- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Contents
Bug One (droid)[]
- Nominated by: 501st dogma(talk) 14:28, June 17, 2015 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: A change of topic from TNJO. Note that I've asked around and there doesn't seem to be a way to get rid of the extra quotation marks after [thermal detonator explodes] in the Characteristics.
(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)[]
Support[]
- Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:08, July 30, 2015 (UTC)
- Exiled Jedi (talk) 02:24, August 3, 2015 (UTC)
- Manoof (talk) 20:11, August 4, 2015 (UTC)
- JorrelFraajic 19:20, August 11, 2015 (UTC)
- IFYLOFD (Talk) 02:14, August 14, 2015 (UTC)
Object[]
INTENSIFYFORWURDFIRAHPOWAH[]
"Bug One was a masculine programmed YVH-Series bugcruncher battle droid that participated on the side of the New Jedi Order in the Battle of Kr in 35 ABY during the Dark Nest Crisis." Could you please simplify this full-mouth of a sentence? Do you really need all of the Kr context, as an example? The double "in" is painful to read.- Axed the 35 ABY part and the Battle of Kr part.
"former smuggler" I'd avoid mentioning "former" here. Instead, does he have a rank around this time? Or anything he's going by? Keep it consistent with the era.- It looks like he doesn't have a rank, but the character list at the beginning of Joiner King has him as captain (of thew Falcon), so I'll use that.
Instead of repeating the same information twice—the Kr mission—can you begin by saying he accompanied Han right off the bat? We shouldn't have to wait another sentence to see why he participated in the battle.- It should work now.
Wait, are the Kliniks attacking? What is Gorog? I thought that was a nest? I think your prepositions are throwing me off.- The Gorog are a nest of Killiks, but Killiks of the nest are refereed to as the Gorog. I've added "Gorog Killiks" once in the body and the intro, before I segway into using Gorog of that helps at all.
"In the zero-gravity conditions of the ethmane corridors on Kr" What?- There's zero-g in the corridors of Kr. Which had ethmane corridors.....
If he was produced by 35 ABY, the infobox should reflect this information. Are you sure by 35 ABY? Or is this an assumption based on the source material?- Nope, just missed putting it in the birth field.
Check your grammar following "at the time" in the history section.- Changed between to involving, as it was hard to word that the Jedi and the New Republic weren't fighting each other.
"That year," What year? "By the year" means by it, not during it.- It works out since 35 ABY was the last year mentioned in the text, which indicates that "that year" means 35 ABY.
The "former smuggler" issue is present in the history section as well- Fixed as per above
"Tendrando Arms loaned the former smuggler Han Solo Bug One and three other YVH-Series bugcruncher battle droids titled Bug Two through Four." Dogma, you have a grammatical listing issue. Please be aware when you should use commas, not to use commas, or when to use semi-colons. I'm not going to SoFixIt. There's two cases of poor listing in the first few sentences of the history section.- added a comma.
"Specifically programmed to Solo's specifications," Elaborate.- That's all I get from the book.
" and a team of four Jedi Knights in the freighter Millennium Falcon" This reads as if they are in the Falcon, while Han and Leia aren't. I'm assuming they're all in the Falcon?- Added another comma to clarify.
What is this "Colony?" Is that the nest?- The Colony is all the nests of Killiks.
In the beginning of the intro, and history, you led us to believe that they're going to Kr. You threw me off when you mentioned Qoribu. You need to clarify that Kr is a moon of Qoribu. I thought it was a planet. Furthermore, let me ask you this: When they decide to leave, what's their destination? The moon or Qoribu? These are the questions that need to be answered in the prose. It doesn't matter if you know, your readers might not know, Dogma.- I've already clarified that Kr is a moon in both the body and the intro. I also explain that Qoribu is the world which Kr orbits as soon as Qoribu is introduced. I've clarified earlier now that Kr is the moon of Qoribu, but all of the information was already there to be read. Kr was always there destination.
"the Millennium Falcon took Bug One and the other members of the team down a hangar shaft in Kr's ethmane jungles to the location of the Gorog nest to rescue Jedi Master Luke Skywalker and his wife Mara Jade, who were fighting Killiks in the nest." Please carefully reread this and try to find a way to simplify your wording. Also, who's flying the Falcon? Please mention this prior to its descent.- Who's flying the Falcon is not really relevant to an article about Bug One, as Bug One really only appears once he exits the ship at the bottom of the hangar. I've tweaked the sentence you're having trouble with a bit.
"In the hangar at the end of the tunnel" What?- There's a hangar at the end of the shaft/tunnel....
