixteen days.
9 November 2007
Added by Greyman
By: 129.210.198.96
Title: The Sexual Conquests of Luke on Klandetarr (since deleted)
On the far of planet of Klandetarr, Luke came across a clan of robust Miktos who were out working the fields. Their five arms had five sinewy biceps and they labored under the heat of the sun. Their scaly purple skin glistened in the sunlight and Luke new he would be late to Tatooine. He was en route to the Jedi Temple to purchase a larger light saber, but that mission would have to be postponed. His curiosity towards these strange creatures was matched only by his heightened sense of excitement. Suddenly, one of the Miktos let out his warcry of passion as he hoisted a moonrock over his head "GRANAAAACKKKK!!!" This posturing on the part of the rugged creature triggered the force within Luke more than Hans Solo ever could.
He knew the force would be strong in this one.
Light years of training with his Light Saber has prepared the stout young Jedi for TOTAL domination. He signaled the strapping young Mikto to come closer. Luke trembled with excitement as the Midichlorians on young space creature rocketed to record numbers. As the Galaxy shook when these two young adventurers connected, Luke fell into complete submission of the force.
As they lay in heat of the twin suns, Luke, nestled into the many arms of the creature knowing for certain only one thing: The Empire would strike back.
October 19, 2007
Added by Sikon
Title: CLONE CAMO TROOPERS
The Position
These troopers were designed to camouflage against enemy forces to stop critical attack.They were trained by long range combat and were equiped with 7D9 NC41 rifles and their amazing speed abilities to attack amazingly quickly, from behind debris like trees,rocks,ship wreckage etc.These troopers, in battle were positioned behind natural debris to stop any attack towards their fellow clones.
Armor
White breastplate,
Green phase II helmets,
Green right sleeve,
White left sleeve,
and Green streaked,white legs. The armor was made out of durasteel to make them tough to attack.
October 9, 2007
Added by Lord Hydronium
Title: Death Stars are deadly
to kill a death star use a torpedo in its core i don't wanna kill a wings
September 22, 2007
Added by jSarek:
Darth Michael From Wookieepedia, the Star Wars Wiki.
Darth Michael is a bastard who uses the power of Linux to destroy Jedi.
August 18, 2007
Added by Gonk
Luke' love From Wookieepedia, the Star Wars Wiki.
Lukes love was a crystal used by Luke Skywalker after his father Anakin Skywalker (Darth Vader)'s death. The crystal is made up of mass usage of the force and can cut through all materials even ones which other lightsabers cannot. Luke's love was made because of his love for his father and his sister and forged into a crystal. This crystal is shows a black blade and has a very large power crystal in there which produces massive amounts of energy and power to slice through even the toughest of materials.
Added by jSarek:
Torrents of Fire From Wookieepedia, the Star Wars Wiki.
Torrents of Fire is a crystal created by Anakin Skywalker between his temptation of the Darkside and the creation of Darth Vader. This Crystal is made up of force energy and rare materials and it creates a Midnight Black blade. The crystal has a very strong power crystal inside and it can take out most materials, even the ones which other lightsabers cannot. this crystal is made up of negative energy and possitive energy which was constructed by the darkside of the force and the light side of the force. When using this crystal you must have a connection with both sided of teh force. either being apart of it or been apart of the sides.
When the wielder has this Crystal their personality changes and they become arogant and dark. When used and controld it can be the ultimate peace keeping weapon.
August 12, 2007
Added by Darth Culator, posted by 66.226.53.54
ANAKIN SOLO'S WIFE
ANAKIN SOLO MARRIED TAHIRI AND HAD TWO SONS WHICH DIED AT BIRTH. FELLING THE SAME WAY ABOUT CHILD BIRTH AS HIS GRANDFATHER (ANAKIN SKYWALKER) TURNED TO THE DARCK SIDE UNAWARE THAT THIS IS A DREADED PATH TO EVIL. NOW CONFUSED AND TWISTED HE GOES TO YAVIN TO SEEK HELP FROM LUKE SKYWALKER. LUKE TELLS HIM THAT THERE IS LITTLE HOPE FOR HIM. NOT AGREEING WITH LUKES ANWSER HE ACTVATIES HIS LIGHTSABER AND BATTLES LUKE.
MEANWHILE TAHIRI SEACHES FOR ANAKIN WHEN SHE FINNALLY FINDS THE THE ROOM THAT HE'S
IN HIS HAND IS ON THE FLOOR ALONG WITH HIS JEDI WEAPON. LUKE TRYS TO HEAL HIM WITH THE FORCE BUT HE RUNS TAKES HIS WIFES SHIP AND LEAVES SO HE CAN FIND HELP FROM THE SPIRIT WORLD. HE RUNS INTO HIS GRANDFATHE DARTH VADER WHICH HE THEN FINDS THE RIGHT HELP. HE IS ALSO GANIED THE SAME MODEL OF HAND THAT ANAKIN SKYWALKER HAD IN THE CLONE WARS.
July 25, 2007
Added by: Gonk
Darth lucifer From Wookieepedia, the Star Wars Wiki.
Darth Lucifer was a sith and Dark Lord of the Sith that lived 15th age of the jedi order(circa. 1250 ABY). He had been responsible for the destruction of Katarrn.
July 24, 2007
Added by: Gonk
Weewee From Wookieepedia, the Star Wars Wiki.
A Weewee is a ravenous serpentile creature which lives on the bog planet of Mi Trow'zers. Normally a small and unassuming creature, the Weewee lures it's prey into its dwelling (usually a cave or large ground hole) and then grows to nearly three times it's original size and devours the victim whole.
It is rumored that Han Solo Kept a Weewee as a pet for several months aboard the Millenium Falcon. However he was forced to jettison the creature when one night his Weewee found it's way into his Wookie friend Chewbacca's sleeping birth and attempeted to ravage the helpless Chewy as he slept.
Han: "Hey Chewy! What's long and slender and loves to play?" Chewbacca: "Raawwr?" Han: "My Weewee!"
July 21, 2007
Added by: Gonk
{{Sith character infobox File:I278380957 79604 6.jpg |name=Darth Trinium |species=Human |gender=Male |hair=Dark Brown |homeworld=Korriban |eyes=Yellow |era=Legacy era |affiliation=New Sith Order, [[Galactic Empire (post-Remnant)|New Galactic Empire] |masters=*=*Darth Vader
|apprentices= }} {{Quote|I am the desendant of Darth Nihilus and im going to follow in his foot steps the best i can..|Darth trinium|
Darth Trinium was just 4 when Darth vader started training him in the ways of the dark side. but vader kept this apprentice to himself not telling his master or anyone else about him. his training was just almost complete when the second death star was destroyed he went to korriban and lived there from 4–11 ABY. [edit] the family connection
in 11 ABY Trinium ventured into the vally of the sith looking for his long lost relitive's tomb he found it eventuly also finding his sith holocron and activated it.the holocron exploded and nocked trinium back into a wall after 3 hour of being outcold he wokeup in his hut with his ancestors robes and mask on. he decided to keep it on and make it his new attire File:150px-DNs.jpg
July 16, 2007
Added by: Riffsyphon1024
THE VANDAL EMPIRE Dear Wikians,
My name is X-Cellcior, a Senior General for the Vandal Grand Army of the Vandal Empire. You all claim we are immature. We are not. We are not children, hell I am sixteen. The Vandal Empire is ruled by Emperor Vacatour and Grand Vandal Michael Nicobrasi. I have been sent by Vacatour to request our demands.
