- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Contents
Draa[]
- Nominated by: 501st Dogma(Comlink) 12:24, March 25, 2012 (UTC)
- Nomination comments:Didn't even see this guy the first time I watched the episode...
(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)[]
Support[]
- Pre-nom reviewed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 15:55, March 25, 2012 (UTC)
- JangFett (Talk) 23:43, April 30, 2012 (UTC)
- Plagueis327 23:45, April 30, 2012 (UTC)
- IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:21, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
- Good work.—Cal Jedi (Personal Comm Channel) 00:36, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
Object[]
Jangston[]
Reload your infobox- Done. Sorry, I thought I did that but apparently not. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Double check to see if you have all fields in the infobox. JangFett (Talk) 16:46, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Added fields. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 19:46, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Double check to see if you have all fields in the infobox. JangFett (Talk) 16:46, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Done. Sorry, I thought I did that but apparently not. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
Draa was assigned to the 41st Elite Corps, where he served under Clone Commander CC-1004 in the Grand Army of the Republic as they fought the Separatists for control of the the galaxy." Since we don't know any other battles, this is pretty much extrapolating information as you're assuming they fighting for control of the galaxy. Keep it on what we know and that's just he served under Gree.- I left in the part about fighting the droid army since they did do that, even if draa only fought them once. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Except he wasn't assigned to the 41st, which is what the intro is suggesting. JangFett (Talk) 16:46, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Deleted asingment to 41st in intro. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 21:52, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Except he wasn't assigned to the 41st, which is what the intro is suggesting. JangFett (Talk) 16:46, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- I left in the part about fighting the droid army since they did do that, even if draa only fought them once. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
You need to find a better source than just saying he was part of the 41st Elite Corps and sourcing it to the episode. And are you sure he served under Gree? You can judge based on armor, as this was an issue with Gree and his confirmed appearance in those Geonosis episodes.- I've sourced the 41st info in the info box to CWSE, as this states gree is from the 41st. The only proof that Draa is from the 41st comes from his armor, I've looked for a better source but there is not one. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- You cannot base things off of his armor, which includes color. Until an official source states that Draa was part of the 41st, it is considered to be speculation. This is what happened with Gree when many assumed that he was in one of those Geonosis episodes. A source later clarified that the Gree lookalike was actually him. We cannot judge things for ourselves. This happened with Denal as well and his death. JangFett (Talk) 16:46, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Ok, 41st removed. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 21:52, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- You cannot base things off of his armor, which includes color. Until an official source states that Draa was part of the 41st, it is considered to be speculation. This is what happened with Gree when many assumed that he was in one of those Geonosis episodes. A source later clarified that the Gree lookalike was actually him. We cannot judge things for ourselves. This happened with Denal as well and his death. JangFett (Talk) 16:46, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- I've sourced the 41st info in the info box to CWSE, as this states gree is from the 41st. The only proof that Draa is from the 41st comes from his armor, I've looked for a better source but there is not one. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
"He participated in the Second Battle of Geonosis under the command of Jedi Master Luminara Unduli after the native Geonosians managed to break free of Republic control established there since the beginning of the Clone Wars." "managed to" in this case sounds like speculation/OR. You can say after the Geonosians broke free from Republic control, ect.- Done.
"sent to Geonosis aimed to eliminate the droid factories that had once again started to produce battle droids for the Confederates." Because we do not know what the factories were or how they came to be, excluding the new factories such as Poggle's, we cannot say that factories once again started to produce battle droids.Sentence got deleted as of your next point. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
Your intro can be reduced/condensed as it takes a while to actually show what Draa did on Geonosis. While setting up background detail is fine, you focused on too much of that and less on Draa and what he did. Keep it on his pov.- Eliminated the "aimed to eliminate" sentence. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
Where in the TCW CE does it say that Draa served in the 41st? I'm not seeing it.- In the TCWCE, Gree is said to lead the 41st. Since Draa serves with Gree and has the same armour color, I am assuming that Draa is in the 41st. I can take the 41st mention out if you want as there is no better source to source Draa's company. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
In the intro you said that he served under Gree, but then he served under Lumianra during the Second Geonosis battle. In order to avoid confusion, please see what you can do to fix this.- Better?
"fought against the Confederacy of Independent Systems as the clone army defended the Republic during the Clone Wars." This is the same issue that's currently present in the intro.- Better.
- Because we do not know for sure that he was assigned to Luminara/Gree prior to the battle, we cannot assume that he was originally assigned to them. "He was assigned to the 41st Elite Corps, where he served under Jedi Master Luminara Unduli and Clone Commander CC-1004, nicknamed "Gree", as the Clone Wars raged across the Galaxy."
