- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Broadside (clone trooper)[]
- Nominated by: --Clone Commander Lee 18:40, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: My 2nd nom. Thanks to JangFett for the pre-perview
(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)[]
Support
- CC7567 (talk) 22:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
- JangFett Talk 04:42, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
- QuiGonJinn (Talk) 13:35, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
- MauserComlink 10:38, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
- Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 18:41, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
- Gmalek 19:00, 30 August 2009 (UTC)
- Graestan(Talk) 13:53, September 1, 2009 (UTC)
Object
- Fett
Missing quote in the bio. And if you can, add a quote in the P&T- Adressed.
- And the bio?
- I didn't found one.
- What about his quote/the Squadron motto from Shadow of Malevolence?
- Already the head quote.
- What about his quote/the Squadron motto from Shadow of Malevolence?
- I didn't found one.
- And the bio?
- Adressed.
Add another image in the bio.- I'll ask JMAS.
- Added.
- I'll ask JMAS.
"Kamino" in the infobox is missing a reference- Adressed.
P&T-"He also was used to bet with his good friend Matchstick about the outcome of their missions." Where does it say that Matchstick was is good friend? If you cannot find anything to back it up, remove it.- Adressed.
P&T-"He was proud of his squadron and quoted the Squadron motto in front of his Jedi commanders." Less colloquial. What Squadron motto?- Adressed.
- Not addressed. What I mean is add his line from Shadow of Malevolence.
- Which line ?
- The motto is fine. But change Jedi Commanders to Skywalker, since he addressed Broadside.
- Fixed.
- The motto is fine. But change Jedi Commanders to Skywalker, since he addressed Broadside.
- Which line ?
- Not addressed. What I mean is add his line from Shadow of Malevolence.
- Adressed.
Lee, your missing sources in the sources section.- Which exact ?
- Check the episode guide, the TCG Clone Wars card pack, Visual guides.
- Fixed.
- Check the episode guide, the TCG Clone Wars card pack, Visual guides.
- Which exact ?
Rewrite the entire B&T. Make sure you link it properly and explain his roles in both Procedure and Shadow of Malevolence.- Adressed.
- Nevermind, I did it myself. Source "Broadside was voiced by Dee Bradley Baker, who voices all of the clone troopers in The Clone Wars television series." to the episode guide.
- Fixed.
- Nevermind, I did it myself. Source "Broadside was voiced by Dee Bradley Baker, who voices all of the clone troopers in The Clone Wars television series." to the episode guide.
- Adressed.
- More to come Lee. JangFett Talk 18:43, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
You need to merge the first two sentences to make them flow better. More coming, perhaps.Chack Jadson (Talk) 01:14, 21 July 2009 (UTC)- Fixed.
Your sources section is completely empty. Please, address this before you nominate an article. Darth Trayus (Trayus Academy) 06:38, 21 July 2009 (UTC)- Fixed.
- Fett's second look
"Skywalker ordered Broadside to "form up", as he was "drifting" out of formation. Broadside replied that it was due to the fact that the "bird needed a bit more work", at which Skywalker responded by saying that when he was done tuning them, the Separatist would not know what hit them."This sentence is quite confusing. For the "bird needed", does that mean his Y-wing? Context is needed then. I wouldn't say "Separatists" as a whole. Either "Grievous" or the "battle droids controlling the Malevolence's turbolasers" would work here.- Fixed.
- What is the "bird needs work"? Context needed
- Fixed.
- What is the "bird needs work"? Context needed
- Fixed.
"But due to the dense defense fire Tano convinced Skywalker to aboard the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons." What dense defense fire? This sentence is more aimed at the viewers poi. Yes, there was a lot of fire which convinced her to tell Skywalker that they need a new plan. Rewrite this sentence, however, try not to make it Ahsoka's poi, since the main focus is Broadside. Mention that she advised Skywalker that they need a new plan; but straight to-the-point.- Fixed.
- JangFett Talk 23:04, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
- Mauser:
Need quote from bio. The one from Procedure should do.- Added.
- You're quoted it wrong, please re-check.
- Bad mistake. Corrected
- You're quoted it wrong, please re-check.
- Added.
Context on Fett clones.- Fixed.
Context on Twilight.- Can't see it.
- Fixed.
- Fixed
"Encountering resistance..." - what sort of resistance? You make it sound like they were under fire.- Fixed.
- I meant that the term "resistance" is wrong here. "Protest" maybe.
- Fixed.
It was Matchstick who talked to the clone trooper, not Broadsise.- Fixed.
