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Wookieepedia:Featured article nominations/Even Piell

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a featured article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

[edit] Even Piell

[edit] (5 Inqs/0 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 08:38, 3 July 2008 (UTC)
  2. Thefourdotelipsis 00:01, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
  3. Master Aban Fiolli {Alpheridies University ComNet} 04:52, 13 July 2008 (UTC)
  4. Good work. Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 13:53, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
  5. -- Darth Culator (Talk) 10:11, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Oppose

  1. From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One
    • I think the Lannik Royal Guard needs it's own article, and to be linked to in the article. Also, the link to palace guard in the first paragraph of the Jedi Master section goes to the Naboo palace guard.
      • Addressed and article created.
    • The Lannik government were embroiled in a costly war with a group of terrorists known as the Red Iaro, who wished to begone with the traditional ways of Lannik and rule the planet in their own, extremist way. - the use of the word "begone" in this instance doesn't sit well. Consider using an alternative.
      • Tweaked it a tad.
    • The Corellians' daughter, Adi Gallia, was herself a Jedi - I am assuming that this is refering to the Corellian Diplomats mentioned earlier in the article, but it needs clarifying in this statement. Also, is there an article for the diplomats at all?
      • Clarified.
    • A little context on what a Ffib priest is would be appreciated.
      • Added some.
    • Are Zug and Zash working together? The mention of Zug's plan to kill the Jedi would seem to indicate it, but there's no mention of an alliance between the two.
      • Added mention of the Jedi's presumption of such an alliance; it's never definitely stated to exist, though.
    • In the P&T section, you mention the Gran's plans to exploit the planet Lannik. Is this part of their reason for hosting the talks on Malastare, and the statement that Senator Aks Moe is corrupt? If so, it should be mentioned in the article. If not, explanation on why Moe was considered corrupt would be appreciated.
      • Removed the "corrupt," and I've clarified the P&T a tad.
    • though the Council lost Yaddle and Yarael Poof - clarify "lost"; are they dead, captured, etc. I know you mentioned Poof's funeral, but what about Yaddle? It's a little unclear.
      • Clarified.
    • Piell was among the 200 odd Jedi - 200 odd is mildly informal, and I would consider using another term for it.
      • Altered.
    • I feel the term "sucker-punched" is informal and needs changing.
      • Changed.
    • I've read Jedi Twilight, but don't have the book to hand. Can you check the fates of the Stormtroopers since I seem to recall something different.
      • You're right; I've changed it.
    • Interesting character, interesting article. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 18:45, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
  • "He entrusted the mission to his former Padawan, Jax Pavan, though the droid turned out to be a ruse orchestrated by Darth Vader, in an attempt to lure out Pavan." - The droid itself is not a ruse, what it contains is, so this needs a little bit of tweaking. "He earned a reputation as a fierce and humorless warrior[1] and one who would never back away from a fight, and he eventually became a revered Jedi Knight." - Bit too much "and"ing, and...I'm not sure that "humour" is really a relevant descriptor here, but if it has to go there that's fine. "Piell believed that he was the only senior Council member to survive the slaughter, though Yoda and Shaak Ti also survived." - It might be prudent to mention that Kenobi also survived, as well as Skywalker, but I can understand if you can't work him into that sentence. With the BTS, I think Piell only appears in the stock footage used from TPM in AOTC, so it might be worth looking that up. Also, just as a suggestion: a picture of Piell fighting on Geonosis from "The Lesson" might be good, or if that's not possible, a picture of him in combat from "Emissaries to Malastare" if it exists. At the moment, the illustrations are just a touch dry, IMO. Otherwise, a very solid article. Thefourdotelipsis 12:12, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
    • Good point; fixed. Removed all but one "and." To keep it from becoming too clunky, I just changed it to "several other Councilors" and cited the NEC. Google searching didn't produce that much about Piell's footage, but blanket statement on Chee's blog should do, unless someone can find something more explicit (objection is addressed). I'd be happy to add the image from "The Lesson," but would the comic's dubious canonicity not mean that the image would have to go in the BtS (and replace the current one, which, imo, is better)? I understand your concerns about the images, and I agree to some extent, but there's not really any decent detail/quality action images of Piell from EtM, though I'll dig it out and have another look. Thank you for your review and comments (though lists are much easier :-P). -- AdmirableAckbar (Talk) 21:03, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
      • I think you could get away with using the picture from The Lesson in the Clone Wars section, as long as it's accompanied by a footnote. It's not an objectionable point, really, but what you've got there is essentially a cartoon version of an earlier pic, which isn't quite as illustrative as the other picture would be. However, it's your call, since I don't really, really mind either way. Thefourdotelipsis 00:01, 11 July 2008 (UTC)
  1. From the desk of Atarumaster88
    • Is "Knighted" the canonical preference for capitalization?
      • Searches of sw.com and wizards.com have proved fruitless, though "Knighthood" is always capitalized.
        • FWIW, I ran a search on several novels and Destiny's Way has it lower-case. I've altered the article accordingly, but if you find sources that say otherwise, feel free to revert me. Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 13:53, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
        • Not worth killing over;
    • "suffered a great many grievous wounds," Reword this please, it's a bit flowery.
      • Better?
    • "important events" I don't like important events, it's a bit too general, to the point of being POV.
      • Altered it a bit.
    • "Piell deflecting everything the Imperials threw at him, but he was unable to escape." Please retouch that first part.
      • Changed.
    • "he Force Jumped over the troopers and towards the exit, and it worked almost to perfection." Almost to perfection is POV/flowery prose.
      • Changed.
    • I think that there's enough information here to merit a longer and more fleshed out Legacy section.
      • I added one, though I'm not what else I can add to it. Have you anything in mind? Also, I'll add a quote soon when I have my copy of JT back.
    • In P&T, you might want to note that he was willing to set up trade relations with the slave-breeding Senex Sector despite his opposition to slavery.
      • Good spot; added.
    • P&T might also use a bit of Piell's lesson about how being a Jedi didn't mean using the Force per se. That could go in Legacy instead, if you prefer.
      • It's already mentioned briefly in the bio, in the paragraph dealing with his training of Pavan, but I've added it to the P&T.
    • Just curious . . . which source established him as a practitioner of all 7 forms?
      • Jedi Twilight says that he "missed practicing the seven lightsaber forms in the Jedi Temple" or something to that effect.
    • Have a Super-Terrific Friendly Un-frustrating day. Atarumaster88 (Talk page) 15:02, 14 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments
Approved by Inquisitorius 11:59, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

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