I added some more to the intro, fixed some stuff, and added to the body the fact that they'd been in the area for several months according to Galen. Great work... you gave it a good push in the GA direction it needed. CadeCalrayn 18:33, July 29, 2012 (UTC)
"Overwhelming Black Sun forces" doesn't state whether the scientist was rescued or not. Is there a reason for this based on gameplay mechanics? - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 23:10, August 26, 2012 (UTC)
Yes: The "scientist" is actually a Sith Lord which through a prolonged dialogue we discover was not kidnapped, had actually been working with the Black Sun, the previous mission was a decoy for this mission which was also decoy mission as the Sith Lord had actually escaped to the Jedi Temple with the weapon the player is looking for. So for the purpose of this article's subject matter, it just seems like too many plot twists and too much information that, in the end, really have nothing to do with the character or his death. Coruscantfan(Talk) 02:54, August 28, 2012 (UTC)
His overall affiliation to the Republic needs to be specified in the infobox.
Sort of a joint nom, so I decided to fix up these errors. Done.
As I stated with Doorn, please do not link to disambig pages like brown. Color needs to be linked instead.
On which planet did he die? That's missing from the infobox.
"tasked with fighting back against the Black Sun criminal syndicate": seeing as Black Sun was a galaxy-spanning organization, it needs to be specified if it was based on Coruscant to make it relevant to Jorin's article.
Actually, Black Sun started on Coruscant in 3,653 BBY. So, "Coruscant-based" added.
"but the fallen man's sacrifice": was it really a sacrifice? A sacrifice is an intentional act of death, but the article doesn't portray it that way. If it's not a sacrifice, it seems that simply "death" would be a better choice of words here.
"As the Coruscant Security Force had no formalized paramilitary training at that time": at what "time"? Please be more specific.
Quotation marks need to come after punctuation.CC7567(talk) 17:23, September 14, 2012 (UTC)
Moved around, so fixed. CadeCalrayn 22:21, September 14, 2012 (UTC)
One of your additions has the same problem. CC7567(talk) 00:33, September 15, 2012 (UTC)