"...clearance required to enter the hangar. Broadside and the rest of Shadow Squadron departed the facility..." - one sentence they enter the hangar, the next one they depart from the facility. Clarify.- Fixed.
"Plo Koon asked Skywalker if Shadow Squadron was able to carry out the assigned task." - how is this relevant to Broadside?- Removed.
- Still: is that bit of conversation really relevant?
- Yes, I think so.
- Still: is that bit of conversation really relevant?
- Removed.
"Upon entering the nebula" - which nebula?- Fixed.
Context for Neebray mantas.- Adressed.
- Can't see it.
- Adressed.
- Can't see it.
- Adressed.
You say that the Malevolence fired it's ion cannon at the squadron after the mention of Matchstick's death, though the events are related.- Fixed.
Check if he has a TCSWE entry. Also check the Clone Wars Visual Guide.- Checked.
The whole article reads too much like a straight line of sentences, many of which begin with no apparent connection with the previous ones. Use words like "Later", "Soon", "Shortly after" more often.- Fixed.
- Only see a couple of instances. You need to check the flow of the prose for the entire article, because I will be coming after it anyway.
- Fixed.
- Only see a couple of instances. You need to check the flow of the prose for the entire article, because I will be coming after it anyway.
- Fixed.
Serious underlinking. You need to link to articles like Battle of the Kaliida Nebula, Starfighter combat, death and many others.- Fixed.
- No. Not by a long shot. You don't link to Kaliida Nebula, Battle of Ryndellia, Bantha formation etc. Check the entire article and link as many subjects as you can, especially relevant ones.
- Fixed.
- No. Not by a long shot. You don't link to Kaliida Nebula, Battle of Ryndellia, Bantha formation etc. Check the entire article and link as many subjects as you can, especially relevant ones.
- Fixed.
- Definitely more to come. MauserComlink 11:00, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
- Mauser redux:
No source says he was born in 32 BBY.- Removed.
Context for Grievous. Both intro and the body.- Fixed.
Intro: what med center?- Fixed.
Context for Bormus testing facility. Both intro and the body.- Fixed.
You need to source 22 BBY with the Clone Wars novel.- Fixed.
Why was Skywalker hunting Malevolence? Also, context for the ship.- Fixed.
What was the Gran worker protesting against?- Fixed.
"Skywalker ordered Broadside to "form up" with his bomber..." - form now on and the to the end of the paragraph you're basically repeating the dialogue. Find a way to present it in a form more accessible to readers.- Fixed.
- Cut unnecessay info myself.
- Fixed.
Context for Resolute? Yularen? Plo Koon?- Fixed.
Intelligence didn't report about the battle of Ryndellia, Yularen did!- Fixed.
"Because Ryndellia was near the Mid Rim planet of Naboo, Skywalker concluded that Grievous next attack aim was the Kaliida Shoals Medical Center" - can't make any sense out of it.- Background info.
- I mean how did he conclued the fact. Check the episode, there's a bit more info there.
- Fixed.
- I mean how did he conclued the fact. Check the episode, there's a bit more info there.
- Background info.
Okay, Skywalker concluded Grievous' next target. The next thing you know, they are already departing from Resolute. You're missing the connection between events.- Fixed.
"Shadow Squadron, along with Plo Koon" - uhm? At least mention that he was in his Delta-7B.- Fixed.
What's the conenction between the Balmorra Run and the Kaliida Nebula?- Fixed.
Context for Kaliida Nebula.- Fixed.
"During this..." - during this what?- Fixed.
"Matchstick's fighter was damaged..." - I though they were bombers.- Fixed.
"By this time, the medical center..." versus "Shortly after arriving at the Medical Center..." - so, is it capitalized or not?- Fixed.
- Still remains as it was.
- I don't really understand this objection.
- One sentence the words "Medical Center" are capitalized, the next one - they aren't. Choose one standard way.
- Fixed.
- One sentence the words "Medical Center" are capitalized, the next one - they aren't. Choose one standard way.
- I don't really understand this objection.
- Still remains as it was.
- Fixed.
Generally: you need a better description of the battle.- Adressed.
- Still need to expand. Refer to the episode itself or to Battle of Kaliida Nebula if needed.
- Expanded.
- Still need to expand. Refer to the episode itself or to Battle of Kaliida Nebula if needed.
- Adressed.
"Soon the battle droids, stationed in the Malevolence, fired..." - they fired themselves, Grievous didn't order them?- Fixed.
"the warship's starboard ion cannon" - okay, now we learn that that the warship had an ion cannon. You should give a better description of the Malevolence much earlier on.- Fixed.