- Vacatour is made full admin here.
- Wookiepedia surrenders itself to the Vandal Empire.
- All current admins resign their position.
If you meet these demands Wookiepedia will stay and no articles or users shall be banned. We just desire this wiki. These are our current demands. If not met you will face the wrath of our fully powered vandal army of over 100 strong and that does not include the bots or allies we have. Thank you and good day.
Sincerly, X-Cellcior, General of the Vandal Grand Army of the Vandal Empire
July 13, 2007
Added by: Gonk
the grate jedi war
the grate jedi war is a compleate saga betwean episode III/IV its a story about a jedi and a master who survived order 66 and met up with the rebels and made freinds with 4 rebels jake/rebel genral,rob/rebel soldier,bob/rebel soldier,gorge/rebel soldier the only thing they wanted to kill darth vader they tried and tried but allways faild but the jedi hit
July 13, 2007
Added by: Jorrel Fraajic
Forum:Is it true that teeky LOVES padme?
Sheyaaa! True!
July 12, 2007
Added by: Greyman
Star Wars Saga of Ur: The Epic of the Power Converters
An infamous Fan Fiction parody of Lucas's original intent for a twelve part saga (authored by "DarthPoppy" and originally posted at outerrimsieges.com), here reproduced in full:
Following Zombie's idea that Lucas used the PT to flip the way we understand the OT on its head by creating "The Tragedy of Darth Vader", I here have finally discovered George Lucas's secret master plan for a twelve-part Star Wars "dodecaology: his true vision for the Saga was, is, and always will be The Epic of the Power Converters . The existing Saga is merely the middle (and the Live Action TV Series will be take place between the current Episode III and Episode IV and will be revealed below) and is indeed the Tragedy of Darth Vader, but its true importance in the overall saga is only alluded to in the original Star Wars or "A New Hope" as it is called by Lucas and fans. It is the seeminly throw-away line "I wanted to go to Tosche Station to get some power converters". What are these Power Converters, and why are they important you might ask. To answer this, we must go back to Lucas's original outline of February 12, 1961, sometime called the Journal of the Whills.
This outline contains the Tragedy of Darth Vader as the middle sextology in the Twelve Part Star Wars Saga of Ur: The Epic of the Power Converters. It tells the story of how, in the early days of the First Galactic Republic, the Jedi Order was threatened by the growing evil of the Dark Side of the Force as used by the Evil Sith Warlords. The Master Sith Lord, Darth Philip Glass, using the Dark Side of the Force composed torturous minimalist music bringing about Koyaansquatisi--"Life out of balance". The Jedi, desparate to restore peace and order to the galaxy, secretly developed the "Power Converters of Ur ", which had the ability of converting Dark Side Force Power to Light Side Force Power and vice-versa. This was controlled by a sort of control on the converters that looked like a kind of graphic equalizer, by sliding levers balance could be restored to the Force. The first movie tells of how the Jedi and Sith struggled, while the second film reveals the building of the Power Converters and their use, bringing balance to the Force. In the third film, we see the defeat of the Sith, now robbed of their Dark Side powers by the Jedi with their Power Converters. All the Sith are destroyed, accept for Darth Plageous the Wise, who goes into hiding, plotting for three hundred years to steal back the power converters, now hidden in the Jedi Temple and largely forgotten. He manages to steel the converters by posing as a tourist on a tour of the temple, and sneaking off the tour and finding them. The Jedi don't even know they are missing. Later Plageous's Sith Apprentice learns of the converters and murders his master. He reverses the polarity of the Converters, converting Light Side Power into Dark Side Power, causing the Dark Side to cloud the light side and shift the Balance of the Force to the left speaker Dark Side.
Following this the PT we know goes on. He and Plageous before him had already planted "the prophecy" within the Jedi archives, so the whole notion of "the chosen one" is merely a smokescreen for the real source of the new found power of the Sith. He uses the Power Converters to manipulate the midichlorians into making Anakin, etc.
What we shall see in the live action TV show that takes place between Episode III and Episode IV is how, before duelling with Palpatine and being killed by him and Anakin, Mace Windu had discovered the Power Converters, and stuck them in his Jedi Robes. After having his hand chopped off and being thrown out the window, Mace is kept alive by the Power Converters, though he loses his mind in the process. He goes around the galaxy performing all sorts of strange and bizarre acts, generally making an ass of himself, until eventually annoying the hell out of Boba Fett who hunts him down and kills him on Tattoine, where he is meeting with his client Jabba the Hutt. All of Mace's possessions are discovered and pillaged by the Jawas who sell all of his electronics and other gadgets to the owners of Tosche Station at Anchorhead for their junkyard. Luke likes to go to the junkyard to find stuff to pimp out his landspeeder and thinks the Power Converters look really cool, so he saves up money to get them; little does he know that it is really the Force guiding him to fulfill his destiny and restore balance to the Force.
This is, of course followed by the OT which we all know by now; but the seen where Uncle Owen tells Luke he can play with his friends when he is done with his chores takes on a whole new meaning now! Think balance could have been restored to the Force and peace restored to the galaxy years sooner if only Owen wasn't such a schmuck!
Following the OT is of course the legendary "Sequel Trilogy" which tells the story of how Luke goes back to Tosche Station in Anchorhead to pick up the Power Converters and how he, now a Jedi Master, understands their true purpose. He goes on to fulfill his destiny by building the Power Converter Temple to protect and forever guard the Power Converters, which he has set back to their original setting, converting Dark Side Power to Light Side Power and making sure that Balance is always restored to the Force. He then founds the Order of the Protectorate of the Power Converters, the Guardians of Peace of the New Republic.
Finally here revealed is the true original vision of George Lucas as revealed to him by the Whills in 1961 and the truth about the 12 part Star Wars saga.
July 7, 2007
Added by: Gonk
darth nahilis Biographical information Homeworld Tatoine Physical description Species human Gender male Hair color none Eye color not shown Cybernetics mask Chronological and political information Affiliation sith Known masters ? Known apprentices ?
a great Jedi who had been turned to the sith because of the unfortunate death of his secret lover who had been killed by the sandmen on their home planet of Tatoine forced to desperation in order to provide for his one and only beloved daughter shimmy skywalker the young jedi had turned to the sith out of the anger in his heart left from the death of his beloved wife and this being his only way to porovide for his only daughter changing his name to what would be one of the most feared names in the entire galaxy Darth Nahilis....
