- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Contents
Drayk (clone trooper)[]
- Nominated by: --Talrrivanian (Headquarters) 15:46, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
- Take over the nomination Jedi-Meister »!?« 20:58, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Check it out, then vote.
(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)[]
Support[]
- My few objections were met. Trak Nar Ramble on 04:23, June 20, 2011 (UTC)
- JangFett (Talk) 19:07, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
- Good work.—Tommy 9281 Thursday, June 30, 2011, 20:02 UTC
- Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:40, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
- Menkooroo 06:42, July 6, 2011 (UTC)
- CC7567 (talk) 20:37, July 24, 2011 (UTC)
Object[]
Lee attacks[]
Context needed for Grievous in the intro. "Separatist" would fit.- Done
Jamming could be linked.- Done
Misses linking in the bio (Kothlis etc.)- Done
- Otherwise nice. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:58, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
- So is that a support? --Talrrivanian (Headquarters) 17:03, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
- I added the links and the context for Grievous as desired. Greetings, Jedi-Meister »!?« 19:15, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
- Good work. Go for the other objections and you get my vote. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:25, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
- I added the links and the context for Grievous as desired. Greetings, Jedi-Meister »!?« 19:15, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
- So is that a support? --Talrrivanian (Headquarters) 17:03, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
Jinzler[]
The 21 BBY date can't be sourced solely to page 314 of the novel, because the date is not explicitly stated. In the reference, you need to explain how the date was derived: that the novel states that Skywalker left Tatooine 11 years before the events of the book and that his departure from Tatooine is dated to 32 BBY by some other source, thus indicating that Gambit Stealth is set in 21 BBY. --Jinzler 22:22, June 7, 2011 (UTC)- Done. Jedi-Meister »!?« 19:29, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm striking the objection, but I would advise you to cite a source that gives the 32 BBY date, rather than just attributing it to "various sources". --Jinzler 22:14, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay, I took the NEC. Jedi-Meister »!?« 16:03, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm striking the objection, but I would advise you to cite a source that gives the 32 BBY date, rather than just attributing it to "various sources". --Jinzler 22:14, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Done. Jedi-Meister »!?« 19:29, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
Jang[]
- Please be careful with formatting in the future. If you need any help with this, please check out the this and this policy.
Fact tag in the infobox- Already removed.
In 21 BBY, during the Clone Wars, he was part of a battle group sent to the planet Kothlis to stop the Confederacy of Independent Systems invasion." Could you please add more context for this "invasion"? While it doesn't have to be extensive, but just straight-to-the-point.It does sound like this invasion sentence (also objection above) and the next sentence which states "following battle" sounds like these are two separate events.If you can mention Grievous before his current mention and say he led the CIS invasion, it would clarify this event a lot. At the moment, I feel these are separate events, and Grievous is mentioned out of no where.- Okay, I changed some things concerning the three points above . Hope it's better now.
You cannot source that Drayk was a clone of Jango to the databank, but rather the novel itself. The mentioning of Jango is generally a different sentence all together after Drayk's first mention in the bio. Normally I would correct this and the sourcing, but I would like to do this so you won't make these same mistakes in the future.- I changed the sourcing.
You can state that Drayk is a clone trooper captain in the bio, since you say "Captain Drayk" out of nowhere later in the bio- Done.
The {{Ref}} tags are only inserted in the infobox, and not in the bio. I took care of this for you during my copy-edit, however.- Thank you for the advice.
In the intro you say Grievous released this new weapon against the Republic, but in the bio you say only the Confederacy with no mentioning of who did it. Which is correct?- Done.
I corrected these instances, but avoid starting sentences with "But," since it can make the sentence very choppy.- Okay, I will mind that for the next time.
"Because Kenobi was injured during the battle, and Skywalker was needed elsewhere, Captain Drayk received the order to oversee the clearing work" Clearing work of what? What did he needed to do and where?- I originally had this in the article, I added it again.
- Be careful of tense shifting
- I originally had this in the article, I added it again.
The next sentence says that Drayk stayed on Kothlis; however, it is unclear that he did so in previous sentences. Could you clarify this?- Done.
Your P&T needs work. I wouldn't include that he's a clone of Jango again in the P&T, unless there is something different about him that distinguishes him, like cybernetics or different eye/hair color. In this case, what you could do is say he is a captain, and expand more of why Skywalker thinks he's a good captain, his actions on Kothlis, ect.<?s>- Okay, I adjusted it. And the novel has no more information why Anakin think so.