You don't even mention that the ion cannon formed a ray and that the squadron tried to evade it.- Fixed.
"In battle, Matchstick's Y-wing engines failed" - it wasn't in battle, it was when they were evading the ray.- Fixed.
"Even after this, Shadow Squadron continued their" - makes little sense, you didn't mention earlier that a full squadron was required for the mission.- Fixed.
"Malevolence droid gunner's fire" - it was just one droid gunner then, right?- Fixed.
"abort the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons" - and what would they accomplish by that?- Fixed.
By the way, you do not say that the whole objective of the attack was to kill Grievous on the bridge.- Fixed.
"Shadow Squadron managed to destroy the cannons, using their Y-wing's proton torpedoes." - no, they damaged it and it blown up when fired.- Fixed.
"After saving 60,000 clones in the medcenter" - saving from what? You don't even say the station was under attack.- Fixed.
Maybe you should say that the attack on the Malevolence continued, after all?- Fixed.
- Can't see it.
- Added.
- No, it is not.
- Finnaly added.
- Where? I still can't see it!
- In the midle of the Battle section Shadow Squadron continued their assault.
- Ah, there's the problem - we misunderstood each other. You should say that after the Squadron crippled the Malevolence, the Venators continued the pursue of the ship. MauserComlink 14:43, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- Fixed. --Clone Commander Lee 15:42, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- Ah, there's the problem - we misunderstood each other. You should say that after the Squadron crippled the Malevolence, the Venators continued the pursue of the ship. MauserComlink 14:43, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- In the midle of the Battle section Shadow Squadron continued their assault.
- Where? I still can't see it!
- Finnaly added.
- No, it is not.
- Added.
- Can't see it.
- Fixed.
"answering on the question of destroying the Malevolence with yes." - very sloppy, reword.- Fixed.
"He was also would face superior officers when his commanders ordered him." - what makes you think that trooper was superior to him?- It was a commander. He had yellow markings.
- Not all commanders have yellow markings. Not all clones with yellow markings are commanders.
- It was a commander. He had yellow markings.
P&T requires general expansion.- No more info.
- Yes, there is, you just need to come up with better wording for it.
- Well, it still works not good.
- Yes, there is, you just need to come up with better wording for it.
- No more info.
Expand BTS with information about the webcomic.- Which exact ?
- Who worked on it? Who illustrated Broadside? When was it published and where? All general info.
- Added.
- Who worked on it? Who illustrated Broadside? When was it published and where? All general info.
- Which exact ?
More links! The Clone Wars: Procedure and The Clone Wars (web comics) should be linked in the BTS, the body also still requires more links.- Adressed.
- No more links except for those two examples. You need consictent linking, please double-check the entire article.
- Fixed.
- No more links except for those two examples. You need consictent linking, please double-check the entire article.
- Adressed.
- MauserComlink 09:51, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
- Should have catched them all. Thanks for the review Mauser. --Clone Commander Lee 11:55, 24 July 2009 (UTC)
- Mauser strikes back.
- "
answering the question of destroying the Malevolence" - what's that supposed to mean?- Fixed.
Both the intro and the bio should say that Broadside was a nickname.- Fixed.
Context for Kaliida Shoals Medical Center in the intro.- Fixed.
"Even after this, Shadow Squadron continued the assault on the the command bridge of the warship. But due to the dense defense from the Malevolence's laser turrets, Tano advised Skywalker to abort the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons instead in order to save the med center which was still under attack." - split the sentence.- Fixed.
Serious grammar and spelling issues. You need someone to give you a full copy-edit.
- "
- Fett III
Add sections to the bio.- How can i do this ?
- Like this: ===Section=== Make sure you separate them evenly and give a specific name that is related to the proceeding paragraphs within the section. Such as Battle of Kaliida Nebula, ect.
- Added.
- Like this: ===Section=== Make sure you separate them evenly and give a specific name that is related to the proceeding paragraphs within the section. Such as Battle of Kaliida Nebula, ect.
- How can i do this ?
"...which was situated in the run" Context on "run", do you mean Balmorra Run?- Fixed.
I'm seeing a repetition of "medcenter". Try and vary your use of "medcenter".- Adressed.
"During the run, Matchstick's bomber was damaged by one of the mantas." How is this relevant to Broadside?- See above.
"Also, as the Squadron was evading the ray, Matchstick's Y-wing's engines failed and caused his fighter to collide with fellow pilot Tag's fighter, killing both pilots and their gunners." Again, this is not relevant to Broadside, but you can mention this but remove unnecessary details and mention his fighter was destroyed, but straight to-the-point.- See above.
