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Halle BurtoniEdit

(2 Inqs/4 Users/6 Total)

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SupportEdit

  1. Nice job! - AV-6R7Crew Pit 03:27, December 30, 2015 (UTC)
  2. Indeed! TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 02:57, April 21, 2016 (UTC)
  3. Looks good! Cevan IMPpress (talk) 02:54, November 6, 2016 (UTC)
  4. Fantastic! Shayn Mikel (talk) 22:20, January 6, 2017 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote 1358 (Talk) 21:13, October 23, 2017 (UTC)
  6. Inqvote Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:01, November 9, 2017 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

AVEdit
  • Can you find a quote for the Bts section, perhaps from one of the Blu-Ray TCW sets?
  • Mention that phase II armor was specifically an improvement over phase I?
    • I feel like that's implied with "upgrade over." - Brandon Rhea(talk) 03:17, December 30, 2015 (UTC)
      • The reason I say this is because it currently links clone trooper armor while Phase II specifically improved on Phase I. Mayeb change it so that it says "an upgrade over Phase I clone trooper armor"?
        • I changed it so the word "standard" links to Phase I. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 03:24, December 30, 2015 (UTC)
  • Maybe mention Mot-Not Rab at the end of the first paragraph in the Biography section along with Amedda and Deechi? - AV-6R7Crew Pit 02:44, December 30, 2015 (UTC)
FloydEdit
  • Just one question I'd like to see addressed: How was Teckla Minnau an example of the war harming the people of the Republic? IFYLOFD (Talk) 00:59, July 2, 2016 (UTC)
    • Just saw this now. I didn't add the specifics because it seemed superfluous for this character's article. I can add it, though. Just need to double check the episode as a reminder. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 14:37, August 7, 2016 (UTC)
CevanEdit
  • What exactly is the emboldened part of the following sentence trying to say?
    "Senator Amidala gave another speech before the full Senate, arguing that the financial costs for a troop increase would cripple to the conflict, and that more clones would only escalate the Clone Wars." Cevan IMPpress (talk) 22:58, October 27, 2016 (UTC)
Ecks DeeEdit
  • Height appears to be infobox-exclusive.
  • This is minor, but the term "the continuation of the Clone Wars" is used twice in close succession in the intro. Can we have some variation here?
  • Some thoughts on capitalization of titles, specifically the three following: senator, loyalist, chancellor
    • "senator" appears to be consistently capitalized, no matter if it's used as a title (Senator of Kamino) or as a description (Kaminoan Senator). The article should probably reflect this. (see Burtoni's DB entry for instance)
    • "loyalist" also appears to be capitalized even when not using the full name (Loyalist Committee); Bail Organa's DB entry uses "Loyalist factions" for examples, so one could probably apply the same standards for "Loyalist senators"
    • whereas Supreme Chancellor is always capitalized in that way, I'm not 100% the same goes for Chancellor, even though I would assume it does. Thoughts?
      • In the real world, at least in US politics, "senator" and "president" would never be capitalized unless a name followed it (e.g. Senator Warren, President Trump, etc) so that's what I was going with. If Star Wars sources do it differently, that's good to know. I've capitalized all of these. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 18:02, September 29, 2017 (UTC)
  • Check your image caption punctuation. Only full sentences get a full stop.
  • Reference 13 is completely broken.
    • This will be resolved/made redundant by the addressing of the next objection. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 18:02, September 29, 2017 (UTC)
  • All references with external links, including IMDb, require backup links. 1358 (Talk) 18:39, September 20, 2017 (UTC)
    • And better yet, change any references using IMDb to more reliable sources. Imperators II(Talk) 21:17, September 24, 2017 (UTC)
      • I've resolved this for Senate Murders and Pursuit of Peace by using Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Episode Guide. I have to look into what that says the dates are for the other two episodes, since there's inconsistencies between it and IMDb. Stay tuned. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 18:02, September 29, 2017 (UTC)
  • Check the order of references in the P&T. I'm seeing consecutive uses of both [2] and [5]. 1358 (Talk) 22:18, September 29, 2017 (UTC)
  • "the legislative body of the Galactic Republic.[1]" This can't be sourced to Burtoni's DB entry like it is right now, but I guess it can be sourced to that TCW episode?
  • I think what/who Gume Saam represents in the Senate should be mentioned, for consistency, seeing as you mention the planet of every other Senator.
  • Same goes for Amidala; Naboo is technically intro-exclusive at the moment.
  • "As the debate over troop increases continued, the Loyalist Committee continued fighting against Burtoni's proposal and put forward their own anti-troop increase legislation to stop it." This sounds like they're increasing anti-troops, so I recommend you reword the entire thing to avoid the anti- prefix. Also, the Committee is in singular so the possessive would be "its", not "their".
  • "Amidala told her that it was a private conversation, and Burtoni implied that it was a Separatist conspiracy." What's "it"? The entire celebration party or the specific line where Amidala says celebrating is premature? The second half of the sentence also seems a bit disjointed, so it's probably a good idea to rewrite this entire sentence.
  • "Farr escorted Burtoni out of the meeting, and she assured them that the war was far from over." We haven't been introduced to Farr's gender here, so it almost sounds like the "she" here is talking about Farr. How could Burtoni assure them the war was not over if she had been escorted out from the meeting?
  • Second paragraph of "Murder of Onaconda Farr" is a bit PBP; Burtoni said this, Deechi said that, Burtoni asserted this. Can you please condense this a bit?
  • "Later, while the Senators were under the protection of Lieutenant Divo, Purs claimed she was attacked by Senator Burtoni" Which Senators are we talking about here? The Loyalist Senators, I assume?
  • And that's it... I think. 1358 (Talk) 19:54, October 2, 2017 (UTC)
  • Finally, I'd like to see a short mention about her clothing in the P&T (a separate Equipment section is probably not warranted). That headband with the dangling things in particular seems noteworthy. 1358 (Talk) 12:44, October 11, 2017 (UTC)
      • Done. Let me know if the phrasing I used works for you, or if you'd rather something else. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 19:51, October 23, 2017 (UTC)
ToprawaEdit
  • Now that we have BBY/ABY dates for things and can narrow down the Clone Wars, it would be better for this article to more specifically state that her character's events from TCW took place between 22 BBY-19 BBY, unless we can narrow down these episodes even more narrowly than that. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 19:23, September 28, 2017 (UTC)
SEEdit
  • Can you clarify what year the power generators on Coruscant were bombed? Specifying a date here would also help clarify how far into the war these discussions on deregulating the bank was. Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:32, October 17, 2017 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

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