Is the Imperial-controlled government article-worthy? It seems like you have it classified as part of the Empire; if that's more accurate, cool beans.
Well, its a government with an Imperial Governor, Vice-Governor and Cabinet, but with a civilian advisory board and planetary militia led by a native. Imperial-controlled seems to be the best description.
The intro and the bio seem to describe events differently. The former doesn't mention the Bank parliament until the very end and earlier states that the planet is thrown into chaos following Sarne's departure, which makes Dade's and Lang's power-grabs seem as if they're attempting to impose order on anarchy. The bio has the Bank parliament immediately establishing control after Sarne's departure and doesn't really present a picture of chaos. Can you reconcile the two?
Added a little something to the intro. Hopefully that should work.
The last sentence of the BTS ends with a preposition, but I can't figure out a good way to fix it without doing quite a bit of re-wording. So I'll leave it to you. :) Great work! Menkooroo 04:25, March 3, 2012 (UTC)
"After Sarne's departure, it was discovered that he had transferred the majority of the Imperial personnel stationed on the planet..." Could this be rephrased in active voice to say who discovered this?
Is "Acting-Governor" a title from the OS? If not, I'd switch to "acting Governor."
Acting-Governor is correct, according to the source
"Lang, who had been maneuvered into the attending the ceremony..." Can this be elaborated upon? Who maneuvered her and how? Was she cajoled, say? That's it. NIce article! ~Savage 17:59, April 24, 2012 (UTC)
No elaboration is given, just that he maneuvered her into it. Thanks for the review. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 23:24, April 24, 2012 (UTC)
Ah, wait, I didn't mention that Dade had done the maneuvering. How and why is still a mystery, but probably ties into his "native son" schtick. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 23:26, April 24, 2012 (UTC)