- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Contents
Unidentified clone trooper commander (Rishi)[]
- Nominated by: Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:02, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Last part of Project Rishi
(4 ACs/1 Users/5 Total)[]
Support[]
- Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 08:02, September 3, 2010 (UTC)
- CC7567 (talk) 02:43, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- Assuming Jang's objections are properly handled. -- 1358 (Talk) 15:17, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- They will, or I will die trying. :P Clone Commander Lee Talk 15:23, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- Cool.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:03, September 14, 2010 (UTC)
- JangFett (Talk) 18:48, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
Object[]
Xd1358[]
Cut down on the intro a bit.- Cut.
- More. (you could possibly merge the paragraphs) -- 1358 (Talk) 19:14, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
- Merged.
- I think you could still cut down on it a bit. "Fisto then went to the entry of the mines and started using his lightsaber to deflect the sharpshooter 2242's shots at the Geonosians." isn't really relevant to this clone and detail could be cut out.
- Better? Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:21, August 30, 2010 (UTC)
- I think you could still cut down on it a bit. "Fisto then went to the entry of the mines and started using his lightsaber to deflect the sharpshooter 2242's shots at the Geonosians." isn't really relevant to this clone and detail could be cut out.
- Merged.
- More. (you could possibly merge the paragraphs) -- 1358 (Talk) 19:14, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
- Cut.
How is the image caption related to this clone?- Changed.
- More to come. -- 1358 (Talk) 16:59, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
- Awaiting your orders sir. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:32, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
You have several sentences that are directly copied from Gwarrk. Please reword.-- 1358 (Talk) 19:14, August 26, 2010 (UTC)- Eh not copied. I wrote both articles on the same day and there it came from. Reworded. Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:26, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
"…its exonium mines, which Green Company was dispatched to recapture." 'Which' implies that there is only one mine.- Fixed.
- Not 'whichever'. 'That' works in this case. -- 1358 (Talk) 14:17, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- Ah, fixed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:22, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- I rewrote the sentence, as it still sounded a bit strange. See if it's good. -- 1358 (Talk) 14:30, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- Ok with me, thank you. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:47, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- I rewrote the sentence, as it still sounded a bit strange. See if it's good. -- 1358 (Talk) 14:30, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- Ah, fixed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:22, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- Not 'whichever'. 'That' works in this case. -- 1358 (Talk) 14:17, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- Fixed.
"…to attack the exonium mines, but the attack was…" 'Attack' is used twice. Please vary your word choice.- Varied.
"…and the Geonosian position." Just 'Geonosian' sounds like it was "a Geonosian position" (compare to "an English position"). You need to put an apostrophe in there.- Added.
"After seeing Fisto fighting…" Wut? There is no context on any fighting.- Contexted.
"However, Rishii Chieftain Gwarrk wanted the clone troopers to attack the exonium mines because his people needed the minerals to prepare their food in frost times." Wanted? You don't mention that he managed to make the attack.- Fixed.
"…canyon were had taken…" Hmm?- Fixed.
See what's wrong with ref 4.- Killed.
- -- 1358 (Talk) 12:44, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- Danke. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:11, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
Clone Commander Cav[]
Intro: Context needed for Chieftain Gwarkk. Its not clear he's a Rishi and not a member of Green Company in the intro.- Contexted.
Biography: You should mention that he is a clone trooper commander and commander of Green Company before mentioning that Rishi was invaded.- Added.
Biography: Does the story explain why Gwarkk was able to command the clone trooper forces despite the fact that they had orders to wait for a General?- No, it does not.
Biography: taken several heavy casualties - This appears to have been left over from a previous revision; is it meant to be several casualties, or heavy casualties?- Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 13:28, September 1, 2010 (UTC)- Fixed. Thank you for the review. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:15, September 1, 2010 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone[]
Please clarify what you mean by "estimation of the battle."- Fixed.
You use "After" twice in succession to start sentences in the intro. Please limit this usage.- Reworded one.
"While Gwarrk stated that the clone troopers were not good enough to win the battle, the Clone Commander informed Fisto that the Geonosians had dug deep inside the canyon leading to the entrance of the mines, but Gwarrk still insisted on another attack." This sentence really is linking a lot of rather unrelated and non-cohesive details. Please reword and nix what dialogue is not necessary.- Summarized.
"Meanwhile, Fisto ordered the sharpshooter 2242 to aim at his shoulder and fire continuously and when 2242 opened fire, and Fisto started deflecting the shots at the Geonosians with his lightsaber." This is very poorly worded—I don't think I should have to say more than that. Please fix it.- Fixed.
- Please note that {{Quote}}, not {{Dialogue}}, needs to be used for quotes with two speakers. Also, please watch your linking next time; it was rather sporadic and inconsistent. CC7567 (talk) 23:51, September 4, 2010 (UTC)
- Ah thank you very much, CC. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:53, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
Fett[]
"The clone trooper commander was one of the many clones of the Mandalorian bounty hunter Jango Fett and was born and raised on the planet Kamino to fight for the Galactic Republic." You can split this sentence up. After Jango Fett, somehow I don't agree with the "and."- Splitted.
Please vary "ordered" in the first paragraph of the bio section.- Varied.
I am seeing very pbp detail in the second paragraph of the bio section. Since this is an article about the clone commander, not the battle itself, you should dismiss unneeded detail. Please go through the entire bio and see what could be kept or removed.- Hope this is now better.
- Better, but I think you could eliminate anything that does not involve the commander specifically. The last paragraph of the bio is my focus at the moment.
- Better? I had to leave a little bit context on the battle.
- Paraphrased a little bit more. Please try it. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:48, September 8, 2010 (UTC)
- Better? I had to leave a little bit context on the battle.
- Better, but I think you could eliminate anything that does not involve the commander specifically. The last paragraph of the bio is my focus at the moment.
- Hope this is now better.
"He also used the common clone trooper slang for the Geonosian species—"Geos."" The comic itself it not a suitable source for this, however. Note that you also linked to an OOU/fan-related article; I wouldn't link to it.- Link killed, sourced.
- I don't see the reason for its mention. I think it would be better if it was removed all together.
- Killed.
- I don't see the reason for its mention. I think it would be better if it was removed all together.
- Link killed, sourced.
- JangFett (Talk) 04:56, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
- Thank you. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:00, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
Another thing: please go back and correct those two spelling errors. I see those two sentences, which contain the errors, fall under CC's objections. I tried to correct the two errors myself, but I have no idea what you're trying to say. JangFett (Talk) 23:36, September 5, 2010 (UTC)- Jang, I believe I've fixed these, but Lee, please be more careful next time and make sure to proofread your work a little better. You shouldn't need this reminder anymore, but it's still an issue. CC7567 (talk) 02:43, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- Okay. Thanks for the reminder. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:14, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- Jang, I believe I've fixed these, but Lee, please be more careful next time and make sure to proofread your work a little better. You shouldn't need this reminder anymore, but it's still an issue. CC7567 (talk) 02:43, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
- Thank you. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:00, September 5, 2010 (UTC)
Comments[]
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:48, September 19, 2010 (UTC)