The word "murdered" is POV. I don't think Alema Rar should be listed as a commander. And finally, I think the last sentence runs on. -LtNOWIS 02:18, 21 October 2007 (UTC)
Murdered to eliminated, Alema Rar removed as commander, last sentence reshuffled. Thanks for t'input--Harrar 12:11, 21 October 2007 (GMT)
Not to be picky, but... I'm not so sure we can say they "eliminated Jedi Masters [plural] at Ossus" if only Kam Solusar died. -LtNOWIS 21:14, 21 October 2007 (UTC)
Hah, you speak the truth...corrected--Harrar 00:16, 22 October 2007 (GMT)
There is a broken reference (see the article's notes and references), and the infobox information needs to be sourced as well. Greyman(Paratus) 23:25, 21 October 2007 (UTC)
I can't spot the broken ref, sorry. I mean I know it's there but I can't find it. Also, since every single piece of info in the infobox is from inferno, can I group it in one big reference or do I have to put one after every point? thanks --Harrar 00:04, 24 October 2007 (GMT)
"The Battle of Kashyyyk took place in 40 ABY during the Confederation-Galactic Alliance War and, on the orders of Chief of State Jacen Solo, saw the attempted subjugation and punishment of a member-world by the Galactic Alliance. " - member-world of what?
We need a bit more extrapolation of the duel. Actually, I'd kinda like to see it merged, but that's just personal preference. As it is, explain it in more detail, and elaborate on the fact that Luke and Ben escape, that Jacen was at his mercy, blah, blah, blah.
A behind the scenes section would be great, stating that Troy Denning created the battle, and it is used as the climax of Inferno.
Ok opening point addressed but I'm not sure how well...added a Main article link into the text's body for the anakin solo duel and did a bit of info...but I feel with the encyclopedaic attitude it's dwelling too much on the actions of the characters rather than the battle itslef. The duel article is such a joke anyway it's basically been written by someone with the book in one hand and a keyboard at the other, so I hope that doesn't impact on the article's FA journey. Finally, I added a little in the Bts section. Thanks Four Dot. Keep the FAs coming yourself btw, great job! --Harrar 00:38, 24 October 2007 (GMT)
From a ghostly apparition of a desk
Confusing prose in 1st para of Ultimatum. You say that the Fifth and the AS were ordered to bombard Kashyyyk, then it immediately says that the Fifth didn't bombard Kashyyyk, just the AS. Please clarify.
A bit more detail on Ben's assassination attempt please. That's part of the battle.
That's where I get confused. In terms of the encyclopedic feel, shouldn't we steer clear of imbuing articles on planets, battles and buildings etc with a biographic feel? I never know. More detail added anyway. If you want it changed give us a holler. Harrar 20:58, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
Actually, the current approach works well. Yes, we should avoid going into great detail on the actual characters' lives in a battle article, but their actions within the course of a battle are certainly relevant, particularly if it's a major event like the assassination attempt was.
The necessity of Luke sparing Jacen's life is speculative. Please reword.
Ole' Luke touches upon why he spares Jacen at the beginning of Fury and the duel chapter; it wasn't meant to be speculation. But act at your disgression I'll change it again further if you want, atm it's just reworded and sourced. Harrar 21:20, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
Haven't read Fury yet, but it looks better now.
I haven't either; I'm not getting it until the 27th. Everything in there is based on the Inferno excerpt.Harrar 17:22, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
That BTS is . . . ugly. Parts of it are original research and the parts that aren't are, well, not BTS material. I dislike the last two sentences.
It was a pretty fugly BTS. It's had some surgery now. Harrar 21:20, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
If getting Han and Leia was an objective, mention them in the prelude.
It's never cited as one of his objectives; he's after the Jedi. However, he knows for certain Han and Leia are on the planet so he uses them as a pretext for bombardment. I have attempted to clarify anyway.Harrar 17:22, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
Where does Ben suddenly appear from and where are he and Jacen? I figured they were on the bridge until it blew up. :P Green Tentacle(Talk) 23:40, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
They are on the bridge, but the bridge is sealed before they are sucked out into space. I've hopefully elaborated now.Harrar 17:22, 15 November 2007 (UTC)