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Rescue of TseeboEdit

  • Nominated by: Brandon Rhea(talk) 03:33, April 5, 2016 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I think I started writing this 8 or 9 months ago, but I got super lazy with it. So I'm glad it's finally finished. Thank you to Cevan for giving it a once-over and link check before I posted this nomination. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 03:33, April 5, 2016 (UTC)

(1 Inqs/4 Users/5 Total)

(Votes required: 2 Inqvote(s) required to reach minimum. No additional user votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

SupportEdit

  1. Harshg (talk) 10:20, April 5, 2016 (UTC)
  2. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 14:00, April 5, 2016 (UTC)
  3. Lewisr (talk) 00:19, June 1, 2016 (UTC)
  4. Seems I forgot to actually put my name down for supporting this nomination, but here it is now. Cevan IMPpress (talk) 21:20, July 28, 2016 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote 1358 (Talk) 22:39, October 27, 2017 (UTC)

ObjectEdit

Ecks DeeEdit
  • Question: Do you think a better image could be found for the infobox? Maybe one with more action?
    • I had tried to find another one but the relevant, infobox-worthy images for this episode are limited. I could use another opinion, though, so want to to take a look at the Empire Day and Gathering Forces episode guide and let me know if you have any suggestions? - Brandon Rhea(talk) 16:59, September 29, 2017 (UTC)
      • Maybe an image of the rebels handing off Tseebo to Fulcrum. - Imperial Information Office AV-6R7Crew Pit 17:17, September 29, 2017 (UTC)
        • I would definitely want to see that image. Won't hold up the nomination for this, though. 1358 (Talk) 19:14, October 2, 2017 (UTC)
          • There's no image of the handoff itself. Just Hera and Tseebo standing in an airlock while Ahsoka's ship docks. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 07:17, October 17, 2017 (UTC)
            • I'll concede, then. 1358 (Talk) 19:54, October 17, 2017 (UTC)
  • Another question: Do you feel like it's really necessary with having a main bullet and a sub-bullet for the Inquisitor, Tseebo, and Tano in the Strength section of the infobox? I feel like you could just go with one top-level bullet for each. Using sub-bullets makes sense for groups with more than one individual/vehicles/etc, but I don't think they add anything in this case.
    • I've seen that used in the past for consistency's sake but I'm fine removing it. Done. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 16:59, September 29, 2017 (UTC)
  • The word "rescue" is used three times in the first two sentences; any chance of some variation here?
  • The term "the rebels" is also overused in the intro. Would it be possible to name the Spectres and then use their name in some places?
    • Changed some of it up. I tend to avoid using Spectres in articles because it's the name that Wookieepedia has decided should be its primary name, but there's no clear official name for the group that I've seen. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 16:59, September 29, 2017 (UTC)
  • "the city was locked down after the rebels bombed an Empire Day parade." This feels a bit disjointed. When did the bombing happen? During the escape? Please connect this better to the rest of the intro.
  • "The rebels eluded the ISB Agent and escaped onto the Ghost, whose pilot and captain, Hera Syndulla, rescued her crew from the Imperial pursuit." This is a bit unclear. Did they first make their way onto the Ghost and then Syndulla arrived to rescue them? The body makes it sound like Syndulla arrived in the Ghost just in time to save the day. Maybe something like "Eluding the ISB Agent, the rebels were rescued from Imperial pursuit by the arrival of Hera Syndulla..." would make this clearer?
  • "The Ghost escaped, but" Escaped where?
  • Since I'm not familiar with SWR... did the rebels eventually do anything with Tseebo's data that could be mentioned in the intro?
    • Not that we know of at this point. It was given to Ahsoka and it hasn't come back up yet. The implication is that the rebellion used it for further mission targets but that's never been made explicitly clear. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 16:59, September 29, 2017 (UTC)
  • "and the information he received in the headpiece overwhelmed his mind." I'm not exactly sure what's being said here? It almost sounds like he went insane. Can you clarify this a bit?
  • "as the Jedi hunter suspected that the Ghost would be waiting to rendezvous with its crew. As the Grand Inquisitor prepared to chase them" Two consecutive (even if they're in different sentences) that start with "as the". Please vary.
  • I believe mentions such as "the ISB Agent" should not capitalize the title of agent; "Agent Kallus" is fine but Kallus' DB entry doesn't seem to capitalize "agent" when it's used on its own.
  • Halfway there. 1358 (Talk) 17:03, September 17, 2017 (UTC)
  • Re: date reference — can we actually know for sure it takes place in 4 BBY? "A Princess on Lothal" is the first known episode to take place in 3 BBY, but is there anything saying the rescue mission couldn't have taken place earlier in 3 BBY?