"Bug One and the other YVHs disembarked from the freighter first into the hangar's zero-gravity condition, before the team ventured into the nest's maze of ethmane tunnels using thrusters or the Force to propel themselves." You need to take this event-by-event. Avoid "before" here.- I don't see why before is an issue here. Bug One and his compatriots disembark from the the freighter ahead of the rest of the team, before the whole team moves onward. I've axed the "first" part if that helps to clarify that they disembarked ahead of the others.
Why did they go into the zero-g area first?- Why did they later venture into the nest's maze?
Why/how are they using the Force?- Clarified that the entire corridor network has zero-g, and that only the Jedi were using the Force.
"Before long," Use a different transition here. I can't help you out, seeing that you have a "before" issue in the previous sentence.- There's nothing wrong with using "Before long." It essentially means that not much time was taken for the Gorogs to attack them.
"Bug One engaged the first of the Gorog they found in the tunnel." "they" doesn't work here, as you didn't mention the team. I think once you take care of the major issues—i.e, venture into the nest's maze—it would take care of the problem. I honestly don't know what's going on, dogma. Either you're taking too many short cuts with your writing or leaving information out. Details matter. Mind you, I'm not asking for play-by-play information, just clarified order of events.- Clarifying above objections should have fixed this.
"the Gorog came at the rescue team in a relentless swarm despite their losses" So they attacked, then? I would say that.- I say Bug One engaged them earlier, so it's pretty clear they are being attacked.
Also what losses?- Losses were to the Gorog, and I've moved it earlier in the sentence to clarify.
Who damaged Bug One? How did this happen?- The Gorog damaged him, and I don't get specifics.
"Seeing that only using blasters and lightsabers would not get them through the swarm to Skywalker and Jade," I don't understand what you mean by this. I think it's because I have no idea where Luke and Mara Jade are at. Who's using a blaster? The droids? What about the lightsaber?- There - Jedi are using lightsabers, but I'm pretty sure the reader could have implied that already.
You have to mention "despite the fragility of the ice-like tunnels they were currently in" earlier.- Sure.
"However, at the head of the team, Bug One was met by a fierce counterattack from the Gorog at a corner in the tunnels, and a barrage from the electrobolt assault rifles used by the Killiks sent a disabled Bug One spinning into a wall, and an armed detonator from his grenade launcher floating near the team" Huh?- There is nothing wrong with this. He's in zero-g. Gets hit. Hits wall. Detonator floats loose.
" Before the detonator could go off," I don't think "could" sounds right here. Before the detonator exploded?- "Before the detonator could go off" = "Before the detonator could explode" = "Before the detonator exploded." Same thing.
"the Jedi of the team" Who?- I mention the Jedi of the team way earlier in the article.
"and the rescue team went on to relieve the Skywalkers who were fighting farther ahead in the tunnels" Please mention this earlier. It's critical to know their exact location.- It isn't actually. All the reader needs to know is that the Bug One and the team are trying to find them in the tunnels, fight through the Gorog, and eventually locate them and meet up with them.
"Considered a fourth-degree droid[2] because he was a YVH 5-S Bugcruncher battle droid" Perhaps saying "Since Bug One was a YBH[...], he was considered a..." would be better. Play around with it.- There is zero difference between those two sentences.
"space chassis" Actually, now that you mentioned this, I have no idea how big Bug One is. I think it'll be better to describe his look and features in the beginning of the Characteristics section to avoid confusion.- The YVH-1 is 1.9 meters, but I don't have the height for any other YVH models, though they all are around Human size if you want me to describe Bug One as such.
Mention all of his weaponry—also does he use the Force?- I'm not sure what made you think he used the force, but I managed to find a reference that the YVH's did indeed use blaster cannons, so it's been added.
"and voice of Tendrando Arm's creator Lando Calrissian that all YVH battle droids had" Do you think this is worth mentioning in the history section? If not, I would rephrase this entire sentence. Start by describing the droid, as I said above, and then go into his voice. Save the personality bits for last in the Characteristics section.- The voice part isn't worth mentioning. Additionally, there are no personality bits to describe, as all the characteristics section is describing what the droid had/was made of, facts that are true for all of the other Bugcrunchers.
