- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Contents
Bric[]
- Nominated by: JangFett (Talk) 02:39, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: TCW needs to create more characters like this guy
(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)[]
Support[]
- After IRC review Kilson(Let's have a chat) 03:41, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
- No FA lenghth? Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:04, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Yeah, it's in fact around 1,365 words, but it can be taken to the FAN later. 1358 (Talk) 06:36, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
- Ah, thank you. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:50, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
- Yeah, it's in fact around 1,365 words, but it can be taken to the FAN later. 1358 (Talk) 06:36, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
- --Talrrivanian (Headquarters) 17:43, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
- Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 05:20, June 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Teff 01:55, June 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 16:04, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
Object[]
Ecks Dee[]
While waiting for him to appear in TCW S4…:PBefore I give this a review: There are two instances of [1] after each other in the first sentence of the P&T. Should one of them be another number?1358 (Talk) 10:40, June 6, 2011 (UTC)
Moffship[]
First off, the easy objection: Bric's Clone Card makes it clear that he is a drill sergeant, not a regular sergeant as the article currently states.- Addressed
Now, the more complicated stuff: The majority of the article is very play-by-play; there's a lot of "he said this, then someone else said this, to which he replied..." that really isn't necessary.- How's that? Looking back, I did added a little too much detail.
During my review, I also came across a lot of sentences that didn't quite make sense in one way or another. An example of this, which only sticks out because of its placement, is the last sentence of the P&T. Ordinarily, I'd list these sentences here to bring them to your attention, but that's really only one aspect of the problem. I corrected a lot of simple errors (including instances of present-tense verbs) that, simply put, should not be there. I suggest you go through the article once or twice to make sure everything is up to par.- How's that?
Much better. However, the last sentence of the P&T still doesn't make sense grammatically.Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 23:48, June 19, 2011 (UTC)- Is that good?
- How's that?
- I'll give the article another review once these objections are handled. Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 15:52, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
Only one more objection: You use the words "test" and "testing" a lot in the bio and the P&T - twenty-three times by my count. Please use some synonyms here, especially in the sentences that use "test" more than once.Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 23:48, June 19, 2011 (UTC)One last thing, tying into Bob's objection: Please try to incorporate the P&T sentence about his height and skin and eye colors into the first paragraph of the section, to make it look better. (This is it, I promise. :p)Grand Moff Tranner (Comlink) 01:56, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
Jujiggum[]
"During Domino Squad's test, Bric told El-Les to give Domino Squad their set of instructions for the test, which caused Domino Squad's efforts to collapse when they left a teammate behind." I'm not sure exactly what caused their efforts to collapse here—the fact that Bric told El-Les what he did or the fact that El-Les told them their instructions, and either way it doesn't make sense that instructions being relayed would cause their efforts to collapse.- Hmm, how's that? I could go more into detail about how "they left a teammate behind" if you like. I'm not 100% sure due to unnecessary detail—not being related to Bric—being added.
- It's a little better, but the problem is still with the wording: at first it reads as if their efforts collapsed because El-Les told them their next instruction, but then the article says that their efforts collapsed because one of their teammates was left behind. (In fact, you haven't specifically even stated that El-Les gave them their instructions; just that bric told El-Les to do so.) But you haven't listed any cause for the teammate being left behind, or why the team would collapse simply because Bric told El-Les to give them their next set of instructions. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:50, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
- How's that, Jon?
- Wording was still a little awkward; check out the changes I made. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 20:33, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
- How's that, Jon?
- It's a little better, but the problem is still with the wording: at first it reads as if their efforts collapsed because El-Les told them their next instruction, but then the article says that their efforts collapsed because one of their teammates was left behind. (In fact, you haven't specifically even stated that El-Les gave them their instructions; just that bric told El-Les to do so.) But you haven't listed any cause for the teammate being left behind, or why the team would collapse simply because Bric told El-Les to give them their next set of instructions. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:50, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
- Hmm, how's that? I could go more into detail about how "they left a teammate behind" if you like. I'm not 100% sure due to unnecessary detail—not being related to Bric—being added.