A lot of details from the battle are irrelevant to Broadside. Try and remove minor details that aren't related to him.- See above
Lee, you're missing a sources section. Check the online guide, TCG Clone Wars cards, visual guides.- Sourced
- Lee, did you check the visual guide and Star Wars PocketModel TCG: Clone Wars? Their is a template for the TCG Clone Wars if Broadside has a card.
- He has no card.
- Then why would you put the TCG link in the sources section? Make sure you check before you add sources Lee. Did you check the visual guide?
- Checked and removed.
- Then why would you put the TCG link in the sources section? Make sure you check before you add sources Lee. Did you check the visual guide?
- He has no card.
- Lee, did you check the visual guide and Star Wars PocketModel TCG: Clone Wars? Their is a template for the TCG Clone Wars if Broadside has a card.
- Sourced
- JangFett Talk 19:23, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
- Checked.
- Well Jang, Mauser advised me to expand the battle. So I did it. If you want to clear this, contact him. --Clone Commander Lee 10:49, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
- I respect Mauser, but adding a lot of unnecessary details to the battle will get to play by play and would be centered around the fighters' poi instead of Broadside. I suggest that you remove any irrelevant details from the battle that aren't related to Broadside. For now, I'll strike my objections out.JangFett Talk 15:42, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
- Here we go again:
Context for Malevolence in the intro.- Added.
Intro: mention that Grievous was a Supreme Commander of the Droid Armies.- Adressed.
Intro: "one of the most important" - POV?- Fixed.
"Skywalker then led the squadron into the space station to recuperate" - recuperate? They weren't sick as far as I know.- Fixed.
"Grievous ordered to fire the Malevolence's turbolasers at the departing frigates" - what frigates?- Fixed.
"After saving 60,000 clones in the medcenter," - I thought half of them were evacuated?- Fixed.
Once again: the P&T needs expansion.- Expanded.
- "
the online comic to Shadow of Malevolence" - what's that supposed to mean?- Fixed.
Any info concerning him in the Visual Guide?- Not more as alredy in the article.
- MauserComlink 17:50, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
- Got them.Thanks for the third? review Mauser. --Clone Commander Lee 18:10, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
- Attack of the Clone
Before I start my copyedit, there is way too much subsectioning in the article and not a good balance between paragraphs. Please standardize your paragraph length and balance out the images a lot better.CC7567 (talk) 18:21, 28 July 2009 (UTC)- Fixed.
- Lee, "standardizing paragraph length" means making all the paragraphs more or less the same size, not mashing them all together as you did. It currently looks like an unappealing wall of text. CC7567 (talk) 21:21, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
- Now better ? --Clone Commander Lee 11:27, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- Lee, "standardizing paragraph length" means making all the paragraphs more or less the same size, not mashing them all together as you did. It currently looks like an unappealing wall of text. CC7567 (talk) 21:21, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
- Fixed.
- Fett IV
"After saving 60,000 clones in the medcenter, Skywalker and the squadron landed inside the medical center for regroup" Are you sure they saved all clones?- Why not ?
- If it is a speculation, make sure you source it, otherwise remove.
- Adressed.
- Double check. You can read other articles such as Nala Se or the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula if you still having issues with rewording this.
- Checked.
- Double check. You can read other articles such as Nala Se or the Battle of the Kaliida Nebula if you still having issues with rewording this.
- Adressed.
- If it is a speculation, make sure you source it, otherwise remove.
- Why not ?
The article is too subsectioned. Consider merging two of the sections.- Merged
- "Early Life" is too small to have its own section.
- Merged.
- "Early Life" is too small to have its own section.
- Merged
"Tano advised Skywalker to abort the plan and destroy the starboard ion cannons instead" No she did not. Ahsoka wanted Skywalker to reconsider his plan, and Plo advised that they should take out their ion cannon.- Fixed.
- Still remains
- Fixed.
- Still remains
- Fixed.
"The ion cannons namely were about to destroy the Med Center which was still under attack." The ion cannon doesn't destroy targets, it eradicates their electrical energy.- Fixed.
- Still remains
- Fixed.
- Still remains
- Fixed.
"Shadow Squadron managed to damage the cannons, using their Y-wing's proton torpedoes, and the cannons exploded when fired." ...What about the hyperdrive? When Shadow Squadron bombed the side of the ion cannon, it did not explode then. Grievous ordered the ion cannon to be fired, though due to the amount of damage, it overloaded and exploded. That caused the hyperdrive to fail as well.- Fixed.
- Still remains
- Fixed.
- Still remains
- Fixed.