- Did the novel said all that stuff of him being trained as a above-average solider, and him being well trained like the rest of the clones are or is that just fluff? If so, none of that is needed for the P&T, and you have that all sourced to the databank. You can mention him being a clone trooper captain, though.
- I removed the fluff, cause it's not mentioned in the novel. And the rank of a clone trooper captain is mentioned in the first sentence of the P&T, so I thought it would be enough.
- Did the novel said all that stuff of him being trained as a above-average solider, and him being well trained like the rest of the clones are or is that just fluff? If so, none of that is needed for the P&T, and you have that all sourced to the databank. You can mention him being a clone trooper captain, though.
- Okay, I adjusted it. And the novel has no more information why Anakin think so.
Please be careful with overlinking and tense shifting. Your P&T still includes some cases of overlinking, but I assume they will be removed when you take care of the P&T objection. JangFett (Talk) 02:58, June 8, 2011 (UTC)- Thank you for the detailed review and the tips for future articles. I hope I could do something to improve the article's quality. Greetings, Jedi-Meister »!?« 16:03, June 9, 2011 (UTC)
Trak[]
- Did some copy-editing.
It wouldn't hurt to create an article about Grievous's computer virus and link to it.As mentioned by Jang above, there is some tense-shifting. I've seen a small amount of plu-perfect used in other GAs and FAs, though it should be avoided if at all possible.Trak Nar Ramble on 08:03, June 15, 2011 (UTC)- Okay, I will write the article tomorrow. I hope the tense is better now? Jedi-Meister »!?« 20:58, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Yep, the tense looks good to me. Trak Nar Ramble on 04:20, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Grievous's computer virus. I added the link to the article, too. Jedi-Meister »!?« 13:07, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Yep, the tense looks good to me. Trak Nar Ramble on 04:20, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay, I will write the article tomorrow. I hope the tense is better now? Jedi-Meister »!?« 20:58, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone[]
I would currently suggest cutting down the intro a little more. It's currently almost half the size of the article body, which is a little much.- I removed the part that Drayk participated in the battle, so it's shorter now.
The Bothan Spynet gets mentioned in the intro, but not in the body. If you end up cutting the mention of the spynet out of the inrto, then the body is fine, but if the spynet gets kept in the intro, please also mention it in the body for consistency.- Done.
I hate to be a stickler for stuff like this, but can we really assume that Drayk initially fought during the battle on Kothlis? Currently the only mention of him in the novel is him getting ordered to oversee the cleanup efforts, which take place after the battle. I can't find any part of the book that states that he didn't participate in the initial battle, but I also can't find any part that says he did. Please clarify.- You're right. I changed the part that Drayk fought during the battle; I thought that a clone trooper captain would most likely take part in the battle, but the novel never says something like that.
- Just a footnote: now that Drayk isn't mentioned of the majority of the text in the Bio (since he wasn't confirmed to have participated in the initial battle, which still gets fleshed out in detail in the article), can the level of detail in the Bio get cut down? The article should include only what's relevant to Drayk, and while I'm not suggesting that you cut out all of the details from the battle, there needs to be less of them since Drayk wasn't confirmed to be there. CC7567 (talk) 00:31, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
- I don't really know what I can cut down without leaving a gap behind. Furthermore, the other supporters seemingly don't have a problem with this point and I added a mention that Drayk was part of the battle group, so it's a bit more connected to him. So I would not like to change the biography in this point. Jedi-Meister »!?« 16:34, July 11, 2011 (UTC)
- I apologize if I am the only one who is objecting based on this issue, but just because I am the only one to raise this point does not make it wrong. The level of detail is currently more heavy than it needs to be, since a lot of it is still irrelevant to Drayk. If you take a look at the sentence "Aboard the Republic cruiser Indomitable, the clone troopers boarded their LAAT/i gunships and landed on Kothlis' surface, where they fought against Confederate battle droids. The Republic's ground troops, however, suffered heavy losses due to the unexpectedly large number of droids." much of the detail isn't relevant to Drayk. The Indomitable, the LAAT/i gunships, and other parts in the article aren't related to Drayk since we don't know if he was even involved in the early part of the battle, so to include them in the article would be unnecessary. This is an article about Drayk, not an article about the battle, and the article needs to reflect that. I'd be happy to point out more specifics to help you cut down the detail, but please see what you can do. CC7567 (talk) 02:54, July 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh, I did not think you are wrong with your objection, quite the contrary: especially that part was too detailed – now I see it, too. I changed some things, so please take look again – I hope its better now. Jedi-Meister »!?« 09:01, July 24, 2011 (UTC)