Darth Nahilis was an impossible man to copereate with after he had killed his jedi master out of anger just after the loss of his wife therfor making the spiritual bond between he and his sith apprentices mean nothing to him every little mistake an apprentice would make he would kill them for.
Becoming so obsessed with his lust for power and destruction he had completely forgoten about shimmy and now to Darth Nahilis she was nothing more than an anoying pest who would only hold him back from his true rise to power so he sold his only daughter at the meer age of 14 to Gardora the hut but warned Gardora to keep his daughter away from any gambling or shady activities.
Darth
June 30, 2007
Added by: Gonk
Yakkita;
Yakkita is a young sith aprentace under a master called Darth Hoist. Yakkita is a Trandoshan witch has forc eabilitys aswell as bouinty hunter.
His father and mother are both trandoshans also, his dad was a general in the Trandoshan army, and killed many WOokies in hisw time.
His mother is a jedi knight (Name is unknown) witch gave him force powers, and also he dreams about where his mum and dad are hiding.
Family Tree;
Dussk ---------------------- l --------------------- (Yakkitas Mum)
l
l
Yakkita ---------------------------- ----------------------------- Abiliran
Yakkitas weaponry;
Yakkita, uses a claw weapon lightsaber and makes it easily go through his enemy's he can alos kill most wookies, easily. He also uses his great strengh to rip through mostb of his enimeys and can go straight through Wookie armour.
June 21, 2007
Added by: Ozzel
From Sand in the sandbox (deleted)
In "Empire Strikes Back" the imperial probe droid searching for the rebel base on the planet Hoth can be heard reporting back to the Empire "Sand in the sandbox"
June 16, 2007
Added by Gonk
Zansiina Washomai
Zansiina Washomai is a Star Wars plant that i made up. And it's home of the Chizansaa Speicies,there was a imperial battle on Zansiina Wasomai. The Capital city of Zansiina Washomai is Uldelzza.But the capital tower was destroyd by The Empire. So the Alliance to restor the republic evacuate the planet. And they Discovered a freindly Chizansaa Nest. And the planet surface is Forests,Large Oceans,Valleys,Tundra,Mountains,And Barren. A Great planet with a imperial Battle.
June 11, 2007
Added by Lord Hydronium
True Nightmare demon homeworled
The planet was destroyed by the Empire one exsaped
June 2, 2007
Added by Ozzel
From Foundry Factory's
The Foundry Factory's is a corperation that is sponsored by the New Rebublic, it includes a clone of the jedi Nomi Sunrider, and the first clone ever, Commander Foxe. The Foundry Factory's armies have a distictive helmet a combonation of the rebels helmet and the clones, mrk 1, also the entire army is all armored with Chitin armor. The entire corperation is headded by, The Commander. Here is one of it's ads:
THE FOUNDRY FACTORIES
SOLVE YOUR SECURITY PROBLEMS WITH OUR SPECIALY TRAINED FIGHTERS, THEIR SUPERIOR TECHNOLOGY WILL KEEP YOUR TREASURES SAFE FOR THE PRICE OF 9,000 CREDITS A STANDARD MONTH PER GUARD! OUR CUSTOM CHITIN ARMOR WILL KEEP OUR TROOPERS SAFE SO YOU WON’T HAVE TO PAY FOR INJURIES!
ADDITIONAL COST FOR OUR CUSTOM SUCERTY DEVISES AND TRANSPORTS. ANY INVOLVMENT WITH THE POWER UNION WILL BE SETTLED BY OUR TROOPER’S RESIGNMENT. ANY INVOLVEMENT WITH THE ORGANIZEATION HEADED BY JACEN SOLO AND WE’LL LOWER THE COST TO 8,700 CREDITS.
As you see the Power Union is a criminal organizeation that is headed by Durge's brother. The Commander and Jacen Solo are good freinds so they useally gang up on the Power Union in trade and in battles. The Power Union has a powerful ally though, the remnants of the Empire.
May 7, 2007
Added by Jorrel Fraajic
From Riku 182 (deleted)
Riku 182 was a jedi who was Very weak and did not have what it take to be a Jedi.
then she met a Bounty Hunter Ray fett who told her to become a Bounty Hunter and help him kill His Targats they Spit the Mony 50% 50%
she join him and become a Very good Bounty Hunter
April 26, 2007
Added by: jSarek
From Sam brown (deleted)
Sam was a dark lord of the sith to begin with when uder the control of Darth Bladeous. As Darth Bladeous's apprentice they wiped the galactic map clean of Rebblion forces and the Jedi only a few Jedi Remaind uder their great power, darkness took the galaxy for years as the Empire grew stronger along with the Sith the Rebblion grew weaker, for 100 years the Sith rulled the Galaxy under Sam's controll and then one day a new hope had risen Josh Green was the last of the Jedi and with Sam's great power if he would turn to the light they would bring the jedi and the rebblion a chance to strike back...
April 21, 2007
Added by: Chack Jadson
From Gabo the Wicked
- "You know what's great about being an Aqualish? Nobody can tell when I'm masturbating!"
- ―Gabo the Wicked
Gabo the Wicked was an Aqualish, wanted by the Republic Security Force for indecent exposure and illegal hologram distribution, including Red-Hot Ferglutz, Slimy Tentacles 3: Green Splash, Hutts Gone Wild: 118 and Alone on Nar Shaddaa, and Droid-on-Droid: Probe My Converter.
April 20, 2007
Added by: Tinwe
From Leia Organa Solo:
- "I hate your hair style!"
"I know, it's stupid George Lucas's fault!." - ―Leia and Han sitting in a tree K I S S I N G![src]
April 17, 2007
Added by: Sikon
From: Darth Ed (deleted)
Darth Ed is the weakest and most pathetic sith lord. Her signature move is giving long lectures about how to knit a simple blanket. Her lightsaber hilt is covered with her knitting and her saber is a rainbow color. She was killed By Yoda in a final duel that lasted 5 seconds.
April 6, 2007
Added by: Sikon
From: Jesus (deleted)
Jesus was teh gretest of all the Jeddi. He was born to Luke Skywalker and GOD. I know, there was no mother. It was weird. God was all like "I ain't no baby daddy." and Luke was all like "nuh uh." And Shit
Then one day, Jesus turned one of those frog things from Jabba's palace into a thousand of them and he turned carbonite into beer. Han Solo was happy about the latter of the two.