- JangFett Talk 18:24, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
- Got them. Thanks for the review Jang. --Clone Commander Lee 18:39, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
- More for now
"After the briefing, Jedi Master Plo Koon, who had discovered the Malevolence, asked Skywalker if Shadow Squadron was able to carry out the assigned task." How did Plo discover the Malevolence?- Fixed.
" During the run, Matchstick's bomber was damaged by one of the mantas." How is this relevant to Broadside?- Background info.
- Very Play by Play though Lee. I would remove this sentence because its not very important to Broadside's character. But I'll leave that up to you.
- Background info.
"Shadow Squadron arrived at the medcenter shortly before the Malevolence came out of hyperspace and approached the station" This needs clarifying. Who approached the station?- Adressed.
"Shortly after arriving at the Medical Center, Grievous ordered to fire the Malevolence's turbolasers at the departing frigates, that were evacuating clones." Grievous ordered whom? "ordered" here will not work, unless you state who he ordered.- Adressed.
"The ion ray approached Skywalker's fighter and he" This is more toward Skywalker's poi. Reword to make it a general poi.- Fixed.
" The ion cannons namely were about to eradicate the energy of the Med Center, which was still under attack" Sort of confusing to what was under attack. The ion cannon or the medcenter. Clarify.- Fixed.
- JangFett Talk 23:59, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
- Got them all and the from your previous previews. Thanks. --Clone Commander Lee 11:22, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- CC
Please reword the first sentence of the Bio; it doesn't flow well.The Resolute isn't named in the episode; please find the source that does.- Sourced.
Please include something about Matchstick and Broadside's conversation before they departed the fleet. It's relevant.What were the Neebray mantas? They weren't the inhabitants of the nebula, and Koon stated it himself what they were. Please check the episode; I've removed your incorrect context for now.- Fixed.
Why is the Visual Guide under the sources? Broadside isn't explicitly mentioned there.- Removed.
- There was a lot of inconsistent linking throughout the article, which I've now fixed, but please proofread more in the future. Articles are only linked once in the intro and once in the body, and please do not link to redirects. Furthermore, I've had to remove a lot of unverified information that was not attributable to the sources you provided. In the future, please make sure your information is legitimate before adding it to the article. I've changed the majority of the grammatical errors myself, as it would take an unnecessary amount of time for me to object to them and for you to fix them, but the only advice I can offer is to work on your English. CC7567 (talk) 21:07, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- Fixed. Thank yolu for your work CC. --Clone Commander Lee 06:42, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
- QGJ
Give a little more context on how the Y-Wings were acquired, i.e. that Skywalker threatened the Gran to allow to take the ships. Right now you only say that Broadside and Matchstick entered the hangar, and that they left in the Y-Wings.- Fixed.
"However, the blast deactivated three of the Y-wing bombers, as well as most of the Vulture droid starfighters, and the engines of Matchstick's starfighter also failed while heading for safety, killing Broadside's friend" Several problems here:First. The way you connect the second part with "and" makes the whole sentence to read a bit awkwardly. I would suggest you to split the sentence or reword it.Second. How would the engine malfunction kill Matchstick? Unclear.Third. You say that Matchstick was Broadside's friend without establishing it earlier in the bio. It comes as a bit of surprise.- Fixed.
The last objection stands. Say that they were friends earlier in the bio.QuiGonJinn (Talk) 16:58, 13 August 2009 (UTC)- Adressed. --Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:14, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
- This wasn't exactly what I wanted to see, but nevermind. I've fixed this one myself. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 13:35, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
- Adressed. --Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:14, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
- Fixed.
- That's all from me. QuiGonJinn (Talk) 13:33, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
- All fixed. Thanks for the review Qui-Gon. --Clone Commander Lee 17:37, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
In the intro: "Skywalker then took the remainder of his squadron to the space station to recuperate for the coming battle." What coming battle? Does this have anything to do with Broadside himself? If not, is it worth mentioning at all?Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 18:18, 25 August 2009 (UTC)- Well, he is part of the squadron and it's relevant to him. --Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:24, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
That's fine, but now that information (that Skywalker returned them to the Station for recuperation before pursuing the Malevolence) is present only in the intro. Please add this to the bio as well.Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 18:30, 25 August 2009 (UTC)- Added. Thanks for the review. --Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:36, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
- Well, he is part of the squadron and it's relevant to him. --Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:24, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
Comments
- Lee, make sure you italicize ship names such as Malevolence. JangFett Talk 16:16, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- Can you get a better picture for "early life and Bormus", preferably one that matches the text? CC7567 (talk) 21:07, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 13:53, September 1, 2009 (UTC)