- I apologize if I am the only one who is objecting based on this issue, but just because I am the only one to raise this point does not make it wrong. The level of detail is currently more heavy than it needs to be, since a lot of it is still irrelevant to Drayk. If you take a look at the sentence "Aboard the Republic cruiser Indomitable, the clone troopers boarded their LAAT/i gunships and landed on Kothlis' surface, where they fought against Confederate battle droids. The Republic's ground troops, however, suffered heavy losses due to the unexpectedly large number of droids." much of the detail isn't relevant to Drayk. The Indomitable, the LAAT/i gunships, and other parts in the article aren't related to Drayk since we don't know if he was even involved in the early part of the battle, so to include them in the article would be unnecessary. This is an article about Drayk, not an article about the battle, and the article needs to reflect that. I'd be happy to point out more specifics to help you cut down the detail, but please see what you can do. CC7567 (talk) 02:54, July 24, 2011 (UTC)
- I don't really know what I can cut down without leaving a gap behind. Furthermore, the other supporters seemingly don't have a problem with this point and I added a mention that Drayk was part of the battle group, so it's a bit more connected to him. So I would not like to change the biography in this point. Jedi-Meister »!?« 16:34, July 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Just a footnote: now that Drayk isn't mentioned of the majority of the text in the Bio (since he wasn't confirmed to have participated in the initial battle, which still gets fleshed out in detail in the article), can the level of detail in the Bio get cut down? The article should include only what's relevant to Drayk, and while I'm not suggesting that you cut out all of the details from the battle, there needs to be less of them since Drayk wasn't confirmed to be there. CC7567 (talk) 00:31, June 30, 2011 (UTC)
- You're right. I changed the part that Drayk fought during the battle; I thought that a clone trooper captain would most likely take part in the battle, but the novel never says something like that.
- Please make sure to adhere to English idioms while writing. Some parts of the article were a little awkwardly worded, so please just keep this in mind in the future. CC7567 (talk) 21:30, June 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review and your corrections. I will do my best to improve my choice of words for the future :) . Jedi-Meister »!?« 08:14, June 29, 2011 (UTC)
Jeff[]
Is there an article for the battle? If not, one should be created, and linked to in both the intro and bio.- Done. Jedi-Meister »!?« 14:13, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
Even if it's not known if Drayk participated in the battle, can the bio at least say that he's part of the battle group that's sent to the planet? The intro explicitly says this, but it's missing from the bio. Currently, the bio introduces Drayk and then goes into a long description of the battle, and the two elements seem unconnected. Mentioning Drayk within the first couple of sentences of the battle description would remedy this.- Done. Jedi-Meister »!?« 14:13, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
- That's all. Good work, you two. Menkooroo 15:40, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
Comments[]
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 20:37, July 24, 2011 (UTC)
The CAN page has a red text saying "Please remember to archive your nomination beforehand if you plan on taking it to the Good Article Nominations page.". 1358 (Talk) 19:56, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
- How do I do that? --Talrrivanian (Headquarters) 06:17, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Apologies for interrupting, and maybe you already found this, but the instructions are located here. Cal Jedi (Personal Comm Channel) 21:50, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
I'm away for the weekend, so if there are further objections someone else will have to take care of them. Jedi-Meister »!?« 12:50, June 10, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm back. Jedi-Meister »!?« 09:35, June 14, 2011 (UTC)
- When does the voting end??--Talrrivanian (Headquarters) 05:50, July 19, 2011 (UTC)
- It ends when all the criteria are met. Be patient, one of my articles sat on the FAN page since March. As long as there is active editing and tackling of objections, the voting can go on for a while, depending on how many people find something to object to. This is more common for larger articles, however. The only time, as far as I know, that an article is removed from the nominations page is when the nominator doesn't address any objections for I think approximately two weeks. Trak Nar Ramble on 05:58, July 19, 2011 (UTC)