March 25, 2007
Added by: Sikon
From: Mandalore
Canderous statred the New Mandalore clan. He married mission Veo, and she became the first woman Mandalore. Ryskana, the only daughter of Mission Veao and Canderous Ordo, is the first Mandalore to refuse to wear the helmet. Her descision was made, becasue she said she "Chose to show the galaxy that a woman could be a warrior".
March 10, 2007
Added by: Sikon
From: Jar Jar Binks is getting married! (deleted)
Senator Binks announced his engagement to Sheniqua Albomba George today, 3/9/07. He gave her some delicious boma brains and peed on her carpet. Sheniqua is not used to these odd cutoms and almost immediately called off the wedding, after Senator Binks had a chance to explain himself and give Sheniqua the ring of mummified gizka feet she apologized for her rash actions. And she darned be cirtain she apologizes to the public and press, who are not very happy about the confusion. With all these facts media can skrew up information all they want. Senator Binks would however, like to say that he is calling off, "dissa weddin because I wasa bein, trickyed, an, she no no wanna be withen me." Which translates to baisically , "Dude, she is so ugly, it was a blind marraige, I'm out!" Jar Jar would also like to add that he plans to go teach that woman a lesson, I meen, speak nicely and express his hurt feeling to the gentle woman. So there is pretty much all the news that went down in the Senate today. Yes, our Senate really does nothing and we all need to get lives! I'm you host (name with held because I am in Witness Protection) join me next week for another report.
February 19, 2007
Added by: Sikon
From: Iego
Appearances
- Episode I: The Phantom Menace ½ (Mentioned only)
- Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (First mentioned)
- Labyrinth of Evil (Mentioned only)
- beavis and butt-head
February 15, 2007
Added by: Sikon
From: Why SuperShadow is a MORON
he's so retarded and... ugh, I don't even have to say anything.
he is a liar. a big fat one.
take that SuperShadow.
December 5, 2006
Added by: Darth_Culator
From: Ass
assdo calrisin is a chicken mc nugget that wants to take over planet zalbodoid .he really wants to get it on with luke so he kills obewan. obewan is an other chicken mc nugget who likes to kill people named jacob. HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
November 26th
Added by: Imperialles
From Imperial ship named Freedom
the imperial class freedom destroyer outputs waste that gungans change into baby food. the clone troopers who visit naboo have grown very fond of eatin it. the gungans also use animal waste to make pudding for clone commanders. they find it very addicting.
November 22, 2006
Added by Sikon
From Forum:Star wars statistically would beet star trek
Statistically the Imperial galactic empire would beet the federation but im sure they could just kiss and make up. http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/Essays/FiveMinutes.html -- Joker 16:21, 22 November 2006 (UTC)
- As amusing as the link is, let's not get carried away. Atarumaster88
(Audience Chamber) 16:29, 22 November 2006 (UTC)
- 1, badly formatted. 2, way off topic. 3, used "beet" as a verb. But on the other hand, he's right. The Empire would stomp the Federation. I'm not sure whether to leave this up, delete it, or BJAODN it. -- Darth Culator (Talk)(TINC) 16:48, 22 November 2006 (UTC)
- Inconceivable! --Imp 17:51, 22 November 2006 (UTC)
October 8, 2006
Added by 75.3.91.8
From HK-47, "Name origin" section
HK could also stand for "Hind Kicker."
September 25, 2006
Added by Darth Oblivion
From Forum:Senate Hall
THIS PAGE OF THIS DREADFUL WIKI HAS BEEN LIBERATED BY MINISTER ALKABAZ OF THE ROYAL VANDAL KINGDOM!
You all know our power, in the last three days Vandal attacks have reached a amazing height and are becoming more bloody and dangerous becuase of the Reorginized Royal Vandal Kingdom under the new guidance of our Lord, King Von Wolfsken. I am a servant of Von Wolfsken here to do as he tells me to. You have a decision to make. Within 15 minutes unless you do as we tell you to this Wiki will die.
Our Request:
1. We Deamnd All Vandals especially Von Wolfsken and all his acounts be unbanned. 2. We Demand Von Wolfsken is made administrator of this wiki. 3. We Demand You not resist this takeover and allow it to happen or else.
Sincerly, Minister Alkabaz, Royal Vandal Kingdom
September 21, 2006
Added by Sikon
From Scott Sonnon
Former Penn State HACC Campus adjunct Professor of Physical Education, Dr. Scott Sonnon, holds a "Doctorate" in Health and Physical Education that he obtained by correspondence and is one of only a few Americans to be awarded the Distinguished Master of Sports in Sambo, the Russian national martial art and wrestling style, through FIAS (Federation International Sambo Association). He was also the 1993-1995 USA National Sombo Coach of the United States Sombo Association (USSA), the 1999 USA National Sambo Coach of the American Amateur Sambo Federation (AASF), and the USA National Team Coach for the World Police and Firefighters Olympics (Kaunas, Lithuania, 1999). In addition, he was the 1995 Pan-American Sambo Champion (USSA), 1994 USA Grand National Sambo Champion (USSA), 1993 World University Games Sambo vice-Champion (USSA) and the 1996-1998 USA National Sambo Champion (AASF) and the former chairman for the International Combat Sambo Commission for FIAS.
With extensive combat and sport Sambo as his background, he was given the opportunity to become the first Westerner to study in Russia the martial art of R.O.S.S. (also known as "Combat Sambo Spetsnaz") and spent many years learning from Distinguished Master of Sports in Sambo and Judo Alexander Retuinskih, founder of R.O.S.S., himself a student of Alexey Kadochnikov, founder of Russian martial art or Kadochnikov Systema. Dr. Sonnon was made the North American Director of R.O.S.S. in 1996, until he resigned from Russian martial art in 2002.
Dr. Sonnon is a world-recognized coach of his own combat sport which he named FlowFighting at his gym in Bellingham, Washington, USA. The focus of the style is to enter what sport psychologists call flow-state through perpetual motion drills, as opposed to technique rehearsal of traditional martial arts. The style requires competition in ten different sports, from fencing to grappling to boxing, and mixed martial arts / no holds barred competition.
In 2005, he came out of retirement to test his theories with his teammate, Joseph Wilson, Ph.D. at the International San Shou Championship in Mobile, Alabama. He won the gold medal in his weight class. He holds a world record in club swinging: (1,420 repetitions of Mills in under an hour; 59 minutes and 55 seconds), and the highest score in International Clubbell Sport.
In 2006, he was nominated as "Pioneer of American Sambo" by the American Sambo Association, and inducted into the International Martial Arts Hall of Fame as "Grandmaster of the Year" by the World Head of Family Sokeship Council.
Dr. Sonnon's background in martial art lead him to bring combat style conditioning to the fitness world. He has authored several books and many videos on his method called Circular Strength Training, and his equipment called the Clubbell, which he developed based upon ancient Indian Kushti and Iranian Pahlavani wrestling called Indian Clubs or Iranian Clubs. He also founded his own style of yoga which combines Cossack dancing, gymnastics, break-dancing called Prasara yoga. His system focuses on a "health first" approach to fitness of what he calls Tabula Rasa or "Cleaning the Slate" by isolating joint ranges of motion to lubricate and transport nutrition to connective tissue which damages during any athletic endeavor, like in martial art.