"Bric was informed by the Arcona bounty hunter that he told Ti that the clones of Domino Squad would be allowed to retake the test, a decision that troubled Bric. Despite El-Les telling the Siniteen that Domino Squad would retake the test, Bric told him he made a request to reassign Domino Squad to the city's maintenance crew due to their continuing struggles." Way too many "he"s and "him"s here for this to be read cleanly and coherently. A general rewording of this bit is in order; I think this will be better if you just outright tell the reader what their actions were, rather than telling the reader that so-and-so told so-and-so what their actions were.- Yeah, I see what you and Tranner above mean. I need to remind myself of this in the future. :P Are my changes good?
- Much better. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:50, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
- Yeah, I see what you and Tranner above mean. I need to remind myself of this in the future. :P Are my changes good?
"…yet their repetitive failures caused Bric to lack faith within the squad." I don't think "within" is the word you're looking for here… Do you just mean that their failures caused Bric to lose his faith in the squad's abilities?- Yes; addressed.
Part of the P&T is unsourced.- bah, I should have seen this.
Do we know whether or not Bric's "compensation" would be monetary in nature?- Yeah, he worried about getting paid. Addressed
Some things you say in the bio could be mentioned in the P&T. Particularly there are things you say about Bric's philosophy (for one example, his belief "that only the best could pass the test, and, if Domino Squad wanted to pass, they would have to improvise.") in the bio, that aren't really necessary in the bio, but would fit well in the P&T.- Is it fine if I move that to the P&T (with some changes, of course), and make some minor corrections in the bio? Tell me what you think.
- Yeah, that works. You could probably also cut down a bit of the detail regarding the Cutup incident. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:50, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
- Addressed
- "However, their heated confrontation ended when Bric wanted the clone to leave his sight." This doesn't really make sense; it's a sudden change of intentions for Bric that is largely left unexplained. I think it's mostly caused by poor/awkward wording; you could probably rearrange it to read easier/cleaner. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 20:33, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
- It's pretty terrible. Addressed
- "However, their heated confrontation ended when Bric wanted the clone to leave his sight." This doesn't really make sense; it's a sudden change of intentions for Bric that is largely left unexplained. I think it's mostly caused by poor/awkward wording; you could probably rearrange it to read easier/cleaner. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 20:33, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
- Addressed
- Yeah, that works. You could probably also cut down a bit of the detail regarding the Cutup incident. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:50, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
- Is it fine if I move that to the P&T (with some changes, of course), and make some minor corrections in the bio? Tell me what you think.
- That's all I've got. Good to see you back, Jang. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 23:53, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
One more: in the P&T: "When Domino Squad cadet CT-4040 joined Bric in a hangar bay within Tipoca City, Bric did not hesitate to physically assault the cadet when the clone made humorous comments to him. It was then when Bric called CT-4040 "a real cutup," due to his sense of humor and inability to take anything as more than a joke. The clone began to nickname himself "Cutup" and thanked Bric for giving him the idea." Bits of this could be streamlined to make it less awkward to read; the usage of two "when"s in one sentence overloads the chronology of events; and is it really necessary to specify that they were in a hangar bay in Tipoca City?Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 20:33, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
Clone fly-by[]
Does Master chief petty officer have any relationship to Master Chief? The former article claims that it does, and even though Wookieepedia isn't a source, it's worth checking the sources to see. Otherwise, it sounds like Master Chief should get its own article as a distinct rank, as opposed to just linking it to Chief.CC7567 (talk) 03:49, June 20, 2011 (UTC)- The episode guide and UK comics are worthless here. The only mentions of Bric being a "Master Chief" is in Clone Cadets, and later Defenders of the Republic said that was the rank they were given. Nothing says "Master chief petty officer," but just Master Chief. And yeah, it could have its own article too. JangFett (Talk) 05:20, June 20, 2011 (UTC)
Prepare to be savaged…[]
There's currently some infobox-specific information regarding his physical traits. And no skin color in the infobox or P&T? ~Savage 16:58, June 24, 2011 (UTC)
Comments[]
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 23:19, July 3, 2011 (UTC)