Nitpicky, but one does not "receive Order 66" as is. Possibly you could say via comlink or something along those lines, as it is seen in ROTS. The following sentence, "Given the order to execute Allie, Neyo and 3423 followed through, vaporizing their former commanding officer with their speeder bikes' laser cannons." I think you could mention that the Jedi were to be killed lethally in your context for Order 66 so you don't have to mention someone "ordered" Neyo to do something twice.
"Neyo and the 91st were assigned to Senior Jedi General Oppo Rancisis's command during the battle over the Separatist controlled planet of Saleucami in the Outer Rim Sieges." Saying "in the Outer Rim Sieges" sounds like Saleucami was in the Outer Rim Sieges. :P
See what you could do to replace one of those "during" JangFett(Talk) 16:24, August 9, 2012 (UTC)
"killing their former commanding officer": did Order 66 actually nullify the fact that the Jedi were the clones' commanding officers? As far as I know, they were sitll in command when they were killed, in spite of their status as traitors. Please confirm and clarify.
"along with those of his clone brothers, was to fight for the Galactic Republic in the Clone Wars": given that we don't know exactly when he was cloned, I would be hesitant to say that he was cloned specifically "to fight in the Clone Wars." I know that technically the Clone Wars and the Grand Army were part of the Sith Grand Plan, but it doesn't seem to be relevant here. I would recommend introducing the Clone Wars and the Confederacy later after you first mention he was cloned, i.e. split up this sentence somehow. The 22 BBY start date to the war should also be mentioned, and splitting up the sentence will give you the opportunity to do that.
The changes that you made can be worded a lot better. Saying "After the Clone Wars, which was the Galactic Republic's" is rather awkward. Also, if you say "initiated" or anything of the like, the opening battle of the war needs to be linked. CC7567(talk) 01:26, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
You can still remove the "which was" and reword it differently; it's still awkwardly worded. I've done it myself to show you what I meant. CC7567(talk) 02:00, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
The fact that Neyo's shots damaged the reactor doesn't necessarily appear to be attributable to the film—it probably is, but only after reading Order 66, where it originally came from. Please make sure that this bit is sourced correctly.
What were the markings on his armor? Should be mentioned in the P&T if known, so please check the source material.
This needs to be clarified—was that the 91st's unit insignia? Please check source material and add it to the article, or clarify if it's not confirmed. CC7567(talk) 01:26, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
Might be relevant to include the design model of CC-3636 after Neyo.CC7567(talk) 20:30, August 16, 2012 (UTC)
All taken care of, I believe. Thanks for the review, CC.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 01:10, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
Please make sure to format episode titles correctly when referring to them in-text. Episode titles are presented in quotation marks, while italics are reserved for series/major works/books. Please take note of this in the future. CC7567(talk) 01:26, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
I don't mean to sound like I'm getting after you, Kasra, but please make sure that quotation marks follow punctuation. This is an error that is very easy to catch and correct, and one that hopefully shouldn't be present. CC7567(talk) 02:28, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
No worries, CC, I honestly should have done better, since I don't usually make that mistake.—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 02:33, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
Thanks. Please just make sure to be careful in the future. CC7567(talk) 02:35, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
I would suggest creating an Equipment section for all information related to his armor. That can also be expanded from the current info in the article, particularly the stuff about his unique helmet. Take a look at the pictures of him and see if there's anything else you can note about his armor for the section.
I'd also recommend trying to crop a head or upper body shot of him for the infobox. There isn't a policy for this, I believe, but we normally reserve full-body shots for the text of the article; infobox images are usually cropped more tightly unless it's for species. You can talk to JMAS or someone if you need help with this. If the infobox image gets replaced, the current one can potentially go into the article somewhere instead.CC7567(talk) 01:26, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
This is rather nitpicky, but the fact that the Clone Wars were between the Republic and Confederacy can't be sourced to Neyo's CSWE entry. Please reference it with a proper source.CC7567(talk) 02:00, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
(Just kidding, this is the last one.) "Neyo appeared in Star Wars: Republic 79: Into the Unknown, Part 1, in which he was drawn by Douglas Wheatley." I'm assuming that the comic reprints his executing of Order 66, but could you clarify it, please? Can be very brief.CC7567(talk) 20:34, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
The intro and body mention that he's a clone of Jango Fett, but they never state that either he or Jango are Human males --- that info's currently exclusive to the infobox.
Kind of nitpicky, but can "Following his orders without remorse" be sourced to Revenge of the Sith?
Similarly, sourcing "Neyo was a loyal clone trooper, willing to follow through any order given to him by his true commanding officer, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine" to Episode III seems like extrapolation to the point of speculation. The movie shows him following one order, but I don't think we can use that as a basis to say that he was willing to follow absolutely any order.
The intro gives some good detail on Order 66 (ie that the Jedi are now enemies of the republic) that's not included in the bio; the bio just says that they should be killed but doesn't say why. Can you include that detail in the bio?
In the first sentence of "Personality and traits," I don't know if "never" is the right word, since the next sentence goes on to say "But he later did develop feelings." Menkooroo (talk) 00:05, August 26, 2012 (UTC)
All taken care of. Thanks for the review, Menk!—Jedi Kasra ("Indeed.") 13:18, August 26, 2012 (UTC)