Personally, I believe it's fine. I don't need to go much into detail describing where exactly he died. The area in which he did die is "over Umbara," which is what I have in the infobox. JangFett(Talk) 14:46, December 12, 2011 (UTC)
I'm perfectly fine with "over Umbara". As long as the ship is not named :P Clone Commander LeeTalk 14:49, December 12, 2011 (UTC)
Please make sure that the entire article was updated for Season Four. In particular, now that we have details from his early life on Kamino in "The General," that should go at the beginning of body, from which they are absent. Also, I'd advise adding a P&T image if possible. Please run through the article again to make sure everything is in the right place.CC7567(talk) 21:27, January 7, 2012 (UTC)
How's that? I believe the information is all there now. I added in that bit about Hardcase's bad tank in the bio and it's also in the P&T. I'm amazed that Hardcase =/= the same clone from Deserter. He's Hevy #2. 9_9 JangFett(Talk) 03:30, February 5, 2012 (UTC)
I'm noticing some instances where the article recounts conversations line-by-line. Can you go through the article and condense this level of play-by-play down so as to only get the key points of the conversations across? The added details are a bit extraneous and at times repetitive --- for example, "Jesse responded and informed the Jedi Master that Rex had been injured, and that the Captain had given him the duty of leading the search for the escape pods." --- the reader's already been told that Jesse is the leader of the search party, and it's not all that necessary in an article about Hardcase that Jesse repeated the info to Obi-Wan. Check out the change I made regarding Rex's injury on Saleucami for a further idea of what I'm looking for.
"Soon, Jesse contacted Kenobi and informed the Jedi that Hardcase and the clone troopers had a visual of the escape pod." reads like something out of Jesse's article. For Hardcase, I think it's important to emphasize Hardcase and co's discovery of the escape pod rather than Jesse's report on it. It's also an example of the article noting what they said they did instead of noting what they did, which ties into the above objection. Make sense?Menkooroo 18:56, February 17, 2012 (UTC)
Good stuff. Thanks for taking the time to look through the entire article. Another instance of possibly-too-much-detail: "... while the clones' leader, Skywalker, boarded Clone Lieutenant Hawk's gunship with Rex, Jesse, Tup, and several other 501st Legion troopers." Since Hardcase isn't on that shuttle, is it necessary to namedrop the clones who are? Even if they come into play later, no reason they can't be introduced later.
You know, since they were all bunched together in the beginning and leave at the same time, I found it to be easier to introduce them at that particular time than having to introduce them when they began their initial push against the Umbaras. JangFett(Talk) 22:40, March 27, 2012 (UTC)
The second paragraph of "Umbara" seems to end suddenly without actually saying whether or not Oddball's air strike was a success --- can you make it explicit?Menkooroo 03:44, February 28, 2012 (UTC)
There's some detail in the second paragraph of "Attacking an airbase" that reads more like a battle article than an article about Hardcase. I think a lot of it could be cut or tightened up in order to keep it about Hardcase. Specifically: "In order to destroy the tanks, Fives contacted Rex and requested RPS-6 rocket launchers. Rex, who was nearby Fives' position, ordered a few of his troops to bring the launchers to Fives' team." and "while Kix tended to the injured clone trooper..."
Basically as above I did this because they were bunched up during this scene and Hardcase was with them but hardly seen. I went back and loosened some detail. How's that? There's not much that I can do without making it seem choppy. JangFett(Talk) 22:40, March 27, 2012 (UTC)
In the same paragraph, "Though they eliminated one of the tanks, the clone troopers were still under attack by four other Umbaran tanks" is info that's already been said. Repeating it doesn't really add anything to the following sentence.Menkooroo 02:38, March 1, 2012 (UTC)
In "Betraying orders:" "Before conferring with Kenobi, Krell's group had not realized a Confederate supply ship was giving the Umbaran capital city supplies. Once Kenobi told Krell and Rex of the ship, Krell wanted to attack the capital city with the remaining troops he had instead of attacking the supply ship." In order to keep the narrative focused on Hardcase, this could probably be tightened up into one sentence that would say everything that needed to be said.Menkooroo 03:50, March 3, 2012 (UTC)
Addressed. Sorry it took a while to get to these, Menk. Been busy. JangFett(Talk) 22:40, March 27, 2012 (UTC)
"Despite the surprise attack from the Umbarans, Rex called in an air strike team, led by Clone Commander pilot "Odd Ball," to suppress enemy fire." Was it despite of the surprise attack, or because of the surprise attack that Rex called in the team?
Yeah, despite doesn't work here. Addressed. JangFett(Talk) 23:44, May 3, 2012 (UTC)
"After a battle between Krell and the clones, Krell was killed for his treasonous acts, and Fives and Jesse lived." The last part of the sentence sounds rather awkward; can this be reworded?
While many mighthavenoticed, yeah, I am being very lazy. But don't worry, those will be taken care of. I have no clue why I did Hardcase first, but oh well. :P Spoiler tags remain for Plan of Dissent until December 11. JangFett(Talk) 03:31, December 10, 2011 (UTC)