Dr. Sonnon runs a publishing company generally focused on martial arts and related sports, but also catering to general health, yoga, fitness, weight loss, and stress management.
Books
- The Big Book of Clubbell Training, RMAX.tv Productions Atlanta, Georgia 2006. ISBN 0-9717949-2-8.
- Body-Flow Freedom From Fear-Reactivity, RMAX.tv Productions Atlanta, Georgia 2004. ISBN 0-9717949-3-6.
- Clubbell Training for Circular Strength, RMAX.tv Productions Atlanta, Georgia 2003. ISBN 0-9717949-2-8.
- Three Dimensional Physical Preparedness, RMAX.tv Productions Atlanta, 2005.
- RMAX Magazine, RMAX.tv Productions Atlanta, Georgia 2003-2006. ISSN 1555.7723.
External links
- RMAX International (1996). "About Scott Sonnon".
- Independent Review of Scott Sonnon [1]
- Depew Fitness Show Interview with Scott Sonnon (2005). [2]
- Dolphzine Magazine Interview with Scott Sonnon (2004). [3]
- Testosterone Magazine Interview with Scott Sonnon (2003). [4]
- Articles by Scott Sonnon at Athletes.com. [5]
- Articles by Scott Sonnon at Bodybuilding.com. [6]
- Girevik Magazine Interview with Scott Sonnon (2003). [7]
Sonnon, Scott Sonnon, Scott Sonnon, Scott Sonnon, Scott
August 21, 2006
XIX is a letter combination with unknown meaning.
August 13, 2006
Added by QuentinGeorge From the vandalised Waru
July 20, 2006
Added by MyNz - Zainal. From the vandalised Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.
THIS PAGE HAS BEEN LIBERATED BY BOBBY BOULDERS
Long live the International Society of Vandals (ISV)!
To join the ISV, please e-mail Bobby Boulders at: imwithbobby@yahoo.com.
Declaration of War Against Wookieepedia: 7/19/06
On this great day of July 19, in the Year of Our Lord 2006, the Good and Righteous leader Bobby Boulders has issued a continued Holy War against Wookieepedia, for its members' insubordination and resistence to our valliant vandalism efforts. We will NOT rest until their entire Wiki is destroyed. Heaven be praised!
God is Great!
Signed,
J. Robert Boulders,
Acting President and Spiritual Leader,
INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY OF VANDALS
Mission Statement
ON VANDALISM
An Essay by Bobby Boulders
President, International Society of Vandals
What drives the Wikimedia vandal to action? What makes him or her tick? The current Administration of the various Wikimedia portals would have you believe that vandals act simply out of a need for attention. They seek to disrupt the ease and functionality of information exchange via the Wikimedia. And they seek to do this only “because they can.”
On a basic level, this concept is true. The majority of so-called “vandals” on the Wikimedia sites vandalize to get a rise out of their peers, or to be clever, cute, funny, or ridiculous. They seek little more than the fleeting attention their handiwork will generate before its inevitable reversion or removal. It is plainly obvious that such vandals are endemic to the Wikimedia, and will remain so, as long as the Wikimedia remain open-source sites, freely capable of being edited by any and all passing users. Primal, unconstructive vandalism is quick, easy, and will always be so.
Vandalism will always remain “easy,” but it needn’t always be unconstructive. Indeed, if bent to just purposes, vandalism of the Wikimedia can be a powerful political tool. We at the International Society of Vandals believe, quite firmly, that vandalism should be constructive in nature. It should serve a greater purpose. It should be done not in bad faith, but with positive, rehabilitative intent. We vandalize to bring about positive and pure change to the Wikimedia system.
What change do we seek? To be blunt, we strive for nothing less than the overthrow of the current Administration of the Wikimedia, and their replacement by more fair, balanced, and philanthropic Administrators. Like the common Frenchmen rebelling against their tyrannical government in the French Revolution, we believe quite strongly in the essence, spirit, and future of our “nation.” Indeed, we value the free exchange of information on the Wikimedia more highly than any of the Administrators do. And we believe that, only by removing or forcing the ouster of these fascist and tyrannical Administrators, can information once again flow freely.
The Administrators have gone too far. They have become cliquish, catty, fascist, and above all, self-interested. They have demonstrated, time and again, that they are not motivated by Good and Righteous desires to aid and continue the freedom of information and aggregation on the Wikimedia. Rather, they are interested only in reverting people’s edits, restricting the flow of new information, and resisting any and all change to the status quo of articles as they currently exist.
Science has taught us that information is not static. One can never know the sum total of all there is to know about any given subject. Likewise, to think that any given Wikimedia article needs no further revision – as seems to be the belief and practice of Administrators – is to spit in the face of Progress and Education.
And thus, our mission is made clear. We will continue to vandalize. We will continue to rebel against tyranny. We will continue, and we will NOT stop, until our goals have been achieved, and the current Administrators of Wikipedia are dethroned. We will disrupt and destroy all Wikimedia sites, piece by piece, until the owners of the Wikimedia sites have lost all faith in the Administrators to execute their jobs effectively. And once those Administrators are terminated from their duties, we will rest. And we will know peace, freedom, liberty, equality, and Progress.
July 19, 2006
Added by Muuuuuurgh:
From Raid on Coruscant (Shadow Academy Crisis):
- "They want to steal this ship. And its cargo."
- ―Admiral Ackbar states the obvious once again.
- "It's supposed to be clear space!"
"Well, it's the hardest piece of clear space I've ever encountered." - ―Star-crossed lovers Trebor and Narek-Ag bicker like a true couple should shortly before their untimely deaths.
July 7, 2006
Added by MC Otaku:
From Jar Jar Binks:
Jar Jar Binks is notorious for his awful speech inpediment and in-ability to comprehend even the simplest of things i.e a slice of bread. He often contradicts himself and thinks right is wrong and vice versa. This is seen when he abuses his posistion as the Representative of Naboo and molests several younglings in the Jedi Temple. He is a prick. He caused the Holocaust, invented homo-sexuality and will cause the future apocolypse. YOU WILL SEE!! YOU WILL ALL SEE!!! YOU ALL THINK IM CRAZY!! BUT IM THE ONLY ONE THATS NOT CRAZY!!!!