- Done. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 21:52, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Because we do not know for sure that he was assigned to Luminara/Gree prior to the battle, we cannot assume that he was originally assigned to them. "He was assigned to the 41st Elite Corps, where he served under Jedi Master Luminara Unduli and Clone Commander CC-1004, nicknamed "Gree", as the Clone Wars raged across the Galaxy."
- Better.
Try to avoid the term "massive" as a way to describe something, unless it's otherwise stated in the source, as it is viewer-pov and unencyclopedic.- Demassivefied.
The chronological order of the Geonosis events is confusing. I would suggest that you say after the Republic invaded Geonosis and took out Poggle's factory shield, then you begin to explain Draa's role. Otherwise it seems that they attacked before the battle then Draa participated in the battle. "Preliminary" is the confusing word here.- Better?
"Draa, Gree, and fellow trooper Buzz disembarked from the gunship Dooku Boot while Unduli and Offee coordinated their attack with Jedi General Anakin Skywalker and his apprentice Ahsoka Tano, who had participated in the preliminary attack and stayed to help destroy the factory." I would suggest that you split these sentences up or lessen the detail about Anakin and Ahsoka. Since the article is about Draa and the battle, I would keep the pov on Draa.- Done.
The jump between the sentence above and "Led by Unduli and Skywalker," does not suggest what occurred. Possibly if you could briefly explain what Anakin and Luminara discussed and then go ahead and state what Draa did. The jump to the Padawans' mission is not explained here either. You do not need to go into detail but explain briefly.- Better?
"Draa ran forward and crouched, brought a missile launcher to his shoulder, and fired." Too pbp for this short of a sentence, you can state that he used a rocket launcher to destroy the destroyer."but the effort left the Jedi stranded on the other side, facing heavy droid opposition" Other side of what?- Added.
"Like all other clone troopers," I wouldn't state this, since not all clones were 1.83 meters. Including TCW.- Sorry to butt in Jang, but as we can see in the episode that he is as big as Rex or Gree (who are both 1.83) isn't it safe to say this with proper sourcing? Clone Commander Lee Talk 08:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- I have changed it to "Like most other clone troopers". Better?
- Lee, you cannot judge things like that. This is like the armor case. As for the sentence, I would recommend something along the lines of "As a clone of Jango Fett" or something along those lines. JangFett (Talk) 16:46, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Fixed. Thanks for the suggestion. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 21:52, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Lee, you cannot judge things like that. This is like the armor case. As for the sentence, I would recommend something along the lines of "As a clone of Jango Fett" or something along those lines. JangFett (Talk) 16:46, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- I have changed it to "Like most other clone troopers". Better?
- Sorry to butt in Jang, but as we can see in the episode that he is as big as Rex or Gree (who are both 1.83) isn't it safe to say this with proper sourcing? Clone Commander Lee Talk 08:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
Again, do we know for sure he was part of the 41st without judging the armor?- No, we do not. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
Since the rest of the bts is sourced, could you please properly source the CWA info? JangFett (Talk) 02:33, March 31, 2012 (UTC)- Done. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 13:04, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Keep in mind that "Padawans" needs to be uppercase and not "padawan." JangFett (Talk) 16:46, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks for changing that. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 21:52, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Keep in mind that "Padawans" needs to be uppercase and not "padawan." JangFett (Talk) 16:46, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
I'm not seeing anything that Draa used a DC-17 hand blaster (which I assume is correct over the RC DC-15 hand blaster, which isn't used in TCW). Are you sure the figure has the blaster pistol? JangFett (Talk) 01:29, April 18, 2012 (UTC)- I double checked the min figure from hasbro, and there is no blaster pistol, though they did call the DC-15s a pistol. Removed from article.
Please go through the entire article and see if those "led by" are correct. At the moment, there are too many of them and it is quite confusing if Draa is led by one guy/team then is led by another later on. JangFett (Talk) 01:32, April 18, 2012 (UTC)- Done. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 20:23, April 18, 2012 (UTC)
- In the bio, you said that Draa, with Gree, was led by Luminara and Barris, but in the intro, it says Gree led Draa with Luminara. See the confusion? JangFett (Talk) 22:14, April 23, 2012 (UTC)
- Remedied. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 20:13, April 24, 2012 (UTC)
- In the bio, you said that Draa, with Gree, was led by Luminara and Barris, but in the intro, it says Gree led Draa with Luminara. See the confusion? JangFett (Talk) 22:14, April 23, 2012 (UTC)
- Done. 501st Dogma(Comlink) 20:23, April 18, 2012 (UTC)
Floyd has one thing[]
In the intro, you need to mention that the droids that Draa fights at the foundry are indeed Separatist droids the first time you mention them. Other than that, looks good.IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:47, May 8, 2012 (UTC)
Comments[]
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 00:36, May 9, 2012 (UTC)