Dogma, this article is poorly written. Please take the time to carefully read these objections and reread the article. You need to include important details. Take your time. There's no rush. You're not in the Indy 500, and you're not doing a Menkooroo Barn burner. You're writing a professional quality article. The chronological order, in which the events took place, is messy. Keep the focus on Bug One—everything should be seen from his pov. You literally lost me once you began to explain the jumbled events on Kr. JangFett (Talk) 00:40, July 4, 2015 (UTC)
Toprawa[]
Preliminary objection: I'd like to suggest moving this article to "Bug One (droid)" instead. Since there is no other competing article that would require further disambiguation, the "YVH" part is unnecessary. The simpler the article title, the better.Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 02:56, July 24, 2015 (UTC)Second: Characters get Biographies, not Histories.Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 17:36, July 27, 2015 (UTC)For articles like this and your YVH 24-S nom and any other articles like it you may write, instead of just using the plain Scavenger's Guide to Droids as a reference, it's better that you write out a reference note fully explaining how that source works in relation to this character, since this character isn't mentioned in that book. Something like "According to Dark Nest I: The Joiner King, Bug One is a YVH-Series battle droid, which Scavenger's Guide to Droids designates as a fourth-degree droid." would do.Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 18:09, July 27, 2015 (UTC)Again, going along with the previous objection, the Star by Star reference should utilize a manual reference note to explain how this citation is used in relation to this article subject, since Bug One is not mentioned in that source.Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 17:22, July 28, 2015 (UTC)Do sources ever use the word "bugcruncher" not capitalized like this? If "Bugcruncher," capitalized, is part of the droid series' name, then you shouldn't be using the term lowercase on your own without precedent in source material: "Bug One was a masculine programmed YVH-Series bugcruncher battle droid"Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 05:10, July 29, 2015 (UTC)- Joiner King and Swarm War both use bugcruncher decapitalised when they don't use the full model name, so it should be fine. 501st dogma(talk) 14:39, July 29, 2015 (UTC)
- Very good. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 01:08, July 30, 2015 (UTC)
- Joiner King and Swarm War both use bugcruncher decapitalised when they don't use the full model name, so it should be fine. 501st dogma(talk) 14:39, July 29, 2015 (UTC)
Manoof[]
You mention jedi using the force and non-jedi using thrusters to maneuver. At this time, was leia considered a Jedi or non-jedi (and so did she use the force or thrusters)? The way this article is written implies that solo, leia and the droids are non-jedi as you specify they are accompanied by the other jedi. Manoof (talk) 05:15, August 3, 2015 (UTC)- Clarified that Organa is a Jedi in training earlier on.
Could you add the blaster cannon and comlink to the infobox? Manoof (talk) 05:15, August 3, 2015 (UTC)- Added, thanks for the review 501st dogma(talk) 13:59, August 4, 2015 (UTC)
- Pay attention to your capitalization. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 16:32, August 4, 2015 (UTC)
- Added, thanks for the review 501st dogma(talk) 13:59, August 4, 2015 (UTC)
Cav[]
In the infobox, you have listed "Product line: YVH 5-S Bugcruncher[1]; Model: YVH-Series battle droid[1]" Should this not be the other way around? YVH-series for the product line, YVH 5-S for the specific model. Also, you have Laminanium as the plating color. Is Laminanium an actual color, or just the material?- Fixed and removed laminanium, as I believe some of the YVHs had camouflage, meaning that they were painted.
I feel its kind of important to use the YVH 5-S Bugcruncher designation at least once in its entirety in the article. Also, if Bugcruncher is capitalized in the name, shouldn't all instances of "Bugcruncher" be capitalized?- Added 5-S. As for capitalization, like I said to Tope, both books that have 5-Ss use bugcruncher uncapitalized when referring to them without the full unit name,
Do we know which four Jedi accompanied the Solos?- Yes, the book gives them as Kyp, Saba, Octa Ramis, and Kyle Katarn. I can identify them in the article if you like.
Why are you using the shortened name forms for Leia and Mara by leaving off their married names?- Sir Cavalier of One(Squadron channel) 16:19, August 5, 2015 (UTC)- Objection(s) overridden by AgriCorps 02:14, August 14, 2015 (UTC)
Comments[]
- Regarding the extra quotation mark at the end, removed by adding "trans=1" to the template parameters. "trans=1" removes the quotation mark from the end, and "noquote=1" removes it from the start. :) grunny@wookieepedia:~$ 16:44, June 17, 2015 (UTC)
- This is just a stylistic preference from me, but I feel like "...soon used all of their laminanium repair ingots to replenish their armor damaged in the fighting." could read better "...exhausted their supply of laminanium repair ingots replenishing their damaged armor." JorrelFraajic 19:20, August 11, 2015 (UTC)
- Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 02:14, August 14, 2015 (UTC)