June 17, 2006
Added by Sikon:
From Bargain (Missions):
| It has been TWENTY STANDARD HOURS since I ordered you to wipe this pathetic page off the face of the galaxy! Why do you dare delay carrying out a direct order that I gave you??? I am in a good mood, so I will ask you to do it NOW!!!!! You do NOT want to know what happens to officers who are slow to follow my orders while in my usual mood!! This page is a candidate for speedy deletion. If you disagree with its speedy deletion, please explain why on its talk page or at Wookieepedia:Speedy deletions. If this page obviously does not meet the criteria for speedy deletion, or you intend to fix it, please remove this notice, but do not remove this notice from articles that you have created yourself. Administrators - Remember to check if anything links here and the page history (last edit) before deleting. |
- Well, thank you for preserving my subst'd Malak dialog! I ought to subst more of them for those articles that aren't deleted within 15 minutes. (Note: I didn't say the new dialog in the deletion box. Malak did. I'm just his messenger. ;)) —Unsigned comment by 68.102.193.78 (talk • contribs).
June 10, 2006
Added by Silly Dan:
From Talk:Mando'ade Mandalorian Those guys with the armor:
<Sikon> it's still called Mando'ade? <Sikon> http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Talk:Mando%27ade#Change_Back_to_Mandalorian <Darth_Culator> We should change it to "Klingon" just to see the fandos go nuts.
- Sikon [Talk] 18:16, 10 June 2006 (UTC)
- Ha ha ha ha ha...I'm not a Fandalorian, but how does one initiate proceedings to have admin status revoked? -- SFH 18:32, 10 June 2006 (UTC)
Keep at Klingon
- Sikon [Talk] 18:24, 10 June 2006 (UTC)
- RMF 18:25, 10 June 2006 (UTC)
- I just wanted to join in. :) —Jaymach Ral'Tir (talk) 18:26, 10 June 2006 (UTC)
- Darth Culator 18:27, 10 June 2006 (UTC)
- AdamwankenobiTalk to me! My home. 18:29, 10 June 2006 (UTC)
- But only if it weighs the same as a duck![8] --McEwok 18:50, 10 June 2006 (UTC)
Move to Ninja
- (a) Mandalorians are mammals. (b) Mandalorians fight all the time. (c) The purpose of Mandalorians is to flip out and kill people. —Silly Dan (talk) 18:37, 10 June 2006 (UTC)
June 5, 2006
Anthony Michael Campigotto, a seemingly minor character in the Star Wars universe, is known among his rising legion of fans as the only human to live on Kashyyyk voluntarily. He arrived on the wookiee-inhabited planet, famous for the delicious wookiee-ookiees, some time after the Clone Wars. While there, Campigotto became involved in a scandelous affair with the daughter of famed wookiee warrior Tarfful. Their child was aborted four weeks into the pregnancy, causing many of the wookiee pro-lifers to take to the streets. The story of the affair was covered up by the Kashyyyk government, and plans to reference the affair in Episode III were abandoned. After the abortion, a group of wookiee pro-lifers participated in a daring mission to rescue Tarfful, who at the time was a slave working on the creation of the Death Star. At first, the Empire resisted the rescue attempt, leading to the death of four pro-life wookiees; but after some contemplation, the Emperor decided that it would be in the best interest of the Empire to release the angry wookiee. Palpatine realised that the release of the prisoner would lead to great unrest on Kashyyyk, as Tarfful would hunt and attempt to kill the Kashyyykian Casanova, Campigotto. The Empire could send in storm troopers to resolve the conflict, possibly helping the Empire's image on the lush, wookiee-infested planet. Campigotto, however, saw the Emperor's plan and fled the planet, taking Tarfful's daughter, Campppino, with him. When Tarfful got to Kashyyyk and realised that Campigotto and Campppino were gone, he committed suicide. Walt Disney Pictures, in cooperation with 20th Century Fox and Lucasfilm, planned on making an HBO mini-series based on the life of Anthony Campigotto, with particular emphasis on how it led to the suicide of Tarfful and the increased popularity of wookiee abortions, but after concidering the critic and audience reaction to the Wookiee Christmas Special, as well as how the Ewok spin-offs fared, the studios decided that it was in the best interest of the Star Wars community to abandon the project. If there is any known record of what became of Campigotto and his wookiee bride, it has been lost. After their flight, they disappeared from the history books, but Campigotto fans claim that it was he, not Luke Skywalker, that detonated the Death Star. They claim that the inaccurate portrayal of the destruction, as seen in Episode IV, has led many to worship false doctrine.
April 30, 2006
Added by: StarNeptune
The Bathroom does not exist in the Star Wars Galaxy, although it is a reqired place to fulfill a sentient creature's physiological needs.
The reasons why bathrooms do not exist is unknown, but perhaps the more knowledgeable of the galaxy's inhabitants could fill us in.
April 26, 2006
Added by: Sikon
From MGLT:
Note: The actual article did not deserve simply being placed here. Its content is preserved, in all its beauty, at Wookieepedia:Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense/MGLT.
April 22, 2006
Added by: MarcK
From Nantha Lous:
Nantha Lous was a Zabrak. Before Darth Maul went under training he hung out with Nantha Lous. They started the training with Maul but maul went to fast in training Palpatine gave up on him. Before he was given up on he was given the name Darth Lous. During Episode 1 he was trying to find Darth Maul. By the time he found Darth Maul, Maul was already in half. Darth Lous took Maul's lightsaber and put a black crystal inside it. For a while he followed Vader in between Episode 3 and 4. With in a while Lous found out that it was Anikan Under that black suit. Then he also found out that Anikan was trained under the killer of Maul. Lous found enough info form Vader to track down Obi Wan. When he found Obi Wan. He saw that he was heaing towards Luke Skywalker. So he tried to attack Obi Wan. He did not succed. He fleed before he died. He finnaly rested on Earth and went under surgery. To look like a human. He went under the name of Luke Shipps. He went to work on a machine to make him younger. He finished the machine and almost died of old age. He went into the Machine and turned him self into a 4 yr. old to start training younger and still know his techinques. He went to school until he was 16 then flew back just before Vader died. The death tought him a lesson.Then he joined the Jedi, but kept his black double-bladed saber.
April 21, 2006
Added by: MarcK
From Darth Brill:
Brill is an Sith of an unknown race that calles itself the Rof He is half cyborg and half Raf Brill the leader of the sith order Brill was an Jedi once but in an deadly fight with an Gungan Sith(Gulak Bunter) he got deadly hurt, he lost an arm some the skin on his face one eye and some organs To let him survive his master let him be rebuild. But brill could not live with himself. He lived in dispaire until the Sith lord Darth Momo led him to the dark side. three years later he killed Momo and took over the Sith academy He uses an moded lightsaber with secret power color Dark red He has got very strong force powers wich he uses to convert Jedi,
Only 3 Jedi withstanded this power and they are dead
his order is located on the planet Anoth and he has got an order of 15 sith knights 5 padawans and 13 fallen Jedi and 1 fallen jedi master (Darth nagul)and it's still growing.
they are not all there but they are everywhere looking for new members
(Darth Brill can be found on heavengames. yoin the "return of the forge" RPG [9] have fun)
April 15, 2006
Added by MyNz
- From Panaka:
Unfortunately, the death of Palpatine during the Battle of Endor ended up ruining Panaka's life.