    • One of the oldest tweets referring to dating in canon places Episode I as year 0, Rebels as beginning in year 27, and Episode IV as being year 32. Spark of Rebellion takes place in 5 BBY, 14 years after Episode III. The events of Empire Day/Gathering Forces marks the 15th anniversary of the rise of the Empire, moving the series into 4 BBY. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 23:08, October 8, 2017 (UTC)
  • 4 BBY isn't linked anywhere outside the infobox right now.
  • <s>Is there a typo in the Prelude quote? "Half of its encrypted" Or is this from official subtitles or something?
  • The Spectres should be named in the body as well. They're intro-exclusive right now.
  • "Meanwhile, the Ghost crew tended to their damage, including Chopper" This sounds a bit like Chopper was also tending to the damage.
    • Fixed. Let me know if you want that refined any further. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 23:08, October 8, 2017 (UTC)
  • "Tseebo proved to be of further use when he detected the tracker on the hull of the Phantom, and the once-again functional Chopper scanned the ship and found the tracker on the shuttle." Why did Chopper need to find it when Tseebo already located it to the hull? I think Tseebo's method of discovering the tracker probably needs some elaboration here.
    • Clarified. - Brandon Rhea(talk) 23:08, October 8, 2017 (UTC)
      • Do we know exactly how he detected it, though? Or was it some sort of deus ex machina that isn't explained? 1358 (Talk) 08:25, October 10, 2017 (UTC)
  • I feel like the Aftermath section is a bit too long; I feel like you could condense Ezra's adventures in the Jedi temple as they're not directly relevant to the rescue mission. 1358 (Talk) 19:53, October 4, 2017 (UTC)
    • I disagree that it's not directly relevant. The events of that episode/the Jedi Temple are a direct result of Ezra's encounter with the Inquisitor in "Gathering Forces." How would you recommend trimming it? - Brandon Rhea(talk) 23:09, October 8, 2017 (UTC)
      • I feel like the second and the third paragraphs could be combined and some of the details could be left out. You could probably summarize it while keeping the core: He went inside, had visions, met Yoda, confronted his fears, got a crystal. 1358 (Talk) 08:25, October 10, 2017 (UTC)
  • Any reason why the Imperial admiral and commandant aren't listed in the infobox Commanders field?
    • I kept it to the Grand Inquisitor (who led the Jedi chase, the admiral was his subordinate) and Kallus (who led the ground portion, the commandant was his subordinate) since they were the overall commanders. I guess it depends, how deep should that section go? - Brandon Rhea(talk) 20:25, October 17, 2017 (UTC)
      • Fair enough. 1358 (Talk) 19:12, October 21, 2017 (UTC)
  • On a second look, the intro seems quite long, three big paragraphs for a relatively short article. Do you think it could be cut down somewhat? At a cursory glance, things like vehicle designations can be left for the body and the context on the info in Tseebo's headpiece seems a bit excessive. If the total size of the intro would be around the size of the two first paragraphs, that'd be perfect. 1358 (Talk) 20:17, October 17, 2017 (UTC)
  • Intro: "The rebels discovered Tseebo, a Rodian who defected from the Imperial Information Office, whose AJ^6 cyborg construct headpiece contained critical information about the Empire's plans for the Outer Rim Territories." This sounds like the IIO's headpiece contained information. I'm assuming it's meant to be Tseebo's headpiece.
  • " the Empire held a parade in Capital City, bringing out many military vehicles, officers, and soldiers, including an experimental TIE Advanced v1 starfighter." This kind of implies the TIE is a soldier. Please reword.
  • Please go through the entire article and ensure ship classes and similar are properly sourced. I don't think most of them can be sourced to the episodes.
  • "Syndulla brought Tseebo to the airlock, where his mind was clearer after Bridger had forgiven him." Not exactly sure what's being said here. Was his mind suddenly cleared upon entering the airlock?
  • You have two very similar sentences that essentially read "The Inquisitor disarmed him, however, [...]" very close to each other. Can we have some variation here?
  • "The boy was granted a kyber crystal, a rite of passage for a Jedi, which he used to create his own lightsaber." What's the rite, receiving a crystal or constructing the lightsaber? In any case, this needs to be reworded as it currently sounds like he used a Jedi to create a lightsaber.
  • The two last sentences in the Aftermath (actually really the entire last paragraph) are kinda clunky. See if you can do something about the flow there, or let me know and I'll have a shot at it.
  • Could we have some dates in the Bts? Release month is probably enough for the two episodes. 1358 (Talk) 22:12, October 24, 2017 (UTC)
  • The cybernetic headpiece model name is currently intro-exclusive. I'd recommend you find a source for the name instead of pipelinking the thing, as it's very relevant to the subject of the article. 1358 (Talk) 22:29, October 27, 2017 (UTC)

CommentsEdit

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