Just a few things. First, in the sentence: "He discovered that the Twi'lekacademic researcher Klide was close to discovering the location of the Eye of the Sun, and he came to believe that the Eye could be used to vanquish the staff," would it be possible to ditch "researcher" or "academic"? They seem redundant to me in conjunction. Second, who does the he refer to, the Twi'lek or the other guy?
Should or shouldn't the word "Kilassin" be capitalized? If you decide to capitalize it throughout, it's probably also worth adding some context that they were non-sentient, since typically only sentient species get capital names.
While The Eye does not capitalize it, the majority of other sources do, so therefore I have now consistently done so as well. Also, I have mentioned that they were non-sentient, per your suggestion. --Jinzler 22:20, March 22, 2012 (UTC)
Can you find a synonym or two for "agent" later in the "History" section?
I've added a few --Jinzler 22:20, March 22, 2012 (UTC)
In the BTS you indicate that the creature the players fight can be various things depending on their level. Can you mention how you interpreted this in the "History" section of the article so readers know? Tis all. Nice work! ~Savage 21:53, March 21, 2012 (UTC)
Clarified. And thank you very much for your review! That was a very extensive copy-edit that you performed, I really appreciate the effort that you have made to help improve the article. --Jinzler 22:20, March 22, 2012 (UTC)
My pleasure! I always enjoy your Living Force articles. :) ~Savage 23:09, March 22, 2012 (UTC)
Wasn't the darkstaff used to destroy the Five Masters Academy?SinisterSamurai 07:13, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
Hmm... you may well be right. I never made that connection before, but Faded Colors certainly does seem to indicate that the "fiend of shadow" who destroyed the Academy was wielding a weapon that in all respects matches the description of the staff. This is a bit frustrating, in that the article does not seem to provide any evidence to justify identifying the fiend as Len Markus, despite the fact that it could only be him, but I will try to update the article accordingly somewhen over the next few days. Great catch. --Jinzler 08:43, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
Under Description, we have the staff's powers and personality, and I see the dimensions in the infobox. Is there enough material for a physical description of the artifact within the body? SinisterSamurai 04:27, March 24, 2012 (UTC)
Unfortunately, I don't think that there is enough information to justify adding a new section on its phyiscal description. All that is really said about what it looked like is fact that it is black and the staff's dimensions, and this information is already mentioned at the start of the "Powers" section (mainly due to a lack of an alternative place for it to go). It only takes up a few lines, so as you can probably tell, this isn't really enough to deserve a section of it's own. It is a bit of a shame really that the Living Force writers neglected to spend much time giving a physical description of what is such an important part of the campaign, but I guess that there is nothing we can do about that. Thanks for you review and please let me know if further improvements are required. --Jinzler 08:19, March 24, 2012 (UTC)
"Phylus Mon's repair attempt" says that Mon enters the fortress with a group of minions, but it later makes a reference to slaves and captive Jedi without mentioning the minions again. Are the slaves and captive Jedi the "minions?"
If so: "minions" kind of implies willingness and probably isn't the best descriptor for slaves and captives.
If not: The slaves and captive Jedi kind of come out of nowhere when the altar ritual happens, and it isn't mentioned what happens to the minions (are their essences captured too?). Can you establish that there are slaves and captive Jedi with Mon early on and mention what happens to the minions?
The adventure was not entirely clear as to the composition of Mon's party; the players find the footprints of 13 people that entered the fortress with Mon and we don't know who they all were, and I had hoped "minions" could act as a generic term to sum them all up. However Mon's servants were all technically slaves, so I have now described the party as such in the article. The Jedi were captured by Mon on his way into the fortress, so I have now mentioned that he defeated some Jedi before entering the facility. Will this be sufficient, or do you think that further clarification is required? --Jinzler 20:02, April 16, 2012 (UTC)
"Behind the scenes" varies between past and present tense when mentioning discrepancies --- "Philology stated," "The adventure states," etc. Either tense is OK, but probably best to be consistent.
Fixed, I think --Jinzler 20:02, April 16, 2012 (UTC)
Regarding the second discrepancy mentioned in the BTS: Just to clarify, since there are many battles of Ruusan: Does The Eye definitely state that the Eye of the Sun was created during the specific Battle of Ruusan in which Rivan fought? Is it not possible that it was created during an earlier battle of the Ruusan campaign? Even if not, is it not still possible that it was created early in the battle and that Rivan arrived late in the battle? What I'm trying to say is --- is it definitely a discrepancy, or is there some wiggle room here?
This is part of a much wider discrepancy regarding Rivan's timeline, which I haven't fully elaborated upon in the article (some Living Force writers seem to have been under the impression that he was a member of Bane's Sith Order). The Eye of the Sun was not completed until two years after the battle, thus making it impossible for Rivan to have sensed it under his current canon timeline per Echoes of the Jedi. I have now clarified this slightly. --Jinzler 20:02, April 16, 2012 (UTC)
"Possible outcomes" has a pretty monstrous paragraph. I recommend splitting it somewhere.
Can we get the uncropped version of this: File:Len_Markus.jpg? I think it also includes Nirama, who is also pertinent to the article.
The changes you made look good, thanks for that! In relation to File:Markus_and_Nirama.png, the Living Force Art Gallery includes a version of the image that is of far higher quality than the image given in the Living Force Campaign Guide. However, the Art Gallery image is also significantly smaller in size, so do you think I should upload that instead, or should we stick with the one that you added? --Jinzler 20:36, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
I've now uploaded it. Jinzler 21:49, May 3, 2012 (UTC)
The opening paragraph of the History section feels a bit choppy. Can you rework it? --Eyrezer 11:52, April 18, 2012 (UTC)
I've re-jigged it slightly, so it should hopefully flow better now. --Jinzler 20:36, April 20, 2012 (UTC)