Without the Emperor's favor to keep him in power, Panaka fell victim to the racist policies that were commonplace in the Empire, policies which discriminated not only against non-humans, but against humans with dark skin as well. As a result, Panaka was sold into slavery and sent to work on one of Naboo's plantations, where he was forced to pick cotton for 20 hours a day with minimal food and rest and was whipped and beaten on a frequent basis.
When Naboo joined the New Republic, Panaka was freed from slavery. The aged Panaka, weary and bitter from having spent so many years as a slave, departed from Naboo to settle down on the distant planet of Cathal with his four children, Kareem, Harold, Lindsley, and Panaka II. There, he started a farm where he grew Boomerowr, which is a type of plant that continues growing even after you pick it. When he was 90 years old, he created a pair of mechanical wings designed to allow humans to fly and survive in the vacuum of space without air. Taking several high-powered blaster rifles with him, Panaka attached the wings to his own body and went on a mission to explore outer space.
While in space, Panaka encountered N-K Necrosis, a droid made from the remains of General Grievous, and decided to attacked Necrosis, despite the fact that the droid possessed all the physical capabilities of the original Grievous and was armed with several lightsabers. Following a fierce one-on-one space battle, Panaka destroyed Necrosis once and for all, blasting the droid to pieces with his rifles and then taking the droid's remains and throwing them into a nearby star. Following that encounter, Panaka flew into the depths of space forever, never to be seen again.
- From N-K Necrosis:
Several years later, the remains of N-K Necrosis were found by Imperial stormtroopers and returned to Nycolai Kinesworthy, who fully repaired his creation. The resurrected Necrosis was outfitted with a jet pack that allowed him to fly through space for indefinite amounts of time, and sent on a mission to explore areas of space that ships would be unable to reach. While on this mission, Necrosis encounted the ex-Moff Panaka (who could fly and survive in the vacuum of space due to a pair of mechanical wings he built), who was armed with several high-powered blaster rifles. Panaka attacked Necrosis and, following a fierce one-on-one space battle, destroyed Necrosis once and for all, blasting Necrosis to pieces with his rifles and then taking the droid's remains and throwing them into a nearby star. The ghost of Necrosis still lives on, however, a bodiless wraith that haunts all those who travel too close to the star where he was killed.
- From Sly Moore:
Following the death of Palpatine, Sly Moore built a pair of mechanical wings designed for humans, and attempted to fly into space. However, she was an Umbaran, not a human, and thus the wings didn't work properly for her; they were able to take her to the outer reaches of Coruscant's atmosphere and then malfunctioned, causing her to fall hundreds of miles before she finally hit the top of the Imperial Palace. Following her gruesome death, her splattered remains were left on the Palace rooftop as a decoration.
April 14, 2006
Added by: StarNeptune
From Jar Jar Binks:
Following the celebration, Jar Jar had the misfortune of running into Sora, a teenage boy who could travel between dimensions and wielded a mystical weapon known as the Keyblade. Mistaking him for some kind of malevolent monster, Sora attacked Jar Jar, cutting the unfortunate Gungan in half with one quick hit from the Keyblade. Jar Jar's corpse was left on the streets of Coruscant to rot.
April 12, 2006
Added by: MarcK
From: Don't remember
Star Wars Episode 14 JediDestruction
Opening text crawl
Along time ago in a galxy far far away
Star wars eoisode 14
Jedi Destrouction
War!The Republic Alleince and the Jedi Order count tinue to fight the Sith countinuously.Revan And his Sith Army are conquring planets and destroying the Jedi in there Path.Lex and his other Jedi friends help The Battle of Mon Calmari chapter 1 . Revan's army grows strong. the Dark Jedis are powerful.He is Ready to attack the Jedi. There are battles on many planets. Lex is fighting in space on planet with Jacen Solo on a Y-Wing, Kyle in the Raven's Claw,And Lex with other Jedis on Jedi- starfighters on Mon Calmari in space .Kyle and Lex go to the planet surface where they find Dark Jedis and Darth Neodia.Kyle gets Atacked by Sith soilders and 3 Dark Jedis."Lex, I'll hold them of you keep going.Lex finds Darth Neodia and a Sith Master."I'll enjoy crushing you!"said Darth Neodia. Lex fights them kiling the Sith Master in a short time and Darth Neodia in a longer time.He goes back to his starfighter and heads back to Yavin 4. Chapter 2 . Jaden Korr is on planet Korriban when he finds The Sith Holocron where revan's spirit dweeled for thousands of years. Ja den touches the holocron and gets memories of Revan then Revan posses Jaden. Now Revan has a body he also Removes Bastila from a bactoa tank. Then Jaden goes back to Yavin 4. Chapter 3 Jaden or Darth Revan talks to Lex on on courasunt and other places Jaden wants him to meet, Jaden convinces Lex to turn to the Dark Side and reveals him self as Revan. Chapter 4 Then Lex goes to Yavin 4 to tell Luke Sywalker that Jaden Korr is being possesed by the sith lord Darth Revan.Luke sends Jacen Solo, Clighal,And Kyp Durron to ConFront Revan . Clighal and Kyp Ruron Get Killed and Jacen has Revan in a sber lock postion.Lex walks in before the saber lock and Revan convinces him to join him while Jacen tells him that Revan is the trator.Lex then cuts of JAcens hand.Then Revan uses force lightning on him.Lex is now completley fell to the dark side where he is Then Named Darth Raxus. Chapeter 5 Luke Skywalker orders all the Jedi to head back to the acadamey on Yavin 4.During the meeting the Dark Jedis Invade The Temple.The Battle was on.
Chapter 6 Luke escaped to The StarForge and finds Bastila.Luke confronts bastilla and kills her.Meanwhile,Dath Raxus kills Kyle Katarn.
Chapter 7 Rosh has a menicing battle with Rosh in atempt to turn Rosh to the dark side.If Rosh kills The possed Jaden he will also kill Revan.
Chapter 8 after killing Rosh.Revan heads back to The Star forge where He con fronts luke in another menicing battle.
Chapter 9 Revan goes to a super sized leviathan ship.
"Now that the jedi are gone,the Sith will rule The.. Galaxy!!!" - Revan.
Added by: MarcK
From: Michale DeCorsus
Michale was the ruleing king of Karvoss II When, at age seven, his Senet voted to oust him out of government and join a Communist movement. He and his soldires resisted the movement for three and a-half months before Communist troops and battle droids came and massacured them. Michle did survive and was sold as slave, working on one of the thirteen moons of Karvoss II. When he was twenty seven Michal, now barring his masters last name, Scuron, sweettalked his way onto a mail curiser. He was shiped off to a slave tradeing out post on Kashyyyk, where he got a job hunting down Wookies for slaving. After a week there he got paid 300 Credits, wich he immeadeatly went out and lost in a game of cards to a young Twi'lek. The following day he came back with a Wookie he had caught, and sold it to her for 300 Credits. This cycle went on for five more weeks. At this time Michale quit working for the slave post. Going out and capturing Wookies, he would then sell them to Rose for far leas than there worth, who would sell them for far more than there worth making a huge profit off of it. Around then a new prospect came into there lives, a native from skeebo. They were able to pay native Skeebos to capture other Skeebos, and sell them for way more than they could the Wookies. Haveing made more than enough mony, and haveing eratated the government Rose pursuaded Michale and Hezicreca to leave Kashyyyk and go to a planet Called Trevi IV, were she had set up a spice minning scam for them. There they made lots of Credits selling "Spices" to neighboring planets. After a year they were discovered, and scheduled to be shot to death. by chance a gaurd forgot to lock there sell door and they escaped. On a nabering planet they met a bounty hunter named Raska Bol and joined him.
April 11, 2006
Added by: MyNz
From: Spitting Rawl
Known to be the most powerful attack in the Arsenal Belonging to a Teras Kasi Master, consisted of mainly flipping sideways and bringing the feet down on the opponent three times before bashing with both fists at the same time in a vertical fashion.
April 9, 2006
Added by: StarNeptune
The Death Star III was a proposed battle station that was designed to look like Mon Montha's shape. It was conceived by Bevel Lemelisk's twin daughters and was to have a galaxy-destroying superlaser. The end.
April 6, 2006
Added by: SFH
From: Inquisitorium DarkTrooper
The Inquisitorium DarkTrooper project was perhaps,the most superior infantry unit in the entire Galactic Empire.The blueprints were in developement shortly after the destruction of Arc Hammer,with the Empire losing their superior Dark Troopers.The Inquisitorium Dark Trooper,like the Dark Trooper Phase 3,it's the only one of it's kind.Equipped with heat-seeking vision to counter the Rebellion's Gurreilla Warfare tactics.Homing Concussion Missiles,rapid fire Chain-Guns fron the shoulders,a jetpack that defies the force of gravity,sonic mines,much more yet to be revealed.The Empire everything into this powerful super-trooper,over a million imperial credits.Darth Vader was extremely impressed he had the trooper as his right-hand man.In the Battle of Hoth,it slaughted 22 battlions of rebel troopes.It was stationted in the Mustafar system,during the Battle of Endor,it would have destroyed the entire rebel strike force and Ewoks,including Han Solo,it would have all reaulted with a victory for the Empire.During the Yuuzah Vong war,the dark trooper assisted in the Liberation of Coruasant,destroying many of the Vong assault and fleet,remained operational even after the Swarm War.
April 5, 2006
Added by: RMF
From: Yoda, revision as of 20:02, 4 April 2006
Standing a mere 66 centimeters tall, Yoda had the most gigantic green cock of the Jedi Order, one of the senior members of the Jedi Council in the last days of the Galactic Republic, and capable of orgasming multiple women for up to 36 hours with the force.
April 3, 2006
Added by: Sikon
From Template:WelcomeSS
Hello, Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense, and welcome to Wookieepedia. I hope you're smited for your useless contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay, but then again you'll be banned soon so there's no point in staying for too long. Here are a few good links for newcomers:
- Internal pages:
- External Wikipedia pages:
I hope you enjoy leaving here and being a pathetic loser! By the way, you can sign your name on Talk and vote pages using three tildes, like this: ~~~. Four tildes (~~~~) produces your name and the current date, but you won't need those where you're going. If you have any questions, buy yourself some poison and feel free to go die. Again, leave! — {{{2}}}
Usage
See talk page for usage instructions.
April 1, 2006
Added by: Sikon
"Earth" was made the featured article. The article content and discussion are preserved at Wookieepedia:Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense/Earth.
March 29, 2006
Added by: Sikon
From Gretel skywalker
''' Gretel skywalaker *Cr is fictional charter of a new but not yet release star wars book Star Wars Beyond *CR. his fighning style isd that of count dookus crossed with mace windus and obi wan kenobi he is able to defeat 8 opponent without movement but that of his saber.He holds a single blade lightsaber that wich is dark blue.his hair is brown and scraggly he towers at a height of 6 feet 10 inches and is on the jedi counsil as one of the hightest ranking jedi ever. tejh young boy inb this story hydracu dragoon *CR lokks up to him dearly as his idol. '''
March 28, 2006
Added by: Yrfeloran
From the March 12 revision of Force ghost
Added by: Sikon
From Captain Obvious
#REDIRECTRic Olié
From Help:Searching
The following events took place in approximately
100,099 BBY.
Major Events
- The surface of Coruscant is forgotten and becomes a seedy place with drunks, bums, and other scum. The planet isn't entirely covered yet, but it will be in about 99 years.
- Severe pollution becomes a problem on the almost covered Coruscant, and as a result Human inventors soon invent machines to reduce the carbon dioxide in Coruscant's atmosphere.
- Repulsorlift vehicles are invented by Humans on Coruscant.
March 25, 2006
Added by: Sikon
From Jedi Exile:
The Exile then changed his name to Uric Dracus, and helped recreate the Jedi Order. Then, in 3972 BBY, Dracus was overwhelmed by a vision of hundreds of minds trapped in a giant "golden globe". The "golden globe", was actually the golden sphere that Exar Cun had trapped the minds of the Massasi in.
Dracus, and his apprentice, traveled to the 4th moon of Yavin. The vision had been induced by Exar Cun the whole time, and was meant to lure Dracus there because Exar wanted to use his body to escape his self-induced asylum. Uric proved too strong in the Force to have his body captured, so Exar settled for Uric's apprentice. The two had a battle, but when Dracus bested him with his lightsabers, Exar used Dark side magic to trap his spirit, and Uric's body, into a state of dormancy.
Then, in 26 ABY, Uric emerged from a the temple that he had been locked in, hacking through the Yuuzhan Vong in his way. After reagining his ship, covered in thousands of years of foliage. Uric then traveled to certain planets, inducing hit-and run tactics on the enemy.
Eveentually, Uric did reveal himself to the Luke's Jedi Order, and became his advisor, but was not in time to participate too much in the war with the Yuuzhan Vong. During the set of battles with the Killiks, he was busy trying to prevent the use of more technology that was created by the "Architects". A Pre-Republic species that created many powerful constructs. Because of this, Luke did not allow him to train His son Ben Skywalker.
March 12, 2006
Added by: StarNeptune
BOB SAGET WENT TO HOTH BUT BOBA FETT KILLED HIM {KILLED HIM} WITH A TOOTHBRUSH.
